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I have thought about confiding in a religious sister I like. We’re working together to plan a meal for the ICE resource center. 

So just for some perspective, to those thinking I’m petty. I have less than $6 in our savings account right now and during the months of April & May over $1000 was moved from savings to checking. That’s not including the shift of money to cover whatever we owed after filing taxes. Ds’ folder keeps getting smaller and smaller. It has less than $2 in it. I have no idea if/when Dh will replenish it. 

Tonight Dh sat with me and told me about this day and how he called up his friend and they went out to eat but apparently the friend footed the meal bill and then they went to a fast food place for milkshakes and Dh paid for the shakes. 

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I will do my best not to be too harsh.   The problem isn't you, it's your DH.   What I am reading is that he has things he's supposed to take care of, but then, he doesn't.  So then, kn

You GUYS!!!  I just saw a job posting for a publication owned by the man that owns the big newspaper I used to work at. They want someone with a min of 1 yr experience. I worked there 4 years. Th

Well, I dunno if it's actually gaslighting or not...I am not really up on trendy pop psychology terms.   But I can tell you that if my spouse EVER......*EVER*....implied that he should "just

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2 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

FWIW my brother practices law as a solo practitioner in a big city and is “known” in his subpractice field — he doesn’t usually use a receptionist.  

Several of the lawyers I dealt with recently related to my son’s bio father’s death also didn’t have receptionists.  

I would expect $300 per hour for divorce to be high average nationwide, and presumably especially for Mississippi where presumably COL is relatively low.  But I am not having any red flag warning waving in my mind about no receptionist.

 I would be concerned about thinking that one is pleasantly chatting on phone or email and not realizing it is being charged at $30 for every 6 minutes. 

I'm not sure on the rates, as I do live close to one of the biggest cities in the US. But for my attorneys' fees across a range of specialities we have looked anywhere from $200 to $350+ an hour, depending on the situation. My divorce attorney took a hefty retainer and then refunded what they didn't use. Our attorneys usually operate in a firm or partnership though which is different than an independent, so I acknowledge ignorance on that area in that maybe my expectations on the answering service are too high....... We are close enough to Houston that the fees are still high, even though our county isn't the same county Houston is in. 

Once she sets in the retainer, or fee, I'd assume everything is being charged. They will send a monthly invoice. Or they should. And any practice i've ever worked with is going to notate every phone call and email and bill it by the quarter or half hour. They round up. Again, rurally, it may be a totally different ballgame, but I'd ask how they bill. 

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48 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Dh’s friend told him about the job I’m applying to... and today asked Dh to be his personal reference. I am not using the guy as one of mine but sometimes I do because we worked together at a local newspaper. 

 

 

I’m Confused.

You learned of the job because of the friend?

Or you and the friend are competing for the same position?

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2 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

 

I’m Confused.

You learned of the job because of the friend?

Or you and the friend are competing for the same position?

All of the above. 

The guy told Dh about the job posting. Dh told me. I felt bad to be competing. I won’t list him as a reference. Then today he asked Dh to be a personal reference. I was like did you tell him I’m applying? Did you agree? Dh just agreed and I think the guy doesn’t know I’m applying. He and I are just acquaintances but he and Dh are buddies that go out for movies and meals. 

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To clarify from your comment @Pen, she isn't going to be charged anything until she has signed a contract with an attorney. They might charge for a consult, but that's then it until she signs a contract. They'll get the money up front of anything they do typically in a divorce proceeding. And then if you run out in the midst of it, then they ask for more before they lift a finger. Typically speaking. 

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9 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I'm not sure on the rates, as I do live close to one of the biggest cities in the US. But for my attorneys' fees across a range of specialities we have looked anywhere from $200 to $350+ an hour, depending on the situation. My divorce attorney took a hefty retainer and then refunded what they didn't use. Our attorneys usually operate in a firm or partnership though which is different than an independent, so I acknowledge ignorance on that area in that maybe my expectations on the answering service are too high....... We are close enough to Houston that the fees are still high, even though our county isn't the same county Houston is in. 

