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Bambam

What are your feelings about people dropping in unannounced?

Rude or not to arrive unannounced at friends & family's houses?   

137 members have voted

  1. 1. What do you believe about dropping in on others unannounced?

    • Rude all the time
      31
    • Not rude for family and close friends, but rude for everyone else
      28
    • Never rude. Drop in anytime!
      22
    • Okay with some that we have that relationship with, but rude for all others
      39
    • Other
      22


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One family member here (raised in the south) believes it is acceptable to drop in on any family member or friend (no matter how close/not close/even just an acquaintance) without any prior notice of your arrival or impending visit. 

Another family member (not raised in the south) believes that is rude except in the case of immediate family members who have that tradition -but preferably a call/text would be made *first* to make sure this time is a good time.  Exceptions are made for those in the hospital/nursing home - you just stop by and if that is not a good time,  just leave. 

So, I thought it would be interesting to start a poll. If you have time and interest, please also indicate which you believe and where you were raised. 

Edited by Bambam

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I voted other, simply because I think rude is a bit harsh. I think it can be rude, but I do think it's largely a personality thing.  I am definitely not a fan of unannounced visits- I don't understand it in this day and age when people can at least call or shoot you a text to give a heads up!

I am (clearly) from Texas, and it seems to me it's more of a personality thing on whether or not this is a way of life, vs. regional. The extroverts I know who are up for anything are like "HEY! Stop on by anytime you want!!" Whereas the introverts (like myself) I know, sort of have to mentally prepare for it, so we schedule everything in advance as far as social interactions. 

I've noticed certain neighborhoods have vibes where everyone walks over to each other's houses and drop by, impromptu get togethers, that sort of thing. That is so not us, LOL. If I lived in a neighborhood I would be the pull in my garage, and shut the door before getting out to go in my house sort of person, lest some neighbor be out there waiting to talk. We wave here, but any sort of interactions tend to be scheduled. 

My parents are probably my only exception that dropped by doesn't bother me (although it would if it happened often), partly because I am over caring if my Mother thinks my house is cluttered or messy. Show up unannounced, you get what you get. But anyone else- yeah, I'd like the chance to make sure there isn't a fort in the middle of my den and a cat on my dining room table, and that I'm mentally prepared for socializing. 

Edited by Æthelthryth the Texan
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I don't want anyone dropping in - not even in the hospital.  I'd be ok with my adult children doing it (they all live far away so it wouldn't happen) but even then I'd prefer to know ahead of time.  I would never do it to someone else.  

I was raised in Florida.

 

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I love people.  And I detest anyone showing up unannounced.  How do you know I have pants on?!

 

Text, call, or email.  Last minute is fine.  But give me 15-30 minutes of warning so I can at least be half clothed and not have dragon breath.

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I'm pretty much with Aethelthryth.

Raised in the upper south, not okay with casual drop-ins of anyone I can think of now that my parents have died. They were familiar with my mess. Even so, they tended to visit on a schedule, so I was ready most of the time.

My sister-in-law thinks any family should be able to drop in any time. She has adapted far enough to call in advance now, but usually she calls when she's already right around the corner. I would like her to call several hours in advance. She says my mess doesn't bother her. What she can't seem to grasp is that it bothers *me*, so I'd like some warning.

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There area handful of people with whom this is permissive for me. My best friend is one. 

There are only a few people with whom I want to be instantly "on" for. I like people. But I must be mentally prepared, also wearing clothes that don't have a hole in a dumb place (like the shorts with a hole in the butt) Also not having the couch covered with laundry. I can tidy the house in 30 minutes on most days. Just text and let me know.

My dh is the "family doesn't matter" camp which drives me crazy.

And really, if I'm in the hospital, please call first. I hate visiting with people in the hospital. Leave me alone. I'm sick. 

