need a sounding board...where to apply...coaching ds

[prairiewindmomma]

Please don't quote as I'll come edit out details...

Oldest ds is thinking of just continuing on with the local cc and transferring after his associate's to one of two local universities that have ABET accredited programs he's interested in. Both have formal transfer arrangements with the cc. Our area also offers a ton of internship and hire possibilities for his field....it makes sense to stay here in that regard.

His reasoning:

1. Save $$,$$$ by living at home (we live in a HCOL area). We live near a bus line that makes it easier to get to school than even driving there and parking.

2. Save tuition (about 10K/year)

3. Have smaller class sizes and more support taking classes at the cc

4. More time to grow up.

5. If he wanted to take a couple of years off and earn money to continue his studies, he could have an associate's by age 20 that would also him to work as a microcontroller technician (pretty much guaranteed hire if he has the degree) and he could clear $50-60K/year pre-tax for a couple of years to fund his BS and grad studies. 

Ds is academically bright but a bit quirky, and I don't disagree with his analysis that socially he could use a couple more years to mature.  He did score high enough on his ACT to get guaranteed scholarships to state universities, and he would likely be accepted wherever he applied.  He would not qualify for financial aid based on need. He is also not motivated to really dig in and apply for scholarships. And he's already a student at the cc and doesn't want to do applications. 

I'm just kind of hyperventilating here.  This is a very different path from dh and I where we both went to university early, took heavy course loads, etc. (I had my doctorate at 23.) Dh and I were both highly motivated and ds is very chill.  

Be gentle. This is my oldest. This is ok, right? I should just step back and let him do his thing? Or should I really push for him to at least apply elsewhere? I think there's a decent shot he could direct apply to the local universities and get enough scholarship $ that it would be a wash expense-wise between cc and the university. He could dual-enroll, or just go to uni and take the train in everyday.

 

[Lecka]

I am a big believe in self-motivation and self-efficacy.  

A big part of it is for someone to make his/her own decisions.

How can he be as motivated doing what you choose for him, as what he chooses for himself?

What he chooses for himself sounds pretty reasonable to me, it sounds like a good plan.

Do you see any points where you specifically really think 4-year college would go better for him?  Do you think socially or academically, or for opportunities, that it would be better for him?  Nothing from your post comes across that way.  

I think if you did have a reason to think it's really better, that is different.  

If it's just not what you would pick for him or what you pictured for him, he will most likely thrive more doing what he has picked for himself, just from the act of picking it himself.  It is very, very hard to overcome that.  The other option would have to overcome that it wasn't what he picked.  

I think you could encourage him to consider other options, though.  I don't know about pushing him to apply elsewhere -- where the line is between encouraging him and pushing him.

If you push too much, at a certain point, it can come across as not being supportive of what he is wanting to do.  That is not a nice thing to do to a younger person, I don't think.  I think short of that point, it is great.  

[catz]

This is totally fine and great.  The end point will still be the same.  Life is not a competition or a race.  Everyone has their own path.  Plus, is 40K easy to come up with?  Would he need to take loans?  I think he sounds like a level headed and practical young man who knows himself well.  There are HUGE advantages to graduating debt free in terms of taking risk and career flexibility.  

I have a chill high stat kid who is on a different path at college than many expected.  He's a freshman who just started.  It's all good.  

I think I'd encourage him to at least apply to the local U just to have that level of flexibility.  My kid had a fantastic experience dual enrolling at a CC.  Many of the teachers were adjunct at local private schools you've probably heard of and/or a major research university.  I don't think every CC is built the same, but I think you can have a great experience.  I would not force a kid to apply to residential schools who didn't want to when you have good local options. And doubly so if it required student debt.

All is well.  This is a win not a loss.  If you're in an urban HCOL area, it's not surprising he'd have access to great resources already.

[Lecka]

I would be curious about some things..... this has come up in talking to my husband.

What are the class sizes for beginning classes?  Could the community college have smaller class sizes, or be taught by more-qualified faculty?  It's possible.

Is there a lot of competition at the 4-year university?  

Does he already have some friends at the community college?

Would it be easier for him to make the transition after he is a little older?  

