Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

heartlikealion

Navigating work/personal life boundaries

Recommended Posts

27 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Ds woke up early, showered, unloaded dishwasher abc is doing ELA pages I cherry picked from the book we own. We’ll make it work, at least for the remainder of this semester. 🙂 

I got up early and went walking before the kids got up/Dh went to work. 

dd is driving us nuts. She’s a ball of energy. We did some “school” in her PreK book. It’s not all academic. She was just humming and singing, “I’m a mermaid. I live in dirty water.” I’m about to take her to the public library to pick up her “Mac and Cheese” book (it’s a series). She doesn’t like the local library much because it’s not “fun.” There’s no train table, etc. like some of the others. I’ll double check the story hour schedule. It always changes and they never update the website. The library is open 2 days a week. The last time I spoke to the librarian she said they are trying to do it more frequently like maybe twice a week. That would be great for dd. Ds doesn’t have to come. 

I fixed the whole flex card issue, got Ds his prescription last night and ran a ton of errands minus the book store. I instead spent money on a ladies’ painting night for myself (less than $15, all supplies included, later this month). Dd is such a card. She accidentally groped a woman in Sam’s club (running her hands along anything in her path), stepped inside the cooler (yes, I told her she can’t do that), and blurted out what the prescription was for. I can’t take her anywhere lol 

I will look more into khan and the other links. Thank you. Sounds good. 

Wow, That sounds like a very excellent and productive 2 days.  

 

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you sure about the school testing schedule? Our local K-12 public school does state testing at the end of the year. Our local K-8 parochial school does testing at the beginning and end of the year. Neither school would test mid-year.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, 2squared said:

Are you sure about the school testing schedule? Our local K-12 public school does state testing at the end of the year. Our local K-8 parochial school does testing at the beginning and end of the year. Neither school would test mid-year.

Ohh good point. I hadn’t thought about that. I’m not sure. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Wow, That sounds like a very excellent and productive 2 days.  

 

Would have been better if they bought more than one item from my consignment store drop off I did while I was out yesterday. I tried to leave the rest behind for the donation place they work with but they said oh no we don’t do that. That’s only if items don’t get claimed after we appraise them. Our Goodwill will not allow drop offs after hours and most of the American Vet clothing & shoes bins are overflowing. I’ll hopefully get the items out of my car this week. 

Ds did 2.5 pages of math and some ELA. He didn’t do all the pages but spent over an hr on ELA. I’ll try to make our check list with every math page today do that we can see our progress and check things off. 

The library is extending hours!! I just found out today. There’s some new money allocated to it. Not full hours each day but 4 days instead of 2. The story hour they had was at the elementary school today so I’m not sure we would have been welcome to attend. The clerk was kinda oblivious. She didn’t know where they had moved the children's dvds and had no idea hours were changing. I said this is the flyer with the new hours (given to me in city hall) and I let her keep it after I took a pic. I’ll ask the librarian if those hours started. 
 

if we don’t start the school day in the morning I think we screw up our whole day so I’m aiming to do that tomorrow, too. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, 2squared said:

Are you sure about the school testing schedule? Our local K-12 public school does state testing at the end of the year. Our local K-8 parochial school does testing at the beginning and end of the year. Neither school would test mid-year.

Our schools do something called MAP testing which is done in the fall and again in the spring. Maybe it is similar testing. Standardized testing is also done in the spring. 

Kelly

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It may not be standardized tests, but they do have some tests this time of year. I found the calendar. 

I upped my medication last night.


Dh is extremely stressed about his school and I asked of he should take a semester off. They made him do a group project this week and his group didn’t respond in a timely manner to him and one person didn’t reply at all. 

I searched the start times for PreK. He could drop dd off before work without shifting his schedule. They serve breakfast at 7:10 am and their day begins at 7:40 and ends at 2:50. I could pick her up. I have to wait til Monday to talk to the right woman about their available slots in the spring. 

BD5E2416-CD39-47E2-A765-BF179300463B.jpeg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That’s the digital handbook but they didn’t upload one for this school year so shift everything over one day or in the case of Thanksgiving I guess it’d be Nov. 25-29. 

Edited by heartlikealion

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/8/2019 at 8:59 AM, heartlikealion said:

It may not be standardized tests, but they do have some tests this time of year. I found the calendar. 

I upped my medication last night.


Dh is extremely stressed about his school and I asked of he should take a semester off. They made him do a group project this week and his group didn’t respond in a timely manner to him and one person didn’t reply at all. 

