What are your feelings about people dropping in unannounced?

[wintermom]

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

I'm sure this is a cultural thing. In my neighborhood, everybody lives on their porches and stoops. If you want to drop by and visit with them while they're outside - great! And kids certainly go from house to house as the mood strikes. But knocking on somebody's door when they're not outside is just... well, it's weird. If they wanted to chitchat, they'd be on their porch.

I feel this way, and we don't even have the "front porch" culture here. I like to chat with the neighbours when we are all outside. In the winter, especially now that a lot of neighbours have snow removal service and don't shovel their driveway, it could be months that I don't talk to the neighbours. This last spring my neighbour had a new baby and I never even saw she was pregnant! I've grown accustom to the northern hermit-like culture. "Don't knock on my door if I'm not outside!"

[Guest]

13 hours ago, regentrude said:

I'd love for more people to drop by unannounced. I'd love for people to stop making a big production out of visiting a friend or family member and just do it more often and easily. Just stop by and say hello, and stay for an improvised meal. There's always a box of spaghetti in the pantry I can fix up for you. And if I am busy with something important and can't hang out, then I'll tell you.

Back home when I grew up, that was the norm among friends.

You make that sound so lovely. In theory, I wish I had more of this in my life. In practice, people are not home or they have some other agenda they are about to skootch off for. 

A couple weeks ago, I was trying to arrange a few minutes to stop by the home of a friend who lives about 7 minutes’ drive from me. I wanted to hand something off to her that she was meant to forward on to another mutual friend. It was like trying to plan a rocket launch. Honestly it was so discouraging and I was beginning to wonder if she was trying to avoid getting “stuck” visiting with me for a half hour. I ended up nixing that idea and just made arrangements with the friend who was expecting the thing directly, even though it meant driving well out of my way. (And we had quite a nice visit of about a half hour, chatting about food and kids and school.)

[linders]

The idea that I have an open door to drop-ins is the only thing that motivates me to keep the guest bathroom and living room relatively clean all the time😉

Drop-ins was a habit that started way back in college dorm days. I lost it briefly when the boys were infants but then came back to it because its loss made me sad.

ETA: Last month I got a call from old friends whom we haven't seen in 7 years (we moved across the country). Said they realized they would be in our area on the long drive from a vacation place back to the airport. Would love to see us. When? "Well, we are 20 minutes away." I was unshowered, kitchen and dining room were a wreck, But of course, said yes. One of the best visits ever.

Edited September 6, 2019 by linders

[Carrie12345]

The doorbell video cracked me up.  My house doesn’t even have one of those, lol.  (Built in 1991.)

[hjffkj]

I actually don't mind when most people just drop in but I do think it is rude.

[marbel]

15 hours ago, Kassia said:

For me it's more about my schedule being disrupted than the mess.  I don't want to have to drop everything and rearrange my schedule because someone else had free time to drop by.  But there are things I would prefer to clean up as well.  

This is me. How does someone know if I'm not about to walk out the door to an appointment?  Or in the middle of a huge, long-overdue bathtub scrubbing in my worst clothes and the reek of chemicals all over the house? (Actually in that case I wouldn't even answer the door.)

I feel the same way about phone calls anymore. I don't love talking on the phone, but sometimes it's the best way to have a long conversation. But please don't call me out of the blue to "catch up" and then get hurt when I say I can't talk right now. You don't have access to my calendar and have no idea what's going on! Text me and ask when is a good time for a nice long chatty phone call, then I can be ready with coffee and doodling materials.  🙂

Hospital visits - I've only been in the hospital once as an adult for anything other than giving birth. I hated having visitors. I felt so obligated to be "on" and talkative when I just wanted to read or sleep. And please don't bring me crap that I have to take home and don't want there either, I don't care how cute it is, no stuffed animals or little figurines please. My husband told me our pastor asked him if/when to visit, and I said "please no, it will be torture for both of us." I liked my pastor but preferred to socialize with him at home or in a pub. Not lying in the hospital in pajamas, messy hair, and a catheter and a big clear bag of bloody pee by the side of the bed.  