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Hmmmm...I have lived in the South forever. My dh is the "drop-in" sort of guy. I strongly encourage him not to do that. I do not like to drop in on someone, ever. Having said that, I wouldn't really mind too much if someone dropped in on me. So, I really don't mind someone popping in but don't want to do it to someone else. However, I do think that it's rude to pull into someone's driveway who happens to be a professional plumber, carpenter, etc., and interrupt dinner to ask when can you come (and how soon can you do it? ) to repair my leaky faucet. Well, because, you don't randomly show up at your doctor's house, bang on the door, and ask if he can take a look at the strange rash on your back while he's trying to watch the football game! 🙂

Regarding the hospital, I wouldn't want people to drop in on me there. But it seems that in our society we're expected to visit people in the hospital. As an introvert, I'm torn between wanting to support them and respecting their privacy as I'd want mine to be.

Edited by Indigo Blue
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I don't think that it is rude.  But anyone who drops in announced has to leave any white-gloves and/or judgment at the door.  I don't do it, myself, though.  Just too many variables including someone who could think that it is really rude. 

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I voted other. 

I don’t think it’s necessarily rude, but I don’t want folks to drop by my house unexpectedly. At any point in my day, one or more rooms in my looks like it exploded....twice.  I clean as much as I can but we live here lol

If you (general you) are going to show up unannounced, you have to never care about the cleanliness level of my house.  Ever.  And there are very few people that I am sure don’t care lol.  

Now, having said that, I don’t care what other people’s homes look like.   That doesn’t mean I am gonna pop over to someone’s house unannounced, but I know you live in your house just like I live in mine so I expect that at any moment, some rooms look like they exploded lol.  

But, it’s the judgement that I find rude, not the stopping by.   If you can stop by and be comfortable in my mess, I am happy to have you.  If you stop by and make comments on the kids playroom, well then call first....at least that way I can warn you before you walk in lol   

 

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For me it's more about my schedule being disrupted than the mess.  I don't want to have to drop everything and rearrange my schedule because someone else had free time to drop by.  But there are things I would prefer to clean up as well.  

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It's very bad manners the way I was raised.  I'm from the great lakes.

Exception - neighborhood kids.  It's OK to come and knock.  But it's also OK for the family to say you can't come in right now.

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Depends.  I don't mind in the afternoons or evenings but it really bugs me during the time we traditionally are schooling.  Especially family who knows our routines well enough to know what hours that normally is.  So don't drop by at 9 when I'm trying to get five math lessons done and expect me to be really hospitable -lol!  Emergencies are different of course.

Related to this  . . Why do people think that morning is a great time to call me and chat for a while?  Yes, I would ignore but these are people who quite often need me for some reason.  Also, don't call during school then spend 5 or 10 minutes asking whether I am teaching, what I am teaching, and apologize for interrupting and then give me information that could have easily been left in a voicemail (which they refuse to use), or a text ( which they refuse to use) or even (gasp!)  wait until afternoon.  Hmmmpf .  I'm a bit grumpy today . . 

  

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I voted okay sometimes, but really I don't think it's rude usually. I do think in order to do it, you have to have a reason (I was in the neighborhood and I realized I never returned that dish that's sitting in my car!) or be able to read the situation really well and not have expectations.

Nowadays, I would honestly feel like it's odd if you don't text first. I have a friend who does drop in occasionally unexpectedly, but she always texts first. She'll be like, hey, I'm by you, want to go for a walk or want to come do this thing or can I do my laundry there (she's in her 20's, which I'm going to pretend like explains that) and sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm out, and she's like, okay, cool. But often I'm like, sure, come on. And ten minutes later, she's walking up.

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7 minutes ago, Kassia said:

For me it's more about my schedule being disrupted than the mess.  I don't want to have to drop everything and rearrange my schedule because someone else had free time to drop by.  But there are things I would prefer to clean up as well.  

Oh I wouldn’t drop everything.   I wouldn’t have a problem telling anyone that we are busy, or walking out the door or whatever.  

 

 

When I was a kid, this was how kids operated, just showing up at friends houses.  If it was too early, they got sent away.  If there was something else going on, they got sent away.  

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Is it rude if I don't answer the door when you drop in unannounced? 😉 'Cause that's what happens most of the time. 

Maybe the two "rudes" cancel each other out? 

