Would you leave a 14yo, competent, reasonably well-behaved kid at home alone for a few days/nights?

[Farrar]

I left my 14 yos home for a weekend in June this year. We had to go to a funeral across the country. Getting them flights would have been $$$. It was bad enough for us. Plus, ds had a thing he'd been planning to do, which he could have missed, but we didn't see any reason for him to. We probably could have found friends for them to stay with, but they preferred this and we were okay with it. We checked in with them constantly. We had two local contacts for them - one walking distance from the house - who could come in any emergency or even just a minor crisis. We made a much, much earlier curfew and some other stricter rules than the usual and went over all the safety things.

They were fine. I don't regret it. They had a good weekend. 

My kids aren't as unusually compliant as they were as little kids - they push back on us and get caught in white lies sometimes (Oh, I thought you meant just pick up the floor, I don't mind all this mess on the bed... or Well, it's almost done, did I forget to do one problem at the end of the page?). But they are really, really compliant, especially as teens go. I had zero doubt that they were going to do anything "bad" while we were gone or that they'd follow the added rules we laid down.

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, SKL said:

Does your SIL have any older sons who wouldn't mind spending one or two nights at your house?

Given that you will be within driving distance, I would be more likely to say this is fine.  You could just drive home if you got a bad vibe.

Well one thing that makes this SIL a particularly attractive option is her son and my son are actually on the same baseball team. So, not only is nephew someone ds could reliably hang out with, he could catch a ride to baseball on Sunday and practice on Monday, assuming those things are happening as normal that weekend. The only “but” - besides me being a chicken asking for favors - is that her kids may certainly be at school, though ds is off, and he would be alone at their house during school hours. (Both parents working, though it is a small business and they may come in and out of the house.) 

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, Plum said:

Actually there are only 3 states (Illinois 14, Maryland 8, and Oregon 10) that have minimum ages for kids to stay home. The rest use language that basically asks parents to use their judgement and if there is a problem it is up to the judgement of the local authorities to determine if it is neglect or a failure to provide adequate supervision. 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/homealone.pdf

I am in Maryland, though. Heh.

[SKL]

12 minutes ago, Quill said:

Well one thing that makes this SIL a particularly attractive option is her son and my son are actually on the same baseball team. So, not only is nephew someone ds could reliably hang out with, he could catch a ride to baseball on Sunday and practice on Monday, assuming those things are happening as normal that weekend. The only “but” - besides me being a chicken asking for favors - is that her kids may certainly be at school, though ds is off, and he would be alone at their house during school hours. (Both parents working, though it is a small business and they may come in and out of the house.) 

Yeah, I'd ask SIL to just be a resource and maybe your kid could spend the night on the weekend.  If he's going to hang around an otherwise empty house, it might as well be yours.

If your SIL has a car, driving 7 miles is not a burden.  She may be thrilled to have someone for her son to hang out with for a weekend day.  And if it isn't her thing, she has a mouth and can say no.

Where's baseball practice from your house?  Could your son walk or bike?  For that matter can't your son bike to SIL's house?

Edited September 9, 2019 by SKL

[HS Mom in NC]

No

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Plum said:

Only if the authorities believe there was neglect involved. They don’t have a pattern of bailing on their kid for weeks at a time with no contact. It’s a one-time thing. She’s taking precautions. A family member lives next door. They aren’t drug abusers. Those are the sorts of criteria authorities would look at to determine if it’s neglect. That’s exactly why they leave the law open to interpretation. They don’t want to lump abusers in with a family that goes on a quick vacation with plenty of preparation and contact. 

Well...I don’t have family next door. I have family not very far away. The other things are true, but I sure would hope no situation would erupt that would even bring authorities to need to examine it.

I did look it up after hippiemom’s post, because, while I know Maryland law says 8 as the youngest age home alone and 13 is the youngest for babysitting, I have never heard whether overnight/length of time has a limitation. According to the little look-up I just accessed, it does. 13-15 is not supposed to be left overnight. Although there is all the “use best judgment” language and yes, a good case could be made that ds is a low risk for either accidental or intentional bad outcomes. This is why I’m even considering it. But I’m torn because 14yos can still be awfully foolish once in a while. And it is hard for a non-driver to go anywhere meaningful here; the best he could do is text somebody if he needed to go somewhere. 