I searched the start times for PreK. He could drop dd off before work without shifting his schedule. They serve breakfast at 7:10 am and their day begins at 7:40 and ends at 2:50. I could pick her up. I have to wait til Monday to talk to the right woman about their available slots in the spring. 

BD5E2416-CD39-47E2-A765-BF179300463B.jpeg

If that's a district calendar I bet "exams" is mid terms and semester finals for high schoolers.

Possibly for middle school/junior high as well. 

Assessments in elementary school are usually more of an ongoing thing.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, maize said:

If that's a district calendar I bet "exams" is mid terms and semester finals for high schoolers.

Possibly for middle school/junior high as well. 

Assessments in elementary school are usually more of an ongoing thing.

 

Hard to say.

 In our local schools the main state assessments are toward end of year, and do last about a week—but only for a couple of hours per day max. The rest is regular whatever it is. Different grades cycle in and out of the computer testing areas.   Kids done early or not testing for some reason have somewhere else they go like library while their class is testing.  

It may differ a lot from place to place. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’m so frustrated. Just look away if this post depresses you. 

our initial counseling session got canceled due to a lack of sitter. The office had nothing the next week the day we requested so pushed it to this week. The therapists there have no intention of touching base with their clients before meeting I think. I had only spoken via text and phone to a receptionist. I thought about touching base with the therapist so I reached out. The receptionist said she could have her call back or give me her email. I got the email and sent a quick note, not too many details. Then the receptionist texts me oh I’m sorry o forget to tell you she won’t be in town. Do you want to see her this day or that day or pick another therapist. 
 

Then I start explaining why I chose this particular therapist and she claims they are trained in the same things and that the website doesn’t reflect everything and someone else has the Gottman Method training. I’m so frustrated I feel like maybe walking away from this office. 
 

She pushed Betty & Karen as alternatives to Camille: https://www.lifeworksms.com

thoughts? 
 

I’ve worked really hard to keep up with the kitchen. It looks much better. I have a migraine. I asked Dh to bring me home excedrine. 

Ds had a dr visit. X rays show nothing abnormal in his back. The kids are supposed to help clean their room for the new bed which is not assembled yet. 
 

I applied for PT work as a cashier down the street if they’re hiring. Other than that I haven’t been job hunting. No word yet on if there is a teacher for dd next semester. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Betty has a background in domestic violence counseling, her blurb sounded promising.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, maize said:

Betty has a background in domestic violence counseling, her blurb sounded promising.

I had the same thought although Karen just finished Gottman training. One possibility is Betty for my individual counseling and Karen for couples. I don’t know. Feeling much better now physically & mentally. Was nauseous earlier. Going to try to sleep in a minute. 

Ds has overall been much more productive and cooperative but I said we still need to do some school over Thanksgiving break. If I’m physically up to it tomorrow morning we will go to the library while Dh is home with dd. We did that last week and it was good but we didn’t stay as long as we needed. 

We are leaving town Sunday and have plans this week so I’m anticipating needing catch up time. Ds was interested in the caroling opportunity (this is a big deal to me. Love to see him come out of his shell) so we are attending practice this week. He did great speaking at the library book fair. He needs work on writing summaries (I discussed his with him) but he just spoke about the book without notes and did fine.

I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t kill myself to throw a winter party. I gave myself some time and decided that if I held it at a library with no fee and brought items I already own (hint: good way to declutter the paper Christmas party plates & napkins and a few other things) it wouldn’t be too stressful. So now I’m hosting the winter party LOL. I know I’m a sucker for using graphic design programs so that’s part of the appeal. I’ve made the flyer for the Facebook event and sign up genius link. I don’t have to collect money from anyone since there’s no venue fee. 

The day before the reading fair Ds’ glasses (frames) broke. He took it in stride and said he’d just wear the taped ones lol the next day I ran to the eye dr to buy a replacement and got the exact same ones. He did not have to do a tri fold board and I offered to buy one. His display wasn’t neat and orderly but it was all his. He brought a jar for suggestions lol Love this kid 

If you’re curious, the book is Boyband of the Apocalypse. It’s a comedy. He doesn’t really want anything for Christmas so I told mil she could buy him the next book since he really enjoyed this one. 

DFD06103-51C6-4B5B-B061-CEDE681CC30F.jpeg

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I had the same thought although Karen just finished Gottman training. One possibility is Betty for my individual counseling and Karen for couples. I don’t know. Feeling much better now physically & mentally. Was nauseous earlier. Going to try to sleep in a minute. 

