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heartlikealion

Navigating work/personal life boundaries

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Oh yeah there’s at least a 2 week wait for the recall issue and it’s very unlikely to affect us. We’ll set an appointment for Dec. From this point forward we are looking into having the dealership do the oil changes. They might be the same cost! Our current oil changes for that car are very high using specific synthetic oil. Range around $85 but Dh used a coupon. It was still at least $45. He’ll ask dealer for oil change quotes. 

I forgot I scheduled dd’s eye appointment to overlap with our drive down for Christmas (latest date I could get was Dec 19) so I’m unsure if I can handle that length visit... Dec 19-Dec. 26 or so. We will have to see about the 2 car option. As it is I need to get back to our cat. I’m sure she’s fine but lonely. I can use cat as excuse in Dec lol 

We’re packing just in case but Dh still needs to do homework. 

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I think Dh was wrong about our apr or it changed. Something doesn’t add up. We spoke to the credit union about options and she said the first 12 months is 0% interest and then it goes to 11%. Dh was like cool, we can throw money at the debt the first year and got the principal. I asked her to confirm the min payment (I heard her say it earlier) so Dh could let it sink in... $515/mo. Where is that going to come from? She pushed through the application but I was ready to walk away. She said that we can decline even if we’re approved. Dh said might as well see. I asked how many days we had to decide. She said 30. Wheh he got off the phone I said so basically 30 days for me to get a job or there’s no way. 
 

Im a little foggy but I think there’s this 3% fee which made $515/mo = the total cc debt. Well then we looked at our current and there’s no way we’re paying 23% interest. Must be 1-2% because we pay less than $400/mo. Then Dh said the other option is to move the debt to a personal loan. I don’t know. 

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The minimum payment on a credit card is not necessarily related to the interest one is paying. Each credit card issuer has their own formula for calculating the required minimum payment. https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit-cards/credit-card-issuer-minimum-payment/

Also the interest rate you are paying should be on your credit card statement as well as the dollar amount of interest you were charged.

Susan in TX

Edited by Susan in TX
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5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I said so basically 30 days for me to get a job or there’s no way.


Wait. What? I thought money from any job you get would be set aside to give you a safety net. Why would you offer this or even the possibility of this?

 

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1 hour ago, Lisa R. said:


Wait. What? I thought money from any job you get would be set aside to give you a safety net. Why would you offer this or even the possibility of this?

I mean contribute toward paying on the debt as we work on it as a team, but I would not cover the full $515 from my job. 

If I get a job it’s not like I can keep all the funds. It would be obvious. Do you think that would be a good plan? 

Edited by heartlikealion

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I think there are some concerning things about this idea. There is a reason that credit card companies have these kind of balance transfer offers -- they make money off of them, because so many people do not pay them off before the higher interest kicks in. The article below says that 1/3 of people fail to pay it off during the 0% interest period and therefore ending paying MORE over time than if they had tackled the debt problem in a different way.

https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/credit-cards/bad-news-balance-transfer-customers-33-repay-balances-interestfree-period/

To make it successful, you would need to

1) Calculate not just the miminum payment but the amount that you would need to pay every month in order to get the card paid off before the 0% grace period ends, in order to avoid the giant interest rate bump. UNLESS that interest rate is lower than what is on your current card.

2) Be aware that sometimes there are tricks built in to gain more money for the CC company https://www.wisebread.com/6-hidden-dangers-of-credit-card-balance-transfers

3) Never use that credit card again until it is paid off. Not even once. Read the previous article to see why.

4) There is a HUGE danger of racking up additional debt on the other credit cards in the meantime. Because with a high payment on that 0% card, you may feel you need to charge some things in the meantime, and your balance on other cards can climb (by "you" I mean your family, and mostly your DH, since he likes to use credit).

It is entirely possible to end up with a greater load of debt after a year than you start with now. The 0% transfer game cam be played successfully, but it takes having an understanding of how to work the system successfully PLUS a lot of self control and commitment.

I worry that it could be a poor choice for you.

