Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

Medicmom2.0

Mom guilt

Recommended Posts

I’m leaving my kids and spending this upcoming week in Florida. My kids are devastated that I am not taking them(I wanted to take DD, but she would miss an important school thing, and I’m tight on money).  Not so much because they’ll miss me, but because they love their cousins and want to see them(I’m staying with my sister).  Basically I just feel like a tool for leaving for five days.  They’ll be fine, DH is perfectly capable of taking care of them. And both grandmas are here to provide lots of spoiling.

I just can’t shake the mom guilt of I shouldn’t be on a vacation alone.

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you were counseling another woman in this situation what would you say?

I think self sacrifice is so much a part of what we do as moms that it can come to be our default to the point of draining us beyond our ability to recuperate. A five day break for you may be the very best thing for your children if it prevents or helps you start to recover from that kind of burn out.

  • Like 10
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mom of teens and older perspective: those kids never have kid guilt. They never carry any weight for our sacrifices and missed opportunities. And the truth is, the things we always feel bad about are the things they completely forget! The things they resent tend to be 1) decisions I stand behind or 2) things I couldn’t control. So for the love, don’t carry that guilt. It’s like resentment- it only harms the person feeling it and everyone else moves on with their lives. 

  • Like 21

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awww....  Everyone has already said what I would say.  Just try to let the guilt go and enjoy yourself.  I mean, no one gets what they want all of the time and that includes your children this time.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I’m leaving my kids and spending this upcoming week in Florida. My kids are devastated that I am not taking them(I wanted to take DD, but she would miss an important school thing, and I’m tight on money).  Not so much because they’ll miss me, but because they love their cousins and want to see them(I’m staying with my sister).  Basically I just feel like a tool for leaving for five days.  They’ll be fine, DH is perfectly capable of taking care of them. And both grandmas are here to provide lots of spoiling.

I just can’t shake the mom guilt of I shouldn’t be on a vacation alone.

I would like to suggest that they aren't as *devastated* as you think they are.  I mean obviously I am not there to observe them.  But it's completely normal for kids to feel disappointed when a parent (or a sibling, or a grandparent) gets to do something fun that they would enjoy doing.  I would like to suggest that you reframe your kids feelings as normal disappointment and not "devastation."  

Also, this sort of disappointment is "good " for them.  By going on vacation without them, you are giving them an opportunity to learn how to handle these negative feelings of disappointment and such, in what is really the safest environment possible.  

By going on vacation, you are not doing anything wrong.  In fact, you are doing everything right.  You are both providing yourself an opportunity to recharge AND providing your kids with learning opportunities.  It's really a win win that should be celebrated, not something to feel guilty about.

 

I know that doesn't really change how you feel, but I just wanted to offer a different perspective.  

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

I would like to suggest that they aren't as *devastated* as you think they are.  I mean obviously I am not there to observe them.  But it's completely normal for kids to feel disappointed when a parent (or a sibling, or a grandparent) gets to do something fun that they would enjoy doing.  I would like to suggest that you reframe your kids feelings as normal disappointment and not "devastation."  

Also, this sort of disappointment is "good " for them.  By going on vacation without them, you are giving them an opportunity to learn how to handle these negative feelings of disappointment and such, in what is really the safest environment possible.  

By going on vacation, you are not doing anything wrong.  In fact, you are doing everything right.  You are both providing yourself an opportunity to recharge AND providing your kids with learning opportunities.  It's really a win win that should be celebrated, not something to feel guilty about.

 

I know that doesn't really change how you feel, but I just wanted to offer a different perspective.  

Completely, 100% agree.  It is so, so good for kids to see this self-care, to learn to be happy for someone's good fortune, and to bear disappointment without envy. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...