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What’s the biggest family your kids know?

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23 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

Ha!  It must be the look on my face then, nobody ever asks me that, even out with friends?  Maybe I just look really stressed? 😆

Maybe you just look more approachable.

I dunno, I don't think you look particularly stressed or unapproachable or anything.   It was the first time I had ever been asked with my 3, I just figured it was probably just cause with all our kids together, it makes for a pretty large group under age 13.

 

One thing I do get asked all the time is if my girls are twins.  

Edited by happysmileylady

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47 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

7 person van 

The van works OK with 2 parents plus 5 kids, then a bigger mode of transport is needed if there are more kids. 

 

Yep!  It's the 7 person van.

 

We have 7 (#8 in progress).  We are the largest family the kids know by a mile, but we don't get out much.  We're not religious, so no church families or anything.  Our extended family is not big on kids; I've heard that we're ruining the environment, etc. (hah) and SIL says regularly to her one female child, "aren't you glad you don't have brothers?" when our boys are being any sort of loud at all.

The pressure to not have more kids has been strong since number 2 at least.

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46 minutes ago, unsinkable said:

7 person van 

The van works OK with 2 parents plus 5 kids, then a bigger mode of transport is needed if there are more kids. 

 

I’m just saying having a 7 passenger van didn’t stop us from having sex after baby 5 was born. 😉 Granted we didn’t actually get a 12 passenger van until after baby 7 bc our dodge caravan at the time sat 8 with a modified middle bench and dh carpooled to work or took the van and I did without.  There was a brief year or so between baby 7 and baby 8 where we didn’t go anywhere as a family in one vehicle.

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2 minutes ago, moonflower said:

 

Yep!  It's the 7 person van.

 

We have 7 (#8 in progress).  We are the largest family the kids know by a mile, but we don't get out much.  We're not religious, so no church families or anything.  Our extended family is not big on kids; I've heard that we're ruining the environment, etc. (hah) and SIL says regularly to her one female child, "aren't you glad you don't have brothers?" when our boys are being any sort of loud at all.

The pressure to not have more kids has been strong since number 2 at least.

 

Sure the pressure and propaganda to not have more than 1-2 has been around since I had my first 25 years ago.  I’d agree with that. But the cost of a 12 passenger van isn’t much different than a 7 passenger .  12 passenger is often cheaper to buy, so I’m not taking that claim terribly serious.  I know some people are intimidated to drive a large vehicle, but given how many people I know with trucks just as big as my van, I’m iffy on that cause too. 

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We don't go anywhere as a family in one vehicle.  We didn't stop at 5 either obviously but I do remember thinking, sigh, this is the last kid for which this economical, normal-looking, whole-family-holding vehicle will work.

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In our circles we actually have a mid-sized family, lol.   We are on chatting terms with two families of twelve and one of my girls is close friends with a girl from a family with 10 children. Most of their friends though come from families of 5-7 mostly because the moms of those families are my own peer group.

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9.

But only 'cos of homeschooling - families are bigger in the h/s world. 

4 is the largest we know in the non-homeschool world.

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13 kids (I think)

Edited by EKS

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We have 5 children and know another family with 5 and there is one family at an extracurricular activity that has 8. In my area, people seem to think 3 is the acceptable number of children. I can't think of too many other large families that my kids know.

ETA: We would have had more than 5 if infertility and pregnancy loss hadn't been an issue.

Edited by mom2scouts

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My kids know several families with six kids. *I* know a couple of moms with more kids than that, but my kids don’t necessarily know anyone from those families well enough to know their family size. We know two or three families with seven kids and one with nine. I did meet a lady who used to do office work at my dentist and she had either fifteen or sixteen kids, I have forgotten which. There used to be some moms in my homeschool co-op who had between 8 and 11 kids, but I did not know them well. The largest families I know are Catholic. 

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I have 6, and I don't know anyone else with this many biological kids.  We know one family with 13, most of them adopted.  I know one with 5 and a handful with 4.  Most people have 2 or 3.  

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There is a family at our church that has four natural born children and 17 adopted. A total of 21 children, 19 of which have special needs. My kids know of them but they have missed church more than they come due to medical issues and the need for quarantine. 

I think the largest natural familly (no adopted kids) they know has seven children. There was a family at co-op eight years ago that had nine children but I don't think my kids would remember them.