[KrissiK]

I voted “never rude” but that’s just for me. I don’t mind people dropping in and chatting for a while, 

[scrapbookbuzz]

We don't really get visitors where we live unless I've scheduled some sort of gathering. I would love a friend or acquaintance to drop by!
But now that I think about it, I'm the only extrovert in our family of four. DH and DD are both introverts and DS calls himself an ambivert.
I would call him more of a social extrovert, and maybe those are the same. Not sure. He's fine to talk with people when we're out and about
but once we're home, unless it's a well known friend or acquaintance, he'd rather just be by himself.

I grew up in the Midwest where it was pretty much expected that your friends would drop by unannounced now and again. Especially kids.
I actually kind of miss that.

[Pen]

I don’t like unannounced visits at all. But reasons are things like health problems.

I wish I lived in a place where I knew my neighbors and community and where it was commonplace to have people drop in — and where I could handle that.

[TechWife]

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

[mumto2]

I grew up in a household where distant relatives dropped in for the week because my mom invited them after they arrived and were welcomed but Dh did not.  He gets really uptight and over the years I have grown to prefer not having my routine messed with.  😉. In part home ed made me want to keep my blocks of school time in place.........oddly my in-laws were my most frequent drop ins for years and purposely picked during school because we were home and “free”.  Which I think may be what changed my attitudes.

I tend not to mind the drop in and drink a cuppa visitors in the U.K. because it seems to be how it is.   I don’t normally drop in myself but can happily serve the tea and chat if I have to.  It became easier when we moved and the kids had larger bedrooms and could hide upstairs and finish their work. 

 

[Garga]

My mother was raised in California and when I was a kid we lived in Maryland.  But her mother had been raised somewhere in the South and my mother was taught that drop ins were perfectly acceptable, and probably the preferred way to hang out with friends.  So, I was raised that drop ins were just fine and dandy.

But then I soon realized that no one in Maryland actually did that--no one dropped in.  My mother would mention every now and then about how uptight people in the East are because it's "like they want an engraved invitation just to stop by", no one "just pops in to say hello around here."

I've lived away from my parents for so long that I barely even remember that it was a thing with my  mom--that people should be able to drop in whenever they want.  At my age, and with my introverted personality, and after living in the East for so long, I DO NOT LIKE a drop in.  I wouldn't call it rude, but I personally hate a drop in.

[Random]

17 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors.

 

This is what I'm thinking, too.  If I go to someone's house, I am not analyzing their housekeeping skills.  I am going there to see the person.  After reading these replies, I hope that people visiting me aren't critiquing my housekeeping skills, either.  We are tidy and generally clean, but there are six of us here (and a dog) and we are all busy with work and school.

I am a shy introverted person.  The few times someone has come to the house unannounced, I wasn't able to put my best (appearances) foot forward.  But the visits were nice.  If I don't have any food to offer, I just say so.  I always have tea to offer.

If someone knocks and it's not a good time, I tell them so.  If someone knocks and it is a good time, that's a win-win.  No need to overthink it, right? 

I don't visit homes unannounced because the one time I did, I woke someone up from a nap.  Even though the person I visited repeatedly told me, "Stop by anytime!  No need to call!"  Lol.

[Garga]

48 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

I'll admit it online: I am not that clean.  My bathroom is NOT ready for guests.  There is a little layer of fuzzy stuff on the edges of the sink where it meets the wall.  Sometimes the toilet gets a little ring around the water line.  There are giant wads of cat fur in the living room right now, because I was practicing hapkido last night and when I twist my feet in the carpet, old cat fur twists out of it into little lumps and I haven't vacuumed it up yet.  I also have last night's dishes still in the sink and some flour on the counter that the boys didn't clean up that I need to hassle them about when they're done school for the day.

Can you imagine someone coming it with all those wads of fur and the fuzzy sink and the line around the toilet water and dishes that are over 12 hours old in there? 

And honestly, during the school year, I only get dressed a couple of times a week, when I know I have to go out.  I'd be in my pjs.

