My daughter is in love with a young man from Canada

[popmom]

Edited to clarify possibly triggering content. Not just a resident of Canada. Canadian military. He has 3 years left. They are seriously considering marriage.  [When reading the following question, imagine a joking, happy tone--not mommy dearest.] .How the hell do I get him in to the US??? LOL <<<[note that I'm happy laughing.] I'm super excited about the thought of having a son in law. 🙂 I don’t have any problem with my dd moving there, but his family is not supportive of him at all. Not financially, not emotionally. He was the only child of a young couple who divorced and then both remarried and had families. He was raised by his grandparents. There’s really nothing keeping him there except his commitment to the military. Once he finishes his stint in the military, how difficult would it be for him to come to the US to study? Or live permanently? THEY (me, too) would prefer to move to the states eventually.

to further clarify--I do not seek to control my children. 

Canada is a wonderful country full of many wonderful people. I'm excited that my daughter will have a chance to live there because it will give me a good excuse to travel somewhere I've always wanted to visit.

Thanks for all the great information! I really appreciate it!

 

 

Edited October 3, 2019 by stephensgirls

[Laura Corin]

Back when I married an American, you could get a Green Card (temporary at first) based on a valid marriage. There was also a fiance visa. Do some research and be prepared for the bureaucracy to be extensive and time consuming. 

[J-rap]

It's not really difficult, but time-consuming, complex, expensive, and stressful.  But, it will almost definitely happen if you pursue it.  I've had two family members go through this in the past ten years.  For the first one, he handled it all on his own, and it took about two years from start to finish.  The second family member decided to hire an immigration attorney which made it soooo much easier.  (It still took about two years.)  And this was for someone from a country that is not as welcome here -- so not from Canada!.  I think the cost of the immigration attorney was around $1,000??  This was about five years ago.  

Both of them went the path of being married first in the other country, and then applying for the green card.  I know there's the fiancé visa though, which would get him here before marriage (but that doesn't necessarily guarantee being able to work here)....  I'm not sure how that works, but that's an option too.

[wintermom]

You're making all Canadians feel like hosers. But aside from that, it is possible. Even without parental intervention. 😉   Let me come back when I feel a little cleaner. 

[kiwik]

If he is in the army another 3 years the question is really 'how can she get permission to stay in Canada'.  In NZ we would tend to think an American marrying and coming to live here straight away was trying to get round immigration requirements and he may be refused.  Maybe Canada feels the same way?  😀

[DawnM]

7 minutes ago, kiwik said:

If he is in the army another 3 years the question is really 'how can she get permission to stay in Canada'.  In NZ we would tend to think an American marrying and coming to live here straight away was trying to get round immigration requirements and he may be refused.  Maybe Canada feels the same way?  😀

 

Really?  My friend followed her NZ boyfriend to NZ and lived there without any issues.  They did marry.  She had no intention of becoming a NZer and has maintained her US Citizenship.  

Her daughter doesn't want to become a Canadian Citizen from what she is saying, so I don't think there should be an issue.  I have also had friends live back and forth between Canada and the US.  I haven't asked about how easy that is, but it seems like ti isn't much of an issue other than paperwork.

[kiwik]

I have known a bunch of married couples who were interrogated separately to try and prove the relationship was false (when did your relationship start is interesting as women seem to date it earlier than men).  It usually works better if you marry and live overseas first which will probably apply to the Canadian in a few years time but not to her now - but I forgot she probably won't need residence and it would be easy for her to leave Canada and go back.  Here it costs so much to get anywhere that having to leave the country and get a new visa is a major pain.  But I was really just saying that the initial post seemed a bit US centric.  Even if she moved to Canada permanently it is attached to your country.

[mom@shiloh]

I'm no help, but I do have a story -- my nephew married a Canadian right after college graduation. She was in the states for college. They had not finished all the immigration paperwork in time and when they tried to come back into the states after their honeymoon, she was detained at the border. She had to go back home to live with her parents while he stayed in the states at his job. It took about a year. Yikes!  I had no idea it would be such a big deal. 

I hope it goes better for your daughter. 🙂

[LucyStoner]

My friend’s husband came on a fiancé visa and they got married shortly after.  He wasn’t able to work legally for quite sometime. It was a real challenge for them.  He has high demand skills but had to wait over a year to be able to work legally.   

[Storygirl]

My brother married someone from another country, but not Canada. And we had a friend who married someone from a different country (also not Canada).

