2nd time leaving harder than first?

[HollyDay]

Youngest dd (my shopping companion, movie going friend, craft loving buddy, board game playing) left for the dorm a week ago last Thurs.  After 2 classes, they had the Labor Day break....Thursday afternoon-Tuesday morning.  So....dd came home for the weekend.  She is going back a day early so she can get homework done and settled back a day early. 

But, I'm finding this time much harder than last time.  I guess I knew last time that she would be coming home for the long weekend.  But, this time,  it will be a while before we get together again.  We will talk, text, facetime often.  But, not the same. 

I could use a pep talk.  And anyone else experience the same thing??

[moonflower]

I remember regentrude (I don't know how to tag people or I would tag her for you) had a similar experience when her DD went off to college a few years ago.

[RootAnn]

Yes, likely the difference this time is that you know it is more permanent than a two-day absence. I looked to see if @regentrude's posts were in the pinned threads, but I didn't see them. I will leave you with this thread from 2013 - so these posters all have many years of hindsight now. Maybe some of them will chime in. Or maybe even the moms of sophomores will chime in.

Give yourself the time, space, and especially the permission to grieve.

Having a hard time letting go.

[Lori D.]

(((HollyDay))) 

[RootAnn]

... And we dropped off our oldest at college two weeks ago Friday -- 12 hours away -- knowing she wasn't coming home (barring an unexpected funeral/tragedy) until December. So I know what you are feeling.

Fair warning:  I could only get through about 10 of the posts in the thread I linked without the tears starting.

[catz]

My kid has been gone about a week now and I'm feeling sad this morning too.  😞  We will probably drive over to him in the not too distant future which was always in the cards.  My daughter didn't get to help move him into the dorm and wants to go.  He had an eye appt right before he left and we'll have contacts and eyeglasses to bring over among other things.  He needs more stuff for storage in his dorm room.  He's about 4 hours away.  He may come home one weekend in October if we can work out the bus schedule or driving.

Hugs to all the moms missing their grown up babies!  ❤️  

Edited September 2, 2019 by FuzzyCatz

[Chris in VA]

I get it❤

Came back to Jerusalem Saturday after moving dd into her new apartment for her sophomore year and yeah, it was hard. We will see her at Christmas but this year it is a longer time away because we didn't move here last year til October. 

Hang in there. Video chatting really helps, and we also use messenger nearly every day. I try to give her a bit of space and let her do most of the initiating. 

I think one of the harder parts was just letting go of the daily interaction. I was dealing with leaving home at the same time as empty nest/kid leaving, so last year was tough. it is just a big change. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. 

[Momto6inIN]

When DS left again after the weekend I was surprised at how much it hurt ... like, wait a minute, I just did this, you mean I have to say good-bye AGAIN???? And it hit me that I'll have to feel like this every time he comes home now ... somehow I didn't see that coming when I was prepping for the big moving out good-bye scene in my head 😞

[Denise in IN]

Right there with you!  When DS moved two weeks ago we knew we'd be seeing him the next day and then again in two weeks for Labor Day weekend.  Now he won't be back for five weeks!  Major pep talks with myself over the weekend as I realized how hard it was going to be to keep saying good-bye.  Also I'm still sorting through how best to keep in touch, how to keep him in the loop of things going on at home, etc.  

On the flip side, I know he's adjusting well, making new friends, settling into his classes and routines there, and I'm so grateful for that.  It's exciting when our kids have great opportunities, but the changes are hard!

[Mabelen]

I felt similarly at times when my oldest would leave for college, even though she was only 90 miles down the road. I am enjoying her now again that she is back home, working, and saving for grad school. Trying not to dwell on the fact that she may leave again in a year or two. I have both my girls at home right now, and that is lovely. The fact that this is your youngest probably compounds your feelings. I get emotional sometimes thinking about the day my youngest will leave who knows how far when she graduates high school in 2022. 

[teachermom2834]

Yes. It is much harder for me when the next time I will see them is far away. My 19 yo ds was home at the beginning of August and we won’t see him until Thanksgiving. But then we’ll have him home again for a long time at Christmas so I know it will be easier when he goes back after Thanksgiving.

You are definitely not alone in it being harder. The local Christian U here does not give off for Labor Day. My dc have done de there and had professors specifically say it is because they used to have freshman go home for that long weekend and not return. It is hard, for some, to have that break before they have had time to settle in and adjust. Last year we went to see our freshman ds who was is 500 miles away for Labor Day even though we had just dropped him off three weeks before. I just worried he would still be adjusting and that a long weekend on an empty campus might be hard and that we didn’t want to bring him home (in case he didn’t want to return).

I will say that in our case it has gotten easier. Still hard when the time frames are long between visits but not like that first year. 

Edited September 4, 2019 by teachermom2834