[SKL]

Your signature says your ds is 15 - I assume he is close to his 15th birthday?  That might make a difference for some.

Ultimately, you need to do what feels comfortable for you, or it will ruin your celebration anyway.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

Yeah, I'd ask SIL to just be a resource and maybe your kid could spend the night on the weekend.  If he's going to hang around an otherwise empty house, it might as well be yours.

If your SIL has a car, driving 7 miles is not a burden.  She may be thrilled to have someone for her son to hang out with for a weekend day.  And if it isn't her thing, she has a mouth and can say no.

Where's baseball practice from your house?  Could your son walk or bike?

No possibility of walking or biking. It involved highway driving and it’s ~15 minutes away. 

[Guest]

Just now, SKL said:

Your signature says your ds is 15 - I assume he is close to his 15th birthday?  That might make a difference for some.

Ultimately, you need to do what feels comfortable for you, or it will ruin your celebration anyway.

Yeah, he’s still 14 for another few months; I just was editing my siggy so I edited all the kids. Other ds is also still 19 for a couple months, too. 

[SKL]

Can he bike to your SIL's house?

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

Can he bike to your SIL's house?

No. We can’t walk or bike anywhere from our home, sadly. We are off a state road that is highly dangerous and has no shoulder. It’s one of the things I most dislike about the location of our home. 

I should add that there is such a thing as people biking on this road, but I think it is actually crazy because there is no shoulder, it’s terribly dangerous, and I literally know someone who died this way. And I know two other people who got super messed up from being struck on a bike on these horribly dangerous roads. 

[73349]

100% dependent on the kid for me. I've met sixth-graders I'd leave alone for a weekend if they were good with it, and graduated high school with 18yos I wouldn't.

Is he the sort of person who can

• entertain himself?
• prepare some food?
• come up with a back-up plan?
• stick to house rules even if he won't get caught?
• say no to a friend's iffy idea?
• evaluate whether he needs help and ask for it?

 

[RootAnn]

1 hour ago, hippiemamato3 said:

I'm surprised this is even a consideration. In most states it would be illegal. At 14, there's no way I'd even think of this as an option. 

Really? Most states? I haven't looked this up, but 14? I can see 12, but 14?

The state we live in doesn't have a stated age, fWIW.

ETA: found this:

Only three States currently have laws regarding a minimum age for leaving a child home alone: Illinois, 14 years old; Maryland, 8 years old; and Oregon, 10 years old. 

And link to all states rules.

ETA2: My opinion is admittedly colored by having three girls who are all relatively mature. If I'd had my boys first, I might well be on the other side of this debate. So, my feeling is the decision is still child dependent but much is also perhaps boy vs girl.

Edited September 9, 2019 by RootAnn
Added links

[J-rap]

If he were my 14yo, I'd probably not quite feel comfortable enough with him being home alone, even if I knew he could handle it fine.  But, I possibly could be talked into it if everything were perfectly in place.  We did leave our I believe then-14yo dd home for a night once but one of her best friends stayed with her.  I knew they were both very responsible, they had both babysat a lot, and her friend's family lived not too far away.  (ETA:  I'm pretty sure we told them they could not turn the stove/oven on while we were gone!)

We've left our then 17yo, 15yo, and 14yo children home alone for a few days.

How does your ds feel about it?  

Edited September 9, 2019 by J-rap

[Pen]

No.

 

[Arcadia]

3 hours ago, Quill said:

 I hate asking stuff like that because, socially speaking, who can really say No, unless it’s literally unworkable? So, then I worry that the person said yes because they were put in a position where they can’t really say no and now they are silently stewing...

 

3 hours ago, Quill said:

SIL is quite close, only about 7 minutes away by car. I actually feel like driving over to check in is a bigger hassle than if he were just staying there because if he stays there, caring for him just blends in with what their own boys are doing. 

