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heartlikealion

Navigating work/personal life boundaries

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Have you thought about doing some freelance graphic design? There are freelance job boards and while it might take time to establish yourself it might be helpful in having upto date skills. 

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Doing freelance work could give you a chance to update your resume and skills, and you could work on learning Creative Cloud at the library at the same time.

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I know I sound like a complete Debbie downer but there are a couple reasons I haven’t tried freelance. 

I have had a copy of Affinity less than a year. Gimp was too hard for doing most things I wanted. 

I’d be competing with sites like Fiverr. They make $5/project and knowing how many revisions people can request it’s not worth it. 

Filing taxes for it sounds like a headache. 

Finding time and clients. 

Not having access to a database of stock images/clip art. When I worked for others we owned a subscription to art and we’d modify it for our needs. I wasn’t making art from scratch usually. Paying oop for my own database access or paying per image doesn’t seem cost effective. Yes, sometimes you can find royalty-free art but many times it’s unclear if it’s copyrighted. Images say “may be subject to copyright.” 

I just went through my grocery spending this month. Dh called to ask what I needed from Sam’s. I was very clear I don’t want him picking up a bunch. I said water & olive oil. He got some groceries... not end of world but too much stuff. Said he was buying a $10 bag of Halloween candy and I said don’t we don’t need that. They sell little bags on sale. Looked at bank acct. He spent $100 there. And I told him we had a $20 WM gift card so maybe he bought $120 really. 

I planned a mom’s night out tonight but no one responded the day of the event (says a few are going on RSVP) so I’m staying home. Not driving an hr to sit alone at the restaurant. I posted in the group saying I needed to know by 4:45 pm (to be there around 6). 

The homecoming water thing? According to bank account he spent $42. I think that’s all for his school. I asked how he normally pays or is expected. He said years ago he was asked to supply stuff and now people expect it. I think he’s always paid oop. I know it was two cases of water so he probably bought food. 

I did buy a jug of water for us at the local dollar store yesterday though so I could hold out on a trip to the city. 

Edited by heartlikealion

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Dh sounds like he gets taken advantage of by jobs (buying stuff oop or carrying work stuff in his/your trunk) then turns around and takes it out on you.

 

———

the color in your toilet tank is way darker than what our known to be iron causes 

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Ok, I’m just going to say that I know MS is a LCOL area in general but I am heart sad to hear about teachers anywhere in 2019 being paid $10/hr.  That’s absolutely insane.  The cost of living calculator I saw said it is 43% cheaper to live on MS than where I do but a substitute paraeducator job here pays almost 2.5 times more than that and paras don’t even need college credits, much less a degree. 

I guess to get one’s foot in the door but since you have a 4 year degree if you decide to go the education route, I would look for FT jobs with a salary and some benefits once your daughter is old enough to go.  

Edited by LucyStoner
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I’ve interviewed for a teacher assistant job in the past. The pay was low and not worth the hassle. The substitute teacher idea seemed like a low commitment thing. FT work would really need to be good pay to warrant the move, child care etc. I asked FB friends in the school field and they said that substitute pay was not good. One said she made $10/hr as a sub in 2015 in a low paying district and the employees thought of striking over it. 

Many district job postings do not list pay. It’s so annoying. I literally never found out the pay fir the ESL tutor job I interviewed for. 

 

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1 minute ago, LucyStoner said:

Ok, I’m just going to say that I know MS is a LCOL area in general but I am heart sad to hear about teachers anywhere in 2019 being paid $10/hr.  That’s absolutely insane.  I guess to get one’s foot in the door but since you have a 4 year degree if you decide to go the education route, I would look for FT jobs with a salary and some benefits.  

I know they pay the retired teachers $15/hr fir subbing but I think that should be the base pay. I think it’s kinda low all across the board. Maybe my view is painted by the discipline/academic hurdles I know exist. It’s not like subbing here is a walk in the park.  

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3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I know they pay the retired teachers $15/hr fir subbing but I think that should be the base pay. I think it’s kinda low all across the board. Maybe my view is painted by the discipline/academic hurdles I know exist. It’s not like subbing here is a walk in the park.  

 

Definitely there are easier ways to earn $10/hr than teaching.  

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2 hours ago, Pen said:

Dh sounds like he gets taken advantage of by jobs (buying stuff oop or carrying work stuff in his/your trunk) then turns around and takes it out on you.