Edited by wintermom
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Other. It’s not okay with me. I’d probably be okay with my siblings and parents if they lived nearby, but they don’t.

My husband surprised my mom out of state the other day. He said he could see *my thoughts go across *her face when she saw him.  Something along the lines of “Oh &*#!, this is nice, but my house is a disaster and I wasn’t mentally prepared to people tonight.”

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Also, the amount of notice I need depends on how much of my house you expect to see.  If you're coming for dinner, I need a minimum of a day, preferably 2.  If you're going to sleep here, you'd better give me at least a week.

It's not that I actually take that long to clean, but I work and have other activities.  My time/energy for housekeeping is spread thin.  And we have stuff that regularly stays in our living areas, because that's where we use it.  Also, my bird likes to throw its food all over the place.  So do us all a favor and call first.  🙂

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Funny comedy routine about this:

 

p.s. People in my life know better than to just drop in. 😉 

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I'd love for more people to drop by unannounced. I'd love for people to stop making a big production out of visiting a friend or family member and just do it more often and easily. Just stop by and say hello, and stay for an improvised meal. There's always a box of spaghetti in the pantry I can fix up for you. And if I am busy with something important and can't hang out, then I'll tell you.

Back home when I grew up, that was the norm among friends.

Edited by regentrude
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5 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I'd love for more people to drop by unannounced. I'd love for people to stop making a big production out of visiting a friend or family member and just do it more often and easily. Just stop by and say hello, and stay for an improvised meal. There's always a box of spaghetti in the pantry I can fix up for you. And if I am busy with something important and can't hang out, then I'll tell you.

Back home when I grew up, that was the norm among friends.

 

I'll be there in 30 minutes! But do you have gluten free pasta?? Ha! 😁

Edited by Indigo Blue
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The only person that I do that to is my maternal aunt who babysat me most of my childhood as she was also taking care of my grandpa (her dad) who was staying with her. It was like my second home. 

A call or text would be appreciated for anyone else. Even if I know my close cousins are at home, it’s better to call or text first as a courtesy.

ETA:

I am from Asia and in my social circles, entertaining the guests (includes relatives and in-laws) is required as the host. So unannounced guests means the host has to accommodate because certain people do not leave soon even if the host is obviously busy and/or tired. 

Edited by Arcadia
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I put other because I, too, think rude sounds too harsh.  I also really love the idea of being in a community where people are comfortable dropping by unannounced.  It was somewhat like that in the last town we lived in.  And I always enjoyed it.  

As long as it was between the hours of 1pm and 9pm.  😄 

So, if you come before or after those hours, I won't think it's rude, but I might not answer my door!

I grew up in California.

 

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31 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Oh I wouldn’t drop everything.   I wouldn’t have a problem telling anyone that we are busy, or walking out the door or whatever.  

 

 

When I was a kid, this was how kids operated, just showing up at friends houses.  If it was too early, they got sent away.  If there was something else going on, they got sent away.  

This. 

I’m happy to have visitors with zero notice, drop in anytime, but I’m also going to keep doing what I was doing. If I’m cleaning, I’ll chat with you while I’m cleaning. If I’m schooling, I’ll tell you I’m schooling and offer you a place on the couch with some tea while I school. If we’re leaving, you can come along or leave. 

I grew up watching my mother drop in on her friends and her friends drop in on us (they all had kids who were our friends). And I watched all of those mothers model working alongside each other. Sure, they’d schedule a visit if it were a canning day and they wanted help, but if it were just a regular day and we went over to visit mom’s/our friends, we were just as likely to play as to help muck out the barn, and my mother was just as likely to sit on the porch with her friend as help organize the garage. We all just jumped in if there was work.  

I know I’ve found a kindred spirit when I can say, “I’m busy cleaning, but bring the kids and just be here with us,” and they do. 

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5 minutes ago, BooksandBoys said:

This. 

I’m happy to have visitors with zero notice, drop in anytime, but I’m also going to keep doing what I was doing. If I’m cleaning, I’ll chat with you while I’m cleaning. If I’m schooling, I’ll tell you I’m schooling and offer you a place on the couch with some tea while I school. If we’re leaving, you can come along or leave. 