Beforehand, your daughter should consult with an immigration attorney, because it can be complicated, and it can make a difference whether the legal ceremony happens in the US or in the other country. My brother used an attorney, married in the other country, then had to come back here and wait something like 9 months (and through numerous steps of the process) for SIL and her daughter to get approval to come to the states.

Because it's complicated, I think it's best for them do to a lot of research and get legal advice. The rules may vary, depending on which country it is, and where the two individuals have each been residing.

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, wintermom said:

You're making all Canadians feel like hosers. But aside from that, it is possible. Even without parental intervention. 😉   Let me come back when I feel a little cleaner. 

I don’t know what a hoser is......I didn’t read her post as negative at all, other than dreading the legal process to make it possible to live in the US.

OP, a friend of mine married a Canadian woman and it took about 2 years before she got a green card or what ever it is call d to be able to stay here.  Before it went through she had to go back ho e every so often. Which was expensive....they live in FL.  

[RootAnn]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I don’t know what a hoser is..... 

Well, I only know what my impression is from "Take Off" by Doug and Bob McKenzie. ... I assumed the negative Candian impression was from the description of the divorced and remarried parents both abandoning the son.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Well, I only know what my impression is from "Take Off" by Doug and Bob McKenzie. ... I assumed the negative Candian impression was from the description of the divorced and remarried parents both abandoning the son.

I couldn’t make heads or tails of those lyrics.  But anyway, people of all nationalities fail their children.  Did not seem like a slam on Canadians.  And I guess I will have to google what a hoser is.  

[RootAnn]

... that's because you'd have to listen to the "song." But maybe it is funny to me because it is from my youth when my siblings would bicker and take credit for joint ventures & such. I took it to be a Canadian term for loser. We sure used it as a synonym for loser in corn country in the 80s.

[mumto2]

We are going through the E.U. citizen to US marriage with a dear family friend.

This is my very basic understanding of bring a spouse/potential spouse to the US.......Basically both the fiancé visa (which takes several months to receive and the fiancé remains in their home country while waiting) and the green card require a minimum income to bring the person to the US.  This can be proving you made roughly $16;500 (it starts here, different situations require more income) via a US tax return or someone else (a parent for instance signing for the person with that income level).  Essentially someone needs to be able to support the spouse at a basic level.  A confirmed job offer for the amount or above also works (another family friend).  

A couple of useful links:

https://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/bringing-spouses-live-united-states-permanent-residents

https://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/visas-fiancees-us-citizens

 

[J-rap]

4 hours ago, wintermom said:

You're making all Canadians feel like hosers. But aside from that, it is possible. Even without parental intervention. 😉   Let me come back when I feel a little cleaner. 

Maybe not intervention?  But almost certainly involvement.  Affidavits, sponsorship, proof of relationship, etc. often involve other family members.

[Mbelle]

I married an Australian and the bigger upfront issue was just getting every paper and requirement absoluty correct for the green card for legal entry and work. They can screw up, for instance my dh permanent green card stated he was from French Polynesia and so had to have a do over on that one!   The citizenship was not a problem after 5 years of marriage, especially coming from an english speaking country,.  The officers seemed ecstatic that he was a native English speaker and breezed through. 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I keep seeing this thread and laughing because in my mind it is like "Canadian" is a different species or something.  Oh no, it is a ....... Canadian!!!  My best friend immigrated from Canada (married to an American).  Canadians really are great ❤️   Maybe they will want to stay in Canada?  Maybe they will want to move here? I don't think the laws are against Canadians married to Americans.  It will work out.  She was on a visa for a long time.

[Tanaqui]

Did your daughter ask you for help figuring this out?

[J-rap]

I don't really understand why some people are interpreting this thread as being anti-Canadian, or that the assumption is that Canadians are lacking, or different.  It's simply a logical question.  If you marry someone from another country -- whether it be Canada or Timbuktu, there are lots of legal steps involved and a visa or green card is required.  You unfortunately can't decide to just willy-nilly move to another country without proper procedure.

The same holds true for an American who wants to move to Canada, although it's a little easier to get a resident visa there than it is here.

 

[J-rap]

25 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

Did your daughter ask you for help figuring this out?

Why does it matter?  Maybe she's just curious.

