carriede Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 First, if you're inclined to, please pray for my family member. She and her husband have tried for several years for a successful pregnancy and are on their 5th try. This one is the first (and only?) IVF baby and she's 21 weeks today - none of the others got past twelve.... She's leaking amniotic fluid. They'll admit her for hospital bed rest at 23 weeks, if they get to that point. For those of you who have gone on bed rest for such a long time, what can I do for her or gift her that would be helpful? We live 2.5 hours away from her, and I have my four children who probably shouldn't visit under such delicate circumstances (or am I wrong about that?). I am considering visiting her every two weeks or so while DH stays with the kids on the weeekend. Right now, it's just her, her DH, and her MIL - who lives 5 hours away from them, but is staying there for a few weeks until things get "settled". Any suggestions would be appreciated, thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 I had to stay several weeks in antepartum. Home bedrest is much easier to endure. Offer to bring her lunch/snacks from a restaurant during your visit....hospital food is monotonous. I spent a lot of time on my phone—amazon gift cards to download music/books/movies would have also been welcome. I also went through a lot of chapstick, lotion, mints, and dry shampoo. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 (edited) I was in antepartum from 18 weeks. Encouragement is the most important gift. Tell her it can work. Text with her, talk to her. If she wants company visiting would be great........beyond that entertainment and fun food. The menu is boring. I forgot to say I am praying....... Edited October 19, 2019 by mumto2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 hus I had complete bed rest for 10 weeks with my now ds16. I was spotting and having mild contractions. I had had a miscarriage at 12 weeks only 2 months before falling pregnant with him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Visiting by phone or in person was very helpful for me when I was on home bedrest for two months. Even though I normally love to read, I generally couldn’t concentrate enough to do it. We did get a TV just for that time (25 years ago, so before much internet), but friends coming by was the absolute best. And when they brought food, it was even better. We were fortunate to be living in university married family housing at the time because my husband was in grad school. So we were surrounded by friends. But having relatives and out of town friends call was also very nice. I actually liked it when my friends brought their kids, even the babies. But then again, I was just on complete bed rest at home, not in a hospital. Most of my hospital stays during that time were only for a day or two. She may need extra help and support after the birth of the baby. I lost an amazing amount of muscle mass while on bed rest and it took quite awhile to regain my strength. Also, all of the stress and trauma surrounding preterm labor and accompanying hospitalizations and bed rest took quite awhile to get over. Does she like any crafts or puzzles or games? Anything that can help pass the time would likely be much appreciated. Or if you like the same types of books or movies you could both read or watch on your own and then discuss when you call. She is lucky to have a good friend like you. Besides calling and visiting, I’d ask her directly if there’s anything else you can do, especially after her MIL goes back home. Some gift cards for take out dinners or freezer meals her husband can heat and bring to the hospital for them to share might be nice for after her MIL leaves, as I’m assuming her husband is still working. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriede Posted October 19, 2019 Author Share Posted October 19, 2019 (edited) Thanks for all the great ideas and success stories! Do you have any suggestions for what to do during the visit? With a 5 hour round trip, I'd like to spend a good part of the day with her, not just an hour. So far I'm thinking: share a meal, watch a movie, take her for a walk in a wheel chair if allowed. Anything else? I also thought of my older kids writing her letters that she can take her time to answer during the week. She's fairly close to my kids, we all get together 4-6 times a year and she loves hanging out with them. ETA: I'm not a talker by nature, and she and I don't have too much in common besides extended family. But we get along well and enjoy each other when we are together. So I just feel I need a list of options to draw from so I don't end up sitting with her just staring at her! 😉 Edited October 19, 2019 by carriede Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 8 minutes ago, carriede said: Do you have any suggestions for what to do during the visit? With a 5 hour round trip, I'd like to spend a good part of the day with her, not just an hour. So far I'm thinking: share a meal, watch a movie, take her for a walk in a wheel chair if allowed. Anything else? I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday to buy materials for making a fall wreath. If you think she'd enjoy some crafts (which can be highly individual), taking the materials to make something together might be fun. (I don't mean both working on the same object, but both working on your own object, but same craft.