 

Or vice versa?  Seems like Betty is older , more dv oriented and might be less swayed by an act ?

 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It got so complicated with dates that it was looking like we’d postpone til January. Dh agreed to take this Friday off. We are seeing Betty Friday morning and our date night is Friday night. 

Might be sketchy/unethical but they apparently have permission to have someone accompany an individual to therapy so they don’t bill it as marital. They said I’ll pay like it’s individual. But as I type this I remember we haven’t met our deductible so I guess we still pay full price. 
 

It’s just as well today’s appt was canceled. I’m still nursing a headache. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

It got so complicated with dates that it was looking like we’d postpone til January. Dh agreed to take this Friday off. We are seeing Betty Friday morning and our date night is Friday night. 

Might be sketchy/unethical but they apparently have permission to have someone accompany an individual to therapy so they don’t bill it as marital. They said I’ll pay like it’s individual. But as I type this I remember we haven’t met our deductible so I guess we still pay full price. 
 

It’s just as well today’s appt was canceled. I’m still nursing a headache. 

The therapy dh and I attend together is billed as individual under a mental health code. 

That isn't unethical in my opinion, you and your dh are dealing with mental health challenges just as we are. They can bill under dh's anxiety and depression or under my ADHD, most of our marital challenges stem from those issues! And in fact that is mostly what the therapy is addressing. Well functioning brains are much better at relationships, and tackling relationship challenges can improve mental health. The two cannot really be separated.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dh brought home books I ordered. When I feel up to it I’ll read the one on sleep. I don’t know if they will mention it but I may fall under the “long sleeper” category. I think that’s part of the reason I get so messed up if I haven’t slept enough. That paired with medication that makes you drowsy is a bad combination so I try to get to bed early enough and that’s been a challenge lately (mainly dd fighting sleep and being very clingy begging for both parents at bedtime). This all affects me more because driving from here takes forever and I need to be alert. 

Ds is excited his new bed is 5 inches longer (twin xl). He thinks the full size is a bit cramped (???). He’s not exceptionally tall. They said 4’11” at the dr this week. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Dh brought home books I ordered. When I feel up to it I’ll read the one on sleep. I don’t know if they will mention it but I may fall under the “long sleeper” category. I think that’s part of the reason I get so messed up if I haven’t slept enough. That paired with medication that makes you drowsy is a bad combination so I try to get to bed early enough and that’s been a challenge lately (mainly dd fighting sleep and being very clingy begging for both parents at bedtime). This all affects me more because driving from here takes forever and I need to be alert. 

Ds is excited his new bed is 5 inches longer (twin xl). He thinks the full size is a bit cramped (???). He’s not exceptionally tall. They said 4’11” at the dr this week. 

 

Have you ever tried giving your dd melatonin thirty minutes before bedtime?

Also try dimming lights before bedtime. Will she listen to an audiobook in bed? Or music? My littles love the Wee Sing Nursery rhymes and Lullabies album, it weaves a story around the nursery rhymes. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, maize said:

 

Have you ever tried giving your dd melatonin thirty minutes before bedtime?

Also try dimming lights before bedtime. Will she listen to an audiobook in bed? Or music? My littles love the Wee Sing Nursery rhymes and Lullabies album, it weaves a story around the nursery rhymes. 

Have not tried melatonin. Lately I send the kids to bed at 7:30 and if Dh isn’t home I turn off the screens and lights. Dd insists on the bedside lamp. She likes her back & head scratched and sometimes that soothes her to sleep but the other night she just protested and cried about Dh not being home and she wanted him. She tried to stay up til he got home. Last night I threw up and was a wreck. The kids were sent to bed on time but when I got out of bed they were wide awake asking for more food. I told Dh he needs to cut them off. That’s what I’ve started doing. No screens past this time, no food past this time. Brush teeth. Go to bed. End of story. It’s so hard to enforce, though. 

Dd probably needs more exercise to wear her out. I was going to take her to the playground nearby today but it’ll depend how I feel. Maybe the football field on campus. Tomorrow we’re going out and she can play in the mall play area or the park. 

I did sing to her in bed the last two nights but we haven’t listened to any albums. I could try that. She kept hopping back and forth from mom in bed to dad on the couch. I’m at a loss. She eventually settled down with me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My two year old was insisting on lights on at bedtime for awhile so I substituted a red tinted bulb in the lamp. Red light does not inhibit the body's natural production of melatonin like white light does.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Dd probably needs more exercise to wear her out. I was going to take her to the playground nearby today but it’ll depend how I feel. Maybe the football field on campus. Tomorrow we’re going out and she can play in the mall play area or the park.