[madteaparty]

1 hour ago, J-rap said:

I don't really understand why some people are interpreting this thread as being anti-Canadian, or that the assumption is that Canadians are lacking, or different.  It's simply a logical question.  If you marry someone from another country -- whether it be Canada or Timbuktu, there are lots of legal steps involved and a visa or green card is required.  You unfortunately can't decide to just willy-nilly move to another country without proper procedure.

The same holds true for an American who wants to move to Canada, although it's a little easier to get a resident visa there than it is here.

 

I don’t think it anti-Canadian, but the assumption seems to be that the young people are determined to live in the states. They may prefer Canada? And then all the responses assume they want to get married. Granted, it’s the easiest way to get citizenship, assuming you know, one wants to be married 🙂 tiny details, all.

kind of a hilarious thread. 

[Mbelle]

15 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

I don’t think it anti-Canadian, but the assumption seems to be that the young people are determined to live in the states. They may prefer Canada? And then all the responses assume they want to get married. Granted, it’s the easiest way to get citizenship, assuming you know, one wants to be married 🙂 tiny details, all.

kind of a hilarious thread. 

She said they are seriously considering marriage, so I just assumed they are and that the daughter has talked about it.  

 

 

 

 

[maize]

Hiring an immigration attorney can make things easier but it can be done without.

I have several family members who have married non-US citizens; one was here on a student visa, one came over on a fiancé visa, the other choose to marry and so far to live in the spouse's country though I think they plan to move to the US together eventually.

[Farrar]

I get that you're saying the family support is here, but the healthcare is there. I have no idea how difficult it is for Americans marrying Canadians, but it's a massive hassle here - much bigger than it used to be. If we just assume it's going to be a hassle one way or the other... All things being equal, I don't know why anyone would pick here over there right now unless there's a job reason. Flights are cheaper than American healthcare and Canada will be a lot warmer soon.

Edited October 2, 2019 by Farrar

[SquirrellyMama]

Where do they want to live? I'd go with whatever they want and not try to talk them out of it. 

Kelly

[Scarlett]

I will never understand  how we take a simple request from a poster and have to turn it into some quarrel.  

Why do you ask?

Did you daughter request your help?

How do you know they want to live in the states?

Just let them decide. 

Good grief why can’t we just ask a question and not have the worst assumed of us.  

 

[MaBelle]

I have a Canadian dil but it was no big deal as she already had dual citizenship.  My granddaughters are getting dual citizenship as well.   I have a South Korean dil who is not a citizen because SK does not allow dual citizenship and she is not ready to give her SK status up yet.   She has to jump through hoops regularly.

[MaBelle]

21 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I will never understand  how we take a simple request from a poster and have to turn it into some quarrel. 

Good grief why can’t we just ask a question and not have the worst assumed of us.  

 

Because people suck.

[Farrar]

51 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I will never understand  how we take a simple request from a poster and have to turn it into some quarrel.  

Why do you ask?

Did you daughter request your help?

How do you know they want to live in the states?

Just let them decide. 

Good grief why can’t we just ask a question and not have the worst assumed of us.  

 

Why is that the worst? She said a thing. We had some thoughts. But saying, maybe you need to leave this to them or maybe there are other issues is totally a fair and not rude observation. I assume she has her dd's best interests at heart. Maybe assume everyone is just trying to offer up their best thoughts with the scant information we have.

[Tanaqui]

4 hours ago, J-rap said:

Why does it matter?  Maybe she's just curious.

 

I think it's a little weird that it sounds like she's totally taking the lead on this when both parties are presumably adults. (And if they're not, then I think their underage marriage is a bigger problem than the question of which side of the border.)

I mean, her family dynamics are her business, but if her daughter hasn't asked for help here maybe she should let the two of them work it out.

[popmom]

13 hours ago, wintermom said:

You're making all Canadians feel like hosers. But aside from that, it is possible. Even without parental intervention. 😉   Let me come back when I feel a little cleaner. 

They are not native to Canada. I didn't feel it was pertinent info at the time, but the young man spent more than half his childhood in Lithuania with his grandparents. His mother is Lithuanian. His father is Syrian--currently living in France. He has been living with his mother in Canada for awhile now, but it's not a good relationship. If I had said this at the outset, I would have come off racist, I guess. I can't win. "even w/out parental intervention"---Is this a dig? 'cause it sure sounds like one. "feel a little cleaner"--What does that mean? Is it similar to when I opened my email early this morning and read these comments and how I'm "US centric"), and suddenly, my 50 yr old postmenopausal self is strongly relating to Kathy Bates' character in Fried Green Tomatoes when she bashes up that car, so I wait all day for my blood pressure to come down before I respond? 🤣😜😘<<note lighthearted emojis 

5 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

Did your daughter ask you for help figuring this out?

