ktgrok Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I'm SO tired of having to tell my kids everything a half a zillion times! I'm about to make a chart for each where I mark down every time I have to say something multiple times, to show them why I'm so frustrated. Maybe also record when they respond the first time? Is that something that would be eye opening for them, or just annoying and negative and I'm being passive aggressive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Does making charts bring you incredible joy? 😉 Because I can’t really imagine that keeping a chart will have much of an effect on your kids. But I can understand why you would want to do it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 One thing my kids hate: I make them repeat back what I just said. Seriously. They don't get to move on until they repeat it back. That one thing has eliminated so much frustration when they're in head-in-the-clouds phases. The charts I save for my actions. 😄 I put one up by the bathroom door and made a checkmark every time I walked by and turned off the light. It took about a week, but they got the hint! 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I would make them a chart (well, list, maybe laminated if it's the same things every day) of stuff they have to do and structure rewards around that (ie: no screen time until your list is done), PLUS make them repeat after you what they need to do. And break the list into steps. Instead of "Clean your room" say "make the bed, hang up clean clothes, put dirty clothes in hamper, put away books, put away toys," etc. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 (edited) Gotta love EF issues. 1 hour ago, Ktgrok said: Maybe also record when they respond the first time? Yes, only this. Don't record the negative, unless you're gathering data for yourself to use better strategies and see that your plan is working. LOL So yes, making marks, rewarding, incentivizing what you want more of is a great thing. Do that. Big. Like stars toward ice cream cones. Movie tix. Swim suits. Swanky clothes from nifty stores. Whatever. Earn bucks, $1 every time you obey the first time. And maybe for yourself, speak less, kwim? Or give yourself a time in and more chocolate. You deserve it. Edited September 12, 2019 by PeterPan 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 29 minutes ago, Katy said: I would make them a chart (well, list, maybe laminated if it's the same things every day) of stuff they have to do and structure rewards around that (ie: no screen time until your list is done), PLUS make them repeat after you what they need to do. And break the list into steps. Instead of "Clean your room" say "make the bed, hang up clean clothes, put dirty clothes in hamper, put away books, put away toys," etc. This, too. We have notecards in our house. The youngest keeps his on his dresser. At the top is the job, underneath is everything I'm looking for to say the job is done. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 2 hours ago, Ktgrok said: I'm SO tired of having to tell my kids everything a half a zillion times! I'm about to make a chart for each where I mark down every time I have to say something multiple times, to show them why I'm so frustrated. Maybe also record when they respond the first time? Is that something that would be eye opening for them, or just annoying and negative and I'm being passive aggressive? So, our family counselor is okay with a certain amount of eye opening strategies like this. But I think this one might need tweaking to get the desired result. Maybe you can set aside a certain number of pennies, nickels, whatever your affordable meaningful currency is, per day, for each child. This is their "repeat" budget. Every time you have to repeat yourself, they lose one of the coins, but at the end of the day, they get to keep whatever is left. You don't go in the hole, lol! Also, you might start with 25 pennies, but then when they get better but still need help, make it 5 nickels. Something of that sort. I used this strategy with grocery shopping--my kids would drive me nuts and ask a million questions, complain, ask for something off list in EVERY aisle, etc. Getting to keep coins did help. I could've been more consistent, but when I did it, it was a big hit. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 It depends on the age of the child and what you are asking. Something like, put your shoes on now is different than saying, "take out the trash" today when said child is in the middle of something and just forgets. I find lists work best for myself, my husband, and my children. They can make a habit of checking off a list. They will forget if I just tell them. I forget things too. I have used email, charts, and when our house was shook apart by the quake the whiteboard on the wall. Everyone had a column and yes I took time to write ALL my stuff on the wall too so they could see what had to happen. We became a team. I wanted them to see I wasn't just telling everybody elset o just do everything and they could see my list was the longest. DH also works all day but he got a list too. If they are being outright disobediant then I wouldn't mind keeping a chart and saying, "Ok, I had to spend this much time and energy helping you with your responsability so you can do x (chore of choice) for me to make up for it and we can just help each other." I have found with my children it usually was a matter of learning how to remember and fit things into their day rather than outright disobediance. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 I should clarify, this is things like, "Breakfast is ready, please come eat" and they don't. Or "we are starting school - I'm running to the bathroom, you can too, but then meet me at the school table" or "please let the dog in". 