 

I would take a 14yo, competent, reasonably well-behaved nephew, bonus being that my kids are 13 and 14 and would be delighted to have a similar age cousin over for a long weekend. Like you said, it’s easy for him to blend in with whatever her kids are doing.

My DS14 sleeps through fire alarms so I would not leave him alone at home. DS13 isn’t competent yet, DS14 babysits him when we have to leave them home for hours during the day. 

[Pen]

I think it would be okay for him to be alone at your home during day when cousins are at school and aunt is at work, instead of home alone at the SILs house.  Otherwise nights and time they’re home at the SILs

Edited September 9, 2019 by Pen

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

 her kids may certainly be at school, though ds is off,  

Why not just go to the school district calendar and check? 

[mommyoffive]

No I wouldn't.

Last year was the first year I started leaving my kids and only my oldest two.  I only did it because we had a schedule conflict.  It was only for 1.5 hours and I am in town.   But the only reasons I felt comfortable with it, is because I left 2 of them. And we have a big dog. I am not comfy leaving just one kid home at all.  I just worry about something happening to the one kid.  Passing out, falling down the stairs, getting sick.  They were 10 and 12 at the time and honestly I didn't like it.  I couldn't leave one of them home for a few days.  I think if my kids were older and a few of them were left at home maybe.   Like at least an 18 year old or something.  

[Miss Tick]

If either of my 14yos were willing I wouldn't have a problem with it. My problem would be getting dh away from work that long! My dc are conscientious, rule-followers. I would have them text me regularly, and have them write out a schedule or plan for the days I was gone. I would be nervous, but happy to let them practice some independence.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My parents used to leave me alone for up to a week at a time at that age. Days were fine - school and things to do- but nights were lonely and creepy. Then the school district found out and my parents were threatened with CPS so I had to go stay at someone’s house at night. 

[gardenmom5]

I've had some pretty competent teens.  just, … no.

unless you have a difficult relationship with the relatives, why are you hesitant to ask.

 

eta: I would house/dog sit for my grandmother's neighbor starting around that age - but it was two doors down from my grandmother.  and two large dogs.  as a parent, I wouldn't do it.

Edited September 9, 2019 by gardenmom5

[Sherry in OH]

59 minutes ago, Quill said:

51 minutes ago, Quill said:

No. We can’t walk or bike anywhere from our home, sadly. We are off a state road that is highly dangerous and has no shoulder. It’s one of the things I most dislike about the location of our home. 

I should add that there is such a thing as people biking on this road, but I think it is actually crazy because there is no shoulder, it’s terribly dangerous, and I literally know someone who died this way. And I know two other people who got super messed up from being struck on a bike on these horribly dangerous roads. 

No possibility of walking or biking. It involved highway driving and it’s ~15 minutes away. 

 

For me, the bolded places the situation firmly in the no way category.  

If you lived in town and your son could easily walk to the home of a close friend or relative, for one night, sure.  Mutiple nights, not unless he'd already spent a single night alone and felt comfortable staying alone longer.  Even then, I'd prefer that he stay with a friend a relative or that one stayed with him.    

In your location, I would not leave your son home alone for an extended period until he has a driver's license and a vehicle.  

[Farrar]

I knew this would be something that everyone has an opinion about.

I will say that having a pair of 14 yos made me feel safer. Also that my kids can easily walk to and access... everything. The weekend we were away, one went to see a friend in the suburbs and the other went to a play with friends, also in the suburbs. They got themselves there and back. And went to Chipotle with $ we left and I think hit the grocery store for ice cream.

If they'd been alone and slightly isolated for two straight days... that feels less good to me. Not unsafe exactly because I'm sure you'd leave local contacts and he'd know what to do in an emergency or just a minor mishap, but it seems uncomfortable for the kid.

My biggest worry with my boys was honestly that they'd lose the house keys, which they're not accustomed to carrying around. With dh's weird hours, there's nearly always someone here unless we're all out together so they usually don't need them.

[Sneezyone]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

Be gentle, please. I’m not sure why I am so hesitant. 

