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I believe the only way the furniture could be on an interest-free plan is if he bought it on store credit. Meaning he opened a store credit card, and they had a special 0% interest deal. If he put it on the normal credit card, that expense would be accruing the normal interest that credit card charges.

I know you have mentioned before that it was an interest free plan. I wonder if he didn't really understand that it was not interest free if he didn't use their payment system? I had been assuming that you guys were paying the furniture store. But now that you say it is on your credit card..... either he misunderstood what the 0% offer entailed, or he misrepresented to you what he was doing.

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He does it all online so maybe he goes to the furniture store website? Yes maybe he does have a physical store card with them. That’s what I need to determine. 

Yup typo earlier. 

The student loans are forgiven eventually but only after X number of payments. I’m thinking ten years or so. It’s a forgiveness program for state employees in higher ed. 

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7 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He does it all online so maybe he goes to the furniture store website? Yes maybe he does have a physical store card with them. That’s what I need to determine. 

Yup typo earlier. 

The student loans are forgiven eventually but only after X number of payments. I’m thinking ten years or so. It’s a forgiveness program for state employees in higher ed. 

Well, then I for sure think you won’t be on the hook for those student loans.  What goes on a cc is a different matter though.  Be sure to keep up with the school debt that goes on cc.  

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Just now, heartlikealion said:

Ok I looked in his wallet. He has a store card. 

So on the one hand I’m relieved... it’s definitely interest-free. But that means the debt is higher than I was calculating earlier. 

Oh ok.  Well, does he understand it has to be paid off in a certain amount of time or you pay interest  on the full original balance?  Do you know how long it is interest free?

dh and I bought a mattress from a furniture store last weekend.  $1000.  One year interest free.  I have already calculated wha to have to pay on it to  make that happen.  And I will pay it off early just so there is no chance of getting hit with 29% interest on a 1000.  Sickening . That is why they are called credit houses.  

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Just now, Scarlett said:

Oh ok.  Well, does he understand it has to be paid off in a certain amount of time or you pay interest  on the full original balance?  Do you know how long it is interest free?

dh and I bought a mattress from a furniture store last weekend.  $1000.  One year interest free.  I have already calculated wha to have to pay on it to  make that happen.  And I will pay it off early just so there is no chance of getting hit with 29% interest on a 1000.  Sickening . That is why they are called credit houses.  

Yes, he said we’ll pay it off in like 4 years. It’s a long time to be interest-free. I will investigate further though. 

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3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Oh yeah I asked (in a casual, non-heated manner) about handling a few things we failed to do. I mentioned putting the car title in my name on the vehicle I primarily drive. He got weird at first. “Why would we need to do that?” I said, “it was your idea. Remember you said you wanted it on my name in case something happened to you?” Then he said, “oh yeah. But I don’t think it matters. If I die I think it goes to you automatically. I’ll talk to my dad.” I thought, “ugh! No! Don’t talk to your dad. Just sign it over.” 

 

Be careful.  I’d talk with DV counselors that should be available as well as lawyer.  It isn’t just legal matters and financial to know how to handle, but also not to have abuse escalate which can happen if abuser thinks he may be left. 

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Just now, Scarlett said:

How much was the furniture? Did you go with him to pick it out?

It was like $4000? I don’t remember but I tried to stop him from buying it all. He FaceTimed me. He’d disagreed to all the furniture we’d looked at in person together. He said look at this! Blah blah blah! I need to buy now so it’s interest free. I finally said ok on the couch. He pushed for the oversized chair to replace his broken cat napper recliner (amazon purchase). I said a stern no to the rug and coffee table. He bought the rug. I agreed the kids could use a nice rug but I was unwilling to pay that price. 

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4 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

It was like $4000? I don’t remember but I tried to stop him from buying it all. He FaceTimed me. He’d disagreed to all the furniture we’d looked at in person together. He said look at this! Blah blah blah! I need to buy now so it’s interest free. I finally said ok on the couch. He pushed for the oversized chair to replace his broken cat napper recliner (amazon purchase). I said a stern no to the rug and coffee table. He bought the rug. I agreed the kids could use a nice rug but I was unwilling to pay that price. 

