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What are your feelings about people dropping in unannounced?

Rude or not to arrive unannounced at friends & family's houses?   

137 members have voted

  1. 1. What do you believe about dropping in on others unannounced?

    • Rude all the time
      31
    • Not rude for family and close friends, but rude for everyone else
      28
    • Never rude. Drop in anytime!
      22
    • Okay with some that we have that relationship with, but rude for all others
      39
    • Other
      22


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What I think I would like would be a maid to answer the door, and tell visitors that Madam is not 'in'.  And then they can leave their calling cards, and I can display them on the mantelpiece, and feel that is precisely the amount of engagement I like in my own home with people who aren't related to me. 

Outside is where we people! Not on the inside!

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22 hours ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

My kitchen and bathrooms aren’t always clean.  My litter box *usually is... but not always.  On a good week, my living room is vacuumed several times, but we rarely have good weeks.  My main living areas are generally clutter-free enough to do a very quick swipe, but the actual CLEANING can be completely absent during a busy week. Or two. Or month. 😮 

When I am catching up on that cleaning, I’m spending a good bit of time unshowered, without a bra, and a very messy bun!

I don’t think my standards are high, but I have a very busy family.  When we’re not running around outside of the house, I’m either inside dealing with school, cleaning, or lounging (when I should be dealing with school or cleaning.) I don’t need guests seeing me or my house during any of those times!

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When we lived in an apartment, kids and their parents would drop by all the time.  Much of that time, my home would be “messy”, and that was okay with me. We had a preschooler and two babies; life was messy.  But we also weren’t busy. I was home almost every day, all day.  I swept every crumb, wiped every spill, and got everything else done through the day.

I can’t believe I’m admitting that I sort of miss the days of cleaning all day, every day!
(Just don’t make me do it again!)

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For close family and friends then I don't mind, but usually they will call at last minute and say I'm 5 min away is it ok if I drop in.  We live in the South.

If it's not close friends or family it actually freaks me out a bit.  I'm including religious people who go door to door and whoever else does this, which last week included the census.  

My dh family from a rural area in australia, they not only drop in unannouced, but will actually come in your house if you aren't there and make some tea and wait for you.   LOL, that was way ouside my cultural comfort zone!

edit: added inifo

Edited by Mbelle
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I voted other.  I actually love the idea of being open and welcoming all the time but the reality is we are embarrassingly messy if I don’t get warning to clean and people always seem to drop in on the one day in six months when we had a crazy weekend and are still in pjs at 9 on a Monday morning!  So I really hope one day go be a drop in person but for now I’m a please pretty please at least send me a text 30 mins before 

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We live out of town, so people call ahead.  I have one friend whom I drop into about twice a month - I call 5 to 10 min ahead and its usually late afternoon.  She'll tell me if she's busy or wants family time, and has told me often that she appreciates my visits.  On occasion I've kept her company while she does a chore.  I take her house as it comes - it is always 'lived in', sometimes messy, but never dirty.

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On 9/5/2019 at 5:21 PM, regentrude said:

I'd love for more people to drop by unannounced. I'd love for people to stop making a big production out of visiting a friend or family member and just do it more often and easily. Just stop by and say hello, and stay for an improvised meal. There's always a box of spaghetti in the pantry I can fix up for you. And if I am busy with something important and can't hang out, then I'll tell you.

Back home when I grew up, that was the norm among friends.

I can't like this enough: I hate the fact that everything has to be scheduled.  This really must be a huge cultural gap in modern day America because I also honestly don't expect everyone to have a cell phone - I know several people who do not!

I'm actually an introvert and my house is often messy (and sometimes gross), but I would never consider someone who dropped by to visit rude.  We've had people come in to disaster areas and it is mortifying but in my experience people give us a lot of grace and they really just want to spend time with us and not look at the house, lol.  That said, I've got no qualms about turning someone away if it is really bad timing (e.g. someone is sick or we're about to walk out the door).

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1 hour ago, mms said:

I can't like this enough: I hate the fact that everything has to be scheduled.  This really must be a huge cultural gap in modern day America because I also honestly don't expect everyone to have a cell phone - I know several people who do not!

I'm actually an introvert and my house is often messy (and sometimes gross), but I would never consider someone who dropped by to visit rude.  We've had people come in to disaster areas and it is mortifying but in my experience people give us a lot of grace and they really just want to spend time with us and not look at the house, lol.  That said, I've got no qualms about turning someone away if it is really bad timing (e.g. someone is sick or we're about to walk out the door).

I agree that times have changed, but I think there are also regional/community differences that come into play. 

I grew up in the suburbs and we kids could walk just about everywhere we needed to or catch a ride from someone nearby. Plus we were in public school (and walked.) Our friends and our parents friends all lived within several blocks. They weren’t as busy outside of 9-5 jobs.

Im forever driving 4 different kids around for educational activities, work, volunteering, and even just to go to a park. I live in the woods with maybe 6 full time neighbors on our street and our friends are scattered over hundreds of square miles. I love it! 😉

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3 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

I agree that times have changed, but I think there are also regional/community differences that come into play. 