What if your family committed to paying the $500 on credit card debt that you already have (without transferring to a new card), plus avoid charging anything new. As a trial period. Because if you can't do it now, with the money and credit cards that you already have, you will not be able to do it when you open a new card.

After a trial of 6 months, following this kind of credit budgeting and being successful, THEN open a new card and transfer the balance. You would know that you could do it without creating additional problems. If you find you cannot do it with your current credit cards, then you WON'T be able to do it with a new credit card.

 

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I have a nice update 

Well it started out as an anxiety-inducing nightmare but is fine now. New boss man of maintenance told Dh that he’d send maintenance guys to our home at 7 am today or they wouldn’t come til next semester. Dh let me know midday yesterday when he found out. Yesterday I was only half functional as I did not feel physically great/rested. First of all the microwave died right before Thanksgiving and we got back to town Monday night so I was just doing my best to cook with what we had and what appliances were functioning. Still gotta test all my burners and I’ve taken pics of different models of the silver things that go under the coil so I can replace those old nasty things, too. Anyway so I was stressed about maintenance coming but neither kid would cooperate to clean the home and I was sick from something I ate and got a migraine. Dh kinda lost it when he got home and I had to calm down myself to explain look, I get it. I’m not comfortable with anyone coming over but I know my limits and I cannot make the house visitor-ready that fast. He got home around midnight after doing school work and didn’t do his share of chores, either. 

Fast forward. Two men showed up bright and early. I did not know these guys but I wish I dealt with them every time. They were so nice and one gave me his cell number and said call when we’re ready to have the stuff hauled off (mattress, etc.). I set aside my pride and I let him in the front of the house to fix the front door. He fixed the side door first and we didn’t have to replace the whole lock. At first they fixed the front lock with a discontinued but handy product. I persisted that I did not think the lock was flush and barely made contact. He saw what I meant and it took two of them to get to one set of screws along the door jam, buried under a piece of linoleum or something, to tighten that enough to lift the door back up higher. It was sagging on the hinges. They also got a tool to file down the hole so the lock (plunger? That’s what he called it) could go in better. Now both doors are much better. 
 

I brought up the porch light and flood lights. Normally I’d be told what is gonna happen but these guys were like would you like this old fixture or new one? Same bulb or different? I was like well you can try to repair it or get a new one. Main concern is light so I don’t come home to a dark door. I said probably another bug light but we can siesta swap that out. 
 

They checked all my outdoor lights and said they think the issue is old censors. Also a couple are getting rained on so they will add coverage over them. 

They have only been here close to two years so don’t know about my individual situation with old work orders. They are going to build a pipe that comes up and out of the yard so they never have to dig it up again. One guy said remind us if something hasn’t been addressed within a few weeks. I said we tried but were told you guys were backed up. I gave the example about the hole in the yard and the guy that gave me his cell said he’d take the blame for that. He was supposed to come back out and do something earlier. 

Anyway, I think it was a pretty positive interaction. I introduced myself. I got their names and the cell number. These guys seem less jaded than some of the employees. One lady that relays dh’s work orders apparently mislabeled some as library instead of house or vice versa. We were wondering why they didn’t make sense lol 

Thank goodness I canceled the winter party today. There was a low headcount so I canceled the other day. 

I got “stuck” with organizing The Nutcracker event and had to hound people to pay up. I collected $345 as of late last night. No other admin has been very available for various reasons. This will be my final admin responsibility. The ballet is Friday and I’m going with ds. I have a sitter for dd. Some moms told me thank you for reaching out to them to remind them we had tickets or to set it up so that felt good. Also Ds and I have never been to a ballet so we are excited. It’s a great opportunity as we got student rate $5/ticket. 

Someone explained the apr better to me but my phone is dying so I’ll keep this part short. Said I probably pay 23% divided by 12 months. 

 

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Checking in.  I’m glad maintenance people came and gave you direct number to call them (better write that in several places to not lose it LOL)! 

 

—————

I hope someone can advise you on the cc .  

If you have around 10,000 debt, you’d have to pay over $800 per month to pay it off in a year (if my division is correct), exclusive of fees and interest.  