Once she sets in the retainer, or fee, I'd assume everything is being charged. They will send a monthly invoice. Or they should. And any practice i've ever worked with is going to notate every phone call and email and bill it by the quarter or half hour. They round up. Again, rurally, it may be a totally different ballgame, but I'd ask how they bill. 

 

Definitely when working with a lawyer you’re paying ask how they bill.  

IME it’s often 1/10 th hour (neatest 6 minutes increments) — some courts also expect it to be in 1/10th hour increments...

Even when working with a free lawyer be aware of the person’s time and try to be clear and well organized so as to make maximum use of the time you get.  free legal may sometimes be with someone retired who has plenty of time, but often it’s volunteer work that comes out of someone ‘s work for pay time, family time, free time etc. 

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15 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know if the shark has a receptionist. We only spoke via email. I was talking about the attorney I was assigned. 

 

The first pro bono attorney my brother was assigned was absolutely amazing with a lot of experience.  The attorney who took over after a year and a half (the ex is an idiot who dragged it all out needlessly) was also very good and competent and was a few years out of law school.  I just want to reassure you that there are some very talented lawyers who choose to practice law in the public interest- just because you are getting a free lawyer doesn't mean the lawyer will not get a good result.   If you feel like you aren't getting good representation or advice, speak up or even reach out to the agency that assigns the cases.  

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4 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Once she sets in the retainer, or fee, I'd assume everything is being charged. They will send a monthly invoice. Or they should. And any practice i've ever worked with is going to notate every phone call and email and bill it by the quarter or half hour. They round up. Again, rurally, it may be a totally different ballgame, but I'd ask how they bill. 

 

Here, they are usually billing by the 1/10th of an hour/six minutes.  My husband and I have only retained employment attorneys (in 2018, my husband was illegally fired for using FMLA and consulted with several attorneys.  We eventually reached a settlement with the employer) but as I understand it, that's the norm around here.  I guess it would depend on how sophisticated their billing system is.  

Some lawyers will work out an arrangement where you do most of the paperwork, they review it and have their paralegal clean it up and then they represent you in court.  This contains the costs considerably. 

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42 minutes ago, LucyStoner said:

How are benefits for teachers in MS?  Teaching could be a great fit but I wouldn't assume it's necessarily the best benefits and pay you could earn, as I know that MS is ranked 50th for average teacher pay.  

I don’t know them all but pay is low. 

http://knowyourbenefits.dfa.ms.gov

we already have BCBS of MS state employee plan. I’ve been on other BCBS of MS plans. It all sucks lol 

ETA: I guess it’s not as bad as I thought 

https://www.mdek12.org/sites/default/files/documents/salary_schedule_2019-2020.pdf

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54 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

To clarify from your comment @Pen, she isn't going to be charged anything until she has signed a contract with an attorney. They might charge for a consult, but that's then it until she signs a contract. They'll get the money up front of anything they do typically in a divorce proceeding. And then if you run out in the midst of it, then they ask for more before they lift a finger. Typically speaking. 

 

As far as I can tell, the retainer is larger if they expect to go to trial.  An additional retainer is often required before trial (thinking to the family law quotes in 2014 for my exSIL and 2017 for my brother).  My brother's exhusband paid a $5000 retainer and then another $25K over the next 20 months to a lawyer at a small practice who dropped him 4-5 months before trial because he couldn't pay them more.  My brother's lawyers won every single motion and the outcome of the trial was exactly what anyone besides the ex knew it would be back in August 2017 when my brother filed.   


 

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9 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know them all but pay is low. 

http://knowyourbenefits.dfa.ms.gov

we already have BCBS of MS state employee plan. I’ve been on other BCBS of MS plans. It all sucks lol 

ETA: I guess it’s not as bad as I thought 

https://www.mdek12.org/sites/default/files/documents/salary_schedule_2019-2020.pdf

 What is the certification level from qualification A to AAAA in second link?  Is A a Bachelors or is that AA?  I assume AAAA is a doctorate?  