I definitely found that with my kids at that age. Mine needed 2-3 hours of outdoor play daily in almost all weather (unless it was pouring).

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, maize said:

My two year old was insisting on lights on at bedtime for awhile so I substituted a red tinted bulb in the lamp. Red light does not inhibit the body's natural production of melatonin like white light does.


This is similar to our house. DS has a touch light that cycles through colors.  We keep it on red as a nightlight.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks!! We’ll try exercise + red light. Is the bulb red?? I know Dh used to have a shade that was red. I’ll see if I can buy one tomorrow when we’re out. 

A church is hosting a babysitting event Friday night so I hope that wears her out a bit during our date night! 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, maize said:

My two year old was insisting on lights on at bedtime for awhile so I substituted a red tinted bulb in the lamp. Red light does not inhibit the body's natural production of melatonin like white light does.

Good to know. Just found the red light bulbs on the Walmart app. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Dh brought home books I ordered. When I feel up to it I’ll read the one on sleep. I don’t know if they will mention it but I may fall under the “long sleeper” category. I think that’s part of the reason I get so messed up if I haven’t slept enough. That paired with medication that makes you drowsy is a bad combination so I try to get to bed early enough and that’s been a challenge lately (mainly dd fighting sleep and being very clingy begging for both parents at bedtime). This all affects me more because driving from here takes forever and I need to be alert. 

Ds is excited his new bed is 5 inches longer (twin xl). He thinks the full size is a bit cramped (???). He’s not exceptionally tall. They said 4’11” at the dr this week. 

LOl at the full size bed being cramped - I'm several inches taller and never felt cramped. But, I sleep many nights on a twin WITH a 2 yr old, lol. 

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If another babysitter problem arises maybe you can go to therapy anyway and take dc with you (with coloring books and crayons or something) — it’s part of the real life issues you are dealing with and therapist seeing that might not be a bad thing. Clearly your dc already know mom and dad are fighting. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dd will not sit still coloring etc for that length of time. She still goes onto the cry room and disturbs me during Mass which is an hr lol They gave me the option of 1 hr or 1.5 hr session. I chose the longer one, at least due the initial visit. 

I do have a back up sitter sometimes but she fell ill this week with a stomach thing so I’m glad I hadn’t relied on her. I may need to find another! lol 
 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, Pen said:

If another babysitter problem arises maybe you can go to therapy anyway and take dc with you (with coloring books and crayons or something) — it’s part of the real life issues you are dealing with and therapist seeing that might not be a bad thing. Clearly your dc already know mom and dad are fighting. 

Maybe she’d sit still with Minecraft on kindle though lol I don’t let her do that during Mass. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

Dd will not sit still coloring etc for that length of time. She still goes onto the cry room and disturbs me during Mass which is an hr lol They gave me the option of 1 hr or 1.5 hr session. I chose the longer one, at least due the initial visit. 

I do have a back up sitter sometimes but she fell ill this week with a stomach thing so I’m glad I hadn’t relied on her. I may need to find another! lol 
 

 

Back up and back up back up sitters seems good.

but if she had to go with you , not being able to color for an hour would be potentially insightful for therapist. It *is* a marital stress to have a special needs/difficult/intense child.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We made it to the appointment. I don’t know how I feel but a bit more optimistic than the last session with another therapist in the past. 

She encouraged me to keep applying for jobs even though I feel defeated. She told me not to carry that mindset. I dropped off my resumé at the Catholic school today even though they are not currently hiring and the pay probably wouldn’t be high enough to warrant moving but I guess I’d consider commuting for certain jobs short-term. 

We got some chart wheel thing with emotions to help us touch base with each other daily. 

She wants date night to happen weekly or every other week. I said I’m fine with that but not sure Dh will make the time or justify the cost. She suggested he cut out some of his unpaid obligations and he said he has and he can’t. I said this is the problem... he doesn’t have time for me/us. Plus I mentioned financial stress etc. She dismissed our debt like it was nothing (cringe). She said maybe I’m too involved in outside things, too (the homeschool organization). I don’t know. 

The office did not give her my paperwork so she knew nothing. We tried our best to explain. 

We aren’t sure when we go back. Depends mainly on Dh’s work schedule (so probably after exams). 