If someone showed up at the door, I would absolutely feel compelled to say, "Let me wipe down the bathroom real quick" because it's dirty and I'd try to keep them out of the kitchen.  I'd enjoy their company, but I would feel bad about the state of the house at the same time.

Edited September 6, 2019 by Garga

[Sneezyone]

Don’t care much. My house is never immaculate but it’s always tidy. I enjoy having company so long as I’m fully dressed. I expect homes to be lived in, just not trashed, smelly and/or hoarder-ish. A water stain on the toilet, for ex, wouldn’t faze me.

Edited September 6, 2019 by Sneezyone

[marbel]

1 hour ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

That's a pretty bold implication.  

My bathroom and kitchen have not always been clean. There have been times during my homeschooling career when there was literally  no place in the living room for someone to sit down because couches and chairs had stuff on them. Sometimes it was extreme, such as when  preparing for a camping trip (my house is small, there are no extra rooms to stage stuff) or some home repair was going on. The two weeks before my kids moved out to college, we could barely walk in there.  There have been times when I couldn't have someone sit down for a cup of tea because the kitchen table was cluttered with stuff. My house is not always dusted and vacuumed. The bathroom is not always in a nice state.  And I have only two kids, and did not have lots of commitments outside the home. I can imagine someone with more kids, someone who works or has a heavy volunteer schedule, etc would have a harder time keeping things "tidy" all the time.  

I don't go around critiquing other peoples' homes when I visit; in fact I am delighted when I am in someone's home and things are not spotless.  But everyone has a level of comfort. Yeah, I'd like to have a chance to do a quick swipe of the bathroom surfaces and toilet and put clean hand towels in there before opening it up for a guest.  

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting company to give a little notice before coming over. It certainly does not mean they value cleanliness over people, to me it indicates a desire to make their guest more comfortable.  To me it's less about housekeeping than being respectful of someone's schedule and not expecting them to be available at a moment's notice to sit around and chat.  My mom had that life; I do not and very few people I know have that life now. 

 

Edited September 6, 2019 by marbel

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

At any time you litrerally would have to step over mess to get in the door. My son likes to build elaborate fortresses with blocks and legos in our entry. 

Right now, our kitchen table is covered with school stuff, dirt has been tracked all over the floor because...farm. We’re rearranging some furniture so there’s random bookcases and books everywhere. My dd temporarily moved in for 6 weeks and is sleeping on a mattress so there literally is no place to put her stuff and it’s everywhere. 

Things are clean (except the floors) but I do not want anyone else in on this circus. 

We have 6 people in this house and it shows.

I clean the bathroom and literally the next day it doesn’t really look much different than before. 

Edited September 6, 2019 by fairfarmhand

[SKL]

1 hour ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

I probably got this from my mother, who did feel like she might be judged by others.  She was a WOHM with 6 kids.  Her geographically closest friend was a SAHM with 3 kids and a spotless house.  My mom often mentioned how you could eat off E's floors etc.  When E was coming over, my mom would yell, "Hide everything under the beds!"  For that matter, in those days it was unusual to have a WOHM and therefore unusual to have a house full of kids with nobody home all day cleaning it.  We certainly cleaned the kitchen every night and the whole house every Saturday.  But still.  I remember one summer week night, my soon-to-be-3rd grade teacher dropped by to meet my parents.  Among other things, she mentioned being allergic to dust.  My mom was dying.

Personally, I like to hang around my house in shorts, and I don't keep my legs shaved since I only wear pants when I go out.  I also consider hair combing optional when home alone, and I have been known to take naps during the day.  Whatever pets we have in cages live in full view of the front door, and they like to throw stuff out of their cages.  My housemate has boxes of things she is to take to her home country on a visit next month, including adult diapers for an elderly relative, all over our "family room."  All of us 3 adults work at home, so at least one room has a table full of work mess.  Our laundry "room" is not big enough to fit the hanging clothes, so those are in the kitchen.  We also have piles of work-related laundry around.  Moreover, at different times, we have smells in the house related to skunks from the nearby woods etc.  Or the times my kids learned the hard way not to forget to add water to your microwave noodles.  Or possibly even old fruit that hasn't made it to the outdoor garbage bin yet.