1 hour ago, Katy said: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 In that case, if they don't have a good reason, I would give them an extra chore for wasting my time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I agree. I'd penalize with an extra chore. Or possibly placing their favorite thing in JAIL (locked in the safe) for wasting my time, to be bailed out only by performing said chore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Or just enact natural consequences. Breakfast is at 8. Be here in time or eat nothing. Late for school? Too bad. You just earned yourself the real-school punishment of detention. It might be easier to just start everything an hour later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 When dd20 was in early elementary, she started whining constantly. I would try to talk to her about it but she insisted she wasn't as bad as I said she was. Soooo....I put a piece of paper on the refridgerator. Every time she whined, I had her stop what she was doing and make a simple hash mark on the paper. It was a way for her to tally the amout of times she whined. Then she had to repeat what she said, without whining. It only took about 3 days, and then we were able to stop. Having the visual of all the hash marks, that she made herself (no way to say someone added more) was all it took to almost completely stop the problem. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I made a tally chart of each time they complained one day when it was really getting to me. They were kind of stunned at how many times there were in an hour and then started making up silly complaints to try to increase the score. It did work. was it petty? Maybe but nowhere near as petty as some things they were complaining about! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I wonder if it would be more effective to make a laminated chore chart with the daily stuff they need to do. Then anytime a kids Mucking around you send them back to the chart until it’s all checked off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Hmm. With your examples, I might just give them more autonomy and let them live with the consequences. "Breakfast is ready. School will start at 9 and you need to have eaten by then." Let them decide when to eat. Put it away if they aren't there. Give them a snack break around 10:30 in case they didn't make it. 🙂 "Let the dog in, please." Then let them let the dog in. Dogs have a way of insisting on being let in if no one does. Just don't do it for them. If they can't or didn't meet you at the table at your starting time, just do all the school you were going to,and cut right into their free time after school. "Why are we going so late? "Because we started late because you didn't get here at the normal starting time, and I decided to let you take responsibility for that--I am reminding you too much, it's irritating me, and I'm just going to give you that job." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eos Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 (edited) This might sound sort of simplistic and only pertains to younger kids but I read the original Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books to my kid when they were little, and I really believe they helped with behavior like this. I'm remembering one story about the boy who loves animals but forgets to do all the chores when Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle leaves him alone at her farm. To this day as teens and olders, they tease each other about being like a particular character if one of them is "having a moment." Not petty. When Mama ain't happy.... Edited September 13, 2019 by Harpymom 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 We weren't as consistent as we should have been, but a chore chart tied to rewards worked best for us (when we were being consistent!). Finish all the chores next to your name before video games, or before something fun, or before allowance. "What do you need to do before you get this remote?" I didn't have to tell them, they just went to the chore chart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaBelle Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Forget the chart and implement some consequences. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyLady Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 What I love about charts is that the chart can be the bad guy. “I finished all of my school work, can I get on the computer?” “Hmm, I’m not sure, check the chart to see if you got it all!” “I cleaned the bathroom” “it’s looking good, but let’s check the chart...” ”I’m ready for a bedtime story!” “Did you get all of the jobs done, let’s check the chart!” Our kids are older now, but when they were little we had a “get ready for the day” chart with words and pictures spelling out all of the morning wake up stuff - we used those charts through middle school! “Are you sure you are ready? Check the chart and go brush your teeth...” We used school charts and chore charts and practice charts (music) and bedtime charts. Mostly charts remind me to remember to help them do the things I should help them to do, but would otherwise forget... i prefer smaller specific charts over one great chart to rule them all! ps - my 16 year old son (and I) could use a couple new charts.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I've threatened my kids with this a thousand times. But I am too lazy to follow through, LOL. Just don't get me started. It could go on all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 We use charts only as reminders of things to be done. Failure to come when called results in me ending up next to you in <2 min. When I call, the correct response is, “Yes, ma’am” or “Coming!” or “Turning off the computer now”—-some kind of verbal acknowledgment that they heard and are immediately obeying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Fwiw, for my kids with severe ADD and auditory processing issues and poor working memory, I try not to shout verbal instructions across the house that are more than 3-4 words. This morning: “Teeth, packed lunch, backpack” Those are all verbal cues to tasks they have done repetitively. No need for a lengthy explanation, but they can mentally rehearse that until they have completed those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I have been considering hanging a sign in the hall coming from their room, hanging from the ceiling so it will hit their head if they ignore it. "Did you __? Did you ___?..." But you know they would just blindly walk around it after the first couple trips down the hall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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