A job for you may start as a foot in door that only covers your own transportation to and from the job etc, (or maybe better medical insurance if it has benefits, or perhaps more education is covered as I hear is true for Starbucks jobs) and doesn’t really build up extra $ until a step upward gets to a higher paying one.

But offers for balance transfers are common.  and you can seek out places with such offers going.  Don’t feel pressured by them saying you only have 30 days to commit. 

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I have never been so excited over a light lol! The porch light is fixed. Oh and we’ve been using the red light bulb for dd. The exterior stuff has been ordered but there is some approval or something these things go through so the guys told me it may be next week when they can set up all the flood light censors and/or new bulbs. 

Dh got on friendly terms with a groundskeeper and asked if he could hot the front yard. Today 3 men spent like 5 min doing a section of yard that takes me at least 45 min. Two men used leaf blowers on the pine straw and leaves. The maintenance guys were in awe that they dod our yard and asked how I pulled that off. At the time I had no idea what was going on and I said, “I don’t know if they are going to start doing it or what. I just know Dh has asked if we can just pay them to since we’re on a well-seen area of campus.” “I hope they don’t get fussed at. I went out and picked up limbs today and hung up our well-loved and faded wreath mil made us years ago. 
 

I was shown where our pipe was accessed 3x in the past years and damaged. The men lifted up the old damaged evidence. This is our new pipe access. So glad they did this. I will post pics after I free up memory on my photo limit. 

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Dh’s role in one organization was greatly linked to his job... in the sense that he was expected to keep the role. But he got his boss’ blessing to step down. He sent off his letter. 

here are the pics of the new work (porch light functioning & new pipe) 

I agree there’s no rush in the cc transfer. If min payments are too hard it’s too stressful. The 11% after the first year sounds good if current is higher, but at what price? 

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I don’t know if maintenance caused the issue but Friday the hot water stopped working. It just comes out cold. They were notified sometime on Friday but said would have to investigate Monday. 

Trying to look on the bright side, I’m making progress on the inside of the home. 
 

I would like to apply for a temp job assisting at graduation ceremonies but I have a feeling my availability will be an issue if say, Dh has to attend a graduation for his school the same day. 

There’s a couple at my church that’s like backbone of the parish. Dh is friends with one of their sons. Another son of theirs just got married and attends the parish only periodically. There’s a celebration on Saturday evening. I know Dh didn’t really want to get involved ... pressure to buy wedding gift. We don’t really know them, but know the family. I am attending and they said no gifts required but I do want to get something.
 

Dh’s Apple TV trial ended and he kept it ($7/mo). He said it’s fine and I said we should have discussed it. A few weeks ago I got him to bundle Hulu and Disney + so our Disney + trial didn’t turn into a disaster and we get both for our original rate or darn close. So him not wanting me to spend on a wedding gift... eh, I feel like I should be able. I thought he stopped doing birthday gifts at work. Then today he said he needed to get something for his secretary. I did the 5 for $5 Ulta deal so I offered Ulta products to him for her. I really like her and I wished her happy birthday on Facebook another day but did t realize he was still doing gifts. I have said before work birthdays should be celebrated with an office dessert or something. That’s what we used to do at my office job. 

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The hot water is now working but there was a leak for who knows how long and we have black mold. I don’t know how the guys can even get into this tight area if they replace the drywall... which I assume they need to do. First I was told to open the door to air it out but then we didn’t want to because we don’t want to speak the mold spores all over the house. It actually did make the house smell so I’m a bit anxious about what it’s doing to our air. I told the kids to stay away from there. The mold is on the other side not pictured, too. 

I hope it doesn’t affect any of the donations I just bagged up. Ugh. I have sheets and some things to get rid of (sheets from the old size bed). I hate to think I passed on mold. 

E0A84C16-3922-4A7A-8BA8-3CCD9F9BFE31.jpeg

Edited by heartlikealion

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3 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

nm- found it! 

Did you mean the freedom program? I still need to finish it. Dh and I hitting heads with the kids falls under the “bad father” caricature. 
 