Well when you start negotiating if you decide to leave, he can keep the furniture and the debt for it.  

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This is nothing you don't know, but the fact that he (and I do mean HIM and not you as it's his priority) cannot figure out a way to scrap together $600 over the course of a semester for what is supposedly one of the highest priorities in his life is just 🙄. He could probably have a garage sale, and sell his Kitchen Aid and bring that much in. Or go drive for Uber. Wait tables on weekends. Or something. But to put $600, semester after semester on a 23% interest card?! I mean, find a 0% transfer balance card and at least do that. 

Anyway, just commiserating. That would be frustrating. 

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4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well when you start negotiating if you decide to leave, he can keep the furniture and the debt for it.  

 

If he has any inkling she’s leaving he’ll probably be trying to pay things off in whatever way most suits him.  Perhaps furniture pay off and then argue he should keep it as a medical need due to his back problems.  

If he is getting help with finances from a supposedly $ savvy dad, I presume they think what he is doing is in his personal best interest. They clearly (as beneficiary shows) don’t have in mind Hearts best interests.

 

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2 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Lol but o mean if you’re going to do it, anyway. I sometimes wonder if we’re paying more long term by having it all on one cc. 23% interest give or take. 

 

Yes, you are paying a lot more over time keeping all the debt on a cc that charges 23% interest.   We have never carried any cc debt, but I have heard of people opening new cards then transfer their balance to the new card because they get 0% interest for a long time period.  Saves money and you can actually make better headway.  

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Just now, Pen said:

 

If he has any inkling she’s leaving he’ll probably be trying to pay things off in whatever way most suits him.  Perhaps furniture pay off and then argue he should keep it as a medical need due to his back problems.  

If he is getting help with finances from a supposedly $ savvy dad, I presume they think what he is doing is in his personal best interest. They clearly (as beneficiary shows) don’t have in mind Hearts best interests.

 

Well even if he puts it on a cc with her name on it the judge can still order him to pay it.  

I would just make sure I knew what debt was for what stuff.....the pattern will be  important .  Especially  of recent purchases.  

Heart, I wonder if he would be agreeable to letting you move back closer to your parents since his live there too?  Could you find a job in that area?  That way he could take his visitation with them and stay with his parents and avoid the heavy burden of having kids travel back and forth every other weekend.  

If not how far is the city you mentioned earlier from where he works now?

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He’s been in his EdD program roughly 5 semesters. One or two of those were on he cc. The others we paid from our bank account (debit card). But he has many more semesters... a couple years to finish. So I imagine things will suddenly “have to” go on the cc again over and over. 

My parents/inlaws live 3.5 hrs south of us. The city is an hour south of us. We left our parents’ area (used to live on the coast) due to limited job opportunities. 

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2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He’s been in his EdD program roughly 5 semesters. One or two of those were on he cc. The others we paid from our bank account (debit card). But he has many more semesters... a couple years to finish. So I imagine things will suddenly “have to” go on the cc again over and over. 

My parents/inlaws live 3.5 hrs south of us. The city is an hour south of us. We left our parents’ area (used to live on the coast) due to limited job opportunities. 

What would you prefer to do? Go live near your parents? Live and work in the city.  Live in the town  you are now and work in the city ? 

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8 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Well even if he puts it on a cc with her name on it the judge can still order him to pay it.  

 

I was thinking of what he would be inclined to pay off .   Or not.

his goal may be to buy as much as he can by way of personal for himself toys and comforts   And if there’s a split, saddle Heart with 50% debt for his fun and comfort in exchange for not fighting her so hard to get sole custody himself ... or something like that

There seems to be no house or significant assets to split.   

2 cars. 1 unreliable. Iirc

 

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1 minute ago, Pen said:

 

I was thinking of what he would be inclined to pay off .   Or not.

his goal may be to buy as much as he can by way of personal for himself toys and comforts   And if there’s a split, saddle Heart with 50% debt for his fun and comfort in exchange for not fighting her so hard to get sole custody himself ... or something like that

There seems to be no house or significant assets to split.   