 

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I found this:

There are four class levels of Mississippi educator licenses. Class A is the bachelor's level license. Class AA is the master's level certification, and Class AAA is the specialist degree level. Finally, those with a doctoral degree may earn a Class AAAA license.

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Just now, maize said:

I found this:

There are four class levels of Mississippi educator licenses. Class A is the bachelor's level license. Class AA is the master's level certification, and Class AAA is the specialist degree level. Finally, those with a doctoral degree may earn a Class AAAA license.

I just found it, too lol 

https://www.teachercertificationdegrees.com/certification/mississippi/

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2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I have thought about confiding in a religious sister I like. We’re working together to plan a meal for the ICE resource center. 

So just for some perspective, to those thinking I’m petty. I have less than $6 in our savings account right now and during the months of April & May over $1000 was moved from savings to checking. That’s not including the shift of money to cover whatever we owed after filing taxes. Ds’ folder keeps getting smaller and smaller. It has less than $2 in it. I have no idea if/when Dh will replenish it. 

Tonight Dh sat with me and told me about this day and how he called up his friend and they went out to eat but apparently the friend footed the meal bill and then they went to a fast food place for milkshakes and Dh paid for the shakes. 

No one here thinks you're petty.

2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

All of the above. 

The guy told Dh about the job posting. Dh told me. I felt bad to be competing. I won’t list him as a reference. Then today he asked Dh to be a personal reference. I was like did you tell him I’m applying? Did you agree? Dh just agreed and I think the guy doesn’t know I’m applying. He and I are just acquaintances but he and Dh are buddies that go out for movies and meals. 

so, your dh KNOWS you're applying for this job, and he is going to be a reference for his "buddy"....   awkward...  does he realize he may well be undermining his wife's application because he's supporting his buddy to potential employers?

go for the jugular...….take no prisoners, and go for it.   as they say - success is the best revenge.

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5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

No one here thinks you're petty.

so, your dh KNOWS you're applying for this job, and he is going to be a reference for his "buddy"....   awkward...  does he realize he may well be undermining his wife's application because he's supporting his buddy to potential employers?

go for the jugular...….take no prisoners, and go for it.   as they say - success is the best revenge.

One or two posts used the word petty but I think one was deleted. 

Essentially me micromanaging the spending. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be caring about all his lunches out, etc. But it’s really frustrating when he says don’t spend too much on groceries so last night I was selective in my purchases, actually swapped one item out for a cheaper option, then hear he paid for 3 milkshakes. Apparently his friend ordered 2 for himself lol. 

Yes, I felt the same way about the job. I suspect no one will actually call him, though. 

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6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

No one here thinks you're petty.

so, your dh KNOWS you're applying for this job, and he is going to be a reference for his "buddy"....   awkward...  does he realize he may well be undermining his wife's application because he's supporting his buddy to potential employers?

go for the jugular...….take no prisoners, and go for it.   as they say - success is the best revenge.

I used the word petty.  I meant it in the phrase “petty cash.”  I 100% was not referring to you as being petty!!   No way!!  Don’t take that in.

The phrase petty cash simply means little bits of money.  I was saying not to lead with the lawyer on the “petty cash” breakdowns.  Keep the records, yes, but don’t talk about each little purchase ($17 at X restaurant), until they need it.  We’ve covered that a few times in this thread since I first wrote that and I know you’re not going to do that with the lawyer.  

But please do not take it into yourself that anyone thinks you are being petty!  That’s not the case.  It was a mixup of using the term about small amounts of money—not about you.

———

I also deleted the post where I talked about petty cash because I was afraid it wasn’t coming across right. I deleted it about 45 seconds after I posted it, but this thread is hot and in that time you managed to read it and someone else managed to quote part of it!  Yikes! 

