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StaceyinLA

We’ve lost my stepson...

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My husband’s ex called him Thursday evening. They found my stepson dead near an abandoned house late that afternoon. He had apparently been gone since sometime during the night Wednesday. It appears from what we know, that he fell and broke his neck, although we are unsure of what transpired prior to that fall.

He had a really great heart, but struggled for years with drugs. Everyone who knew/loved him tried to help him on and off over the years, but ultimately, in the last couple, we’ve had to refuse. There just reached that point where everyone was really done. 

He has left behind 5 children (multiple different mothers, and some had already been removed/adopted - whole ‘nuther story). 

He was my husband’s only child, and though he is tough and unemotional, I know his heart hurts. I’d really appreciate thoughts/prayers for him, and for B’s children.

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Oh, Stacey! How horrible. I am so so sorry.

How heartbreaking. Those poor kids and your poor DH. 

All of you have my prayers. 

(((((Stacey))))

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I am so, so sorry.  Praying for all of you as you face this grief.  

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Oh, Stacey.  I am so sorry.  Holding your husband, those children and everyone else affected in the light.

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Oh I’m so sorry!  That’s terrible.  Prayers for your family as you grieve his loss, and for the children as well 😞

Edited by Arctic Mama

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I'm so sorry for your family's loss 😞 Prayers and hugs for you all.

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Oh, I am so sorry.

Addiction is such a destructive illness 😞

Praying for your husband and the children.

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6 minutes ago, maize said:

Oh, I am so sorry.

Addiction is such a destructive illness 😞

Praying for your husband and the children.

 

It’s so hard for me to wrap my brain around, because I just don’t have a remotely addictive personality. It’s always been hard for me to understand why people can’t just stop doing things they shouldn’t be doing. I’m not being insensitive about it at all - it’s just the way I’m wired. 

I have a sister who had a gambling addiction. It cost her/her husband a couple hundred thousand over 2-3 years. I just couldn’t comprehend how one could just throw away that much money.

Obviously drugs are somewhat different in the sense that they are altering your mind, but it’s just so difficult for me to grasp.

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14 minutes ago, StaceyinLA said:

 

It’s so hard for me to wrap my brain around, because I just don’t have a remotely addictive personality. It’s always been hard for me to understand why people can’t just stop doing things they shouldn’t be doing. I’m not being insensitive about it at all - it’s just the way I’m wired. 

I have a sister who had a gambling addiction. It cost her/her husband a couple hundred thousand over 2-3 years. I just couldn’t comprehend how one could just throw away that much money.

Obviously drugs are somewhat different in the sense that they are altering your mind, but it’s just so difficult for me to grasp.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Stacey! 

I heard a great explanation for drug addiction and the brain. They may use to get high in the beginning, but the brain quickly adjusts and eventually the baseline serotonin is no longer normal. It's low, so the user is no longer trying to get high, they're just trying to feel normal again and come back up to that. The more you use, the lower your baseline levels are so you need more just to not feel horrible. And some of the opioids only take something like 10 doses to cause addiction. I'm so grateful that Vicodin makes me throw up - I've had a ton of it prescribed to me between a C section and root canals. I just can't take it, which it ultimately a good thing. 

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21 minutes ago, StaceyinLA said:

 

It’s so hard for me to wrap my brain around, because I just don’t have a remotely addictive personality. It’s always been hard for me to understand why people can’t just stop doing things they shouldn’t be doing. I’m not being insensitive about it at all - it’s just the way I’m wired. 

I have a sister who had a gambling addiction. It cost her/her husband a couple hundred thousand over 2-3 years. I just couldn’t comprehend how one could just throw away that much money.

Obviously drugs are somewhat different in the sense that they are altering your mind, but it’s just so difficult for me to grasp.

Gambling addiction also alters the mind, it hijacks the brain's reward system just as substance addictions do.

As with other mental illnesses, it is hard for people who are not affected to understand because we think of our brains as being under our direct control in a way that we don't think of other organs. Brain function is very complex and once it is disrupted we can't actually will that disruption away any more than we can will away cancer or diabetes or acne--people can't just stop the behavior because they can't just stop the illness.

It isn't really about addictive or non addictive personality, it is about biology. Some people are more biologically susceptible--occasional drinking doesn't trigger an addiction cascade in everyone's brain, nor does occasional gambling etc. A few substances are so strongly addictive that almost anyone exposed multiple times will become addicted.

Avoiding any and all exposure to known addictive substances and behaviors can prevent addiction, but among those who expose themselves it really is more biology than self control or will power that determines whether addiction happens.

Edited by maize
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Stacey, I am so very sorry.  Sending prayers to your family and your Dh.

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28 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, Stacey! 

I heard a great explanation for drug addiction and the brain. They may use to get high in the beginning, but the brain quickly adjusts and eventually the baseline serotonin is no longer normal. It's low, so the user is no longer trying to get high, they're just trying to feel normal again and come back up to that. The more you use, the lower your baseline levels are so you need more just to not feel horrible. And some of the opioids only take something like 10 doses to cause addiction. I'm so grateful that Vicodin makes me throw up - I've had a ton of it prescribed to me between a C section and root canals. I just can't take it, which it ultimately a good thing. 

I had a friend who struggled with addiction to various things throughout the course of her life.  she explained that she wasn’t seeking a high...she didn’t use to get high, she was just trying to not feel like she had the worst case of the flu every day (and then if she went too long without her drug of choice she literally felt like she was dying) This totally changed my view of addiction. 

But she also used to cope with life struggles. She needed therapy to figure out better coping skills to be able to live without drugs.

stacy, I am so sorry for this tragedy. I hate drugs. Hate them. Hate the waste of humanity that it causes.

what a tragedy for your family.

Edited by fairfarmhand
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I'm sorry for your loss.  some friends lost their daughter to drugs in may - on her birthday.  it's terrible the toll it takes on lives, and the lives of those who love them.

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I am so sorry for this sad news. Healing wished for all. 

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I'm so sorry for your family's loss.  Even under the worst circumstances and broken relationships, losing family members is never easy.  My prayers are with you all.

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