I just had a phone interview. I asked my family for 30 min to be left alone. The kids and I had bad timing with the hot cocoa stand they wanted. Today is one of the last days of finals on campus so they needed to do it today. Dh was home because he’s working extended hours tonight. I asked him to monitor the hot cocoa stand with kids while I took my phone call. I stepped out of the master bedroom to grab a pen and saw dd darting into the house. We didn’t make eye contact. I was worried she was going to start talking to me while I was on the phone. When I discussed it with Dh he just said his hands were tied because he was dealing with customers/trying to reach Ds. What? Really?? Watch the 5 yr old. Let Ds handle the stand for a few min. I was furious. This is exactly why I can’t do VIPKID/with from home stuff. I have a follow up interview in Jan in person. The job is for an assistant teacher next school year at a charter school. 

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13 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Did you mean the freedom program? I still need to finish it. Dh and I hitting heads with the kids falls under the “bad father” caricature. 
 

 

It was the Retrouvaille program I was thinking of...... Is the Freedom another marriage one, or is it the Financial Freedom one? This is for a friend with kids grown and gone, no financial issues, but very unhappy marriage so trying to give her a few suggestions. 

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7 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

It was the Retrouvaille program I was thinking of...... Is the Freedom another marriage one, or is it the Financial Freedom one? This is for a friend with kids grown and gone, no financial issues, but very unhappy marriage so trying to give her a few suggestions. 

Ohh. Well Retrouvaille is a weekend you attend. There are some follow up long-distance Skype sessions for those that can’t attend in person but I only attended once or twice because Dh wasn’t even home. 

My aunt said we could have tried Marriage Encounter. My dad thought that was intended for “good” marriages but my aunt said really anyone. She used to be a speaker. I had no idea. 
 

The Freedom thing is for individuals. It describes different types of abuse and behaviors.  
 

The DV coalition send me mail again! My dad gave it to me. They summarized our phone call and my options. The second letter was asking for an evaluation or something. Ugh. I appreciate the info but not them mailing stuff I wasn’t expecting. 

Edited by heartlikealion
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Just now, heartlikealion said:

Ohh. Well Retrouvaille is a weekend you attend. There are some follow up long- distance Skype sessions for those that can’t attend in person but I only attended once or twice because Dh wasn’t even home. 

My aunt said we could have tried Marrushe Encounter. My dad thought that was intended for “good” marriages but my aunt said really anyone. She used to be a speaker. I had no idea. 

I saw that Retrouvaille has a weekend in Houston in February when I sent it to her, but I am looking for stuff to send her sooner as well, as honestly I don't know if they'll make it until February with how she's conveying things right now. 😞

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1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I saw that Retrouvaille has a weekend in Houston in February when I sent it to her, but I am looking for stuff to send her sooner as well, as honestly I don't know if they'll make it until February with how she's conveying things right now. 😞

We had mixed feelings in our session. All the couples volunteering their journey dealt with infidelity but there wasn’t much about finances or other things. They said you really need to go to therapy and do the Retrouvaille homework. We won’t see our therapist again til Jan. and we haven’t made time for another date night yet. 

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On 12/9/2019 at 1:08 PM, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know if maintenance caused the issue but Friday the hot water stopped working. It just comes out cold. They were notified sometime on Friday but said would have to investigate Monday. 

Trying to look on the bright side, I’m making progress on the inside of the home. 
 

I would like to apply for a temp job assisting at graduation ceremonies but I have a feeling my availability will be an issue if say, Dh has to attend a graduation for his school the same day. 

There’s a couple at my church that’s like backbone of the parish. Dh is friends with one of their sons. Another son of theirs just got married and attends the parish only periodically. There’s a celebration on Saturday evening. I know Dh didn’t really want to get involved ... pressure to buy wedding gift. We don’t really know them, but know the family. I am attending and they said no gifts required but I do want to get something.
 

Dh’s Apple TV trial ended and he kept it ($7/mo). He said it’s fine and I said we should have discussed it. A few weeks ago I got him to bundle Hulu and Disney + so our Disney + trial didn’t turn into a disaster and we get both for our original rate or darn close. So him not wanting me to spend on a wedding gift... eh, I feel like I should be able. I thought he stopped doing birthday gifts at work. Then today he said he needed to get something for his secretary. I did the 5 for $5 Ulta deal so I offered Ulta products to him for her. I really like her and I wished her happy birthday on Facebook another day but did t realize he was still doing gifts. I have said before work birthdays should be celebrated with an office dessert or something. That’s what we used to do at my office job. 

