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gardenmom5

I need a hug

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again, dudeling is refusing school.  he has a dr. appointment this afternoon.  they're a regular 'therapy' type appointment that is more "energy" work than anything else, so he just has to lay there on the table.  he is in a good mood when we're done - he's mad because of the time it takes away from him playing on computer/away from home.  he'd be a hermit if he could.  (even when we go do something "fun" as a family - he wants to stay home.  If I manage to drag him with us - he will sit in the hotel room and refuse to leave.)

this kid makes me feel like an abject failure with everything I have tried - and I've tried a lot over the years.

 

 

 

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Awe, hugs 😞. It’s not you.  I know that’s not a big comfort, but you’re trying your best and there is only so far you can drag another individual if they aren’t able to refuse to comply. I know he has a lot of complexity going on with his avoidance behaviors and that’s hard for trained professionals to manage, let alone mom.

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6 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

Awe, hugs 😞. It’s not you.  I know that’s not a big comfort, but you’re trying your best and there is only so far you can drag another individual if they aren’t able to refuse to comply. I know he has a lot of complexity going on with his avoidance behaviors and that’s hard for trained professionals to manage, let alone mom.

I've decided - I need to pick my battles. we've been arguing this back-and-forth since june.  and if the choice is between him doing school and going to these dr. appointments, I'll pick school.   he is going without fighting (though if he starts fighting me, all bets are off.), so I'll let him have his need for control.  hopefully - at some point, he'll be ready.  He needs braces - but I've had to explain to the dentist - he won't do it.  (my niece picked all the braces off of her teeth - so my sister gave up.  she has turned out well, much to my sister's surprise.)

there just comes a point, where they have to be invested.

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I’ve had a tiny taste of what you’re experiencing.  You get a GIANT hug from me.  

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Are you allowed to eat brownies? Sounds like it might take more than one pan...

Don't get discouraged. Sometimes things look REALLY DARK and then you turn a corner and boom there's a new answer. And sometimes you just run into the corner. But maybe if you eat the pan of brownies, it won't hurt as much.

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BTDT. I'm so sorry. 

As for the braces, if it helps our pediatric dentist said that NOT gettin braces for my oldest (who has similar issues) was the right call. She sees so many kids whose parents force it and they are not invested, don't take care of them, and their teeth literally rot out behind the braces. Better to wait and do it when they are adults and will care for them properly. 

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27 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

BTDT. I'm so sorry. 

As for the braces, if it helps our pediatric dentist said that NOT gettin braces for my oldest (who has similar issues) was the right call. She sees so many kids whose parents force it and they are not invested, don't take care of them, and their teeth literally rot out behind the braces. Better to wait and do it when they are adults and will care for them properly. 

This. I wish someone had told me this 7 years ago. 

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Are you allowed to eat brownies? Sounds like it might take more than one pan...

Don't get discouraged. Sometimes things look REALLY DARK and then you turn a corner and boom there's a new answer. And sometimes you just run into the corner. But maybe if you eat the pan of brownies, it won't hurt as much.

And this. 

And hugs!! 

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we do pizza on Tuesdays - maybe I"ll make cookies. while chocolate chip is tempting, something (uber picky) dudeling doesn't like is more tempting.....

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((hugs))  Teens are hard and some teens are really hard.  You are not a failure.  He makes his own choices and they are not a result of what you did or didn't do.

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 I normally pick up a pizza on Tuesday as a treat.  I just wasn't up to it.  so, 2ds came home from work, and I let him know I'd pay him if he picked it up.   He then came and said "order the pizza (so we can just pick it up, no waiting), I'm going to the grocery store".

he brought me home maple creme oreos.    (not as good as maple leaf, but I'll take them. and dudeling won't eat them.  ha!).  I don't think he even realized how stressful dudeling has been being - or maybe he does.  He takes him to "game night" with his friends (adults, single and married with kids) on Saturday nights.

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