 

———

the color in your toilet tank is way darker than what our known to be iron causes 

 

It sounds like he is bringing it about though.  He set up the coffee service in the first place.  Here, none of the college libraries have that.  You get your drinks or coffee at the stand nearby or from the vending machines.  I would have more sympathy for him if he didn’t volunteer for the role.  

Edited by LucyStoner
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4 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

 

Definitely there are easier ways to earn $10/hr than teaching.  

Yup. I told Ds I could make more with VIPKID (but less hours). 

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Just now, heartlikealion said:

Just to give an example and to show something I’d be willing to do: 

https://g.co/kgs/E4pkUp

but no idea of pay. Typical. 

 

That is very similar to my brother’s new permanent para job.  He gets full benefits + ok pay.  

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5 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

People that take the Teaching Assistant job here usually are in it for the bennies as well as the family friendly hours.  The health insurance alone is worth it, as there is no contribution from the employee salary.

 

Here Teaching Assistants are called IAs or paras and they get full benefits in FT roles (FT being 6.5-7 hours a day).  I’m going to bet though that while they are getting benefits in NY and WA, that might not be the case in MS.  

Also, heart has a 4 year degree which in MS qualifies her for regular teaching jobs rather than TA/IA/Para type jobs.  Those come with more pay and benefits and I would look to that route.  My brother has no college and one of the main draws of being a para besides the schedule (he works at his younger child’s school) is that here there are programs to help cover the cost of getting his degree (he wants to be a sped teacher).  

Edited by LucyStoner
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Most school jobs would have the advantage of hours that coincide with children being in school and a non teaching job would eliminate the lesson planning and grading burden, as well as much of the classroom discipline responsibility.

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Well considering Dh has early mornings it was not convenient for us to get dd to a daycare or sitter that early. So not family friendly hours for us. 

I do not recall now about benefits but the pay was 14k and no work/income over summer. 

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1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

Well considering Dh has early mornings it was not convenient for us to get dd to a daycare or sitter that early. So not family friendly hours for us. 

I do not recall now about benefits but the pay was 14k and no work/income over summer. 

Once dd is school age something at a school might be an option, and more time with the kids during summer if you want that.

But lousy pay it sounds like.

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11 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

 

Here Teaching Assistants are called IAs or paras and they get full benefits in FT roles (FT being 6.5-7 hours a day).  I’m going to bet though that while they are getting benefits in NY and WA, that might not be the case in MS.  

Also, heart has a 4 year degree which in MS qualifies her for regular teaching jobs rather than TA/IA/Para type jobs.  Those come with more pay and benefits and I would look to that route.  My brother has no college and one of the main draws of being a para besides the schedule (he works at his younger child’s school) is that here there are programs to help cover the cost of getting his degree (he wants to be a sped teacher).  

I would need to retake my ACT (score wasn’t high enough for a teacher) or an alternative test plus a Praxis test and log teaching hours for a year but I’d be paid as I accrued the hours as a student or w/e they call you. During that I guess I’d get an emergency certificate. But that’s all assuming I want to pursue a teaching certification at all. 

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11 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

Family friendly in this case means that the employee will have work hours that mean the employee can drop off and pick up a child from a nearby school or daycare and not be scheduled to work when school is not in session.  It has nothing to do with the employee's partner. 

A job such as Public Relations Assistant isn't family friendly because it is year round rather than just when school is in session, and it may be 8 hours a day, so childcare would be needed for those children arriving home earlier than quitting time.  That also means some of the family daycares won't be available as they only operate when school is in session.

I meant neither Dh nor I could drop her off. They expected me there for bus duty before 7 am iirc. The school was not close to anything and was like 45 min from my house so too early for me to drop dd off. 

Hypothetically if one of my kids wasn’t in the grades at that school they couldn’t be dropped off at their school that early, either. Here you cannot usually drop kids off before 7:30am?

Edited by heartlikealion

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The ESL tutor job also required me to be at the school early. They said 6:45 am or 7:30 am depending on whether I was assigned to an elementary or middle school. 

What time do most daycares open? 

Edited by heartlikealion

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Ah. 

Well PreK aged children are not allowed to ride the bus here with the exception of the Head Start children that ride the Head Start bus. As a CPST I’m fine with that rule. Children are not mature enough to sit still. I was prepared to drive dd to and from public PreK daily at the nearby school but they canceled the program. 

I believe the local daycare opens around 7 but it could be earlier. The sitter I know, I’m not sure what time she accepts children. One of her customers has work at 7:30 and all the children are from faculty/staff so I bet she doesn’t take kids before 7. Most jobs on campus start between 7:30-8. Dh’s library opens at 7:30 most days of the week. 