 

When two parents work, both parents have to take responsibility for finding childcare when shifts or gigs clash.

Your dh will never make himself available so that you can have a job, let alone a career.  So you take the job, and then when the clash occurs, you say to dh "I'm working that day - you'll need to contact the sitter if you need to work that day also.'

Of course he is still doing gifts for the secretary. He doesn't really listen to you, and when he does, he doesn't really believe your ideas are better than his. Hence, he will always keep the trial without discussion, or buy uneccessary gifts etc.

Sorry to be harsh. I do think your wreath is lovely.

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I really don’t agree that’s how it works even though it should. I bet it’s safe to say moms usually do the child care set ups regardless of holding a job. Now if I got a job with a conflict Dh would expect me to not work or to set up the childcare. I did not apply because I was worried about the stress of child care and the rejection like the Santa gig. They said my availability was not good enough. 
 

I have been busting my butt on the house this week. Dh asked if I wanted to go on a date. Said he found a sitter. I asked if he’d help with the house. It’s still not company ready. He said, “I always help” and I said I don’t feel that way nor do I find that reassuring. Also I don’t know if I’d be exposing a sitter to black mold. 

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2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I really don’t agree that’s how it works even though it should. I bet it’s safe to say moms usually do the child care set ups regardless of holding a job. Now if I got a job with a conflict Dh would expect me to not work or to set up the childcare. I did not apply because I was worried about the stress of child care and the rejection like the Santa gig. They said my availability was not good enough. 
 

I have been busting my butt on the house this week. Dh asked if I wanted to go on a date. Said he found a sitter. I asked if he’d help with the house. It’s still not company ready. He said, “I always help” and I said I don’t feel that way nor do I find that reassuring. Also I don’t know if I’d be exposing a sitter to black mold. 

 

So he can find a sitter to go out, but not to let you take work ? 

His priorities are whack.

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I hope you said yes to the date.  He’s making an effort to follow on the marriage counseling suggestion.  If you reject his effort, no matter what you think of his priorities, he may be less inclined next time to make the effort.  And cleaning the house is not a date.  Go out. Communication is so much better away from the house and all the stuff anyway.

 

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30 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

So he can find a sitter to go out, but not to let you take work ? 

His priorities are whack.

That’s how it feels. On Friday when I was rushing to the Nutcracker Dh said he could take dd to the sitter for me when I asked out of desperation. He told me to drive the better car and I said the other one needs gas. He said well I’m not taking her to the sitter if I have to get gas. I’m already running late to work. I said and I’m running late to the nutcracker event... fine, I’ll get gas. Just take her because that’s even more out of my way than the gas station. Stuff like that makes me feel like I am 2 seconds from getting nothing. We were late but not miss the show late. No parking left on their lot and my cash was in my other purse so I had no way to pay for the parking garage. I ended up finding free parking in walking distance. It was so stressful. It was raining. 

2 minutes ago, matrips said:

I hope you said yes to the date.  He’s making an effort to follow on the marriage counseling suggestion.  If you reject his effort, no matter what you think of his priorities, he may be less inclined next time to make the effort.  And cleaning the house is not a date.  Go out. Communication is so much better away from the house and all the stuff anyway.

 

I meant clean up so I’m not mortified when some college girl shows up to babysit. I assume he asked some college kid. 

We went as a family to see Frozen 2 last night. Dd has birthday money and I was going to just pay for ds and I. It was discount night. But Dh wanted to go so we waited for him. Then on the way he said he didn’t think we could really afford it... then went through the drive through on the way home. It’s mixed messages all day long. But now we have money for a sitter and date??? 

