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Spryte

Sudden onset dementia. Assault? And a WWYD

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Holding you and your mom in the light. This is so upsetting just to read about. I can’t imagine going through it.

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10 minutes ago, TechWife said:

This needs to be left up to the team that does the sexual assault exam. It is unethical to take intimate pictures of someone without their permission. Preserving the dignity & privacy of the person being examined is paramount.

bruising and other marks can be all over the body.  arms, wrists, legs, throat.  she could have hit her head, with the only indications being on her scalp- hidden by her hair.

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6 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

bruising and other marks can be all over the body.  arms, wrists, legs, throat.  she could have hit her head, with the only indications being on her scalp- hidden by her hair.

And the sexual assault exam team will find it all.

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1 hour ago, TechWife said:

This needs to be left up to the team that does the sexual assault exam. It is unethical to take intimate pictures of someone without their permission. Preserving the dignity & privacy of the person being examined is paramount.

 

Intimate pictures? Sorry if I wasn’t clear about what I meant. I’m not talking about a vaginal exam here. I mean that her mom is in a hospital gown where pretty much everything is visible every time she gets out of bed. 

I meant to check her for scrapes and bruises — like on her arms and legs and on her hips — that might indicate if someone had grabbed her, hit her, or dragged her on the floor. Also, if Spryte holds her hand, she can check for any signs under her fingernails that she may have scratched an attacker.

 I’m not worried that Spryte would ever do anything to make her mom feel uncomfortable.

Edited by Catwoman
Added a sentence because my post sounded a little snarky to TechWife and I didn’t mean it that way!
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11 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

bruising and other marks can be all over the body.  arms, wrists, legs, throat.  she could have hit her head, with the only indications being on her scalp- hidden by her hair.

 

Yes, exactly!

 I’m not sure why Spryte shouldn’t look for things like that. This is her MOM, not some stranger. 

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I’m sorry for whatever happened.  How terrifying for her and for you.  I’m glad the police are taking the report seriously.  I’m appalled the case manager didn’t.  

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My word, this is awful.  How scary for you and your mom!   I hope that the police will figure it out quickly.  People who prey on the elderly deserve a special place in hell, IMO.    If her residence doesn’t have cameras, is it possible the businesses around it might?   Could show if anyone unfamiliar went inside the facility?  It might also show cars’ license plates?  Idk.  I’m just trying to think of some way to figure out what exactly happened.   Gentle (((hugs))) for mom.  

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I am so sorry, Sprite. Your poor mom. Poor you, you must be beside yourself.

I do think it is important to photograph any visible injuries (on limbs, face, head) before they begin to fade or heal.

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How is your mom doing today, Spryte? I hope she is starting to feel better.

One thing I was just thinking — have you checked her apartment to make sure she wasn’t robbed? Are her valuables and jewelry accounted for? Are her wallet and her handbag where they are supposed to be? Are her house keys there? (Pay particular attention to the keys, because if they are missing, I would worry that an attacker might be planning to return.)

 

 

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I'm so sorry this happened. My grandma got dementia rather acutely (or it seemed that way to a lot of people; I think my grandpa covered for her for longer than we knew) but it wasn't anything like this situation. In any case, I know what it feels like to suddenly have someone's mental capacity disappear before your eyes. I hope you are able to find some answers. 

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OMG, I just now saw this Spryte.  I hope you are both doing ok today.  How horrifying.  

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Also, my understanding is that a traumatic assault can definitely trigger onset of any number of mental illness.  And especially if she was already fragile mentally.

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I think there is a type of dementia that involves water on the brain that can come on rather quickly...I'm not an expert but I think it is Normal Pressure Hydrocephalis.

It's been a while since I've looked into it but I think a drain is usually placed and the patient can improve just as quickly.

But check it out...like I said, I'm not an expert so I may have details wrong.

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3 hours ago, Thatboyofmine said:

My word, this is awful.  How scary for you and your mom!   I hope that the police will figure it out quickly.  People who prey on the elderly deserve a special place in hell, IMO.    If her residence doesn’t have cameras, is it possible the businesses around it might?   Could show if anyone unfamiliar went inside the facility?  It might also show cars’ license plates?  Idk.  I’m just trying to think of some way to figure out what exactly happened.   Gentle (((hugs))) for mom.  

I agree they deserve a special place.

My concern would be if she's in any type of senior care facility - it's an employee.  and it would need to be time-stamped cameras in the hallways to track movement.  creeps who get off on that, will seek out those types of places for access to victims.  just like pedophiles go work with children.

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Thank you for all the well wishes.
 

I’m proud of my mom today.