She suggested the Boundaries book. I told her it was in my car lol I said I’ll try to do reading over Thanksgiving break. 

I’m stressed a bit but less so about our marriage and more so about preparing to leave town. I need to pick up cat litter on our date (I’m so romantic). 

Ds worked on his bedroom and washed some dishes. I’m packing school work so we can do some this week. 

Oh yeah she recommended individual talk therapy for me (not dh?) and I explained that goes back to finances & Dh accusing me of unnecessary medical appointments. She just said I’ll cut you guys a break... pay what you think today (??? She got our cc but we never finalized a fee. My card was on file for the other appointment already.). So the billing is clear as mud. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The charge went through. We paid $103 for that visit. 

We’ll go out alone at least once when we visit family. Mil will probably babysit. 

I guess I’ll follow up on a couple jobs I applied to weeks ago. 

Dh suggested a restaurant but when I saw the menu prices online both our jaws dropped ($30+ an entree). He had suggested a diner for dessert but I said let’s just go there to eat. It was high for the type of food but not kill my bank high. I got a blt & potato salad and was happy as a clam. I’m a cheap date lol there’s a bar in the very back but I am not supposed to drink alcohol on my medication and not a big drinker to begin with so I never went back there. When I got home a lady on my Facebook told me they filmed a scene from The Help at the diner. I thought that was really cool. 

Dh picked up the red light bulb I ordered. They gave us the wrong one but I’ll probably just keep it. The employee made a weird joke to him but I later saw the packaging says “party” so that made more sense.

The babysitter told me the local dollar store had already been robbed once in the morning when they were opening. I was like good grief. So yeah, won’t be torn up if I don’t work there. 

Edited by heartlikealion

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Send help lol 

I’m ok. This week is just weird. We’re visiting family for Thanksgiving and dd got very sick. Stomach thing? So I wasn’t welcome at my parents’ home. They didn’t want to risk me spreading something to my fragile mom. She is physically weak and actually has a cataract surgery next week. So I kept my distance. I barely saw my sister that flew to town. Dh basically nudged her and my dad to invite me to their movie outing. They said it was ok and I met them there a few days ago. Dd is mostly better. Ds started running a fever. 

Dh took the car for an oil change and then it broke down. He had it towed and his dad picked him up. Now we have no car (his parents don’t share) and we don’t know how long it will take to fox the car. It’s at a dealership so at least they can address the recall thing. 

I am going a little stir crazy. I went on a 35 min walk alone earlier today. 

I’m still reading Boundaries and am starting to wonder if we should just take 2 cars next time or have a much shorter visit etc. No one should stay this many days with their inlaws. Mil overreacted because I removed a measuring spoon from the ring to use it lol I didn’t know that was a thing... I don’t know how people use them all clumped together tbh. I intended to put it back. At this point I think the healthiest thing for me to do is laugh to myself. Dh and I have been pretty good about doing our “homework.” 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My MIL has some nitpicky rules like that at her home, too. I don't stay at her home because I don't want to deal with the negativity if I forget to dry the sink faucet after use.  It's fine to have picky standards for your home but not fine to make your guests feel like crap because they don't know your nitpicky standards. 

My vote is for separate cars if your husband won't agree to shorter visits. 

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, MissLemon said:

My MIL has some nitpicky rules like that at her home, too. I don't stay at her home because I don't want to deal with the negativity if I forget to dry the sink faucet after use.  It's fine to have picky standards for your home but not fine to make your guests feel like crap because they don't know your nitpicky standards. 

My vote is for separate cars if your husband won't agree to shorter visits. 

Yes, it’s like that. If the dryer beeps or washer stops I’m being addressed to address the machine ASAP. They just harp. I try not to do laundry here at all but things got thrown off before we came to town and I didn’t have time to get some items clean and packed. In hindsight that was poor planning on my part for washing stuffed animals first. I was trying to get them bagged up and out (dd agreed to get rid of a pile). I would have done laundry at my parents’ but that also got messed up with the quarantine. I’ll do better packing next time and I’ll leave some clothes here this visit for Christmas. 
 