I grew up watching my mother drop in on her friends and her friends drop in on us (they all had kids who were our friends). And I watched all of those mothers model working alongside each other. Sure, they’d schedule a visit if it were a canning day and they wanted help, but if it were just a regular day and we went over to visit mom’s/our friends, we were just as likely to play as to help muck out the barn, and my mother was just as likely to sit on the porch with her friend as help organize the garage. We all just jumped in if there was work.  

I know I’ve found a kindred spirit when I can say, “I’m busy cleaning, but bring the kids and just be here with us,” and they do. 

I grew up with this too and have always wanted to find someone like this.  I will do this at other people's houses and they seem to appreciate it but they never do it back.  (Which is ok - it's not an expectation or anything but it would be, like you said, a kindred spirit.)

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Just now, Jean in Newcastle said:

I grew up with this too and have always wanted to find someone like this.  I will do this at other people's houses and they seem to appreciate it but they never do it back.  (Which is ok - it's not an expectation or anything but it would be, like you said, a kindred spirit.)

Yeah. I’m pretty blunt about this being the kind of friendship I love having, so I’ve found a few over the years. But even with my bluntness, it’s usually not there...

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I have two answers. 

In THEORY I'd love you to be able to stop by anytime if you are a close friend or family. I grew up in a neighborhood where that was normal, and people rapped on the door and walked right in. I want that. 

In PRACTICE my house is a mess so please call first so I can clean up. 

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midwest here...drop in is fine, but use common sense as to the time and length of your visit.  Pitch in if I'm doing chores or something I can't stop in the middle of; you know canning tomatoes whatever. Don't be surprised if I have to go on an errand while you are here. If I am having a dinner party, feel free to pull up a chair if you are from out of town and feel sociable.  

All of my relatives and friends would be most upset to hear if I was in the area, had the time, and did not stop in. 

 

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I forgot that my son's ex-girlfriend used to drop by all the time - anywhere from early in the morning until late at night and at mealtimes.  I didn't like it but always made her feel welcome.  But it drove my poor dd crazy because she was very uncomfortable with it and that was awkward because I wanted dd to feel comfortable in her own home not worrying about someone being there at any time but I also wanted the girlfriend to feel welcome.  

Neighborhood kids coming to play with my kids were always welcome - that felt totally different to me.

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42 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I'll be there in 30 minutes! But do you have gluten free pasta?? Ha! 😁

I don't have gluten free pasta, but I can make you a different gluten free meal 🙂  

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It depends if it is a coming for a visit and expecting food or just dropping by to pick up or drop off something. 

And if it is oldest d's with a carload of uni friends who are planning on staying the long weekend Let Me Know at least 30 minutes beforehand. I don't deal with that  supprise  very well

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I marked "rude" but really I'd just consider it baffling. Like... I... why? (By "dropping in" I'm assuming you mean actually expecting to be invited into the house.)

Maybe it's because I do a fair amount of work that can't readily be made social (e.g., previewing school lessons, data entry)? You can't just hang out while I teach without distracting us. And we're not available at the same times every day, not even necessarily doing the same things on the same days every week.

I'm from New England, living in the South 20 years.

Edited by whitehawk
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Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I hate people dropping in unannounced. Gives me anxiety just thinking about it. I feel my stomach drop to the floor and I feel like puking when it happens and after they leave I usually crash and need a nap. Even if they only stay 5 minutes. Yes, I know I have an anxiety problem. 

I especially do not like visitors, announced or unannounced, in the hospital. We always tell the admissions desk that they are not allowed to tell people we are there when they ask us that question. If I wanted visitors, I would have invited them.

I do not ever drop in on anyone without announcing myself first or they explicitly tell me to come over. If all you do is drop hints but never say, "Hey why don't you come over at X time on Y day" I am probably going to sorely disappoint you.

I was raised mostly in the southwestern United States. Lived a good portion of my teenage and young adult years in the south. There was a military influence from childhood into my early thirties. Now I live in the middle of nowhere on the edge between the midwest and the south. I like it here. We rarely get unannounced visitors anymore because there is really no other reason to come where we are other than to come see us. And most people who know us well enough to see us know about my anxiety and call or text first.