2 cars. 1 unreliable. Iirc

 

Right.  Which makes things easier.  Also, even if a judge orders her to pay half the cc debt, you can’t get blood from a turnip...and if the cards are in her name it won’t even hurt her credit if she can’t pay for it.  He would have to sue her for contempt.....

not that I am advocating ignoring a court order....but I think she can only do what she can do.  So if she is working and supporting herself and her kids, I would focus on four walls like Dave Ramsey outlines....food, transportation, rent and utilities.  

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6 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

He’s been in his EdD program roughly 5 semesters.

 

How long is it supposed to take? I thought he already had his Masters.  I guess that isn’t going to fulfill any of the EdD requirements to shorten it down? 

 

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heart - is this an actual state sponsored, public school?  or a private school?  I'm asking because things sound so hinky.

but then, we just had a lovely scandel in our state about a (very very small) taxing district, that kept raising taxes - but they were the ones who had the power to call an election, so they never did.   it turned out they were raising taxes - and basically paying themselves for work that either didn't get done - or took forever. they were actually within the law.   it had been going on for over 20 years.   when it finally came to the attention of the state - the state actually changed the laws with intent to put an end to that type of corruption.

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He did work a side job before but it’s hit & miss. Some semesters he was asked to teach and some he wasn’t. That did help pay for a couple semesters of his school. He teaches some computer classes in the evening when asked, but has no real control over when they offer them or even start date. They make him scramble sometimes. They aren’t college classes. They are just taught on campus. 

Yes, some of his master’s classes helped with the EdD program but I don’t think much. 

Private or state school for where he works? Or attends online classes? Neither are private afaik. 

I had a PT job last school year so that also helped but they ended the tutoring program and it’s just as well since much of the community was affected by the ICE raids which made new obstacles like paying for the tutoring. 

I think I would be content working and living closer to the city. I know people there. Shopping and entertainment are close. There is nothing where I live. I have to leave town to go to a grocery store. We got a dollar store less than a year ago but they don’t sell produce, etc. 

The city would create a boundary so my inlaws wouldn’t be like, “when are you bringing the kids over?” 

I spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas at their home and I don’t know if I’d stop or not. Sooo awkward. I know tons to think about. 

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Heart, I just want you to know you come across as very responsible and capable, I have no doubt at all that you could manage a stable job and household for yourself and your kids. Close to a city with better opportunities sounds good.

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1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:

 

Yes, you are paying a lot more over time keeping all the debt on a cc that charges 23% interest.   We have never carried any cc debt, but I have heard of people opening new cards then transfer their balance to the new card because they get 0% interest for a long time period.  Saves money and you can actually make better headway.  

Be careful to read the fine print. They put the zero percent interest part in bold but the part where you pay (sometimes hundreds) as a transfer fee is in teeny tiny print. Sometimes it’s worth it but do the math. 

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Attorney’s secretary and I spoke. Attorney will call me later today. She said I’ll be advised to get out of the house ASAP. I was like for hoe long? The shelter is a maximum of 30 days if there’s even room. She was a bit obtuse.. “can’t you go to your parents’?” I said maybe but they live a few hours away and don’t have much space. 

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4 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Attorney’s secretary and I spoke. Attorney will call me later today. She said I’ll be advised to get out of the house ASAP. I was like for hoe long? The shelter is a maximum of 30 days if there’s even room. She was a bit obtuse.. “can’t you go to your parents’?” I said maybe but they live a few hours away and don’t have much space. 

Most likely that advice is for situations where a woman or her children are in danger of imminent harm; I don't think that is your situation.

See what the attorney herself says once she knows more about your particular circumstances.

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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

heart - is this an actual state sponsored, public school?  or a private school?  I'm asking because things sound so hinky.

but then, we just had a lovely scandel in our state about a (very very small) taxing district, that kept raising taxes - but they were the ones who had the power to call an election, so they never did.   it turned out they were raising taxes - and basically paying themselves for work that either didn't get done - or took forever. they were actually within the law.   it had been going on for over 20 years.   when it finally came to the attention of the state - the state actually changed the laws with intent to put an end to that type of corruption.

 

It sounds exactly like my local crappy community college.  I worked there briefly but the pay was always screwed up and getting anything done was a nightmare.