Many college students here do not have cars and certainly not cars with car seats for children. I would not send dd in a booster for a few more years. 

 

Edited by heartlikealion

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If you could get some VIPKID gigs, maybe it would help your resume for other things in future and help you to start getting things helpful to you: a MAC (I’d go with MacBook Pro for portability if it can do graphics you need)

and reliable transportation...

If you could get a newsmagazine like job maybe it can be flexible enough that you can get kids to daycare/school    

 

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I think if you could find a job you like, it could be good even if you only broke even on it financially at the start. (Because of daycare etc to do it)  But it could help toward future jobs and getting to do things you would feel happier doing, and getting to be around more people irl.   

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31 minutes ago, Pen said:

I think if you could find a job you like, it could be good even if you only broke even on it financially at the start. (Because of daycare etc to do it)  But it could help toward future jobs and getting to do things you would feel happier doing, and getting to be around more people irl.   

And I think it would be great for you to be around people who value you and aren’t constantly putting you down. I mean yeah there are those in every workplace too, but there are also positive affirming people. 

 

Its hard to remember that you’re worthy when your whole sense of affirmation comes from your husband and children, particularly your dh is not so nice. (Besides, it’s not our kids job to make us feel worthy)

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Dh was going through the bank account and asked me about some things. I said I also had questions (we were both stumped about a check and the image wouldn’t display). He said it might be the cookie dough he ordered. I said what?? He said someone’s kid in Girl Scouts. And he said he also bought a case of popcorn (money due in Nov for that one) from a family we know with kids in Boy Scouts. I’m just beside myself. How can you give me a speech about how we need to support these families when our checking account has six dollars?! He’s not certain the $36 check was cookie dough but he said he bought 2 tubs and figured we would use them over the holidays. I said I do bake over the holidays but I usually buy the case of mix from Sam’s or something (make from scratch or buy a small amount of dough). 

I just can’t. There’s no reasoning with this man. And here I felt torn about sending $5 to a dying friend’s go fund me recently. He doesn’t flinch over what was probably $50 in fundraisers for other people’s kids. 

 

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After ds sees the orthopedic dr and I settle on a bed I may ask my parents for help with that. I would pay them back but may ask them to help me fund the bed so Ds doesn’t have to wait so long. 

Ds doesn’t listen and Dh doesn’t enforce it much so he keeps sleeping on the chair in the living room. I send him to his bed (that’s directly on the floor of his room). Apparently he saw a spider the other night so refused to go back to his room. The appointment got pushed back to later this month through no fault of my own. The office had to move it. And the bed/frame I have in my cart went up in price. I hope they go back down. 

Funny or not so funny story about the campus maintenance stuff — a teacher I know said there’s a hole in her office wall that has gotten bigger and was told there’s a snake in there but maintenance dismissed it and said it won’t hurt her. Now she’s wigging out over every sound she hears. And her old building reportedly has bats. So yeah I guess that helps paint a picture about how maintenance handles things. 

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I’m curious what would happen if you just lost your mind over the money stuff.  Like starting yelling, just flipped out.  Would that get his attention at all?  I’m just wondering what gets his attention, I guess. 

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I’ve flipped out many times over the years lol I know I was pissed o we the kitchen aids. I was like this is *my* gift?? I didn’t even ask for it. You bought this for yourself. And you bought your mom one, too?! 

Yelling never really changed anything, though. On occasion I lost my s#it to make him hear me and it worked but probably only made me look crazy.

When we moved here we had just gotten off SNAP benefits and he was signing up for DISH satellite tv. I was like what?! No!! We do not need that. We need to save. I knew we wouldn’t get the first check immediately, either. It takes time to get moved in, buy things, etc. But he put his foot down and said he deserved/needed the TV for working here in the boonies with no entertainment. After a while the bills went up with DISH and it didn’t always work in bad weather. Our old box (forgot what it’s called but it’s legit and is intended for picking up some free tv) did not ever work here. He eventually canceled DISH. 

My son is getting a bed. End of story. Dh said I should put the old bed back together and buy a topper. I said the bed is old. It needs replaced. I did look at a topper in the store but wasn’t convinced it would help. I could get it as a temporary thing but Ds needs a firmer bed... will a piece of egg crate foam help at all?? It was $11 at the local dollar store. 

Also if we ever move to an apt the twin width will fit better than the queen. 

