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Kassia

My Mother Died - we were estranged

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I just found out that my mother died.  We had been estranged for a long time.  She was an evil woman who was a threat to me and my family.

Is there anything she can do to me after death?  I mean, is there anything she could have put in her will or anything like that that could hurt me or my family?  

 

Edited by Kassia
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I am sorry, Kassia. There must be a mix of emotions going through you now. I cannot imagine what she could have done 1. ) without your consent or 2) that could hurt you financially.

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Just now, Liz CA said:

I am sorry, Kassia. There must be a mix of emotions going through you now. I cannot imagine what she could have done 1. ) without your consent or 2) that could hurt you financially.

 

Thank you.  No mixed emotions - just relief that she won't be a threat anymore.  My main concern is that she had something planned for after her death that could hurt me.  

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Bequests to your children with conditions attached that would be harmful to them or estrange them from you?  Or things that could be a problem like a dangerous toy being willed to them, sporty but dangerous car... 

Other than cutting you out with nasty comments , that’s all I can think of.

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I'm sorry you are going through what you are- that in her death she can still cause you angst. I agree with Liz- I don't think there is anything she can do that would cause you financial issues or anything like that. Even if she, for some bizarre reason, elected you as Executor of her will (if she had one) you can turn it down. I'm sure there are variations state by state, but I cannot imagine a situation where you would be forced into the position of Executor by a Court. 

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Also, if she left anything to you and you don't want it you can disclaim it. Likewise, anything she leaves to any minor children if you have any would need to be left with a custodian I believe, who would be in charge of whatever that thing is that was bequeathed until they are of age. If that becomes an issue, I would seek the advice of legal counsel before you do anything. 

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40 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

Thank you.  No mixed emotions - just relief that she won't be a threat anymore.  My main concern is that she had something planned for after her death that could hurt me.  

 

I sure hope not and I am glad it's more a relief to you. Other than what Pen came up with, I cannot think of anything but perhaps someone more knowledgeable in estate matters will chime in.

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I’m sorry you didn’t have the kind of mother that would be missed. Legally, I don’t think there is anything parents can do from a will other than be insulting, like willing you a dead potted plant or something. 

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I am so incredibly sorry! You must have all kinds of emotions banging around inside you. My DH recently found out third hand that his mother had died. No bad blood between them but they were estranged. He went through an angry phase where he was upset that no one had bothered to let him know or that his mother had gone into hospice. His family knows how to get in touch with him and decided not to. 

I'm glad she is no longer a threat to you or your family. And I hope you can find some peace now that she's gone. You definitely deserve it. Big hugs to you!

 

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12 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

 My DH recently found out third hand that his mother had died. No bad blood between them but they were estranged. He went through an angry phase where he was upset that no one had bothered to let him know or that his mother had gone into hospice. His family knows how to get in touch with him and decided not to. 

 

I'm sorry that happened to your DH.  That is awful.  I found out about my mother on my own.  We had no friends or family in common so I wouldn't have expected anyone to contact me.

Thanks to everyone for your support.

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I’m so sorry😢I was estranged from my mother when she died. I will admit, I felt guilt for not feeling a sense of loss. Blessings to you🙏🏻

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I'm sorry.  I was not estranged from my mom, but we were never close.  We had a lot of difficult years.   Hugs to you.  

You will mourn, but it won't be the same as those who were close to their moms.  Also, I think you will need to talk to just let out all the crap and misery your mom caused.  Try to find  someone who  is willing to listen.  Or a sibling perhaps?   My husband listened to my dump.    My younger sister and I also had some time together and did that.  She also had a similar relationship.   It helped to re-affirm that we weren't terrible people for not mourning her death like other adult children do, and to realize that we weren't crazy and saw the same things.  It was like a deep sigh- emotional purge.  It was a helpful part of the process.  

I don't know if she can hurt you after death.. I'm sure it is possible but I wouldn't know how to prepare for it.   I hope it doesn't happen to you.  

Hugs.  

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1 minute ago, PrincessMommy said:

I'm sorry.  I was not estranged from my mom, but we were never close.  We had a lot of difficult years.   Hugs to you.  

You will mourn, but it won't be the same as those who were close to their moms.  Also, I think you will need to talk to just let out all the crap and misery your mom caused.  Try to find  someone who  is willing to listen.  Or a sibling perhaps?   My husband listened to my dump.    My younger sister and I also had some time together and did that.  She also had a similar relationship.   It helped to re-affirm that we weren't terrible people for not mourning her death like other adult children do, and to realize that we weren't crazy and saw the same things.  It was like a deep sigh- emotional purge.  It was a helpful part of the process.  

I don't know if she can hurt you after death.. I'm sure it is possible but I wouldn't know how to prepare for it.   I hope it doesn't happen to you.  

Hugs.  

 

Thank you so much.  

I'm an only child and my father is deceased so I have no family other than DH and my kids.  I'm ok, though.  It's actually a relief to me that she's gone because she was a constant threat.  Not that I ever wished anything bad for her - I just didn't want her to go after me or my family.  It's good to know that there's not anything she can do now other than maybe some petty things that she would have planned ahead of time.  

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I’m so sorry your mom wasn’t someone whose death wasn’t worth being sad about. It was truly her loss that she won’t be remembered with kindness or fond memories. 

Obviously, you are the mom to your children that you wish your own mom had been to you, so the bright side of this is that your own mother taught you everything you know about how NOT to treat your own family.

Sending you many hugs.

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Only thing I could think of is leaving you $1 in the will...so you come to hear the reading of the will which includes nasty comments.  

Edited by umsami
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That was my situation when my mother passed a year and a half ago. Honestly, it's been such a relief to have her gone. I hope it is for you too.

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I'm sorry.  You have my deepest sympathies. Do expect yourself to mourn. It'll just be different than other kinds of loss.

There were "errors" in the obit about me. Not big enough to raise eyebrows to strangers reading the obit but purposely written things that I would see.   I'll never knew if the deceased parent requested it or the still living parent wrote it.  Honestly, it was small potatoes compared to most of the stuff that's gone on with my parents.

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2 minutes ago, amyx4 said:

There were "errors" in the obit about me. Not big enough to raise eyebrows to strangers reading the obit but purposely written things that I would see.   I'll never knew if the deceased parent requested it or the still living parent wrote it.  Honestly, it was small potatoes compared to most of the stuff that's gone on with my parents.

 

These are the types of things I'm bracing myself for at this point now that I've been reassured nothing big can happen.  I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.  

@GoodGrief1 I'm sorry you had that kind of relationship, too.

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