I put no real effort into contributing to Thanksgiving dinner. No cushaw pie fights lol I peeled potatoes when they were short handed and otherwise just focused on the kids. Dh made a cheese ball and I picked up extra crackers for it but that was all. They didn’t do homemade rolls (used to be super adamant about using a family recipe but they never seemed to rise enough or something). When we got to the table there  were cold and dry rolls. I may learn how to make rolls in my spare time (I’ve been wanting to learn) and could bring some we could just reheat if I bother to get involved. Really I’m fine with skipping Thanksgiving next year and staying home but it’s a toss up. My mom is on a feeding tube so Thanksgiving lost a lot to me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the children stuff is where I internally drew a line in the sand. Mil is quick to medicate for a fever etc. and I’m not. Ds ran a fever tonight. She was out of meds and called sil to bring over some children’s Tylenol but sil was out so then mil drove us (yes, two adults) to a store like 3 blocks away. She heard me say I was going stir crazy but apparently didn’t understand I wanted a break from other adults besides Dh. Dh falls more in her camp on meds. So that was awkward. Mil: “ds needs Tylenol.” Me: “We don’t meditate our kids for low-grade fevers.” Dh, “I do.” Ugh. So she waited in the car and Dh and I shopped. I said you know hoe ridiculous this is?? Why didn’t she just let you drive her car? He scoffed and said, “it’s her car.” Ok but 3 adults going to get meds is stupid lol Fil was home with kids. 

She told me not to use soap on the thermometer... the one she’s been using on every grandchild. What, excuse me? She said this as I was washing it with liquid Ivory brand. I said it’s gentle. She warned that doing stuff like that will ruin it becayse that’s what happened to the last one. Um if you say so. I told Dh and he said he always washes it, too. But mil was taking temps during the week (whether prompted or not). I told Dh it was just awkward for me as we butted heads over caregiving. I guess I don’t like feeling like she’s the tie breaker between Dh and I.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Yes, it’s like that. If the dryer beeps or washer stops I’m being addressed to address the machine ASAP. They just harp. I try not to do laundry here at all but things got thrown off before we came to town and I didn’t have time to get some items clean and packed. In hindsight that was poor planning on my part for washing stuffed animals first. I was trying to get them bagged up and out (dd agreed to get rid of a pile). I would have done laundry at my parents’ but that also got messed up with the quarantine. I’ll do better packing next time and I’ll leave some clothes here this visit for Christmas. 

 

In a normal family, it wouldn't be a big deal for you to throw on some laundry, though.  One of the problems with people like your MIL is that no matter how carefully you prepare in advance to avoid a problem? They find a new problem to complain about. Like, you could address every one of MILs specific complaints and never do them again, studiously follow all their special recipes, never remove a measuring spoon from the ring, never wash the thermometer (???), etc and then she'd complain you stood on the wrong tile in the kitchen or folded the napkins wrong or your shoes are too squeaky.  Who knows! It's always something. 🙂     

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You’re right!! Lol She said when we had the bday cake that she wanted to avoid the real utensils to help with clean up. So along with the party plates I brought she handed out plastic forks. Then at dinner I grabbed a paper plate (they use frequently during the day d I think we used one night when we got pizza). She brought out a stack of real plates and looked at me funny saying these heat better. I said oh, I thought you’d want us to cut down on real dishes... I already have food on it. I’ll just use it. 

No way to read her mind. 

  • Like 1
  • Confused 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Scarlett, I’m not sure if I confused you or if that was a reaction to mil swapping between paper products and real dishes. 

They don’t know what’s wrong with the car yet. They have to check manually since the machine or censors or something aren’t showing. The earliest we’ll find out is Monday. I submitted the form via email to our auto insurance for the tow reimbursement. This tow was $85 and they had to take to another town. Our last tow was a few feet to get out of mud and cost $100. 

Dh wants to consolidate our cc debt by getting a card with our credit union and moving the cc debt to that with a lower interest rate. It sounds great except I wonder if there’s a catch I don’t know. He said this way we’d hit the principal every month. 

My dad loaned me his car last night but I’m limiting driving because my license expired and the online renewal is pending. I would have done it sooner but I thought for the switch to “real ID” I had to go in person based on the date my last one was issued. The article I read was very confusing on the rules. I had Dh drive me to the store last night but I drove today to go to church nearby. I realize that state laws vary on whether you will affect the owner’s insurance or give them a ticket by driving with an expired license. I could not find the specific rule for my state. My dad knows my situation and said he’s not real worried because I have proof I paid for the new one. I know this is a gray area, though. 

I’m still quarantined from my parents’ home. They said maybe they’d let me come over tomorrow but I think I’ll just stay away. Don’t want my mom to blame me if she gets sick. I have a cold? Sore throat and off/on runny nose. I’m taking a probiotic, multivitamin, gargling GSE and drinking water. Trying to nip in the bud. 