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Other - I don't think it's rude, but I really don't like it, and would prefer people don't do it. 

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I grew up in a rural area where people stopping by was accepted. Driving by Billy Bob's house and he's out working on his truck - stop by for a chat. Not so much expecting to come inside and hanging out, unless it's family. Or the old Avon lady stopping by with the new catalog. 

But I'm a super-introverted homebody. Plus, if you come by my house uninvited, you're likely to catch me bra-less. 

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5 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Plus, if you come by my house uninvited, you're likely to catch me bra-less. 

we're supposed to put a bra on just because there's company???

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Textbook introvert here. My first thought is WHY is someone “dropping by?” If they need to return a dish and they leave the car running to indicate they won’t be staying long, okay, I guess. But a text first would be nice. If they’re coming by just to chat, well, I don’t even know how to imagine anyone other than my best friend of 35 years doing that. And she wouldn’t without texting first. 

Two issues for me:  One, I work from home, so if someone just dropped by I’d have to stop working to accommodate them. That’s not always possible. Two, neither hospitality nor chit chat come easily for me. I need time to mentally and physically prepare for it. And then I need time to recover from it.

I’m not an anxiety-riddled cave dweller. I like many people and I like spending time with them. Just let me plan for it.

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I am of two minds about this.

One, I fondly remember my childhood days when we’d get an unexpected knock on the door. Mom would put on a pot of coffee, and, as my southern aunts all would, pull something pie-or-cakish out of the pantry or freezer to have something to offer with coffee or tea. And the visitors - usually relatives or the parish priest - would sit a spell and visit. At 8 years old, I liked to eavesdrop (I mostly got farm news or church bazaar plans, but still, it was exciting grownup stuff). 

Two, introverted grown up me doesn’t like being dropped in on! If I were a non-homeschooling, not working outside the home, full time homemaker, I’d probably enjoy it, probably always be ready for it. But the truth is, I need advance notice to feel relaxed enough to think it fun. 

Nowadays, unless it’s the prevailing culture in your  family/friend group, I believe unannounced visits are impolite. 

ETA I was raised in the Deep South. My coastal south (there is a difference!) friends are more likely the swing by type, but we’d all typically already be hanging out outside, anyway. But I do have midwestern friends who also think it's ok to just pop in. 

Edited by Seasider too

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1 hour ago, Innisfree said:

 

My sister-in-law thinks any family should be able to drop in any time. She has adapted far enough to call in advance now, but usually she calls when she's already right around the corner. I would like her to call several hours in advance. She says my mess doesn't bother her. What she can't seem to grasp is that it bothers *me*, so I'd like some warning.

 

Surely I’m not the only one thinking that I’d let that call from just around the corner go to voice mail while I took a book into a quiet room to pretend I didn’t hear the doorbell. 😂

Seriously, ages and stages. If my kids were home and ready to play and I was comfortable with the current level of (dis)order, I may or not be ok. But as mentioned upthread, I need to at least have time to throw on real clothes, brush my teeth and hide stuff in the dishwasher. 

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Grew up in the south. We and pretty much all of our friends at least send a text making sure it's an okay time, even if we are just dropping off or picking up something. So this doesn't really come up. There have been times I was happy about a spontaneous visit, and times it was hard (when I was in the middle of homeschooling). However, over the years, it hasn't happened very often that I didn't at least have a text or call ahead of time. The above-mentioned hospital visits? I don't want visitors if I have had surgery or am sick. If I have a new baby to show off, a short visit might be fun. Even when I was in the hospital for surgery, my unexpected visitors kept it short, so it was okay. But where we live now, hospital visits seem to be a big thing. I keep thinking that if I have a planned hospitalization, I might need to let a few people know I prefer to save visits till I am home and doing much better. I rarely visit people in the hospital due to my own feelings about it.

ETA: Sounds like I might be likely to have a new baby. Impossible, ha! I was definitely speaking of the hypothetical (or in the past) situation.