 

Edited by cintinative
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8 is the largest number of kids in one family that my kids know.  However, my kids are grown.  I'm guessing it's rarer if your friends are younger and haven't had TIME to have that many kids.  Add to that the the people having kids now are millennials and they don't seem to have enough financial wiggle room to consider it.  Most large families we know began before the recession.

ETA We actually know several large families.  The number goes up significantly when I remember that we're calling 3-4 kids a large family these days.

Edited by KungFuPanda

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5 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

8 is the largest number of kids in one family that my kids know.  However, my kids are grown.  I'm guessing it's rarer if your friends are younger and haven't had TIME to have that many kids.  Add to that the the people having kids now are millennials and they don't seem to have enough financial wiggle room to consider it.  Most large families we know began before the recession.

 

We really don’t know any younger parents.  I had mine at 33 and 35, and that’s completely average in our circle.  (I had classmates in law school in the Midwest who already had kids at 23 or 24 and I was completely taken aback.  Average age of first kid in the CA county I was raised?  33.5, for moms with college.). Norms vary so much by region.

This is a great article:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html

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Probably six or seven. We do know a family with nineteen kids, all from the same mom and dad, but they are all adults now.

I would say that two to three kids is the norm where we live. Four or five is not unheard of, but less common.

I have three, and this thread reminded me of a funny/weird incident. About 10 years ago, I was running errands and bumped into the mom of a guy I had gone to high school with - I hadn't seen her for years. She said to me, "I understand you have an ENORMOUS number of children!" I said, "No, I just have three..." and she said, "Yes, three is so many! I can't even imagine!"

It was very odd! She herself had two kids, but no grandkids yet at that point, so I guess she thought three kids was a outrageously large number.🤷‍♀️

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I don't personally know anyone now with more than 4. (Though my grandmother was 1 of 8, and my granddad was 1 of 10.)

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1 hour ago, Murphy101 said:

 

I’m just saying having a 7 passenger van didn’t stop us from having sex after baby 5 was born. 😉 Granted we didn’t actually get a 12 passenger van until after baby 7 bc our dodge caravan at the time sat 8 with a modified middle bench and dh carpooled to work or took the van and I did without.  There was a brief year or so between baby 7 and baby 8 where we didn’t go anywhere as a family in one vehicle.

We transitioned directly from a five passenger sedan to a 15 passenger van around the time child #4 came along. The van was a hand me down from my parents or I probably wouldn't have gone with something quite so big, but it did take care of the "hard to find transportation that seats more than seven" issue when #6 came along a few years later.

When that van reached the end of its useful life (it was over twenty years old at that point) we ended up with another 15 passenger. Because why not.

Edited by maize

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Well, my kids are mostly grown, so they may know other large families.  But, when they were younger and we were still having kids the biggest family had 10 kids.   

Edited by PrincessMommy
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We have a bunch of large families in our area. Some have 7, most have 5 or 6. Those of us with only two are treated like we are less-than parents and not-really-homeschoolers-'cause-it's-only-two. It is sorta amusing!  

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We know a couple with  8-10, but 6 is probably the biggest family where the kids know all the kids in the other family. We know lots of families with 4 kids. Even families that don't homeschool. In our homeschool circles, it's much more common to have 3+, than to have 1 or 2. 

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We know several with 8 kids, and several with 7, and a couple with 6, and many with 5....

I am the oddball in my circles, with only two. But I am old and we got a late start and dealt with infertility. 

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My kids attend gym class with a family of 8 children and Spanish class with a different family of 8.  I don't know if they realize in either case exactly how many kids belong to the same family.

Around here, 3-4 seem to be the default numbers - way more common than 1 or 2.  It is not unusual at all to see a family of 5-8 kids out and about, and I know indirectly of several even larger family nearby. 

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2 hours ago, athena1277 said:

My kids know several with 6-8 kids.  Some of them I seriously can’t keep up with how many kids they have.

Ok, so this is my problem. I can't tell you how many kids are in the families of some of my kid's friends or who my kids have been known to babysit for. I think my girls regularly babysit for a mom who has 6 & is expecting #7. There's another family who have 7,  I think. Both those moms are fairly young, and both have 15 passenger vans. My oldest is best friends with another oldest-child who has five siblings, I think. My kids are a group of 5 & they have cousin groups of 5, 3, 3, and 4. They don't blink at 4 kids in a family. That's totally normal/ expected. DH knows families from his work that are 5, 7 or more kids -- many are his/hers/ours.