I grew up in the suburbs and we kids could walk just about everywhere we needed to or catch a ride from someone nearby. Plus we were in public school (and walked.) Our friends and our parents friends all lived within several blocks. They weren’t as busy outside of 9-5 jobs.

Im forever driving 4 different kids around for educational activities, work, volunteering, and even just to go to a park. I live in the woods with maybe 6 full time neighbors on our street and our friends are scattered over hundreds of square miles. I love it! 😉

Oh absolutely on the regional differences! We're in the South and semi-rural.  But I grew up in a city in a different country and it was the same thing.

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On 9/5/2019 at 4:33 PM, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I voted other, simply because I think rude is a bit harsh.

I voted other for the same reason. I don't think it's rude but I also don't think it's best practice. 

I used to hate it but have mellowed and it wouldn't bother me if someone dropped in unannounced. I'd rather know they're coming but if they showed up I'd be glad to see them. That said, none of our family or friends are the drop in type and we're not either. Dss will occasionally work overtime at a fire station near us and stop in when his shift ends. Most of the time he'll text first to see if we're home but there have been a handful of times when he took a chance and just dropped by. 

ETA: I was raised in New Jersey to age 13 and then Florida - so both in the Northeast and in the South

Edited by Lady Florida.

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I woke up this morning to someone who doesn’t live here knocking on my *bedroom* door. 

Not only am I okay with drop ins of friends/family, I don’t even care if they walk right in the house without knocking.  

Now the proviso is they see and hear whatever they see and hear. We are very casual people in this house and if they are the kind of person to judge or be offended bc there’s clean unfolded laundry on the sofa or the kitchen is a mess - they need to make an appt.,  still no promises but at least better odds.  

I know MANY people who do not answer phones or doors unless they are expecting a call/visit.  My door I’ll at least peek to see who it is and maybe open the main door while leaving the storm door locked. UNLESS we are home schooling or doing something else more important and time sensitive to us. My phone though is sacred.  I don’t answer numbers I don’t know. In fact, I block them. 

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I voted other. I was raised in the north so immediately think rude but have lived in the south so lean toward it depends. As long as you don't expect me to drop everything to entertain you. Like, I'm on my way out and won't change plans just because you dropped by but if we're just hanging out not really a big deal.

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On 9/7/2019 at 3:24 PM, mms said:

  That said, I've got no qualms about turning someone away if it is really bad timing (e.g. someone is sick or we're about to walk out the door).

 

I have relatives that wear out their welcome. Those includes my aunts and my in-laws who not only need to gossip but also need to be waited on, else they whine worse than my whiny teen. Some (including MIL) also opens our mail (luckily payslips are now online and most mails are spam).

My aunts (majority coffee addicts) who can entertain themselves and make their own cup of coffee are welcomed to drop in anytime. Those aunts are also nice enough to not touch stuff that are personal (bills and medical stuff) and has not been put away.

I live in a gated condo complex and my neighbors with kids can take no for an answer, and also know when to leave. I don’t have a problem with them ringing my doorbell when they pass by my door to see if I am free for a chat (or my kids are free to play with their kids). 

We have looked at homes with square front porches that are large enough to sit six and if we buy one of those homes, we would be happy to entertain drop in visitors in our front porch. Or a shady backyard with its own backyard door would work as well, we saw a few homes with large backyard but no backyard door so the guests have to go through the house for a backyard potluck party.

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44 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

I have relatives that wear out their welcome. Those includes my aunts and my in-laws who not only need to gossip but also need to be waited on, else they whine worse than my whiny teen. Some (including MIL) also opens our mail (luckily payslips are now online and most mails are spam).

My aunts (majority coffee addicts) who can entertain themselves and make their own cup of coffee are welcomed to drop in anytime. Those aunts are also nice enough to not touch stuff that are personal (bills and medical stuff) and has not been put away.

I live in a gated condo complex and my neighbors with kids can take no for an answer, and also know when to leave. I don’t have a problem with them ringing my doorbell when they pass by my door to see if I am free for a chat (or my kids are free to play with their kids). 

We have looked at homes with square front porches that are large enough to sit six and if we buy one of those homes, we would be happy to entertain drop in visitors in our front porch. Or a shady backyard with its own backyard door would work as well, we saw a few homes with large backyard but no backyard door so the guests have to go through the house for a backyard potluck party.

I have nosy, gossipy relatives too.   But the fact is that some people will push boundaries whether they show up invited or not: people can be rude, but I do not see showing up unannounced in and of itself as rude.  I think that maybe we agree?

BTW, we actually do have a huge wrap around porch with a giant maple shading the house and I've often entertained impromptu guests while swinging the babies to sleep and was gracefully able to end the visit by needing to take one of the children inside.  Rude people still find a way to outstay their welcome and even invite themselves indoors :dry:  Either way, a large shady porch is definitely worth searching out!

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