Ds happens to have off from school for two days that coincide with dh and my wedding anniversary - 25yrs. I would love to do a short fall foliage trip up north, leaving ds at home. But something about leaving him completely alone at home bothers me. I dont know whether that’s just my typical nut-jobiness or if it’s legitimately a bad idea. 

Were I willing to ask, he could probably stay at my sister or SIL’s instead, but it feels like a pretty big ask. 

 

I am pretty lax. I don't mind leaving my peeps home alone for most of a day, 6-8 hours while I run errands all over town but I would not be comfortable leaving them alone overnight. I would not do that with any child under driving age really. We're in the burbs and aren't super close with our neighbors. In my family that means oldest has two years (at least) to go and probably longer because DS will not yet be in high school. I would want them to have access to a car, funds, etc. and have a nearby adult that they could easily reach in case of emergency.

Edited September 9, 2019 by Sneezyone

[FriedClams]

What's the state law? I'm in the South and our state is 15 for legal overnight. I recently left my 16 year old for a night, then a couple nights. He doesn't have a licence so he biked to work (easy, safe ride) and church (next to work). He managed the dogs, etc. He's also 6'2 and a second degree black belt with good situational awareness and dual enrolled (on campus), so he ages up. I also had neighbors in the know so he had 4 people he could call for help if he needed it. So, I'd go with family, a friend, etc. He'll be ready soon, but I think 14 alone is a lot.

Edited September 9, 2019 by FriedClams

[Terabith]

My kids are 14 and almost 16.  They’re very responsible and could handle it just fine.  And if it were an emergency, it would be fine.  But I’m just not really comfortable leaving them overnight.  Not for any great reason.  More because I worry about what CPS would say than anything.  I’d probably look for a friend for him to stay with.  

And....I left them home alone for short periods at seven or so.  I would have no issues leaving them home alone all day, even multiple days in a row.  If there were easy access to transportation (public or walking), I'd be a lot more comfortable with it.  I know I hate feeling trapped in the house.  I wouldn't think anyone someone was a bad parent for leaving their 14 year old alone for a weekend.  But it's a bit outside my comfort zone, because of the transportation issue and worry about what would CPS think.  

Edited September 9, 2019 by Terabith

[PeachyDoodle]

I would consider it for my dd14, if she was comfortable with it. But I am 99% sure she wouldn't be comfortable staying alone overnight, so that more or less makes me a no.

I don't worry about her; she is very responsible. But like others have said, the aloneness bothers me. There is no public transportation here, so she would be stuck in the house until we got home. And I would not want to ask her to be responsible for her younger brother for multiple days, even though they get along great. Again, no worries about her abilities to handle it, but I don't think she'd be happy and I wouldn't want to put it on her. 

[mumto2]

I don’t think I would in most cases.......remember I raised my kids in a country where they weren’t supposed to be left alone at all until one of them was 14 (I think.....could be 13) when I was being paid to babysit infants at 10.   It isn’t always followed but as a home educator I followed that law even though we have always had great neighbors.  Central location.  Buses.......... 

In this case my biggest hesitation would be he just started attending a new school.  You don’t know his new friends or who might be his friend in October.  He just has to mention having your isolated house to himself for the weekend for things to get out of control for the kid.  Get your sis involved.  Have him spend the night at her house and hang out with her family some.  That way you go go and enjoy yourself!

[vmsurbat1]

Well, I voted yes, I would leave him (assuming all the other stuff--reasonably mature and responsible, cell phone access, relatives or good friends near by).   We've done it and I'm very pleased with how resourceful and unafraid my children are with living life, not dreading worse-case scenarios.  Yes, terrible things CAN happen but they aren't likely to, and our kids need to learn that by our example.  The Fear Culture in the US (imo) is a very crippling thing, and I'm sorry to see the stranglehold it has on so many....

[DesertBlossom]

4 hours ago, Quill said:

Thanks for that. I hate asking stuff like that because, socially speaking, who can really say No, unless it’s literally unworkable? So, then I worry that the person said yes because they were put in a position where they can’t really say no and now they are silently stewing...