It is not unusual to have 4 around here though 3 is likely the most common. ("3 is the new 2" was a phrase I heard a lot 15ish years ago.) In homeschooling circles, some have 2 but I think the mode is either 3 or 4. (I can think of many for both those numbers.)

When DH was at Wal-Mart after our #4, someone asked if he was stocking up or if he had a large family. Feeling the enormity of the recent addition, he reported the latter. Turns out the questioner had something like 12-15 kids. Since then, we've had a "small family."

I can't believe the people who freak at just 3 kids. I have plenty of those stories & one humorous "are they all yours" tale. It just isn't that usual where I live to have a minimum of 3.

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3 hours ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

Lol. My DH & I don't fit the neat little statistical boxes in this article at all & neither do most of the people I know - older people like me (who had my first baby young, after my B.S., but many years ago) or young moms. But I get that these are statistics & trends vs. anecdotes. Funny, though.

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10 for sure.

there are a couple of families with lots of adopted kids that may be more than that, but I’m not sure the actual number.

I assume we shouldn’t count foster family homes and foster kids counts. 

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10 kids (same set of parents).  

We have multiple friends who have 4-6 kids, so that seems fairly common in our area. In just my neighborhood of about 100 houses, we have 4 families with 4 kids and 2 families with 5 kids. Those are just the ones I can think of LOL. I can't think of a single family who has just one or two, the smallest amount I know is 3 kids. We are just outside Portland Oregon so definitely not a low cost of living area.

I am one of 9 kids, but come from a blended family. I was raised with 5 kids/2 parents. 

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3 hours ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

 

We really don’t know any younger parents.  I had mine at 33 and 35, and that’s completely average in our circle.  (I had classmates in law school in the Midwest who already had kids at 23 or 24 and I was completely taken aback.  Average age of first kid in the CA county I was raised?  33.5, for moms with college.). Norms vary so much by region.

This is a great article:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html

It was an interesting article, but I'm not sure it really applies to the subset of women who have large families.  For most it's a conscious decision to have more than the average number.  If that's important to you, then waiting too long and risking only having one or two kids might be something you avoid.  I don't know ANY large families where they waiting until the mother was in her mid thirties to begin. I know lots of women who started in their mid-late thirties and relied on fertility treatments to ensure they could have their desired number of kids before calling it quits.  I'm on a coast between two cities, so that seems to effect things a bit.  It's just harder to afford everything in a HCOL region.

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My dh's best friend and his wife, 12 and 15, respectively.  (Irish Catholic, of course!  :)) 

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They know as peers two families that each have nine children. They know the parents and some of the children of a couple families that have 10-12 (older children were on their own before we knew the families).

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A family with 8 is our biggest close relationship. 

But we do kind of know a family of 11. 

 

However, where we live families with 4 are the max and they struggle with transportation and housing needs. It is a big family when in a large city. 

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Our own 😄

 

I know some families with 7 like we have, or more, but I don't think my kids do. Of course, we actually only have 6 that take up seats in the van, and we do know other families with 6. 4 or 5 is pretty common around here, and even 6 is. 

 

And as far as vehicle size, we had the minivan maxed out with 5 kids, and when it died, my 6'2" husband looked at 4 boys who will eventually be teenagers and really encouraged me to try a 12 passenger van. Turns out I loved it, and it certainly was convenient when baby number 7 came along. 

Edited by happypamama

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we have a couple at church with 12.  she's a chemical engineer - he's a patent attorney for a major corporation (with an undergrad in - engineering!).   (we're in a very hcol area.)

(the oldest has her undergrad, and the youngest is 2 1/2.  they were over the other day - and all he wanted to do was play with the trains. for hours.)

 

Edited by gardenmom5

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Hmm, I know a couple large families (like 10 or more) but when the families are that large, you may only see a small portion of them. The oldest are grown or off at college. I don't think my kids have met a large family exactly. I could tell them that family has X kids, but since they are never all present it doesn't seem like a large family. Heck, I haven't met them all. At most I think we'd see this one family with 4 kids. But they don't even always have all the kids present at meetups. 