Damn. Just, damn. 

2 hours ago, SquirrellyMama said:

Where do they want to live? I'd go with whatever they want and not try to talk them out of it. 

Kelly

They want to live in Canada until he's fulfilled his commitment to the military, then they both would prefer to move here. I haven't tried to talk them out of anything! I'm trying to help them make it work!

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I will never understand  how we take a simple request from a poster and have to turn it into some quarrel.  

Why do you ask?

Did you daughter request your help?

How do you know they want to live in the states?

Just let them decide. 

Good grief why can’t we just ask a question and not have the worst assumed of us.  

 

Somehow I always ask a question that opens me up for being picked apart. Every. Single. Time. 

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

Why is that the worst? She said a thing. We had some thoughts. But saying, maybe you need to leave this to them or maybe there are other issues is totally a fair and not rude observation. I assume she has her dd's best interests at heart. Maybe assume everyone is just trying to offer up their best thoughts with the scant information we have.

I doesn't sound like some are assuming I have her best interests at heart. I do--not only hers but his, too.

Edited October 2, 2019 by stephensgirls

[popmom]

6 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

I think it's a little weird that it sounds like she's totally taking the lead on this when both parties are presumably adults. (And if they're not, then I think their underage marriage is a bigger problem than the question of which side of the border.)

I mean, her family dynamics are her business, but if her daughter hasn't asked for help here maybe she should let the two of them work it out.

How in the world could you make that assumption??? This is absolutely comical.

[Tanaqui]

Quote

Not just Canadian. Canadian military. He has 3 years left. They are seriously considering marriage. How the hell do I get him in to the US??? Lol I don’t have any problem with my dd moving there—short term—but his family is not supportive of him at all. Not financially, not emotionally. He was the only child of a young couple who divorced and then both remarried and had families. He was raised by his grandparents. There’s really nothing keeping him there except his commitment to the military. Once he finishes his stint in the military, how difficult would it be for him to come to the US to study? Or live permanently?

 

It's not your job to get him into the US. It's their job to decide where to live, and handle the immigration process for one or both of them. And THAT is how I came to the conclusion that you are taking point on this.

And it's also not your job to have a problem or not have a problem where your daughter lives short or long term anymore - she's an adult. Maybe they both have friends and work opportunities in Canada now. Maybe they'll want to move to Europe. Your job is to support her decision, no matter what she does.

I'm sure you have her best interests at heart, and would never have said or thought otherwise - but she's an adult. This is all her responsibility now, not yours. So unless she asked you for help, I kinda think your energies are better spent doing something else. If I said I was getting married and my mom jumped in with information on immigration, I'd be really annoyed at her.

Edited October 2, 2019 by Tanaqui

[popmom]

I really appreciate ((most)) of the replies. Super informative. On his end he is saving up money for the immigration process for getting her up there, and who knows? She may stay forever. But that is not the plan for now. She wants to be close to family if/when they have children. 

Maybe they should consult with a Canadian attorney on her next visit up there this month. I will share all this info with her. Hell, I'll show her the whole thread. She'll have a good laugh I'm sure. I'm about the opposite of a helicopter parent. I've been completely hands off and nothing but supportive of their relationship. I was just struck by a sense of urgency when I started the thread because I wouldn't be surprised by a Christmas proposal/engagement. Spring graduation will be here before I know it. I want to make sure she's going in to this with her eyes open. 

[Scarlett]

So her interest and concern in her daughter’s life and future is overreach but strangers on the internet feel justified in attacking and vilifying her. Oh the irony people.   

Edited October 3, 2019 by Scarlett

[popmom]

17 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

It's not your job to get him into the US. It's their job to decide where to live, and handle the immigration process for one or both of them. And THAT is how I came to the conclusion that you are taking point on this.

And it's also not your job to have a problem or not have a problem where your daughter lives short or long term anymore - she's an adult. Maybe they both have friends and work opportunities in Canada now. Maybe they'll want to move to Europe. Your job is to support her decision, no matter what she does.

I'm sure you have her best interests at heart, and would never have said or thought otherwise - but she's an adult. This is all her responsibility now, not yours. So unless she asked you for help, I kinda think your energies are better spent doing something else. If I said I was getting married and my mom jumped in with information on immigration, I'd be really annoyed at her.