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5 minutes ago, maize said:

Most likely that advice is for situations where a woman or her children are in danger of imminent harm; I don't think that is your situation.

See what the attorney herself says once she knows more about your particular circumstances.

 

No, but when you go to court it looks better.  The attorney may know that the local judges question women who stayed after deciding to leave.  That was true in my sister’s case and the judge faulted her for leaving her kids in a situation for any length of time where mom was being verbally and emotionally abused.  

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

He did work a side job before but it’s hit & miss. Some semesters he was asked to teach and some he wasn’t. That did help pay for a couple semesters of his school. He teaches some computer classes in the evening when asked, but has no real control over when they offer them or even start date. They make him scramble sometimes. They aren’t college classes. They are just taught on campus. 

Yes, some of his master’s classes helped with the EdD program but I don’t think much. 

Private or state school for where he works? Or attends online classes? Neither are private afaik. 

I had a PT job last school year so that also helped but they ended the tutoring program and it’s just as well since much of the community was affected by the ICE raids which made new obstacles like paying for the tutoring. 

I think I would be content working and living closer to the city. I know people there. Shopping and entertainment are close. There is nothing where I live. I have to leave town to go to a grocery store. We got a dollar store less than a year ago but they don’t sell produce, etc. 

The city would create a boundary so my inlaws wouldn’t be like, “when are you bringing the kids over?” 

I spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas at their home and I don’t know if I’d stop or not. Sooo awkward. I know tons to think about. 

 

City would also allow your dc to more easily get jobs as they are able. We are finding being rural a major problem for teen to segue into work world.  Transportation difficulty and costs become even greater for teen than for most adults. Your 11yo is getting close to where that could be a consideration.  

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I don’t know how long I’d stay in any given area so I can’t really think that far ahead (15-16 yrs old for teen job). 

I wish the attorney would call me. This is stressing me out so badly. Like can he report the car stolen if I go away with it? Not in my name bugs me.

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43 minutes ago, maize said:

Most likely that advice is for situations where a woman or her children are in danger of imminent harm; I don't think that is your situation.

See what the attorney herself says once she knows more about your particular circumstances.

This and it's AFTER or immediately before you are filing that I could see that coming in to play. 

I don't know if I missed a post, or if you definitely know you are filing and pulling that trigger or just exploring your options. 

Don't let an attorney force your hand if you don't think you are in immediate danger and you aren't sure which course you want to take yet. They're a business, like anything else. 

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2 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know how long I’d stay in any given area so I can’t really think that far ahead (15-16 yrs old for teen job). 

I wish the attorney would call me. This is stressing me out so badly. Like can he report the car stolen if I go away with it? Not in my name bugs me.

I am assuming you are listed on the insurance as a covered driver? Good to ask the attorney, but I would think you could explain that, should it happen, as you are in the middle of a divorce dispute should get pulled over. 

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To answer the car question — the one I normally drive is not in the best shape. The a/c keeps going out lately. Dh told me to clean out the car and he’ll take it to a shop. Yeah cleaning out the car has been my top priority (🙄). I was up at 5:30 am working on my resumé and dd came in later telling me to come back to bed. She wouldn’t take no for an answer. That’s precisely why I can’t do VIPKID on weekdays. The plan was to try weekends but that’s still on the back burner. And if I move to the city they do not have public PreK except for extreme services. We know someone whose daughter gets some speech but doesn’t qualify for daily FT PreK. 

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56 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Attorney’s secretary and I spoke. Attorney will call me later today. She said I’ll be advised to get out of the house ASAP. I was like for hoe long? The shelter is a maximum of 30 days if there’s even room. She was a bit obtuse.. “can’t you go to your parents’?” I said maybe but they live a few hours away and don’t have much space. 

 

They may have to advise that so as not to be blamed if you are injured in DV 

 

You could possibly explain the exact circumstances to lawyer, and ask something like “what would you yourself do in these circumstances?” 

And you may want to save up for second opinion from Shark

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24 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I wish the attorney would call me. This is stressing me out so badly. Like can he report the car stolen if I go away with it? Not in my name bugs me.