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I think a family of four at the homeschool co-op we used to attend. Around here, one, two, or three are the most common. Even among the people in our neighborhood who are now grandparents, no one has more than three children, unless it is a blended family. It’s quite different from the very Catholic area where I grew up. There our family with three kids was considered unusually small. 

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The biggest “friend” family my kids probably know has 7 kids, though several are now grown and out of the house.  Same with a family of 6, though another family we know just had #6 and we see all their kids.

We have 5, though people tend to forget about our young adult kid. That kid, when you include my ex’s family, is the oldest of 8.

Dh’s aunt has 12, but my kids don’t know all of them.  I *think 7 are her biological and the rest were blended in by marriage, but I’ve only known them as 12. Well, one passed away before I met them. They’re all older than dh, some by a lot.

Just to share what I think is a funny story... A friend of mine has 2. She had her baby nephew with them when we got together with my 2 youngest, and she was a little frazzled. It occurred to me that our gang at the moment was age-spaced almost exactly the same as my 5 when they were younger; 12ish, 9ish, 8ish, 5ish, and baby. It shook me up a little bit (it’s been 9 years!) but it REALLY shook her, lol.

In my sibling/step-sibling group, we have 5, 3, 3, 2, and 1. I have the biggest family in my family tree until you get back to my grandparents, who were one of 6, 5, 5, and an only.

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9 and 8. We see them regularly and yes they homeschool. 😄 Heaps of families with 3 or 4. 

In non homeschool families, 3 is the max. Maybe a rare 4 or 5, usually blended or multiples.

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Our Coop had a family of 10 kids in it.  We weren't close to them, but we knew them.

Most of our friends have between 2-4.  One of my close friends has 6, but they are spread out (oldest is currently 25 and youngest is 7) so it kind of doesn't seem like she has that many because they weren't all together much.

 

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18 hours ago, sassenach said:

We have close friends with 10, but they don't live in our uber high COL area. The biggest local family we know is 5. When we moved from FL to CA, I was amazed how many comments and looks we got about our 4. In FL we were very average.

Thinking about it more, we are tied for the most kids in our church. Almost everyone has 2.

 

Really?  I have lots of friends in CA with 3-4 kids.  We had 3, no one made comments, in fact, several asked if we were going to try for a girl.  

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Before we moved, the largest family we knew had 10.  We have four and in my former homeschool group, we were one of the smaller families.  Now that we've moved to a more metro area, we have one of the larger families.  There's a couple of families that we know who have 5, but most people have three or less.

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2 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

Really?  I have lots of friends in CA with 3-4 kids.  We had 3, no one made comments, in fact, several asked if we were going to try for a girl.  

I started getting comments in CA when I was pregnant with my third. Maybe partly because my first two were a boy and a girl--people's attitude seemed to be "you got the full set, why would you want more?!"

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2 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

Really?  I have lots of friends in CA with 3-4 kids.  We had 3, no one made comments, in fact, several asked if we were going to try for a girl.  

It probably depends on specifically where in CA. In Santa Cruz and Marin, the 2 places I’ve lived since moving back, yes, tons of comments. 

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5 minutes ago, maize said:

I started getting comments in CA when I was pregnant with my third. Maybe partly because my first two were a boy and a girl--people's attitude seemed to be "you got the full set, why would you want more?!"

 

That's really strange to me.  We had a family in our church in CA with six kids.  People sometimes made comments, but they weren't horribly rude comments, just inquisitive type comments.  (like, "Wonder what their grocery bill is each month!")

And many of our friends had multiple kids (more than 2.)

One of my co-workers in LA came from a family of 8 kids and grew up in SoCal as well.

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2 minutes ago, sassenach said:

It probably depends on specifically where in CA. In Santa Cruz and Marin, the 2 places I’ve lived since moving back, yes, tons of comments. 

 

Friends in San Fran proper have 4 kids and say they haven't gotten many comments.  They moved from SoCal, but didn't have kids when they were in SoCal.  They moved before having kids.

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1 minute ago, DawnM said:

 

Friends in San Fran proper have 4 kids and say they haven't gotten many comments.  They moved from SoCal, but didn't have kids when they were in SoCal.  They moved before having kids.

That surprises me but good for them! Half my friends live in the city and only one has more than 2 kids (3). I don’t know if they get comments. I’ve never asked. 

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