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 (edited) First, I am going to say you might be just the right level of close to be really useful to your relative because bedrest is a weird place to be. It’s really hard not to whine hugely at those really close to you. I sort of felt I was the only person who could keep my son in and all my efforts needed to be totally there. Anyone who wasn’t helping those efforts please leave me be all the while being incredibly polite because I needed help so badly. The dad is under huge stress too (mine was suddenly a single dad to an 18 mo) and honestly they are not at their best......my roommates hubby’s did most of the whining when they visited to be honest. She may be able to say things to you that she can’t to others. I had bedpans so it was uncomfortable when people stopped by. It really bothered me. If I had warning the nurses would help me tidy up ...... as in they tidied for me.😉. Oddly I loved the minister from my church, who wasn’t even the real minister as we were between and his job was to be a substitute at large congregations. He was hilarious and let me know he had been doing hospital visits for 25 years. It was all btdt for him so don’t worry about him. The associate minister had spent a couple of months in antepartum herself so she kept me calm. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs or trim my toenails and my husband was not very skilled. My niece stopped every couple of weeks. Offering that service is an idea that might make her ridiculously happy. My roommate’s friend (there were many roommates....I spent 100 days in antepartum) used to come and do her nails. She loved that. She may be there over Thanksgiving and Christmas so helping her make her area a bit festive might be fun. Have your kids make her decorations. The one thing to remember is if they need to move her to labor and delivery it happens quickly and the staff just throws your stuff in a bag to follow you.......I made several trips down because they moved you when they needed to start an IV to stop contractions and they never knew if it would work. So things like fairy lights are not going to happen. Btw, the letters are a great idea. Like others have mentioned I was on meds to stop contractions. They made me sort of blurry......I love to read but read very little. My bf brought me books and kept switching them out until we landed on paranormal romances as something I could follow with half a brain. I had never read them before. I suspect my TV viewing problems would exist today but I lived on my sides so half the time I couldn’t see the screen. I sort of gave up. You might fall into craft projects for her that she needs help with. One roommate did scrapbooks and her visitors helped her. I did some cross stitch......she might be happy just to watch you do whatever. Maybe watch some chick flicks together on an iPad. eta Visitors were able to use a microwave to heat food. So not only can you bring carry out in but you can potentially bring something homemade she loves. I had a small frig in my room and had cans of Dr. Pepper which I craved occasionally. If she is having issues with food you could make her a couple of meals. Edited October 19, 2019 by mumto2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debinindy Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 Would she let you clean her house (dusting, vacuuming, etc)? Bedrest makes one feel so helpless. Twenty years ago, I was on bedrest (and meds) for 12 weeks. It's a marathon! I still have such fond memories of the friends who stopped by for lunch and a visit. Just having something to look forward to like a visit helped make the time bearable. My DF-i-L cleaned and vacuumed for us... one of my dearest memories of him. Best wishes as you bless this dear family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 5 hours ago, carriede said: Thanks for all the great ideas and success stories! Do you have any suggestions for what to do during the visit? With a 5 hour round trip, I'd like to spend a good part of the day with her, not just an hour. So far I'm thinking: share a meal, watch a movie, take her for a walk in a wheel chair if allowed. Anything else? I also thought of my older kids writing her letters that she can take her time to answer during the week. She's fairly close to my kids, we all get together 4-6 times a year and she loves hanging out with them. ETA: I'm not a talker by nature, and she and I don't have too much in common besides extended family. But we get along well and enjoy each other when we are together. So I just feel I need a list of options to draw from so I don't end up sitting with her just staring at her! 😉 Besides some of the other great suggestions, simple games like Yahtzee or the card game version of Monopoly or any regular card games might work. Something that is short and doesn’t require great concentration, but can be repeated many times if she is enjoying it. Also, since she enjoys your kids, maybe have some pictures to show her on a device and then you can talk about everything they’ve been doing. I really like your idea of having your kids write letters to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted October 19, 2019 Share Posted October 19, 2019 7 hours ago, carriede said: take her for a walk in a wheel chair if allowed. If she’s on bed rest, this probably isn’t allowed. I was on bed rest for three months with my twins - 23 hours a day on my left side. The one hour was so I was allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and sit up to eat, otherwise, lying on my left side. Even though I didn’t do much, I did tire easily and I wouldn’t have been up for a long visit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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