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11 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

That’s how it feels. On Friday when I was rushing to the Nutcracker Dh said he could take dd to the sitter for me when I asked out of desperation. He told me to drive the better car and I said the other one needs gas. He said well I’m not taking her to the sitter if I have to get gas. I’m already running late to work. I said and I’m running late to the nutcracker event... fine, I’ll get gas. Just take her because that’s even more out of my way than the gas station. Stuff like that makes me feel like I am 2 seconds from getting nothing. We were late but not miss the show late. No parking left on their lot and my cash was in my other purse so I had no way to pay for the parking garage. I ended up finding free parking in walking distance. It was so stressful. It was raining. 

I meant clean up so I’m not mortified when some college girl shows up to babysit. I assume he asked some college kid. 

We went as a family to see Frozen 2 last night. Dd has birthday money and I was going to just pay for ds and I. It was discount night. But Dh wanted to go so we waited for him. Then on the way he said he didn’t think we could really afford it... then went through the drive through on the way home. It’s mixed messages all day long. But now we have money for a sitter and date??? 

lol!  I thought you were suggesting cleaning instead of a date 😂.  Eh, I wouldn’t worry what a sitter thinks. There’s a difference between messy and gross. People can handle messy.  Don’t let cleaning take the joy out of a date.  Maybe set a timer twice a day for 5-10minutes and do a quick run through of cl

I wonder if he actually has a paper budget to go by.  He may want to do things and say yes to please people, but then gets worried that he really doesn’t have the money or that’s there too much debt, and then back out.  And then feel bad so he tries to make up for it. He may be overwhelmed or stressed too.

if he has time off over the holiday, maybe the two of you can sit down and hash out a budget together and at least discuss money issues/priorities.  See what your income is and what your regular bills are- gas, utilities, household supplies, insurance...look at your CC and bills to make sure you find them all.

I do our budget; my dh has zero interest in money limitations 😂.  But he’s good about it.  But that took years.  He originally was resentful/peeved that he was working hard and couldn’t spend money on what he wanted.  He didn’t really see the big picture, and he didn’t want to pour over bills and accounts.  So it’s been a work in progress over our marriage. I have multiple accounts set up that money goes into each month for future spending needs- car repair/new car, new roof, vacation, birthday/Christmas presents, etc.  Then I have an account to pull out of instead of trying to pay for it with the current paycheck or sticking it on a cc. He also has to do gifts at work which I find annoying, but I’ve added that to the budget and put away money each month for those retirements, holidays etc. I’m less annoyed knowing it’s budgeted for.  I don’t like surprise expenses.  

 

 

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Everything that you have been saying about your dh points to narcissism. He has the money for HIS priorities not yours. He is going to do whatever he needs to do to make himself look good. And he is going to care more about impressing other people than about what you think.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/counseling-keys/201403/how-handle-crazymaker

Susan in TX

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14 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

That’s how it feels. On Friday when I was rushing to the Nutcracker Dh said he could take dd to the sitter for me when I asked out of desperation. He told me to drive the better car and I said the other one needs gas. He said well I’m not taking her to the sitter if I have to get gas. I’m already running late to work. I said and I’m running late to the nutcracker event... fine, I’ll get gas. Just take her because that’s even more out of my way than the gas station. Stuff like that makes me feel like I am 2 seconds from getting nothing. We were late but not miss the show late. No parking left on their lot and my cash was in my other purse so I had no way to pay for the parking garage. I ended up finding free parking in walking distance. It was so stressful. It was raining. 

I meant clean up so I’m not mortified when some college girl shows up to babysit. I assume he asked some college kid. 

We went as a family to see Frozen 2 last night. Dd has birthday money and I was going to just pay for ds and I. It was discount night. But Dh wanted to go so we waited for him. Then on the way he said he didn’t think we could really afford it... then went through the drive through on the way home. It’s mixed messages all day long. But now we have money for a sitter and date??? 

Did you actually go on and see the movie?

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We did see the movie. But since it’s that theater where we can’t get comfortable in the same row, we didn’t even sit together. The kids chose to sit with Dh and I sat alone on another row. I was going to share a drink with someone but didn’t buy one for myself so drank part of the free refill on the way out. The tickets were $6 each. I don’t know what was spent on concessions. 