Here is a point my husband has mentioned for starting at a 4-year college:  getting involved in clubs or getting to know professors.  Locally I know the community college has some very active pre-professional clubs, and that most of those students transfer to the 4-year program together and might be roommates and things like that.  I think that could be worth looking into for sure, if that would be a lack at the community college.  But I wouldn't assume that would be the case.  

Edit:  in your case it does sound like he would live at home either way.  Is there a difference in the commute time?  A shorter commute could be pretty beneficial.  A longer commute to one could make it harder to be involved there.  

Edit again:  it sounds like -- either way it's not headed for the "freshman year dorm" experience.  

Edit:  what I mean is -- and this is with the grand-daughter of someone I am friends with at church...... her grand-daughter has a major support system at her 4-year program now, that she went to the smaller 2-year program with at CC.  It seems like it has worked out really well for her.  But this is -- living in a pretty small, rural area, and they are mostly all headed to the same 4-year to finish their degree.  She got a lot of experiences locally and through her pre-professional club.  The pre-professional club was connected with the previous students that were finishing up at the 4-year program, and got a lot of ideas and information that way, so they could know what kind of things to do in addition to just classes.  

Edited September 12, 2019 by Lecka

[Matryoshka]

I'll agree with the thought that the fact that this is his plan, and that he has a plan, is huge.

My dd18 is a kid who has to do everything her own way. She ended up doing mostly DE for high school simply because she refused to work with me, and she didn't get much out of online classes.  Oh, and she tried the b&m high school - she lasted 3 months.  She got to try out different things at the CC, had some missteps and side tracks, but has ended up getting her AS at 18, and has now transferred to a 4-year, but she'll only have to be there 2 - 2.5 - and she has a plan for college and beyond.  But it's been her path; I've ended up along for the ride, and it's sometimes been hairy!  But I have become a huge fan of CCs.  Whether it's for younger kids to do DE, or hs graduates who are trying stuff out before they commit to a 4-year and a major, or are trying to save money, or are wanting more time to mature, or for older folks wanting to come back and retrain - they're like the Swiss Army knife of education, lol.    

This isn't at all what I expected to dd to do, but at this point I am not complaining at all about all the money she's inadvertently saved us!

[Create Your Ritual]

We found a lot of value in our kids attending the local community college. They are/were younger Running Start students, so technically they were still in high school while there but it gave my dd18 an amazing platform to learn to advocate for herself out in the real world while still being supported at home every night. She also learned to move at the pace college classes move at, but the class sizes were small enough that she developed great relationships with her professors and had access to the help she needed. She's now full time at a four year university, and she's definitely grown from the experience. 

Edited September 12, 2019 by SaDonna

[chiguirre]

I think I'd encourage him to visit the two local 4 year schools and sit in on the classes he'll need his first year. I'd also have him sit down with the transfer counselor at the CC and map out the classes and grades he would need to transfer to the areas of engineering that interest him. If the two local unis are the ones I'm thinking of in the DFW area, he might get enough scholarship money that they'll actually be cheaper than starting at the CC. I'd also test out the commutes to each and check out the clubs he's interested in if possible. Once he's done his due diligence, either path will work out fine and it's just a matter of his personal preference.

[whitestavern]

So he's going for engineering or CS, yes? I would probably just confirm with the 4 year uni that all classes will transfer and he will be on track to graduate on time. I'd want to make sure the $$ saved at cc wouldn't be spent on a 5th year at the university.

[Innisfree]

I think CC could be a great path. This is very much the sort of thing my dd was talking about doing til she just reversed course. It took me a while to get used to the idea, and then I was enjoying the thought of the money we'd save and the financial security she would have at an early age. Now we're back to uncertainty.

As long as the student has a rational plan and is moving forward, I think both choices, CC and four year school, are good. Two paths to independence, both valid, with intersections along the way to shift course.

[Chris in VA]

I think living away at college is a maturing experience for many kids, so I would encourage doing so at some point. 

[SanDiegoMom]

One thing I would look into is whether transferring in would affect his ability to get any internships or jobs through the four year university.  For instance, my daughter is on the newspaper and might end up working as a journalist after college while she figures out the next step.  This is going to be made easier by the fact that she started as a freshman and worked her way up and is now an editor getting some pretty key experience.  There is a  senior who transferred as a junior and  is working in her section as a reporter.  He didn't really have a chance to move up very fast since he started later. 