She woke this morning, and ate breakfast, had coffee and asked for her lipstick.  She was herself.  I have never been so happy to have her back.  She could walk, and was completely lucid.

She spoke to her nurse about what she believes happened, and we called the police together.

An officer went to her apartment to check it out.  And then it all just ... exploded.  They could tell something had happened. I probably should not post anything too detailed, but neighbors heard something, a lot of material has been removed from my mom’s apartment for testing, and they already have a strong suspect.

The hospital discharged my mom today after she was cleared by psych (we asked for an eval, and psych said this is a possible stress reaction, as we were learning more about what had happened).  

We went to the hospital with the forensics nurses, and my mother wins Bravest 78 Yr Old of the Year.  She couldn’t tolerate a full exam but they got a lot of info and a partial exam.  And I’m so grateful we went because we had not considered STIs.  She’s had prophylactic doses for many, and will be on 28 days of HIV prophylactics. 

Whenever she has to answer questions about Fri night, she becomes ... withdrawn and forgetful.  But she got through the exam. And she remembered a little more.  Which was awful to hear.

We got home late tonight, she showered and ate ice cream. She’s tucked into bed now.

I am stunned and heartbroken.  This is my mother.  I am also fighting rage, and not just at the man but at the people who heard it happening and didn’t call 911.  
 

I hope they get some DNA and catch him. She only put herself through the exam to spare other women this. So catching him would make it worth it. Her memory is faulty so obviously she can’t help much - I guess it all depends on DNA and other factors, if that’s even possible.

We have follow up with all her docs, plus an ID.  I’m hoping the sudden dementia was stress, and will fully go away as she processes this.

That’s the update.  I’ll delete this in a day or two, so please don’t quote. 

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I’m so sorry this happened to your mom, but I’m in awe of her bravery. And she is very lucky to have you as a daughter and advocate. You are both in my thoughts during this difficult time.

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Oh, Spryte. I am so, so sorry. I don't have words. But I am so thankful for you and for your brave mom. ❤️❤️❤️You are amazing and she is amazing and you will get through this.

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I am so, so sorry.  Please give your mom hugs from all of us.

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I’m so, so sad to hear this. So proud of your mom and so glad she has you by her side. I hope the next few days are calm for her and she can get back to feeling safe  

I dearly hope they catch the $&*^%#.

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 that's horrific for a 78 year old woman - it's bad enough for a younger woman who is healthy.  I hope they get enough evidence for a conviction.

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5 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

 that's horrific for a 78 year old woman - it's bad enough for a younger woman who is healthy.  I hope they get enough evidence for a conviction.


Yes.  78.  I can’t comprehend it.  There are monsters in the world.

My DH suggested that the we check for anyone with a sexual predator history at the next facility.  We would never, ever have thought of that before.
 

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Your mom is a truly brave and amazing woman.

I hope the police catch the horrible person who did this, and it makes me sick that people heard your mom being attacked, yet never called 911 — and they could have also yelled loudly and made a lot of noise to possibly scare the guy away before he had a chance to assault your mom, even if they were too scared to go out into the hallway. I know this sounds mean, but I hope those people are riddled with guilt for not having made a simple phone call to try to save your mom. And it sounds like no one even checked on her afterward, either. That’s just awful. 

I’m so sorry, Spryte.  Your mom is so fortunate to have you to help her through this.  

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I am so very sorry Spryte. Well done for believing and advocating for your mom! Prayers for your mom, for healing and peace.

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I am so very sorry, and so very impressed by your mom. What a brave, caring reaction, putting concern for others ahead of her own comfort. I hope she recovers fully and quickly.

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5 hours ago, Spryte said:


Yes.  78.  I can’t comprehend it.  There are monsters in the world.

My DH suggested that the we check for anyone with a sexual predator history at the next facility.  We would never, ever have thought of that before.
 

While that is helpful to a point, always remember the ones who haven’t been caught yet so they aren’t on a list.  They become residents also. Instead of just checking that,  look at camera placements.  Some places use a card reader system like hotels so they have a time/date of everyone who accessed that room.  I would look into what safety features each place has.

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This situation has been so heavy on my heart. I'm so glad your mom is doing better. I'm sure being believed is very good for her as well, even though it means she has to try to remember more details. I hate it that she is going through this, but I'm so glad you pursued it and something concrete is being done. I really hope they can nail this guy. Your mom is awesome.

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Spryte, I'm so sorry. May God truly rain down fire and brimstone on those who could have helped but did not do so.

And may God bless your brave mother and bless her compassionate daughter. (((Spryte)))

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On 10/7/2019 at 5:12 AM, Spryte said:

Thank you all.