I have issues. Lol.

This is normal in my family to ask each other to watch kids. A year and a half ago we divided up my kids among my siblings so we could go on a church related activity. We sent the kids to the houses with their same age cousins. I have also watched nieces and nephews when a sibling needed care, whether for a romantic getaway, or a new baby in the house, etc. 

As for your original question.... I wouldn't criticize anyone who chose to leave their responsible 14 year old home alone. Personally, I would feel more comfortable sending them to a relative's house. I also think they would inclined to some anxiety staying home alone at that age.

[kbutton]

43 minutes ago, Sherry in OH said:

For me, the bolded places the situation firmly in the no way category.  

If you lived in town and your son could easily walk to the home of a close friend or relative, for one night, sure.  Mutiple nights, not unless he'd already spent a single night alone and felt comfortable staying alone longer.  Even then, I'd prefer that he stay with a friend a relative or that one stayed with him.    

In your location, I would not leave your son home alone for an extended period until he has a driver's license and a vehicle.  

I agree with this. 

I used to babysit for people in the boonies. Through a series of weird and unpredictable circumstances, I was once stuck out there with NO PHONE and NO CAR with two little kids and a toddler. The house was not visible from anywhere--it was completely secluded. The entire emergency plan boiled down to putting the 7 year old on a bike to fetch a neighbor (they were on a small road off the main road). I should've had a car since I drove myself there in one, but I didn't (weird story!). That was just for a daytime thing--no overnights that time. 

Not a great feeling, lol! You just can't predict these things. 

In town with walking access, I would be hesistant but not have as strong of a feeling about it.

[Storygirl]

I've already responded no, but I'm going to add that scary and dangerous things just happen unexpectedly sometimes. That's how life is. And I don't think that 14 year olds are equipped to deal with everything. My mom's house burned down when she was in 8th grade. One of my roommates also had a house fire when she was a child. My sister had to deal with a life-threatening injury to our dog when she was 15 and too young to drive. She had to run to the neighbor and get them to drive her to the vet.

I don't know. Bad things happen, even to responsible people. I am too risk-averse to consider leaving a young teen alone that long. Even though major things are not likely to happen, I know that it's possible.

[Paige]

I am a hard no on that as well. I would consider a responsible 16+ child who had a driver's license that I was comfortable with them using. I would not be comfortable with a child *trapped* home alone in the event of an emergency.

I know you have older kids too, but I feel there's a huge difference between 14 and 16-17yr olds. I would be upset if I knew my 14yr old nieces and nephews were 7 min away and their parents left them alone because they didn't want to ask me. Even if I wouldn't want to watch them (which is not true) I'd much prefer inconveniencing myself than having them home alone when I could have been there. 

[Harriet Vane]

Honestly, I'm not sure that's legal?

That said, I would definitely have him stay with someone at least overnight. I don't think it's a huge deal to ask family with whom you have a good relationship or see if he can stay a night with a friend and then another night with a different friend.

[hippiemamato3]

3 hours ago, Plum said:

Actually there are only 3 states (Illinois 14, Maryland 8, and Oregon 10) that have minimum ages for kids to stay home. The rest use language that basically asks parents to use their judgement and if there is a problem it is up to the judgement of the local authorities to determine if it is neglect or a failure to provide adequate supervision. 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/homealone.pdf

Well yes, I was wrong BUT this is for being left alone at all. Not overnight. I'd happily leave my 14 year old alone during the day for a few hours. But overnight? And a public school student? No way. 

[Garga]

No. 

You live in a big house, which would be creepy to a 14 year old kid at night, somewhat deep in the woods off a 45 mph road.  (I think it's 45 mph?  And everyone in MD speeds.)  And the road isn't lined with businesses that he can pop in.  It's just a fast road with only driveways down it from what I remember.

He can't just pop over to a neighbor without walking through literal woods.  Can you even see the neighbor's houses through the trees?  He can't pop out to the main road where everyone is whooshing by and walk anywhere.  