Edited by Jaybee

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It depends... my family lives far enough away that they wouldn't do that (too much of a risk that we wouldn't be there). That said, when we lived near family, we'd call & say, in your 'hood, want company? Usually, the answer was yes. They did the same. Good friends that are also neighbors do that semi-regularly, as do I. We are often looking for a cup of joe or a glass of wine & some chatter. We all know that if we're busy, we just say so. No feelings hurt.

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1 hour ago, regentrude said:

I'd love for more people to drop by unannounced. I'd love for people to stop making a big production out of visiting a friend or family member and just do it more often and easily. Just stop by and say hello, and stay for an improvised meal. There's always a box of spaghetti in the pantry I can fix up for you. And if I am busy with something important and can't hang out, then I'll tell you.

Back home when I grew up, that was the norm among friends.

This! I wish I could like this ten times! I’m an introvert and I think in person visits build friendships and community. Like regentrude, I’ll tell you if it’s a bad time and suggest a better time. FWIW, I was born, raised and live in the south. The area where I live is fairly diverse and it’s interesting to see the habits of people from around the world here. In my experience, of the “transplants,” people from other countries and people from rural areas of other states in the US are very hospitable.

I'm very much a "come as you are" person, so if I'm not dressed, I'll just run upstairs and throw something on, then we can get back to it. I also might wash dishes while we chat, or something else mindless if I'm in a pinch for time. But, I am at a point in my life where I have margin in my days, so that if I am interrupted, I don't suffer too much schedule wise if I take time to sit and talk.

When dh travels for business, if he’s in another country for more than a day or two, he is often invited to for tea or dinner with at least one family. One of the many reasons we are excited about the house we are building is because the layout is more amenable to having open conversations. We will also have great outdoor spaces for neighborhood folks to share a glass of tea when it's hot, or to share a cup of tea inside when it's cold. But, I'm digressing now.

Edited by TechWife
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58 minutes ago, BooksandBoys said:

I’m happy to have visitors with zero notice, drop in anytime, but I’m also going to keep doing what I was doing. If I’m cleaning, I’ll chat with you while I’m cleaning. If I’m schooling, I’ll tell you I’m schooling and offer you a place on the couch with some tea while I school. If we’re leaving, you can come along or leave. 

I grew up watching my mother drop in on her friends and her friends drop in on us (they all had kids who were our friends). And I watched all of those mothers model working alongside each other. Sure, they’d schedule a visit if it were a canning day and they wanted help, but if it were just a regular day and we went over to visit mom’s/our friends, we were just as likely to play as to help muck out the barn, and my mother was just as likely to sit on the porch with her friend as help organize the garage. We all just jumped in if there was work.  

I know I’ve found a kindred spirit when I can say, “I’m busy cleaning, but bring the kids and just be here with us,” and they do. 

I agree.

I grew up in a drop in kind of culture (rural PA) and live in a culture I don't at all understand (midwest). I would not know how to do this in my current culture, but it would be so nice!

One thing about the drop in culture growing up is that people weren't as busy with outside of the house activities, or if they were, people knew when they'd be gone. There was a pretty predictable rhythm of life that was shared. You really did know what people were likely to be doing on certain days and times. Where I live now, that is definitely not the case. 

In general, if someone really got anxious about unexpected company, most people respected that. Most of the time, if you dropped in, you were looped into some kind of "kitchen table" activity, and you were a "backdoor" friend; people's kitchens were usually off the back door, so it's not like someone had to parade you through their kids' forts and the piles of laundry being folded. If you were not someone known well enough to use the back door, you'd often visit on the porch, or you maybe had a purpose for the visit. If your friend farmed, you might be dropping by the milk house or the barn, lol! 

I also lived in the county seat, in town, and people were often "coming to town" for some kind of visit and making the rounds of seeing friends that didn't live out in the boonies with them. Generally, they'd visit people they knew were free or had time. 

I was not many generations removed from a time when people spent Sunday afternoons traveling the county to see aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. on a regular basis. 