 

when someone puts lol at the end of a sentence, maybe don't take it quite so literally. Maybe the writer is using some sort of literary device to grab the reader's attention. My question "How the hell..." was, IDK, something akin to hyperbole. There is probably a term for it. You and I have different ideas about how to relate to adult children. That's okay. I'm gathering information, so I can ask good questions, so she can make HER OWN informed decision. She has asked for my input. I'm not making anything "MY JOB".

[SquirrellyMama]

I wasn't trying to be mean. There were certain phrases in your post that sounded like it was you making the decision. It just sounded lime my parents trying to convince us to move closer.

Sorry to offend and I really don't suck MaBelle 😂 

17 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

How the hell do I get him in to the US???

Emphasis of hell is mine.

17 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

I don’t have any problem with my dd moving there—short term

 

[popmom]

I hate that I have to over think/analyze every word I type on here and ask myself "how will this be interpreted? What are they going to infer? what will they read in to this?" It's exhausting. I chose to ask here rather than Reddit. This place is about as brutal though, so maybe I'll take my chances there in the future.😪😥

Edited October 2, 2019 by stephensgirls

[SquirrellyMama]

1 minute ago, stephensgirls said:

I hate that I have to over think/analyze every word I type on here and ask myself "how will this be interpreted? What are they going to infer? what will they read in to this?" It's exhausting.

I totally understand because I over think/analyze and avoid many threads I start. I make sure now that I am mentally and emotionally prepared. I have been able to learn from some comments even if they hurt my feelings. 

Kelly

 

[popmom]

5 hours ago, Attolia said:

I keep seeing this thread and laughing because in my mind it is like "Canadian" is a different species or something.  Oh no, it is a ....... Canadian!!!  My best friend immigrated from Canada (married to an American).  Canadians really are great ❤️   Maybe they will want to stay in Canada?  Maybe they will want to move here? I don't think the laws are against Canadians married to Americans.  It will work out.  She was on a visa for a long time.

I love this! You are right. You made me laugh! What's so funny is I can just imagine what his fam is saying about my fam since we live in the south. Oh, no! a Southerner? I just recently befriended a Canadian at my church. I love him. He's my parents' age. He's always making sure I'm seeing the doctor and keeping my asthma under control. 🙂

[popmom]

11 hours ago, kiwik said:

I have known a bunch of married couples who were interrogated separately to try and prove the relationship was false (when did your relationship start is interesting as women seem to date it earlier than men).  It usually works better if you marry and live overseas first which will probably apply to the Canadian in a few years time but not to her now - but I forgot she probably won't need residence and it would be easy for her to leave Canada and go back.  Here it costs so much to get anywhere that having to leave the country and get a new visa is a major pain.  But I was really just saying that the initial post seemed a bit US centric.  Even if she moved to Canada permanently it is attached to your country.

 

7 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

My sil is not a US citizen, yet. Yes, it is a LONG, involved, expensive process, but it can be done. He had the advantage of being in the US first on his dad's visa, and then a student visa, but it's been 3 years since their marriage that he has a permanent card. Many certified letters, many, many photos showing my younger kids growing up, along with the puppy getting bigger and older, many holidays spent together, etc. Theirs was complicated by the fact that they were in different states at the beginning of their marriage--him teaching, and her working on the doctorate at different universities. One of the interesting things that was done was the immigration guy pulling out family photos of dd's family and asking sil who all the people are. She had to do it for photos taken at the farm in SA. "Oh, that's Aunt M--her dh is Uncle S, that's their ds, his sis is next to him, and she's married to F, and then that's R--she's still in school, that's her boyfriend but he's out of the picture now, we're raising a glass as G'pa K always liked his sherry and toasted "to dividends" every night, etc. etc. All details that could not be made up. I wrote a letter, sil's mom did, the kids' violist that had known both of them for years, the best man in their wedding, etc. It was actually a cool letter to write. 

 

This is valuable info. Very interesting. 

[Tanaqui]

1 hour ago, stephensgirls said:

I hate that I have to over think/analyze every word I type on here and ask myself "how will this be interpreted? What are they going to infer? what will they read in to this?" It's exhausting. I chose to ask here rather than Reddit. This place is about as brutal though, so maybe I'll take my chances there in the future.😪😥

 

*shrugs*

But you want us to overanalyze the words you typed to glean hidden meanings?