If he falls down and gets hurt or makes a mistake, like burning something on the stove or getting cut on something, etc, he's there alone and there's no one to help him.  

Odds are that absolutely nothing would go wrong.  But if it does, he won't be able to get help easily.

I'd probably see if I could get a couple of people to watch him so it's not a huge burden for one person.  Is there a friend off of school that he could stay with on their days off?  And then he could spend the night at the family's house, but be with friends during the day?

Or can he even stay overnight at the friend's house on the days they both have off school and then each family member take a Sat and Sun?

 

Edited September 9, 2019 by Garga

[Tanaqui]

You all know I'm definitely on the more lax end of the "when do you leave your kids alone/let them go out alone" scale.

But I'm still a little leery of two days and nights alone. One, maybe. Or if it was an emergency situation like a hospital visit or that funeral mentioned upthread. But two days when you've got relatives really close by and he has friends too? Unless your sister hates your son, I'd definitely ask her.

It's not even that I think he'd necessarily be in any danger, it's just that the words running through my head are "If child services were to hear about that, they'd have an absolute field day."

Plus, rightly or wrongly, our society tends to judge parents a lot more when they leave their kids for fun reasons rather than serious reasons, even if the end result is the same. Dad leaves the two year old in the carseat for three minutes while he buys medicine? A mistake in judgment, but nothing more. Mom leaves the same two year old in the same carseat in the same temperature conditions for the same three minutes to buy a lotto ticket? Oh, heck no.

[Catwoman]

Personally, I would feel too sorry for the poor kid to leave him all alone while I went on a nice little trip with my dh. I would feel like I was being incredibly selfish and would want to choose a destination that we could all enjoy as a family.

He has a few days off from school so he could be doing fun things on that 4-day weekend, but instead, he would be trapped all alone in the house with no one to talk to, no one to eat meals with, and no one to help him with the cooking. Sure, it might seem fun for the first several hours, but then eating dinner all alone... spending the entire night alone in a big, empty house... getting up in the morning and being all alone all day again and eating every meal all alone... and then another night alone... and... well... that sounds very lonely and kind of awful for a 14yo kid.

And that’s not even mentioning the safety considerations.

There is no way I would do that to my child. I wouldn’t even leave my 19yo ds alone in a non-walkable neighborhood for that long without a car, because that’s a long time to be stuck all alone in the house with no way to go anywhere. It would be so lonely! 

 

 

[Acadie]

If I wanted to make this work, I'd sit down with my calendar and try to figure out a weekend (not the 4-day weekend) to get away for 3 nights/4 days, with overnights at a friend's or relatives, probably 1 night at one and 2 at the other.

Something like: you get ds on the school bus Thursday morning before you leave, he goes home with school friend Thursday afternoon, stays over and back to school Friday. Possibly take the bus home Friday afternoon, have some down time at home, get picked up by relatives in time for Friday dinner. Friday and Saturday nights with relatives. Sunday afternoon home alone to do homework and relax before you arrive in the evening. Obviously his temperament and schedule, and the schedules of friends and relatives, would dictate whether something like this would work. 

I think making it only 1 or 2 nights at each home makes it easier to ask. I'd have the schedule with me and check in regularly, especially if there's anytime home alone. If I had any question about kiddo inviting others over in my absence, I wouldn't do it.

Amy

[EmseB]

I'm in the maybe camp, but I was a pretty responsible, risk-averse, introverted teen who would have loved a long weekend with no one bothering me. I would have read books, watched TV, slept, enjoyed the quiet, and ordered pizza or microwaved my food.

Not living in a neighborhood makes things a bit different, but some of the responses surprise me. A 14yo not being able to handle being in the house alone at night because it's creepy? Or not knowing how to handle getting hurt (or not hurting oneself)? Was the likelihood of getting hurt lower when I was 14 and baby sitting until 2 or 3 am a couple decades ago? Not driving doesn't really enter into it for me because I didn't get my license until 19yo. Unless the kid is really irresponsible or immature, I think I'd probably at least consider leaving them for a weekend with some tightened rules /emergency plans and meal prep done for them.

[MEmama]

No.

