What would you think if your child said this?

[muffinmom]

My dd (3) has said more than once lately, "I'm going to be sick" or "I'm going to die soon." I'm trying not to be, but I am FREAKED OUT by this.

 

Has anybody else's kids done this?

[MBH]

My children have not expressed those thoughts. If they were to do so, I might say something such as, "Why do you think you are going to get sick, honey?" When she answers, I would then say, "There is no reason to think you will get sick, and you don't need to worry about dying. You are going to be just fine."

 

I would continue to comfort with those thoughts, and the fears will very likely go away.

[muffinmom]

She doesn't sound afraid when she says it--just matter of fact, which creeps me out more. I will try to probe her on it.

[Karen in CO]

One - don't freak out. Or your kids will say it more or it will freak them out and they will have a cool new way to freak out mom.

 

Two - Listen to their concerns. It is a phrase or expression they are trying out. It will pass as long as you listen, give it only as much attention as the underlying cause deserves and let it pass.

 

Three - Are they hearing this frequently from someone? If so, you need to speak to that person when the kids aren't listening.

[muffinmom]

I think I'm freaking out on the inside only. I'm trying to stay calm and cheeful, but inside I'm not so great. I have tried to think of where she might have heard talk like that, but so far I'm coming up blank.

[Tree House Academy]

I would find out why she says this. When I was a child, I would tell my parents I was going to die young. It was a fear of mine. When I got out of highschool, I was convinced I would die before I had kids or got married. It was just fear. I now, as an adult, have been diagnosed with anxiety and hypochondria. It may be very early signs of the same in your dd. It could also, though, be based on something she heard or read or just the fact that she doesn't understand death and sickness and it is something she thinks about. The best thing to do is try talking to her and see WHY she is feeling this way. There may be a very simple answer...like, "well, a little girl on TV got sick and died" or "so and so said that you get sick and then die" or something that you can trace it back to that she overheard. It could even be something she heard you maybe telling someone over the phone or your dh.

 

I went through a scare recently where I feared Cancer. I told my mom over the phone when I thought my kids were out of the room that I feared cancer. Later that night, my nine year old asked what cancer was. He had come up the stairs and overheard and I had no idea.

Edited November 25, 2008 by Tree House Academy

[laughing lioness]

I would ask some probing questions. Perhaps she heard a phrase on a movie? Perhaps she is curious about illness or death? My mom is dead, but my dad is remarried and my littles have a really hard time wrapping their brains around it all. They don't understand why my mom died so young and my 5 yo is really worried that becasue I am "old" (compared to her friend's moms in S.S.-haha) that I will die soon too. It sounds like you are handling it well.

[Quad Shot Academy]

One of my little ones used to always say, late at night, while hubby was at work, "Some one is com.i.n.g. They are almost h-e-r-e." It used to really freak me out. The first few times I ran to the window, got flashlights out and searched the yard. :001_huh: After that I just said something like, "Well if they ever get here, I will answer the door when they ring the bell." He quit doing it after a couple more weeks. It still creeps me out to think about it. :001_smile:

[Pretty in Pink]

i might ask her where she got that idea. has she been exposed to death thru a movie, book, or IRL? it wouldn't freak me out but i would want to comfort my child and reassure her of her health and safety.

[muffinmom]

I think it freaks me out because I fear it's some sort of premonition. I guess that sounds crazy, but it's getting to me.

[AnnetteB]

Our dd, 8, thought that her sister was going to die when she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I had taken her sister straight to the hospital and stayed with her through initial treatment and our education, so I wasn't there at home when the other children were told what was happening with their sister. Once we were home she began to say strange things that eventually revealed that she thought her sister was dying. She was so matter-of-fact about it that it was unnerving. Has anyone been ill or had to visit the hospital recently?

[Tree House Academy]

That would be one heck of a premonition. I used to think that way too...when my kids would talk about death or ask questions or even once when my son said, "goodbye" instead of goodnight at bedtime. Just last night, my 9 year old said, "hope I see you in the morning...I could die." But you know what, my God doesn't work that way. He doesn't give kids the foresight to know they are going to get sick and then die. I think some kids who ARE sick find a peace in death toward the end...but I can't imagine, even for a second, that a 3 year old would be given that foresight to know they were going to get sick and then die.

[Mama Bear]

or, "Why would you think so?" Then just: :bigear:

 

The other day a friend's daughter asked what "execution" meant. My friend gave her an age-appropriate explanation about death, execution usually being the term for consequences given (the child is just five, so there were lots of generalities). The kid says, "Is that what happened to that lady in __?" Mom is horrified, wondering what's up, but persists a little more. Turns out little chickie was looking for clarification on a word she'd heard a grown-up use and was drawing corelations to the funeral of a beloved (very old) friend which they'd attended a few months back.

 

A few years ago, I thought one of mine was yelling about what could and could not be done to an elephant's pen*s. Well it was the elephant's PEANUTS they were arguing about, of course! :lol:

 

Take a deep breath and be as matter-of-fact as possible -- you've got all kinds of your own emotions surounding the topic of death/illness with your sweet little one, and rightly so. But she's got only her own "stuff" on the topic, filtered through a 3 yr old's brain and experience -- very good chance she's processing words that she's got no context for.

 

OTOH, if taking her in for a check-up would help you to feel better, do it. No biggie.

 

:grouphug:

[muffinmom]

Thanks, everybody, for talking me down from the tree! Dd has been asking questions about EVERYTHING lately. I can see her little wheels turning furiously and trying to put things together. So this may just be more of the same--her attempt to understand the world.

 

She is so sweet and precious that just hearing those words from her mouth made me think of things I didn't want to think.

 

Thank you all so much for calming me down. I feel a little verklempt!:crying: But mostly grateful!