Right after posting, I decided to call the police and ask for advice. I just couldn’t sit on it, she asked for help and I had to do something.  Even though, right now, she doesn’t remember.

So I spoke to a deputy on duty. I was very clear that she does not remember anything and since 3:00 pm today she doesn’t know where she is.  That I don’t know if something happened but here are all the facts, as I know them. He took the story to his supervisor.  And then, just like that, it was all rolling.  We met at the hospital (despite me wanting to wait till morning because she’s not lucid now).  He spoke to the nurses, got her medical records.  The nurse explained to him that speaking to her now, in her state won’t do any good.  She’s not oriented, doesn’t know her name, birthdate, etc.  So hopefully we can try in the am.

Here’s where we are now:  he’s filing a criminal activity report.  If she is lucid in the am, they will send a detective to her apartment, transfer hospitals so we can do a forensics kit, etc.  But for now, I can take this to her apartment management and try to see if they have cameras, at least.

Hopefully she will be lucid in the am.

I’m disappointed that they can’t just do a kit to rule it out.  I would have liked a better answer.  Then again, maybe that would just be so hard on my mom.... they would have transferred her tonight, I think.

Anyway, it’s not much, but I got it started.  

Hopefully she will be more aware in the morning.

This is horrible.

...and I thought every hospital ER had forensics kits???  Ugh

There was a news report last year or earlier this year that in our state, z lot do not. My daughter had an acquaintance who needed one in a major city in another state and went to one of the major hospitals there and they didn't have one either.  It is a huge problem because there is no funding, just like w inpatient mental health care- can't break even.

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So many hugs going out to your mom and you right now.

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Aww. This is sickening. Your poor mom. I hope they find the monster who preyed upon her. And I’m glad she’s getting her faculties back. 

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I am so very sorry for what you and your family are dealing with, I share your despair that monsters like this exist and your anger that people might have heard and done nothing.. even afterwards.  My best healing wishes to you all, on all levels... my parents are at a similar age, they become so vulnerable/fragile...

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Thank you for the update, this has been lingering in my mind. 

I am glad to hear you are getting some answers, and so sad to hear what those answers are. It sounds like you are now surrounded by professionals who can validate your mother’s experience, and though somber, it’s a good thing to have such support and should aid in her recovery. 

You did well, spryte, in listening to your gut and advocating for your mom. I pray you and she both continue to recover and that she feels secure in a new residence. Many hugs to you both. 

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Oh my word....I am so very sorry, Spryte. Prayers for your mom as she recovers from this horror, and for you as you help her and process all of this yourself. I can't even imagine. I'm so grateful you're in such close contact with her, so frequent, so you knew the instant something was wrong. (((((a million hugs)))))) to her & you. 

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4 minutes ago, TheReader said:

Oh my word....I am so very sorry, Spryte. Prayers for your mom as she recovers from this horror, and for you as you help her and process all of this yourself. I can't even imagine. I'm so grateful you're in such close contact with her, so frequent, so you knew the instant something was wrong. (((((a million hugs)))))) to her & you. 

Yes! How (much more) horrible it would be if she were alone, with no one to advocate for her! What a blessing it must be to her to have you in her corner.

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I'm so sorry that this happened to your mother!  One think by 78 you wouldn't have to worry about stuff like this!  May she have a full recovery, and hugs to you, too.  I am sure this is hard on you to hear and see your mother as a victim, struggling to cope.

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I’m so very sorry to hear your fears were valid. I hope they catch the monster. Hugs to your mom- she is truly a brave woman. 

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I am so sorry this has happened. You are such a good daughter to figure this out and advocate for her so well. Prayers for all of you as you move forward through this together.

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So very sorry. I wish I could say I can’t believe it but I can.   So glad you followed through and totally rejoicing that your mom is doing so well.  Hugs to you and your mom......your whole family!

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I'm so, so sorry this happened to your mother.  It makes me sick.  What kind of a monster would do something so horrific.  She is a brave woman, and thank goodness she has you to advocate for her and be there with her.  I'm so glad the police are on it and pray they catch the suspect quickly.

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I'm so sorry that happened.  And I'm so glad you went to the right hospital and the police believed her and you.  Hugs.

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yes, thank you for the update.  I've been following this and I'm horrified.  Your mom is a brave lady.  

Edited by PrincessMommy

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I read your update last night and I haven’t stopped thinking about your mom.  I’m sick.  God, I hope this guy suffers tremendously for what he’s done.    Again, gentle hugs and huge prayers for mom (and you!).  And I can’t help but wonder if dna will possibly lead to some unsolved cases.

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