I also agree that an unexpected change in routine can be problematic.  In my case, it is a combination of my ASD genes and my really busy schedule as a working single parent of two busy kids.  I am almost always home, but that doesn't mean I'm not working on a schedule, or sleeping off my last all-nighter, or doing some sweaty exercise right before my shower.  Really, if I know you are coming, I would be glad to rearrange things so we can enjoy each other.  But if you just drop in, I'm going to be worrying, do I stink, does my house stink, I'm gonna blow that deadline, I hope they don't look into X room, I'm gonna make my kids late, etc.  That's not going to be fun for you or me.

Edited September 6, 2019 by SKL

[hjffkj]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

I'll admit it online: I am not that clean.  My bathroom is NOT ready for guests.  There is a little layer of fuzzy stuff on the edges of the sink where it meets the wall.  Sometimes the toilet gets a little ring around the water line.  There are giant wads of cat fur in the living room right now, because I was practicing hapkido last night and when I twist my feet in the carpet, old cat fur twists out of it into little lumps and I haven't vacuumed it up yet.  I also have last night's dishes still in the sink and some flour on the counter that the boys didn't clean up that I need to hassle them about when they're done school for the day.

Can you imagine someone coming it with all those wads of fur and the fuzzy sink and the line around the toilet water and dishes that are over 12 hours old in there? 

And honestly, during the school year, I only get dressed a couple of times a week, when I know I have to go out.  I'd be in my pjs.

If someone showed up at the door, I would absolutely feel compelled to say, "Let me wipe down the bathroom real quick" because it's dirty and I'd try to keep them out of the kitchen.  I'd enjoy their company, but I would feel bad about the state of the house at the same time.

You are my people.  You have just described the state of my home unless I know people are coming over.

[rebcoola]

We Not rude as long as the person dropping by can handle being told it’s a bad time.  They also have to be good with mess and chaos!!! The family we know that is most open to pop ins also has the most chaotic messy house.  Piles of laundry, spilled pasta, couch forts, people in pjs all the time.  It is the best house to go visit because it is real and warm and fun

Edited September 6, 2019 by rebcoola

[fairfarmhand]

By the way, it's not unusual for the "work" that I am doing is not really something that someone can join in with me on.

If I'm writing, or grading papers or calling the insurance company, or paying bills or whatever, it's not like anyone can help out with that.

[marbel]

15 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

By the way, it's not unusual for the "work" that I am doing is not really something that someone can join in with me on.

If I'm writing, or grading papers or calling the insurance company, or paying bills or whatever, it's not like anyone can help out with that.

Same.  But I also don't like the idea of someone coming over and helping me clean my bathroom or whatever.  I prefer that as a solo task. Outside work is different, sure come on over and talk to me while I am deadheading or weeding or whatever.

And I hate it when people just decide they are going to help  me with something without knowing if it's helpful or not.  Like the time someone stopped over with her kids and we had some food, and she wanted to wash the dishes. But I had an outdoor birdfeeder in the sink that I had been getting ready to clean, and didn't want dishes mixed in with that. She wouldn't listen to my "please stop, I can do this later" and just threw dishes into the sink with the birdfeeder and washed them all very quickly. Not what I wanted at all and when she left I took everything out of the drainer and rewashed it all.  

(I don't care if it was all fine to wash dishes with a birdfeeder; to me that is just ugh. I would always disinfect the sink after a task like that. Now I have a utility sink in the laundry room, but I didn't then.)

Edited September 6, 2019 by marbel

[HS Mom in NC]

It's always rude unless the person has expressly stated that dropping by any time is fine with them.  And people who say "drop by any time" should be assumed to mean it. Anyone who says it and doesn't actually mean it needs to stop saying things they don't mean.

Raised in the greater Phoenix area in AZ that had small hobby farms. 