Ds and I packed school so we’ve been doing some. Today he had to write a paragraph and I went over it with him. He put commas in the wrong places, started a sentence with “such as” etc. He needs some direction, but I think he’ll catch on. Not saying I’m some expert writer. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Scarlett, I’m not sure if I confused you or if that was a reaction to mil swapping between paper products and real dishes. 

They don’t know what’s wrong with the car yet. They have to check manually since the machine or censors or something aren’t showing. The earliest we’ll find out is Monday. I submitted the form via email to our auto insurance for the tow reimbursement. This tow was $85 and they had to take to another town. Our last tow was a few feet to get out of mud and cost $100. 

Dh wants to consolidate our cc debt by getting a card with our credit union and moving the cc debt to that with a lower interest rate. It sounds great except I wonder if there’s a catch I don’t know. He said this way we’d hit the principal every month. 

My dad loaned me his car last night but I’m limiting driving because my license expired and the online renewal is pending. I would have done it sooner but I thought for the switch to “real ID” I had to go in person based on the date my last one was issued. The article I read was very confusing on the rules. I had Dh drive me to the store last night but I drove today to go to church nearby. I realize that state laws vary on whether you will affect the owner’s insurance or give them a ticket by driving with an expired license. I could not find the specific rule for my state. My dad knows my situation and said he’s not real worried because I have proof I paid for the new one. I know this is a gray area, though. 

I’m still quarantined from my parents’ home. They said maybe they’d let me come over tomorrow but I think I’ll just stay away. Don’t want my mom to blame me if she gets sick. I have a cold? Sore throat and off/on runny nose. I’m taking a probiotic, multivitamin, gargling GSE and drinking water. Trying to nip in the bud. 

Ds and I packed school so we’ve been doing some. Today he had to write a paragraph and I went over it with him. He put commas in the wrong places, started a sentence with “such as” etc. He needs some direction, but I think he’ll catch on. Not saying I’m some expert writer. 

 

 

Yeah, the confused emoticon is um well, confusing.....lol....but yes, I was using it to express how crazy your MIL acts.

Edited by Scarlett
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Scarlett, I’m not sure if I confused you or if that was a reaction to mil swapping between paper products and real dishes. 

They don’t know what’s wrong with the car yet. They have to check manually since the machine or censors or something aren’t showing. The earliest we’ll find out is Monday. I submitted the form via email to our auto insurance for the tow reimbursement. This tow was $85 and they had to take to another town. Our last tow was a few feet to get out of mud and cost $100. 

Dh wants to consolidate our cc debt by getting a card with our credit union and moving the cc debt to that with a lower interest rate. It sounds great except I wonder if there’s a catch I don’t know. He said this way we’d hit the principal every month. 

My dad loaned me his car last night but I’m limiting driving because my license expired and the online renewal is pending. I would have done it sooner but I thought for the switch to “real ID” I had to go in person based on the date my last one was issued. The article I read was very confusing on the rules. I had Dh drive me to the store last night but I drove today to go to church nearby. I realize that state laws vary on whether you will affect the owner’s insurance or give them a ticket by driving with an expired license. I could not find the specific rule for my state. My dad knows my situation and said he’s not real worried because I have proof I paid for the new one. I know this is a gray area, though. 

I’m still quarantined from my parents’ home. They said maybe they’d let me come over tomorrow but I think I’ll just stay away. Don’t want my mom to blame me if she gets sick. I have a cold? Sore throat and off/on runny nose. I’m taking a probiotic, multivitamin, gargling GSE and drinking water. Trying to nip in the bud. 

Ds and I packed school so we’ve been doing some. Today he had to write a paragraph and I went over it with him. He put commas in the wrong places, started a sentence with “such as” etc. He needs some direction, but I think he’ll catch on. Not saying I’m some expert writer. 

 

 

There is usually a transfer fee of at least 3% when you move a credit card balance from one card to another. 

If the new card offered you something like 0% interest on balance transfer for a year it could be worth it.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, maize said:

There is usually a transfer fee of at least 3% when you move a credit card balance from one card to another. 

If the new card offered you something like 0% interest on balance transfer for a year it could be worth it.

Unless debt will be racked up on the old card AND the new card....