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I thought about some of his Gaming PCs he’s bought over the years. At least two. Those aren’t in Amazon history. I think he got from Tiger Direct. Not sure I can access that. 

He has suggested 0% interest financing on a new computer.. admittedly his isn’t at its best right now, but still plugging along. That was a firm “no” from me. He didn’t bring it up recently. At the end of the day though it’s about his ability to game. I asked why he closed my windows. The resume, the job site. He said it affected his game. Game takes a ton of memory. You see where his priorities are. 

For years I asked to save up for a Mac. He scoffed every time. “You don’t need one, you can do graphic design on a PC.” I’d say, “I know, but it’s expected in the graphic design world and none of my job experience is on a Mac and I bombed that one interview for a couple reasons... partly because I was using a Mac.” Years ago I interviewed for a graphic design position through the college. They were using a newer version of photoshop and I had never dealt with “smart objects.” I also had to work on a laptop (hate that) and with a wonky hyper sensitive mouse. I think it’s called a smart mouse. Anyhow, I was unable to complete the project. To save face I went home and completed it with a trial of CC. I said I didn’t expect them to consider me but I wanted to finish it. The guy that would have been my boss apparently worked at the same big (for this area) newspaper many years ago. My old publisher aka his old publisher told him he’d be a fool to not hire me. It was all for the best as we had just one car and they expected me to work on another campus. The guy that grilled me the hardest in the interview (there were a panel of people) is now the school president and I teach Sunday school with his mom lol This area is so intertwined. 

Long story short, (yeah right) Dh later gave me a hand me down Mac laptop from his coworker. It doesn’t do anything, but open internet pages and play my region 2 dvds. I can’t download the latest chrome. It’s not compatible. Apple store said it was worth $0 trade in credit lol 

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I just want to say it is ok to not want to be a teacher.  You don’t want to and that is fine. May I suggest you take time to really look to see what is hiring in your area and go from there.  It has been while since your graphic design classes and you need training so use this time as a fresh start in this area.  What do you want to do that you could survive on?  Are there any displaced homemaker classes near you? These are for changes in life(divorce,death,etc)  and usually have to be over thirty for the discount.  Maybe take a few free classes online to see what really gets you going.  You just might find a new path you never realized you would enjoy.

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Do you have a public library or anything else you can think of that could give you access to the needed software and computers?  [Examples in our area: The biggest library in the 2nd biggest city in our state has a dedicated computer lab with graphic design programs available.  And I don’t know how good it is, but it also gives access to some online software education.  (It had a woman’s name iirc like Lynda or Janis or something)   The local rural high school has a CAD computer (had a super art teacher so has more than might be typical for a rural school). The elementary school has some newer Macs. ]

I wonder if since you don’t have a local women’s shelter you could call some farther away and maybe get ideas for how to plan movement into and training for jobs you’d like, and perhaps (though non local might make it harder) how you might access things like reliable transportation and computer.  All of this, phones too for many, are afaik quite typical types of problems when there’s a financially controlling husband.

I wonder if there might be anything you could volunteer for that would give you access to computers and programs.  Or maybe something like Starbucks where it might give a perk on online education benefits (I’d heard Starbucks employees have education online via U of Arizona as a perk—I don’t know if  Starbucks exists in your area or if any other job would have similar). and enough money to buy a good new Mac and be able to afford reliable transportation.  

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8 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know them all but pay is low. 

http://knowyourbenefits.dfa.ms.gov

we already have BCBS of MS state employee plan. I’ve been on other BCBS of MS plans. It all sucks lol 

ETA: I guess it’s not as bad as I thought 

https://www.mdek12.org/sites/default/files/documents/salary_schedule_2019-2020.pdf

Keep in mind that with summers off that's a lot of childcare you wouldn't have to pay for. Plus similar hours to your kids at school, etc. I know here a lot of teachers take the kids to the school with them if hey need to be there early, etc, so the childcare thing is HUGE. 