Mine is responsible and independent and we live in a  neighbourhood with great and helpful neighbors all around us, we are right in town and he can get around by walking, biking or driving, but...no.

Cat said it best, it would be lonely and I would feel selfish excluding him from a fun trip. In fact, our 25th is this year too and we’d like to go somewhere but well, we don’t want to leave him alone. If he had a trusted friend who could stay, or a sibling he got along with, then sure (at least at 16, but not 14). But all alone for 4 days? No, I wouldn’t do that to him. Definitely not at 14 for any reason other than an emergency. (And I’m not a big worrier. I left him at home alone while I’d run to the grocery by the time he was six).

[lynn]

If a relative was near by to check on kid then possibly.

[rebcoola]

Maybe my oldest is a few weeks from 13 and I am pretty liberal about her staying alone.  But haven’t done super late at night or us being out of town.  We have neighbors, she can walk, bike, bus places, grandparents are in town etc.  I think she would rather have a sleepover somewhere.  It is not a big deal in our circle to ask for this favor in fact someone usually offers to take your kid as soon as they hear your anniversary is coming up.

[Hannah]

Alone for the day, yes, but not alone at night.  

Is there a lift option such as Uber that your son could take to SIL's or a friend's house?  

[catz]

1 minute ago, Hannah said:

Alone for the day, yes, but not alone at night.  

Is there a lift option such as Uber that your son could take to SIL's or a friend's house?  

I think Uber and Lyft won't transport under 18's without an adult unfortunately.

[Hannah]

1 minute ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I think Uber and Lyft won't transport under 18's without an adult unfortunately.

I didn't think of that.  That makes the logistics a bit trickier.

[Farrar]

1 minute ago, FuzzyCatz said:

I think Uber and Lyft won't transport under 18's without an adult unfortunately.

My kids take these all the time. In two years, they've only been refused service twice. In both cases, they just called another. If someone doesn't want to do it because it's against policy (it is) then I totally get that. But realistically, teens in urban areas do take these pretty regularly.

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Personally, I would feel too sorry for the poor kid to leave him all alone while I went on a nice little trip with my dh. I would feel like I was being incredibly selfish and would want to choose a destination that we could all enjoy as a family.

He has a few days off from school so he could be doing fun things on that 4-day weekend, but instead, he would be trapped all alone in the house with no one to talk to, no one to eat meals with, and no one to help him with the cooking. Sure, it might seem fun for the first several hours, but then eating dinner all alone... spending the entire night alone in a big, empty house... getting up in the morning and being all alone all day again and eating every meal all alone... and then another night alone... and... well... that sounds very lonely and kind of awful for a 14yo kid.

And that’s not even mentioning the safety considerations.

There is no way I would do that to my child. I wouldn’t even leave my 19yo ds alone in a non-walkable neighborhood for that long without a car, because that’s a long time to be stuck all alone in the house with no way to go anywhere. It would be so lonely! 

 

 

I wouldn’t expect this from you, Cat. 

It’s funny, because dh and I virtually never go away without the kids. We never did it while they were growing up except one time when we went on a cruise and the kids could stay at grandma’s. My youngest was seven. More often, I have been either lightly chided or actually ridiculed for always having the kids with us, never doing the just-us getaway thing. 🙄 I guess there’s no winning in the court of public opinion. 

This is exactly why I don’t trust that a friend or family member who agrees to have the kiddo stay with them isn’t silently stewing about what selfish parents we are and why they have to be inconvenienced so we can go look at pretty trees for a few days. 

Now I feel like never  mind...

[Farrar]

I feel compelled to say that I don't think anyone should feel guilty about going away with their spouse without their kids, regardless of age (except maybe an exclusively breastfed baby in the first year). The arrangements for the kid(s) should be the ones that work best. If being home would make the kid(s) happiest and the parents feel it's safe and fine, then I don't see why it should be any more or less guilt inducing than leaving the kid(s) with a relative or whatever. And I don't think it should be guilt inducing. Everyone should go away with their spouse or any smaller configuration of their family if they want to and it's feasible for them.