 

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One father’s day? I gifted him a handheld KA mixer lol I can barely lift the stand KA mixer and I found a sale on the KA (only select colors) at Best Buy. He knew it was more for me than him but I think we have both used it. 

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

Dh was going through the bank account and asked me about some things. I said I also had questions (we were both stumped about a check and the image wouldn’t display). He said it might be the cookie dough he ordered. I said what?? He said someone’s kid in Girl Scouts. And he said he also bought a case of popcorn (money due in Nov for that one) from a family we know with kids in Boy Scouts. I’m just beside myself. How can you give me a speech about how we need to support these families when our checking account has six dollars?! He’s not certain the $36 check was cookie dough but he said he bought 2 tubs and figured we would use them over the holidays. I said I do bake over the holidays but I usually buy the case of mix from Sam’s or something (make from scratch or buy a small amount of dough). 

I just can’t. There’s no reasoning with this man. And here I felt torn about sending $5 to a dying friend’s go fund me recently. He doesn’t flinch over what was probably $50 in fundraisers for other people’s kids. 

 

 

My son IS a Cub Scout and I wince to buy that popcorn from him because it’s so crazy expensive!  A “case” of it could easily be $50-60.  It’s hard to sell because the prices are outrageous.  The cheapest thing are bags of unpopped corn for $10-15.  The popped bags are $15-30 and the bins and sets are $40+  I have told them they need a $5 price point to really sell a lot.  

He’s shitty with money and wants to control the money.  That’s a bad combination.  I’m sorry he’s like this.  

 

 

Edited by LucyStoner
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At my brother’s school employer there is a tacit understanding that when staff has to arrive before allowed student drop off time, they can bring their school age children with them provided the children aren’t distracting them from their work.  My niece has helped my brother set up for AM arrival time.  Or she will just sit and read a book or play on her phone while my brother gets the computer lab humming.  It’s been like that at other schools I’ve been aware of as well.  At the alternative part time school for homeschoolers, students whose parents worked there would often be there before other students were allowed and they could stay on early release days when the teachers had training.   

Edited by LucyStoner
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He said he bought a case of unpopped? Said our kids get popcorn throughout the year from it. I said don’t they sell those individually in your vending machine? He said maybe for like .50 or so each. I brought up the vending machine because I thought if his point was for the kids to enjoy popcorn after hours in his library while watching the tv he could just ration it out by spending a little at the machine or buying at the grocery store. He argues that the family could use help etc. I was like you know what, so could we. (I do like that family but they chose to send 2 of their kids to the Catholic school and they have two FT working adults). Additionally, they chose to put kids in Boy Scouts. 

Dd is a spirited 4 yr old. She would most likely be distracting anywhere lol she’ll be school age next year, though so could maybe go to work with me and do art or something if I was in a school. 

Edited: to clarify I mean coloring sheets or something in the morning 

Edited by heartlikealion

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Oldest ds was a boy scout.  I found it was just easier on the kids to make a flat donation.  I don't buy popcorn because they get something like 30% of the total cost, with a percentage going into their scout accounts and the rest of that 30% to the troop.  (the rest of the money is split between manufacturer and council/national).  I will donate $5 to any kid who comes to my door and $10 to any troop/pack I see selling in front of the grocery store.  Same with girl scouts and any other kids' organizations.

It's a happy compromise between me buying overpriced stuff I don't really need and donating to a cause I want to donate to.

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I think it’s interesting he donated to these families but didn’t get any GS cookies this year from his secretary. He was on a diet I think. I ended up spontaneously buying a couple boxes one day in front of Sam’s club from a troop there iirc. That’s like $8 though not like $20+. Probably being petty here. 

I mowed today and took new pics. I don’t know if the chunk came from left or right side. Looks like the pvc part doesn’t go all the way in either direction. 

I told Ds and Dh I’d take ds on campus to do some one-on-one school today. Now Dh says he is planning on going school at his office today and probably soon (?!). He did not bring this up this morning that I am aware of. So annoying. It matters because I needed him to be with dd. 

I got my dates wrong on the festival. It was Thursday! So no ponies. 

 

685FC4F5-A35E-4818-AD01-EC0FC9918626.jpeg

Edited by heartlikealion

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Maybe you and Ds could do homeschooling on  a busy street corner with a can for donations and a cardboard sign that says something like:

“Help!  Need money for drinking water. Or unopened bottles of good drinking water. Every bit would help! Thank you! 