ETA: You could drop by unexpectedly to return something, borrow something essential,  or have an important, very brief conversation, but you had to respect someone's time as much as you would respect their money or property.

I think people are being wistful of a bygone era wishing for drop ins.  Most people I know have both parents working and kids in ps and outside activities.   No way would I take up the precious little time those parents have with their kids on weekday afternoon/evenings without clearing it with them first.  And their weekends are precious too.  They're not all work at home, school at home families. They have weekend family time plans, birthday parties, church, much needed down time to add to their busy schedules.

When middle daughter was in Tae Kwon Do until last year it was 3 weekday afternoons with a 20 min. drive to class, 1 hour class, and 30 min. drive home (rush hour.)  Middle daughter had archery practice 2 days a week, indoor practice was 30 min. away and outdoor practice at the range was a 40 minute drive there and as much as an hour and 15 min. drive home in rush hour.  Then there were tournaments a few times a year locally on a Saturday. That was in addition to a weekday evening for church small group.  Most of the people we met at class and group had working parents, a commute, and kids in school.

Is rude too harsh?  Nope.  Not in today's fast paced, booked society. We all have cell phone capabilities. Call or text first and ask.

Edited September 6, 2019 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[mathnerd]

20 hours ago, whitehawk said:

I marked "rude" but really I'd just consider it baffling. Like... I... why? (By "dropping in" I'm assuming you mean actually expecting to be invited into the house.)

Maybe it's because I do a fair amount of work that can't readily be made social (e.g., previewing school lessons, data entry)? You can't just hang out while I teach without distracting us. And we're not available at the same times every day, not even necessarily doing the same things on the same days every week.

I'm from New England, living in the South 20 years.

I am an introvert and it baffles me that someone expects to drop in on my household at a time of their choice and for us to disrupt our activities and hang out with them. We have schedules that comprise of academics, music practice, driving for sports, both parents with long work days who are working from home depending on their work loads, running out for grocery and such etc.

a relative or close friend who thinks that they could drop in for a chat and a meal is being inconsiderate. That being said, my husband’s family culture involves people walking in and out of each other’s house unannounced as well as people staying in each other’s houses for days and I tolerate it as it is important to my husband. I have had my SIL drop in unannounced at 11:39 pm once asking to sleep in my spare bedroom because she was living alone and got spooked by a bad dream or something! 

I have stuff to do most of the time and would appreciate notice if someone expects me to sit with them, cook and clean for them (my visitors always pass comments on the mess at my house!).

[Innisfree]

3 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Ok, if my sil let herself in like that, I’d be changing locks and considering a restraining order. 😆

Yeah. 😄 If it were just me, I'd be doing the same. She does have her virtues, though, and dh loves her, so...

This has been an interesting thread. 

I've been remembering my grandfather, who lived in the same small town for many, many years, with lots of friends within walking distance. In his later years, after my grandmother died, he'd bake muffins and carry them to friends. People dropped by to see him, too. It was lovely.

Maybe I found a new goal for myself, since kids are growing up and not making constant messes. Maybe I could get to be comfortable with drop-in visitors.

[Laura Corin]

6 hours ago, Garga said:

I'll admit it online: I am not that clean.  My bathroom is NOT ready for guests.  There is a little layer of fuzzy stuff on the edges of the sink where it meets the wall.  Sometimes the toilet gets a little ring around the water line.  There are giant wads of cat fur in the living room right now, because I was practicing hapkido last night and when I twist my feet in the carpet, old cat fur twists out of it into little lumps and I haven't vacuumed it up yet.  I also have last night's dishes still in the sink and some flour on the counter that the boys didn't clean up that I need to hassle them about when they're done school for the day.

Can you imagine someone coming it with all those wads of fur and the fuzzy sink and the line around the toilet water and dishes that are over 12 hours old in there? 

And honestly, during the school year, I only get dressed a couple of times a week, when I know I have to go out.  I'd be in my pjs.

If someone showed up at the door, I would absolutely feel compelled to say, "Let me wipe down the bathroom real quick" because it's dirty and I'd try to keep them out of the kitchen.  I'd enjoy their company, but I would feel bad about the state of the house at the same time.