Being a drop in kind of culture doesn't mean people can't call or text first--it's just that it's not seen as totally necessary.

I wish more people would drop by here, but they really would get what they get--it might be dirty in the flowerbeds or a mound of paperwork waiting to be filed, lol! 

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At the cabin I don’t mind because we have an upstairs and a downstairs, and the great room downstairs is always a reasonable place to hang out.  At home I have a tiny, overstuffed house on one floor and I hate it.  The only time it is OK is Halloween.  And even then folks mostly stop at the door, which is more or less why it is OK.  I am working toward having kind of an outdoor entertaining area at home, and then that would be where I would steer people.  Started with shade by planting trees, and it’s coming along nicely.  I have a fire pit ready to install onto a pile of bricks, and some old chairs to paint with outdoor house paint to put around it.  I vaguely expect to make flat top to go over the fire pit, possibly with the top of an old glass coffee table.  Am of two minds about this, though, because in the front yard where I’ve been planning this are a bunch of fruit trees and I don’t want people to think it’s open season on the fruit.  Still debating.  Working on the overstuffed interior in parallel.

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In theory, I hate the idea of drop-ins.

In practice, when it has happened, the visits are always so lovely. There's just something very warm about people feeling close enough to say, "Hey, the Smiths live on this street. Let's stop by to see if they can chat." When it's happened, I always feel a momentary sense of dread. But during and after the visit, I dunno, it just feels homey like we live in a sleepy little town where friends drop in unannounced and it's all good. We totally don't live in such a town, but there is a sense of community that accompanies those drop-ins.

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Oh dear no....DH and I are both of the "make a blanket fort and hide" mentality about drop ins. DS would happily let anyone in for any length of time though. The exception is my mom, who is always welcome to drop in, though she will text 99% of the time and the 1% she doesn't is because she needs to make a pee stop at my house on her way somewhere and I'm always accommodating of emergency pit stops! 

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When my children were tiny, we lived for awhile in the small town where I grew up. My elderly friends from church, and my young mom peers, would drop in on each other all the time. I loved it. I was in total Susie Homemaker mode and actually enjoyed keeping my house clean and taking care of my babies.

Once I started homeschooling, I didn't want anyone dropping in during school hours, or during family time in the evening with DH.

Through the kids' teen and college years, it's been fine for their friends to drop by, but teens aren't fussy about the cluttered house and they act like you're amazing if you offer them brownies. So they are a privileged group. Everyone else, I need a text and fifteen minutes!

When my kids are all grown up (3.5 years to go), I will return to Susie Homemaker mode and welcome drop-in friends. I'll be doing crafty and artisan and musical things, so I hope that others who are interested in those activities will come and see me. I plan to actually set up for that, with classes and events for friends at my home.

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I had to pick Other because something about saying “rude” bothers me. I don’t really love drop-ins in almost every case, but I don’t really think it’s rude. It’s just my need for order that makes it bothersome. So I don’t think it’s rude, but *I* don’t personally like it in most cases. 

Now, if you’re my best friend who moved away to another state 800 miles away and you call me and say you’re unexpectedly in town and could you drop by, then YES, I’m all over that. 

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4 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

I love people.  And I detest anyone showing up unannounced.  How do you know I have pants on?!

Or a Bra????

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3 hours ago, wintermom said:

Is it rude if I don't answer the door when you drop in unannounced? 😉 'Cause that's what happens most of the time. 

Maybe the two "rudes" cancel each other out? 

I don't think this is necessarily rude either...I mean, who is going to know if you are actually home lol.  Well, unless you are the lady who, when my girls were going door to door with their GS cookie sheets...opened her door, made a nasty face, shook her head and waved away an 8yr old girl without so much as a no thank you.  

 

I guess what I don't understand though is why avoid answering?  I mean, if you are elbow deep in a turkey, or otherwise occupied, which makes sense....why not just open the door and say no thank you?

 

Now, I am not above closing the door in the face of a door to door salesmen who think's he's going to try his cheesy as salesman tactics on me.  But, I don't feel like that's rude because well, I have already said no thank you.  Trying to "overcome objections" makes them rude.  

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