And if the new credit card’s regular interest rate is higher than the old card, you have to make sure you can pay off the full amount AND the balance transfer fee before the deal ends. And not use the card at all. Because your payments will go toward the new debt before the balance transfer.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They said no transfer fee. The interest rate is just below 6%. Our current cc is around 23%. I asked Dh is that rate changes after a yr and he said even if it does it won’t jump up to our current rate. I think I will speak directly to someone at the bank to make sure I got the facts right. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

They said no transfer fee. The interest rate is just below 6%. Our current cc is around 23%. I asked Dh is that rate changes after a yr and he said even if it does it won’t jump up to our current rate. I think I will speak directly to someone at the bank to make sure I got the facts right. 

It's a good idea to talk to them directly.

Also, the interest rate on any new purchases made on the new card is likely not the same as the rate on the balance transfer, if you do make the transfer you should likely not used that card for any new purchases.

I am concerned also that your dh may see the old card as now available to rack up new debt on.

On the plus side that is a significant reduction in interest.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, maize said:

It's a good idea to talk to them directly.

Also, the interest rate on any new purchases made on the new card is likely not the same as the rate on the balance transfer, if you do make the transfer you should likely not used that card for any new purchases.

I am concerned also that your dh may see the old card as now available to rack up new debt on.

On the plus side that is a significant reduction in interest.

Good points. As far as the cc usage, we agreed not to use the cards unless there’s an emergency and it would only be the bank card, not the original cc. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Good points. As far as the cc usage, we agreed not to use the cards unless there’s an emergency and it would only be the bank card, not the original cc. 

Do double check what the interest rate would be on new purchases on the bank card.

If you don't use the cards at all and just work on paying off the current debt this sounds like a good deal.

Edited by maize
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The dealership thinks the oil change place caused the car issue by not draining the old oil and then adding new oil. Way too much oil in the car. They are draining it and taking pictures. 

Dh is confused because he saw the dipstick before he left the oil change. We don’t know what to think. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The oil change manager is saying they won’t necessarily cover damages. After a lot of back and forth the manager wanted to see the car himself so Dh gave the manager the dealership’s location. He claims he has video footage of how much oil was put in our car... Dh said ok I can show you our evidence and you can show the video. Then the guy said something about having limited access to the video and it going to the cloud and disappearing this afternoon ?? 

what a mess. Meanwhile I urged Dh to bring up the recall so that can get done and Dh has refused so far... stating he’ll bring that up next. I like to tell people all the info not like, “btw, this recall needs addressed” when they think they are done.  Dh snapped, “that’s all the f*** you care about.” He takes my train of thought all out of context. Meanwhile mil is trying to involve fil when fil gets off work. I said that’s up to you but remember you don’t need your dad to drive you. You can use my dad’s car. 

I have a migraine. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

The oil change manager is saying they won’t necessarily cover damages. After a lot of back and forth the manager wanted to see the car himself so Dh gave the manager the dealership’s location. He claims he has video footage of how much oil was put in our car... Dh said ok I can show you our evidence and you can show the video. Then the guy said something about having limited access to the video and it going to the cloud and disappearing this afternoon ?? 

what a mess. Meanwhile I urged Dh to bring up the recall so that can get done and Dh has refused so far... stating he’ll bring that up next. I like to tell people all the info not like, “btw, this recall needs addressed” when they think they are done.  Dh snapped, “that’s all the f*** you care about.” He takes my train of thought all out of context. Meanwhile mil is trying to involve fil when fil gets off work. I said that’s up to you but remember you don’t need your dad to drive you. You can use my dad’s car. 

I have a migraine. 

Sounds like the oil change manager is trying to bluff his way out of this.  If his "evidence" disappears that's his problem not yours.  As far as the recall goes, ordinarily I would agree with you about putting all the information up front but in this case, I think pushing about the recall kind of muddies the water when you first need to focus on getting the oil issue resolved.  I'd be really hesitant to have the new place even attempt new work until the first issue is resolved for fear that the old place would use that as an excuse for not taking ownership of their problem (aka, new place has also done work how can you prove that we - old place- really messed up and its not the new place's fault)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn’t mean have the recall work done before the manager got involved, just know that was on the to-do list for later. 

Everything is supposedly resolved now. The manager saw for himself what was going on. We paid like $18 out of pocket for something at the dealership and the oil change place is footing the bill for the rest ~$600. 

I was ready to drive to the oil change place to view the footage/record it on my phone but they already took over the fees/admitted fault. 

We may leave town today depending on what time it is done. 

The photos of oil are very dark which in itself is suspicious of new oil. Fil said maybe the employee at oil change place showed Dh the wrong dipstick by mistake. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...