Dh says he’ll help clean for the sitter but I’m not holding my breath. He spent $200 on Ds months ago for a “huge sale” on Magic the gathering... intended as Christmas gifts. It went on the cc. His mom loaned us $150 toward the bed/frame. She didn’t know what to buy my nephew so Dh suggested one of the Magic sets and now we only owe her $50 because he’s giving her a $100 set. She said to pay the $50 in Jan. just in case. I’m glad he decided to do that. Ds will be fine with what he’s getting. 

I don’t know why I’m so awful with laundry. We own too much? I have a pile of donations/consignment bagged up. Ok so here’s what my living room looked like last night. Dd brought hangers in the room and put blankets on the side of the table saying it was for her fort. I had already folded one up for donation. She’s constantly bringing out toys or making messes making me feel defeated easily. We did 2 puzzles together yesterday. The table now has wrapped Christmas presents and I need to put out my table top Christmas tree. 

So yes, in a sense the sitter won’t see a nightmare but it gives me great stress. I need to put away the nebulizer on the end table, pick up whatever crap is on the floor, clear off the dining room table, have Dh drag the recliner to the carport, etc. Fold more clothes or at least move laundry baskets. But what about bedtime? The kids’ room is a mess, too. I might move things from theirs to mine. Ugh. 

When I get to the city I have a long list of errands... Goodwill won’t take donations after 5:00 so that’s out tonight. I was originally going to do errands with the kids before or after the movie on Tuesday. Dh wouldn’t have that if he was with us so I said then you know I have to make a separate trip/gas this week. He agreed. He also wouldn’t have just met us at the theater. So annoying. 

I have a ton of pick up orders... many businesses are grouped closely together. I compromised on the wedding gift and got a wedding frame. So it’s not nothing but it was very affordable. I am going to return my Romaine lettuce kit for store credit at Sam’s (Taylor Farms’ recording said just follow CDC advice). Then I’ll see if I can just buy another dessert for the event this Sat. I was going to bake but now worried about mold spores all up in my kitchen. The water heater closet is in the kitchen. I am cooking for the family still but I just feel extra funny about the potluck. I ordered a mold mask for Dh and cleaning solution and a chemical safe spray bottle since he said he was going to work on it. The mask is medium so I don’t know if it will fit me, too. I get $3 back shopping online and choosing store pick up for some sites right now through my Swagbucks. I did it for Home Depot, etc. 

I might see if there’s a free site for blogging and blog my clean up journey. I need accountability. I need deadlines. 

Yeah, he definitely overlaps many narcissist articles. I don’t know about the no empathy thing, though. That’s part of why he gives... “oh so and so was having a hard time. I felt compelled.” He ended up not officially ordering that Boy Scout popcorn. They never came back to take money/order apparently. We did end up with 2 containers of the cookie dough and Dh immediately regretted it. They were smaller than he expected. It did not state ounces. On the plus side I used some for the UPS guy’s retirement. 

I think Dh and his mom are crazymakers lol He will say money is tight. I will go through a drive thru because the kids and I were starving (recently dd don’t even eat a pb & j. Sometimes I pack food) and he will complain I didn’t buy him something. It is crazy to me. Ok first of all, we usually are getting food mid trip, not on the way home. Secondly, he might not be home and we go home and unload the car. If I do cook he will say how all he ate at work was from the vending machine and I’ll say you are perfectly capable of packing food from the fridge. He’ll say he’s not blaming me but yet he will complain about how he didn’t “eat all day.” Sometimes I ignore it. Sometimes I say sorry you were so busy. Sometimes I’m proactive and bring him food or hand him a packed lunch bag. His mom packs a lunch for his dad every day. I also learned where he gets the, “don’t raise your voice” from. His parents said it to me over thanksgiving when I got worked up and was responding. They will cut you off to tell you not to raise your voice. It infuriates me to have my tone critiqued when I’m trying to get thoughts out. So I guess that’s why he shuts down... it was not allowed in his home?? I say funny they have issue with tone but not cussing I guess because I hear mil cuss sometimes in her home. 

Dh got As in both his classes. He just finished. His break starts after work tomorrow but most students are gone.  

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Edited by heartlikealion

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