Getting to know professors to write letters of Rec, getting summer research -- these might be affected as well. 

[...................]

On 9/12/2019 at 10:07 AM, prairiewindmomma said:

 

 

 

How old is he? I find that kids reach 18 and they want to get the heck outta their parents life.  My son is a GREAT kid, we had only one big issue with him, one time at age 15, that lasted a few hours and was over.  Seriously, we all got along great, and when mom reminded/nagged/gave too much advice he always let it roll off his back but never truly ignored it- best friends with his dad, gets along with sister, had two good local friends and summer jobs, independence (his own car)

...and YET there are very few happy copacetic obladi-oblada situations that I know of, even  with good kids, that stay home full time for college. In fact all of my IRL friends that have kids living at home full time over the age of 18 are having DAILY fights, constant problems.  Really truly frustrating and exhausting for both parents and kids.

They're tired of your advice, and they want to figure things out for themselves.  They need a change and they often don't realize it till it's too late.  It happened with both my nephews, with my son, with me and all my 5 siblings growing up, in one way or another, and almost invariably they don't realize they are ready to go until they are and by then it would have been too late to apply.

Your ds sounds like he's happy and he is willing to save money and that's great. He also sounds like a centered, content young man.

BUT I would still MAKE him apply to three universities that he has a good chance of going to and that you can afford.  This way, if he suddenly wakes up by the end of this year and goes geez i'm a grown man and I wish I wasn't stuck here, he will have options!!  

🙂 

Edited September 14, 2019 by Calming Tea

[Corraleno]

It sounds like he has really thought this through, and it seems like an excellent plan to me. If your CC has a transfer agreement with the local 4-yr schools, so they would take all his CC credits and he wouldn't have to repeat anything, I think the smaller classes and less cutthroat atmosphere for the first couple of years could be a great thing. I know the first year engineering program at DS's university is absolutely brutal, with huge classes in calc, physics, and chem specifically designed to weed out a lot of the premeds and preengineering students. If I had an engineering kid who wanted to start at CC, I would absolutely support that. I am planning to have DD start at CC, with the goal of getting a "usable" 2 yr degree, and then either transferring to a 4 yr or working for a year or two while she decides if she really wants a BA.

[katilac]

On 9/14/2019 at 4:10 PM, Calming Tea said:

BUT I would still MAKE him apply to three universities that he has a good chance of going to and that you can afford.  This way, if he suddenly wakes up by the end of this year and goes geez i'm a grown man and I wish I wasn't stuck here, he will have options!!  

🙂 

This. Applying does not mean attending, it just gives him choices. 

I do know of commuting situations that worked out just fine, but options are good. 

[JoJosMom]

Wow, Prairie! I'm so stinking impressed at your son's initiative and planning. Good for you, mama! His plan sounds reasonable, practical, and doable-YAY!

 

But I'd also make him apply to at least three schools to preserve his ability to change his mind. 😳

[Frances]

On 9/14/2019 at 4:11 PM, Corraleno said:

It sounds like he has really thought this through, and it seems like an excellent plan to me. If your CC has a transfer agreement with the local 4-yr schools, so they would take all his CC credits and he wouldn't have to repeat anything, I think the smaller classes and less cutthroat atmosphere for the first couple of years could be a great thing. I know the first year engineering program at DS's university is absolutely brutal, with huge classes in calc, physics, and chem specifically designed to weed out a lot of the premeds and preengineering students. If I had an engineering kid who wanted to start at CC, I would absolutely support that. I am planning to have DD start at CC, with the goal of getting a "usable" 2 yr degree, and then either transferring to a 4 yr or working for a year or two while she decides if she really wants a BA.

My local CC comes highly recommended by local engineers for a much saner path to an engineering degree from out state U because the classes are much smaller, lack the brutal curves, and in general, the profs are much better at actual teaching.

While I agree with all of the advice to thoroughly check out all options before making a final decision, he sounds like a mature young man who really knows himself and his strengths and weaknesses. And personally, I don’t think the fastest path to a goal is always the best one. My husband used to refer to it as the great race to the stop sign back when he was a professor.