Not your ideal job, sure. But maybe a way to support yourself and your kids and go to school at nights/over the summer to get something better, you know? With the least amount of childcare cost. 

Maybe not now, but next year when DD could go to school? Maybe even take out some student loans to cover additional education, plus usually teachers get a break on paying those back. And the benefits are nothing to sneeze at - remember non government benefits can cost 1K a month for even decent medical coverage. 

I say this as someone who has BTDT and thought "I don't want to be a teacher" and did something else when I got divorced. Was I happier in the job I took? Probably, maybe. I loved being a vet tech. But - it was SO hard logistically, and I could have learned to love teaching I think, at least short term. You like caring for people, and would enjoy that aspect. And then could look into other things. If you like graphic design maybe even get a certificate in that and eventually teach that at a higschool or something, you know? Or get into the administration side and do graphic design there. 

Or even better, freelance as a graphic design person on your own, nights and weekends that the kids are with DH, and make some extra cash on top of the teacher salary, and eventually maybe have that be the full time job. 

But yeah, i totally should have gone into teaching. But I followed my "passion". I could have fed my passion other ways, and been there more for my kid. I regret that hugely, really my only divorce regret. He really needed me during that first year or so, and after the first 6 months I had to put him in aftercare and it was hard on him. Had I gone into teaching I could have been home with him, or had him hang out in my classroom while I graded papers, and better, I could have been on campus all day and him knowing that might have made him feel more secure. 

My sister is in administration and a single mother and her kids have a lot of anxiety, and knowing mom was on campus was a huge help. Now they are at different schools (originally they were at a preschool run out of the high school she was at, now in elementary school while she is still at the high school), but she moved them to the one just across the parking lot from her school, so again, they know she is right there and it REALLY has helped. They know if there was an emergency she could take a golf cart or walk to go get them. Last year they were at their zoned elementary and father away, this year they are there across the parking lot and it really has helped their anxiety. 

Her only regret, and it really isn't one, but logistically it is an issue -  she went into administration rather than stay teaching. More money, and she is amazing at what she does and helps a ton of high school kids, and she's one of the youngest principals in the area's history, but....it means no more afternoons off, no summers off. She still can work short days over the summer - work at the office until about 3pm and come home and work at home after they go to bed, but it's hard. My mom has filled in a LOT. Had she still just been teaching she could be there for them more, and again, as they have anxiety from the divorce that would probably have been better for the short term. But...she might not have been able to keep her house, so maybe not. 

Anyway, long story short, there is a REASON so many women with young kids are teachers. Not because it is their lifelong calling, but because it practically lets them be there for their kids. Short term, that trade off is often worth it. And again, because of your skills organizing events, and your caregiving skills, and your observations nd knowledge of learning issues, medical stuff, etc you'd be really good at it I think. And for your kids going into a new situation/divorce having you with them afternoons/weekends/summers could make all the difference with the transition. 

Once you are through the hardest part, you WILl have time to pursue other things, I promise. Those hours when the kids are at your ex's are hard to fill and school/projects/freelance work/volunteering can help. Same with when they are in bed and there is no adult there to talk to - learning something new helps. I got my degree at night online after divorcing. Kept me sane. And you will qualify for a ton of student assistance - oh and if enrolled in a college program may have access to things like free /low cost mental health counseling on campus, and similar programs for the kids. 

I think the biggest thing to ask the lawyer about is moving. What situations can or can't you move to an area with more employment opportunity and better schools for the kids? Especially if you emphasize the better schools aspect you maybe able to get court permission - failing schools plus no job opportunities plus access to DD's medical experts, etc may get you that permission. And you need it. 

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Things exist at libraries but I can’t get to them because I have to set up a sitter or Ds needs me etc. There was a free CAD workshop. There were 2 photoshop workshops but I missed them all. One was at dh’s library. The others were at a library system out of the county. My county doesn’t offer those. 