I grew up in a fairly squalid home. The dust lay thick on the vacuum cleaner and the grime on the kitchen floor. I don't think about the cleanliness of my house when someone drops by.

[sassenach]

In the day and age of cell phones, I say always rude. 

[elegantlion]

The people that I wouldn't mind dropping by never would, they would at least text first. We tend to live upstairs and I cannot hear someone at the door anyway, the doorbell doesn't always work. We keep such odd schedules that it would be hard for people to know our routine anyway. Of course, I don't like to talk on the phone either. I have three people I will talk to on the phone, and two of those I live with most of the time. 

[Carrie12345]

22 hours ago, TechWife said:

I'm struck by the number of people who say that they don't want drop in visits because they are concerned about their homes not being presentable. This is not even on my radar. We live in our home and assume others live in theirs as well. We are relatively tidy people, but there is much everyday clutter in the living areas, because living can create clutter as items get moved around the house and abandoned for other endeavors. We have no laundry room, so there are often baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, near the laundry closet. But, that's just life. I value the people that drop by more than I value an arbitrary idea of cleanliness, so this puzzles me. My bathrooms are clean, my kitchen is clean (the counters are sometimes cluttered, but they are clean), the litter box is taken care of. The house are dusted and vacuumed regularly. What standard of cleanliness do you hold yourselves to in order to be "company ready?" If that standard is higher than your regular standard, why? As I said, this puzzles me.

My kitchen and bathrooms aren’t always clean.  My litter box *usually is... but not always.  On a good week, my living room is vacuumed several times, but we rarely have good weeks.  My main living areas are generally clutter-free enough to do a very quick swipe, but the actual CLEANING can be completely absent during a busy week. Or two. Or month. 😮 

When I am catching up on that cleaning, I’m spending a good bit of time unshowered, without a bra, and a very messy bun!

I don’t think my standards are high, but I have a very busy family.  When we’re not running around outside of the house, I’m either inside dealing with school, cleaning, or lounging (when I should be dealing with school or cleaning.) I don’t need guests seeing me or my house during any of those times!

[Carrie12345]

When we lived in an apartment, kids and their parents would drop by all the time.  Much of that time, my home would be “messy”, and that was okay with me. We had a preschooler and two babies; life was messy.  But we also weren’t busy. I was home almost every day, all day.  I swept every crumb, wiped every spill, and got everything else done through the day.

I can’t believe I’m admitting that I sort of miss the days of cleaning all day, every day!
(Just don’t make me do it again!)

[Mbelle]

For close family and friends then I don't mind, but usually they will call at last minute and say I'm 5 min away is it ok if I drop in.  We live in the South.

If it's not close friends or family it actually freaks me out a bit.  I'm including religious people who go door to door and whoever else does this, which last week included the census.  

My dh family from a rural area in australia, they not only drop in unannouced, but will actually come in your house if you aren't there and make some tea and wait for you.   LOL, that was way ouside my cultural comfort zone!

edit: added inifo

Edited September 7, 2019 by Mbelle

[Ausmumof3]

I voted other.  I actually love the idea of being open and welcoming all the time but the reality is we are embarrassingly messy if I don’t get warning to clean and people always seem to drop in on the one day in six months when we had a crazy weekend and are still in pjs at 9 on a Monday morning!  So I really hope one day go be a drop in person but for now I’m a please pretty please at least send me a text 30 mins before 

[Hannah]

We live out of town, so people call ahead.  I have one friend whom I drop into about twice a month - I call 5 to 10 min ahead and its usually late afternoon.  She'll tell me if she's busy or wants family time, and has told me often that she appreciates my visits.  On occasion I've kept her company while she does a chore.  I take her house as it comes - it is always 'lived in', sometimes messy, but never dirty.

[Carrie12345]

1 hour ago, mms said:

I can't like this enough: I hate the fact that everything has to be scheduled.  This really must be a huge cultural gap in modern day America because I also honestly don't expect everyone to have a cell phone - I know several people who do not!