 

Unless Mississippi has some wacky law, no he can not.  

Different state but marriage gives broad rights to use of property regardless of who is on the title.  My exBIL threatened my brother with this all the time (“you can’t go anywhere without my permission or I’ll call and report your car stolen”) and after my brother left, he tried to do just that. He didn’t get very far and he just made himself look bad in court even trying that.  

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4 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

He does it all online so maybe he goes to the furniture store website? Yes maybe he does have a physical store card with them. That’s what I need to determine. 

Yup typo earlier. 

The student loans are forgiven eventually but only after X number of payments. I’m thinking ten years or so. It’s a forgiveness program for state employees in higher ed. 

 

Pull a credit report. 

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Just now, heartlikealion said:

I’ve seen his credit score. Amazingly it’s good. 700 something. He does have a furniture store card. I double checked (saw it). 

 

Not for the score, for the list of open accounts. That’ll tell you what credit cards and various loans exist. 

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

How do you even do that? Would they find out? Would it affect their score? I don’t want to draw attention 

Does he have a CreditKarma account?  It doesn't affect score and it gives quite a bit of info.  Dh and I each have one, strangely enough using two of my email addresses.  I think he couldn't get his to work for some reason on the site so he used one of mine.  It's a free credit check that does list accounts and score.

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I called the number on the furniture card. They knew how many months interest-free were remaining but wouldn’t tell me because I’m not him (🙄). 

I did confirm the amount left we owe courtesy of the automated menu, though. We have roughly $1600 left and he’s been making payments of roughly $50/month. At this rate, 30 payments to go, or 2.5 years. I don’t know where I got the figure 4 years before. Don’t remember when we got the furniture exactly. 

I can somewhat understand how one would justify slow payments with no interest. But I personally never would have bought that much at once knowing it would take forever to pay. 

Now I'm about to pay on some of our medical bills, sigh. They are old and did not fit on our last flex spending card cycle so we pay out of pocket. 

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

How do you even do that? Would they find out? Would it affect their score? I don’t want to draw attention 

Depends on if he's checked it before. It won't affect the score- you are entitled to a free report from each of the big three (Experian, TransUnion and Equifax) per year. You'll need to be able to answer certain questions though about specific accounts. Like "in what month did you open a mortgage on 123 ABC street" and such things. "What is your monthly payment for The Furniture Store Loan". That sort of thing. 

I'd start by pulling yours. Make sure there's nothing wonky under your own name you don't know about. 

 

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1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

How do you even do that? Would they find out? Would it affect their score? I don’t want to draw attention 

I've used Annual Credit Report in the past. When you ask for the report, you have to answer very specific questions about previously owned cars, residences, etc to verify identity. I've been able to retrieve DH's with a touch of difficultly. But it doesnt inform the person of an attempt if you get some question wrong (or if you get them right and get access). You would have to pay money to get the scores, but everything else in the report is available. 

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action

Though, if your DH has credit monitoring, he might get a notice, I'm not sure.

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Ok the furniture store said promotions are often 24 months, 48 months, sometimes even 60. So it must be the 48 month one and 4 years is right. So we’ve been laying on it 18 months. 

Dh probably would have told me but I just do not like discussing finances with him. He sometimes gets stressed or snippy. 

So yup, 4 years to pay off this furniture with roughly $50 payments. 

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7 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I don’t know how long I’d stay in any given area so I can’t really think that far ahead (15-16 yrs old for teen job). 

 

Our state, 14yo can get some sorts of jobs.  Not a lot, but some.  Even between 11 and 16, the time often passes seemingly amazingly quickly.  If you find a good job where your kids are stranded unless they have cars of their own that is very likely to become an issue. 

 

Even leaving out eventual teen jobs, if you’re in a place where your kids can get to friends and after school activities, sports, Y, etc on their own, as soon as safe for them, it’s likely to make life easier.   

 

Quote

I wish the attorney would call me. This is stressing me out so badly. Like can he report the car stolen if I go away with it? Not in my name bugs me.

 

He can do anything, but I don’t think you’d be in trouble as a car thief given it’s owned by spouse.  You can ask the lawyer.

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