Trust me, I’ve thought about what it would mean to have a school job. I’ve interviewed 3 times at schools! Once as an assistant teacher, once as an ESL tutor, and once as a development director at a Catholic school. It’s not lost on me it’d be great to have after school care free or discounted, be near the kids, etc. 

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9 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

Some lawyers will work out an arrangement where you do most of the paperwork, they review it and have their paralegal clean it up and then they represent you in court.  This contains the costs considerably. 

 

This has been my exact experience in estate/elder care legal needs. Legwork in my part saved me tons of money. 

I imagine the glorious vacation I could have taken, had someone been paying me a solid rate for each 6 minutes!

heart I am agreeing that you (and anyone else who needs legal consult) will do best by maximizing your time with the lawyer. 

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How are your interview skills? That might be a good YouTube thing as well to work on as well as the resume. Unless you are constantly interviewing a lot, it's easy to get rusty. My dh actually encourages his employees to go interview somewhere every so often. It's good on both ends, as they keep up the practice, they can see what's out there, and it makes them stronger interviewers themselves when hiring. 

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20 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Things exist at libraries but I can’t get to them because I have to set up a sitter or Ds needs me etc. There was a free CAD workshop. There were 2 photoshop workshops but I missed them all. One was at dh’s library. The others were at a library system out of the county. My county doesn’t offer those. 

Trust me, I’ve thought about what it would mean to have a school job. I’ve interviewed 3 times at schools! Once as an assistant teacher, once as an ESL tutor, and once as a development director at a Catholic school. It’s not lost on me it’d be great to have after school care free or discounted, be near the kids, etc. 

More importantly, if it was a teaching job you might not need after school care at all. 

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Does your college campus have a career counseling department? Can you use their services as a spouse of an employee?

Is the college that you graduated from within a reasonable driving distance, where you could make an appointment there for career counseling?

The public library that I worked for had a career counseling center that was free for patrons to use. They gave advice, practiced mock interviews, helped with resumes, did career aptitude testing, and so on. The same kind of things one would find in a college career center, but it was at the public library. You might do some online research to see if there is a public library career center within a few hours of driving distance from you.

Career training is something you could also ask about at the shelter that you have contact with. They will be used to directing people to that kind of help and might have ideas that wouldn't occur to you.

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Just now, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

How are your interview skills? That might be a good YouTube thing as well to work on as well as the resume. Unless you are constantly interviewing a lot, it's easy to get rusty. My dh actually encourages his employees to go interview somewhere every so often. It's good on both ends, as they keep up the practice, they can see what's out there, and it makes them stronger interviewers themselves when hiring. 

I think they wanted me for the assistant position. She caught me in the parking lot asking me to email references. But the pay was peanuts! And we had one car and I had to be there so early it would have been hard to get dd to any daycare. 

The ESL job — I’m now friends with someone else that interviewed there. We agreed it was unclear what they wanted. And very disorganized. I had to bug them a couple times (waited, followed up, waited) til they mailed me a rejection letter. 

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3 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Does your college campus have a career counseling department? Can you use their services as a spouse of an employee?

Is the college that you graduated from within a reasonable driving distance, where you could make an appointment there for career counseling?

The public library that I worked for had a career counseling center that was free for patrons to use. They gave advice, practiced mock interviews, helped with resumes, did career aptitude testing, and so on. The same kind of things one would find in a college career center, but it was at the public library. You might do some online research to see if there is a public library career center within a few hours of driving distance from you.

Career training is something you could also ask about at the shelter that you have contact with. They will be used to directing people to that kind of help and might have ideas that wouldn't occur to you.

Well there is a center that I think may do that on campus for *students*. But I don’t really want to get involved. Small town. I already got input on my resume from my BIL. 

I know these things take time. And it’s a numbers game. 