I'm actually an introvert and my house is often messy (and sometimes gross), but I would never consider someone who dropped by to visit rude.  We've had people come in to disaster areas and it is mortifying but in my experience people give us a lot of grace and they really just want to spend time with us and not look at the house, lol.  That said, I've got no qualms about turning someone away if it is really bad timing (e.g. someone is sick or we're about to walk out the door).

I agree that times have changed, but I think there are also regional/community differences that come into play. 

I grew up in the suburbs and we kids could walk just about everywhere we needed to or catch a ride from someone nearby. Plus we were in public school (and walked.) Our friends and our parents friends all lived within several blocks. They weren’t as busy outside of 9-5 jobs.

Im forever driving 4 different kids around for educational activities, work, volunteering, and even just to go to a park. I live in the woods with maybe 6 full time neighbors on our street and our friends are scattered over hundreds of square miles. I love it! 😉

[Lady Florida.]

On 9/5/2019 at 4:33 PM, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I voted other, simply because I think rude is a bit harsh.

I voted other for the same reason. I don't think it's rude but I also don't think it's best practice. 

I used to hate it but have mellowed and it wouldn't bother me if someone dropped in unannounced. I'd rather know they're coming but if they showed up I'd be glad to see them. That said, none of our family or friends are the drop in type and we're not either. Dss will occasionally work overtime at a fire station near us and stop in when his shift ends. Most of the time he'll text first to see if we're home but there have been a handful of times when he took a chance and just dropped by. 

ETA: I was raised in New Jersey to age 13 and then Florida - so both in the Northeast and in the South

Edited September 8, 2019 by Lady Florida.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I don't think it is rude necessarily, but no thanks. I like my spontaneity well planned.

[Murphy101]

I woke up this morning to someone who doesn’t live here knocking on my *bedroom* door. 

Not only am I okay with drop ins of friends/family, I don’t even care if they walk right in the house without knocking.  

Now the proviso is they see and hear whatever they see and hear. We are very casual people in this house and if they are the kind of person to judge or be offended bc there’s clean unfolded laundry on the sofa or the kitchen is a mess - they need to make an appt.,  still no promises but at least better odds.  

I know MANY people who do not answer phones or doors unless they are expecting a call/visit.  My door I’ll at least peek to see who it is and maybe open the main door while leaving the storm door locked. UNLESS we are home schooling or doing something else more important and time sensitive to us. My phone though is sacred.  I don’t answer numbers I don’t know. In fact, I block them. 

[easypeasy]

Not rude. But I’d really prefer you didn’t. 😂

[ashfern]

I voted other. I was raised in the north so immediately think rude but have lived in the south so lean toward it depends. As long as you don't expect me to drop everything to entertain you. Like, I'm on my way out and won't change plans just because you dropped by but if we're just hanging out not really a big deal.

[Arcadia]

On 9/7/2019 at 3:24 PM, mms said:

  That said, I've got no qualms about turning someone away if it is really bad timing (e.g. someone is sick or we're about to walk out the door).

 

I have relatives that wear out their welcome. Those includes my aunts and my in-laws who not only need to gossip but also need to be waited on, else they whine worse than my whiny teen. Some (including MIL) also opens our mail (luckily payslips are now online and most mails are spam).

My aunts (majority coffee addicts) who can entertain themselves and make their own cup of coffee are welcomed to drop in anytime. Those aunts are also nice enough to not touch stuff that are personal (bills and medical stuff) and has not been put away.

I live in a gated condo complex and my neighbors with kids can take no for an answer, and also know when to leave. I don’t have a problem with them ringing my doorbell when they pass by my door to see if I am free for a chat (or my kids are free to play with their kids). 

We have looked at homes with square front porches that are large enough to sit six and if we buy one of those homes, we would be happy to entertain drop in visitors in our front porch. Or a shady backyard with its own backyard door would work as well, we saw a few homes with large backyard but no backyard door so the guests have to go through the house for a backyard potluck party.