😉

Edited by Pen
To add a joking 🙃 emoji
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On 10/10/2019 at 3:47 PM, HeighHo said:

 

so rust color means the water is hard -- has lots of iron. 

If you remove the lid of the toilet tank, what does the bottom of the tank look like?

the thing with the dishwasher is  that it uses a lot of water at once...so it stirs up any sediment that has been sitting in the pipes. you have to let the water run if that happens. 

can you tell if the brown water is from the cold supply or the hot supply?

is the brown water only coming from bathroom tub faucet?

a cold water line does not need a fifteen minute flush: https://www.hunker.com/12335314/how-to-flush-water-pipes-in-a-home

 

I'm catching up.

re: the bolded.  it could also be the pipes.  I grew up in an early 60's house where we had that at times.   the water here is soft.

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So do you think there’s actually what looks from photo to be a 4x4” hunk size opening in your pvc pipe somewhere with water pouring out of it? 

 

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47 minutes ago, Pen said:

So do you think there’s actually what looks from photo to be a 4x4” hunk size opening in your pvc pipe somewhere with water pouring out of it? 

I don’t know. They just said they broke it and would need to get a new pipe iirc. I didn’t speak directly to the guys. Dh did that night. I thought about putting a safety cone in my yard just for attention to it lol  

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41 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know. They just said they broke it and would need to get a new pipe iirc. I didn’t speak directly to the guys. Dh did that night. I thought about putting a safety cone in my yard just for attention to it lol  

 

Maybe they did, but just left a broken piece of plastic on your grass.

 I find it hard to believe you could have a missing hunk of pipe that big and not be getting either sewage smell if an outgoing sewage carrying pipe or a marsh in your grass or pond of water if an incoming water pipe were spewing out pressurized water from a huge hole 24/7.  Maybe call government water/sanitation department and have them check.  

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8 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

One father’s day? I gifted him a handheld KA mixer lol I can barely lift the stand KA mixer and I found a sale on the KA (only select colors) at Best Buy. He knew it was more for me than him but I think we have both used it. 

This is my favorite post of this thread. Totally a snarky, funny thing to do. I very much approve. 

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26 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

Maybe they did, but just left a broken piece of plastic on your grass.

 I find it hard to believe you could have a missing hunk of pipe that big and not be getting either sewage smell if an outgoing sewage carrying pipe or a marsh in your grass or pond of water if an incoming water pipe were spewing out pressurized water from a huge hole 24/7.  Maybe call government water/sanitation department and have them check.  

Don’t think they came back. I’m usually home during their work hours and they didn’t refill the hole. I know none of this makes sense. I’d ask questions but I’m basically out of touch with the right people and saying something through the grapevine again will apparently rub Dh the wrong way. I mean I could just openly ponder why there’s a hole in my yard in front of ds’ Sunday school teacher tomorrow. Her son is the school president. But I don’t know. 

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Last night I decided to focus on the bedtime routine instead of cramming in school. Kids got to bed at a decent time and everyone bathed. Ds wasn’t eager to get up for church but he does feel like he got adequate sleep for the most part. 

He attended Sunday school and I am doing some one-on-one work with him now. We just went over paragraph construction (mainly review but I don’t know what he learned). Now he’s looking for a pencil for his math in the parish hall lol I only have a pen with me. We might just head home in a minute. At least we had some peace and quiet. 

The religious sister suggestedsimething called mediation that is more counseling than legal?? I said I’m not familiar with that but I have little hope any mediator will help him see a problem. She does not actually know if that’s offered nearby. I told her I feel like there’s not much I can do other than save some money. 

Dd is so attached to both is us. I don’t even think she could handle a separation. She was crying for Dh to come to bed because she wants is both. The cat woke me up at 1:30 am and I had to open the office door that leads to the mud room so she could get to her litter box. Dh was still gaming. He said he would come to bed after doing homework. He fell asleep on the couch and I don’t know if he ever touched his homework. 

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16 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Don’t think they came back. I’m usually home during their work hours and they didn’t refill the hole. I know none of this makes sense. I’d ask questions but I’m basically out of touch with the right people and saying something through the grapevine again will apparently rub Dh the wrong way. I mean I could just openly ponder why there’s a hole in my yard in front of ds’ Sunday school teacher tomorrow. Her son is the school president. But I don’t know. 

 

If you really think there could actually be a piece of pipe missing from your water line in or out as big as that hunk that’s a serious situation. It would deserve serious action.

 

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