DawnM Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 (edited) So, this morning, I ran across a cute picture from a HS Reunion that I had on my desktop. I went to post it to our HS class page and once I started tagging people I realized a friend's ex-wife was in the photo, so I deleted it. Should I be that worried? I don't know what people do with pictures of the Exes. My best friend has pictures on her wall (professional family photos) with her brother and his first wife (he is currently divorced a 2nd time but has a girlfriend.). She said she won't take it down because it was still a memory and no one has said anything to her about it, so she feels ok leaving it up. My BIL has been divorced and his mother made a collage of all her kids and their spouses. She is still in the collage, 20 years later, even though that BIL has remarried. I honestly just don't know what is the protocol in these situations. Edited August 30, 2019 by DawnM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I don't think there is a protocol. You just do what you think is right. FWIW, in our circles exes are a part of life and we just treat it that way. If you're putting up a picture from 20 years ago and you're tagging each person, nobody should really be offended. If you comment on the photo with how adorable they were together, yeah, it should go. 😄 I think it's a fine line. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 30, 2019 Author Share Posted August 30, 2019 3 minutes ago, HomeAgain said: I don't think there is a protocol. You just do what you think is right. FWIW, in our circles exes are a part of life and we just treat it that way. If you're putting up a picture from 20 years ago and you're tagging each person, nobody should really be offended. If you comment on the photo with how adorable they were together, yeah, it should go. 😄 I think it's a fine line. I think I also just felt bad because we all hated her after what she did to him (affair while he was in the service overseas.). Wish I could just crop her out, but she is in the middle of the group, and it would be very obvious. We were a very tight knit group, pretty much like family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I think this is more case-by-case. So, let’s say there’s an old picture from a beach vacation with four other couples, but now you know that couple two and couple four were having affairs with one another, then no, I wouldn’t share that one around. But some kind of not-particularly-messy divorce where I know it’s amicable, I would be less worried about it. I have jokingly told my dd that if she ever breaks up with her bf, it’s going to ruin all my photo albums because we have known him for so long! 😄 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I thought it was weird that my ex posted a photo of our daughter and I from when she was a tot on FB a few weeks ago. Considering how very-much-not-friends we are, if that's not a breach of protocol, there mustn't be any protocol to breach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjffkj Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I really think it depends on the picture. In a group setting at an event not significant to the ex couples relationship I would say it shouldn't matter if you post it. But a picture of just them or a group pic from some celebration of their relationship, don't post. I remember dating dh, who was married prior to me, and sitting at his parents' dining room table having to stare at a pic of him and his ex all through dinner. It was in a frame with a bunch of other family pictures from a family trip. I hated it. But I wasn't going to say anything and cause an issue. Turns out my now mil didn't even realize it was up there and she apologized about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaBelle Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I think you should embrace it. Replace cheating ex head with the clown head from IT. I don't have an ex but my two sisters have a mess of them between them and we have fun with those pictures. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 It's nobody's job to sanitize your past for you. There will be more relationship photos out there than ever before, so it'll become increasingly important to find a healthy way to cope with seeing an image of your past. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I do think it just depends. For me now that it has been 10 years since my divorce, I could tolerate it a little more than I could have that first year. It bugs me when my close friends are FB friends with my ex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I agree it will have to be on a case-by-case basis. My brother and his ex-wife actually get along really well. Their marriage ended due to incompatibility. They were both good people individually, but together it was like oil and water. She has remarried and she lived with my brother for a short time after the wedding before she could move in with her husband (she sold her condo and had nowhere to go because her new husband was out of state). They've been divorced for a long time though, and work really well together in raising their kids, Obviously that seems like a situation where it wouldn't be painful to share a picture of the ex. On the other hand, my divorce is fresh and involved a very traumatic situation for my kids and me. So no, we do not want to see pictures of my ex. It could be triggering for my kids. I still don't know what to do with the years of photo albums that contain such beautiful pictures of the kids but he happens to be in them. To be honest I can't even bring myself to open the photo albums. But I understand that not everyone might be aware of the situation that unfolded so if they posted a picture of him I wouldn't be offended. But if they did know about everything that happened I would have to mute/unfollow them, at the very least. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 36 minutes ago, OH_Homeschooler said: I agree it will have to be on a case-by-case basis. My brother and his ex-wife actually get along really well. Their marriage ended due to incompatibility. They were both good people individually, but together it was like oil and water. She has remarried and she lived with my brother for a short time after the wedding before she could move in with her husband (she sold her condo and had nowhere to go because her new husband was out of state). They've been divorced for a long time though, and work really well together in raising their kids, Obviously that seems like a situation where it wouldn't be painful to share a picture of the ex. On the other hand, my divorce is fresh and involved a very traumatic situation for my kids and me. So no, we do not want to see pictures of my ex. It could be triggering for my kids. I still don't know what to do with the years of photo albums that contain such beautiful pictures of the kids but he happens to be in them. To be honest I can't even bring myself to open the photo albums. But I understand that not everyone might be aware of the situation that unfolded so if they posted a picture of him I wouldn't be offended. But if they did know about everything that happened I would have to mute/unfollow them, at the very least. My advice (from experience with this) is to save them until your children are adults and let them decide. My mother destroyed every picture that had both her and my dad in it. And she destroyed nearly every picture of me with him. I think I have 3. I have only one picture of my whole family (and that's only because my grandma had it). I understand that my mother didn't want the pictures, but I wish she would have saved them for me. He was her ex-husband, but not my ex-father. 2 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 I have saved pictures of my ex to give to my daughter some day. I actually will probably give them to her the next time I"m cleaning out the garage. They include my wedding albums and years of pictures. As Junie said, he's still her father. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 2 hours ago, Junie said: My advice (from experience with this) is to save them until your children are adults and let them decide. My mother destroyed every picture that had both her and my dad in it. And she destroyed nearly every picture of me with him. I think I have 3. I have only one picture of my whole family (and that's only because my grandma had it). I understand that my mother didn't want the pictures, but I wish she would have saved them for me. He was her ex-husband, but not my ex-father. Yeah, that's why I just put the albums aside and I'm avoiding them for now. I will say, what he did was directly traumatizing to them and more of a secondary trauma to me. The divorce was a direct result of what he did to them. He is court-ordered to never see them again as minors, and I know for now they never want to see him. I wish it weren't the case, but it really is like he's their ex-father. Obviously my situation is extreme. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 11 minutes ago, OH_Homeschooler said: Yeah, that's why I just put the albums aside and I'm avoiding them for now. I will say, what he did was directly traumatizing to them and more of a secondary trauma to me. The divorce was a direct result of what he did to them. He is court-ordered to never see them again as minors, and I know for now they never want to see him. I wish it weren't the case, but it really is like he's their ex-father. Obviously my situation is extreme. I am sorry about your situation. 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 6 hours ago, DawnM said: I think I also just felt bad because we all hated her after what she did to him (affair while he was in the service overseas.). Wish I could just crop her out, but she is in the middle of the group, and it would be very obvious. We were a very tight knit group, pretty much like family. Could you post 2 pictures where you crop her out from either side so that everyone you want in there is shown? This doesn't answer the larger questions in life, but it may be a way of posting this memory. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 30, 2019 Author Share Posted August 30, 2019 22 minutes ago, dirty ethel rackham said: Could you post 2 pictures where you crop her out from either side so that everyone you want in there is shown? This doesn't answer the larger questions in life, but it may be a way of posting this memory. Not really, they are all arm in arm, so it would be weird, a hand showing up on another shoulder without a body there, etc....just really obvious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted August 30, 2019 Share Posted August 30, 2019 My womanizing cousin dumped his first wife. She (the ex wife) has no issues with old group photos (weddings, birthday parties) that have both of them in the group photo being posted. What would be obnoxious is someone commenting on the photo that so and so is so and so’s ex (or something like “I wish they are still together”). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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