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3 minutes ago, Pen said:

Do you know about CreativeLive? It has online “classes” that are available for a limited window of time for free.  I can now access them from my smartphone—I think the app was free.  Every day there are a group of free classes.  

https://www.creativelive.com/

Cool. But maybe it’s just a free trial or certain classes? 

my intent is to maximize my lawyer time but I can’t even get them on the phone 

31336C6C-4670-4C20-BE95-61520CB7C2D3.jpeg

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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

And you will qualify for a ton of student assistance - oh and if enrolled in a college program may have access to things like free /low cost mental health counseling on campus, and similar programs for the kids. 

I think the biggest thing to ask the lawyer about is moving. What situations can or can't you move to an area with more employment opportunity and better schools for the kids? Especially if you emphasize the better schools aspect you maybe able to get court permission - failing schools plus no job opportunities plus access to DD's medical experts, etc may get you that permission. And you need it. 

 

Definitely ask about moving and what you are allowed to do both before and after a divorce.  Could you legally go to a different state?  NC has that supposed to be excellent DV program I linked (and the shelter that is in a mansion!) and also there are some low cost universities there if you could establish residency.

15 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

More importantly, if it was a teaching job you might not need after school care at all. 

 

My aunt did that both before and after divorce, in a bad part of Oakland CA area.  Now she’s retired to Oregon and has excellent ongoing health insurance and retirement pension. Earlier it helped with being available for her son and having good insurance for health issues like Chrons Disease and complications he had.  

13 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Does your college campus have a career counseling department? Can you use their services as a spouse of an employee?

Is the college that you graduated from within a reasonable driving distance, where you could make an appointment there for career counseling?

 

Or maybe by phone? 

13 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

The public library that I worked for had a career counseling center that was free for patrons to use. They gave advice, practiced mock interviews, helped with resumes, did career aptitude testing, and so on. The same kind of things one would find in a college career center, but it was at the public library. You might do some online research to see if there is a public library career center within a few hours of driving distance from you.

Career training is something you could also ask about at the shelter that you have contact with. They will be used to directing people to that kind of help and might have ideas that wouldn't occur to you.

 

Those all seem like good ideas.

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7 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I think they wanted me for the assistant position. She caught me in the parking lot asking me to email references. But the pay was peanuts! And we had one car and I had to be there so early it would have been hard to get dd to any daycare. 

The ESL job — I’m now friends with someone else that interviewed there. We agreed it was unclear what they wanted. And very disorganized. I had to bug them a couple times (waited, followed up, waited) til they mailed me a rejection letter. 

Oh I wasn't talking in regard to what you've mentioned. Just in general, that people actively pursuing jobs should all work on interviewing skills. It's definitely a skill- being a great interview can help a weak resume. But in general, from what I've seen on these boards, schools seem super flakey.  It seems like we've had many boardies have bad experiences with disorganized school hiring processes. 

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If I absolutely have to I’ll have the sitter watch dd next week. So hard to get anything done (she pulled me off he computer) and when Dh comes home he wants the computer. 

I got some exercise in today at least. Then of course we had a misunderstanding and Dh was mad I wasn’t home sooner. He wanted to go into work early but wasn't even dressed when I got back from the fitness center. 

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5 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Cool. But maybe it’s just a free trial or certain classes? 

 

Each day there are 3 or 4 classes iirc available for free usually for 24 hours—like 8am-8am Pacific time (I don’t recall exactly right now). You can watch/listen in as often as you want and at your convenience during the 24 hours... but you go in wherever the loop is playing, not like YouTube where you can set it to start whenever you want.  

The upcoming schedule of free classes is also available and you can click a register button for ones you want.  

I think every class they offer has once been free.  sometimes they have older classes cycle back for free, but I think all new ones come on for free for 24 hours.  

 

I’ll post link and screen shots of parts to look for in a following post.

 

5 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

my intent is to maximize my lawyer time but I can’t even get them on the phone 

 

You will presumably get an appointment .  (  You can try additional places perhaps that might be able to also offer free or low cost help, so you aren’t dependent on just the one person calling.) 