Language is an imperfect method of communication. It's better than most of the other ones, but there's always going to be some misunderstanding. It doesn't have to be an argument - you can always say "Nope, got that wrong!" and move on, or even just not respond at all.

But if you figure that your daughter is going to be happy that you did this work, why do you care what I or anybody else thinks? Surely her opinion is more important?

[BeachGal]

My youngest brother married a young woman from Ukraine about 20 years ago and there were many hoops they had to jump through. It took two years before he could bring her over to the US. He was part of an online group that shared information explaining how to handle different situations. Some members were lawyers. It was quite involved in Ukraine and here in the US but eventually it all worked out. (They are still married and doing very well, btw.)

Anyway, your daughter and boyfriend might find some good information online at websites where the specific issues are discussed. To start, maybe the Nolo website? A forum there? I can’t imagine it would be terribly difficult but who knows?

I hope it all works out for them. 🙂

[Tap]

My boss was born Canadian, his partner is American. They married and have both lived in the alternate country. (Both residing in Canada for a while and then relocating to the  USA.) Yep,  allowing extra money money in the budget, extra time for delays and attorneys seemed to make it easier all around. 

My boss worked here for several years, while waiting to become a citizen. He passed his test, paid the fees and is now a dual citizen. It didn't seem too difficult because he hired an immigration attorney and just provided the documents they requested. 

From his experience, it seems like as long as you have all the legal documents to prove who  you are and why you are relocating, it was just a matter of time and money.

Edited October 3, 2019 by Tap

[popmom]

thanks, Tap. That's reassuring!

[Ann.without.an.e]

3 hours ago, stephensgirls said:

I hate that I have to over think/analyze every word I type on here and ask myself "how will this be interpreted? What are they going to infer? what will they read in to this?" It's exhausting. I chose to ask here rather than Reddit. This place is about as brutal though, so maybe I'll take my chances there in the future.😪😥

I think your wording here "How the hell do I get him in to the US???" Maybe triggered some feelings from members who felt controlled by their own parents?  So the natural reaction there is to push back.  That being said, if you feel attacked and further discussion isn't correcting that then you have the right to step out ✌️. Some threads just spiral that direction and it can't be helped.  That is when I stop looking and responding to a thread.  I just count myself out, even if I started the darn thing. 

ETA - so true story, years ago I stepped out of a thread and then came back days later and that thing went on for pages and pages after I left the discussion.  With all sorts of thoughts and assumptions, etc that weren't even true. I would have been more offended if the assumptions weren't so far off base that I literally laughed out loud and closed my MacBook.  Bless, it happens, for whatever crazy reason, it just does.

Edited October 3, 2019 by Attolia

[popmom]

24 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I think your wording here "How the hell do I get him in to the US???" Maybe triggered some feelings from members who felt controlled by their own parents?  So the natural reaction there is to push back.  

Yes. this crossed my mind. And I can relate to that all too well sadly. Anyway, yet another attempt at humor that backfired. I won't quit my day job.

[wintermom]

Let's try reading this exact same message inverting the countries of these two individuals:

My dd is in love with an American. 

Not just American. American military. He has 3 years left. They are seriously considering marriage. How the hell do I get him in to the Canada??? Lol I don’t have any problem with my dd moving there—short term—but his family is not supportive of him at all. Not financially, not emotionally. He was the only child of a young couple who divorced and then both remarried and had families. He was raised by his grandparents. There’s really nothing keeping him there except his commitment to the military. Once he finishes his stint in the military, how difficult would it be for him to come to the Canada to study? Or live permanently?

Ya, this is much better. Way less offensive. 

[Scarlett]

Just now, wintermom said:

Let's try reading this exact same message inverting the countries of these two individuals:

My dd is in love with an American. 

Not just American. American military. He has 3 years left. They are seriously considering marriage. How the hell do I get him in to the Canada??? Lol I don’t have any problem with my dd moving there—short term—but his family is not supportive of him at all. Not financially, not emotionally. He was the only child of a young couple who divorced and then both remarried and had families. He was raised by his grandparents. There’s really nothing keeping him there except his commitment to the military. Once he finishes his stint in the military, how difficult would it be for him to come to the Canada to study? Or live permanently?

Ya, this is much better. Way less offensive. 

Are you being sarcastic? Because I consider it exactly the same.