 

  In the meantime be preparing for the time you’ll be given almost as if for an interview — but you’re trying to give them basic information and to get as answers to how they can help, what you can expect, and what you can/should/should n’t  do (like move with the kids and if so, how far) for current time as well as what might be expected after divorce. 

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1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I already looked into the other low cost/free options I was linked to by the school of law. They were dead ends because we make too much money. 

 

Since you have a couple of options now— free and shark, I think it’s ok to wait on those.  To make contact with free and to be saving up for possible use of shark.  

(but if you are still having troubles, don’t stop looking for options.  Have you, for example, tried Lawyers Guild and Catholic Charities and asked each place you talk to if they have any other ideas?   Even ask each secretary if she has any knowledge or if they have pamphlets or anything that could help. ) 

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I don't know anything about legal aid, but I had no idea that a non-working spouse would have her husband's (who she trying to divorce) income count against her for legal aid! That would really disqualify a lot of people it would seem, who have a legitimate need and no access to funds. 

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I get that it may be too far or that you don’t want to go to it for whatever reason, but I was suspicious of the accuracy of your statement that University of Mississippi had closed its clinic so I called.

The phone number is 

clinicalprograms@olemiss.edu

Phone: (662) 915-7429

press 6 for Street Law clinic .  It still seems to be functioning.  

 

I don’t think you are deliberately lying, but I have a feeling that while you are hugely more proactive and much more actively going after things than you used to in the course of time on these forums, that you are still seeking out to see the shut doors and focus on the impossible and closed and the “I don’t want to do that” type routes.  

I don’t mean just with the clinic.

But for two things this morning where I can do a reality check, the Clinic and Creative Live, you seem to find the “can’t” “closed” “too expensive” part.  I can find the “still open” and “still free” part

 

 

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I wonder if something like yoga and meditation that you could do even perhaps with Ds as homeschooling PE could help you open up to seek and see more of what is possible?

are you tending toward shut down shallow breathing and hunched closed in posture?   Fixing those can help. 

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29 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

Since you have a couple of options now— free and shark, I think it’s ok to wait on those.  To make contact with free and to be saving up for possible use of shark.  

(but if you are still having troubles, don’t stop looking for options.  Have you, for example, tried Lawyers Guild and Catholic Charities and asked each place you talk to if they have any other ideas?   Even ask each secretary if she has any knowledge or if they have pamphlets or anything that could help. ) 

Catholic Charities said they don’t have any attorney right now and sent me to the DV Coalition. 

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I just wanted a specific class that required money. Free ones I’ll still look into. 

I’m telling you I spoke directly to Deborah. I don’t know why they gave you a different response. Those lawyers wouldn’t be able to go to court with me, anyway. They are too far. 

Edited by heartlikealion
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Deborah put me in touch with the person over the pro bono initiative and this is the response I got. 

Quote

 

We no longer host a clinic at the school. Instead, we sponsor clinics in various counties. Unfortunately, the Pro Bono Initiative does not have any family law events in (my county) or the surrounding counties, but Mississippi Volunteer Lawyers Project has clinics throughout the state. Their website is mvlp.net. Another possible resource is Legal Services (800-498-1804).

 

of course I’m not lying. But I suspect they know more than whoever answered the phone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I just wanted a specific class that required money. Free ones I’ll still look into. 

I’m telling you I spoke directly to Deborah. I don’t know why they gave you a different response. Those lawyers wouldn’t be able to go to court with me, anyway. They are too far. 

 

Okay— I’ll guess.  Maybe Deborah Bell was referring only to specific DV (or family law) clinic which is closed, while I was thinking of General Street Law (general practice) clinic.

I understand you can’t go that far.   

 

 

Eta: I wonder if a Street Law student might be allowed to give a few minutes to you over phone for free though? 

 

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