Reasonable outside activities for my rejector

[Janeway]

My 9 yr old rejects everything. Right now, he is taking ice skating once a week. He keeps reminding me he never wanted to do it and I remind him thats okay. He can expand himself. Also, he often says he is lonely, but then he hates doing anything I sign him up for. Last year, we tried gym classes and science classes that were actually tons of fun and my other kids loved them. He also took "ninja" classes. I have him enrolled in that again. He liked that. He struggles a lot with coordination and his weight and the ice skating is a family thing we are doing together on the weekends. In ninja is just something that gets him exercise and he enjoys.

 

I hate to spend more money than I already have, but, I find myself wondering if I should be pushing him in to something like home school theater classes or something where there might be more socializing? I keep hoping he can find something to like that might transfer in to his high school years that he can do with others. I have also struggled with whether he even should be in the ninja class as it costs a lot of money and with fall coming, it will be cool enough to go out and ride his bike and such. Plus, his sister doesn't do ninja and would like to do swim lessons this fall. 

 

The point is, son rejects everything. He rejects any sort of authority or structure. I want him to expand his horizons and try different things out.

Edited August 22, 2019 by Janeway

[SKL]

I would stick with ninja classes since he likes them.  They are good exercise.  I'd put my kids in them if there were classes we could attend.

If you think he would benefit from organized social activities, consider low-cost or free activities involving church, library, scouts, national park trails, etc.  Another idea is to sign up for family service projects.

[ExcitedMama]

I call my 9 year old son my Eyeore so I get where you’re coming from! What about trying new things that have a first class free option to try it out? My son did not like team sports but he enjoys our homeschool PE class once a week and being around kids. He’s on a swim team and some weeks are better than others depending on his attitude about sticking with it. He loves his Hip Hop and Acrobatics classes. This year he started Musical Theater and really loved it. My approach has been to have them try different things to see what might interest them. Some things they hated so we never went back after the initial free class and then others they loved right away. For now I’ve told him I want him doing a sport so that pretty much leaves swimming as non-negotiable since there’s nothing else left that he liked more. Maybe he could try swim with your daughter? See if that’s more enjoyable than ice skating and if not maybe he could do more of the Ninja or gymnastics instead? Or see if there’s any more things out there to try. At the very least you could then approach deciding on an activity together that is at least the one he hates least if he does not actually want to do any of them. Maybe knowing you are going to make him do something will help him be more open to choosing something and being more agreeable to it? Good luck!

[Skippy]

My sons would have really hated ice skating, too! Maybe you should try a weekly family activity (maybe bowling?) that everyone in the family likes. I would also probably just continue with the ninja classes since he really likes that. I wouldn't make him do extracurricular type stuff that he hates. 

[maize]

I wouldn't cut out the ninja class if he enjoys it, I think that kids who tend towards negative responses/negative thinking need every opportunity to experience positive energy that we can give them.

[Katy]

He's probably old enough to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a kid I know who loved the ninja class liked that even more.  As an aside he also LOVES Jocko Willink's Way of the Warrior Kid series, which features a whiny self-indulgent kid who is taught by his Navy Seal uncle to do hard things and develop some real confidence and leadership skills.

[hjffkj]

Dh was a kid who went from one activity to another at that age.  He would try something out because his parents wanted him to be in an activity but he never enjoyed the activity or sport so they never lasted long.  It wasn't until he was 12 and started martial arts that he found his an activity he loved.  He is now in his mid 30's and is a passionate martial arts instructor.  I personally never found an activity I was passionate about.  Being that invested in one thing just isn't my personality.  There are plenty of things I enjoy doing but if I was forced for do an activity I didn't want to do that would have been the worst.

I don't understand why you are considering not signing him up for ninja class . If it is the only class he's shown interest in and you are worrying about him doing an activity why take away the only one he likes.

[Katy]

On 8/27/2019 at 10:21 AM, hjffkj said:

Dh was a kid who went from one activity to another at that age.  He would try something out because his parents wanted him to be in an activity but he never enjoyed the activity or sport so they never lasted long.  It wasn't until he was 12 and started martial arts that he found his an activity he loved.  He is now in his mid 30's and is a passionate martial arts instructor.  I personally never found an activity I was passionate about.  Being that invested in one thing just isn't my personality.  There are plenty of things I enjoy doing but if I was forced for do an activity I didn't want to do that would have been the worst.

I don't understand why you are considering not signing him up for ninja class . If it is the only class he's shown interest in and you are worrying about him doing an activity why take away the only one he likes.

 

In many areas ninja classes are something gymnastics or martial arts studios offer for kids too young to do a traditional program, but by age 8-9 they may not be offered.  In fact I wasn't aware it was available for older kids anywhere.

[hjffkj]

5 hours ago, Katy said:

 

In many areas ninja classes are something gymnastics or martial arts studios offer for kids too young to do a traditional program, but by age 8-9 they may not be offered.  In fact I wasn't aware it was available for older kids anywhere.

 

But the OP said she already signed him up for the ninja class again and then later in the post said maybe I shouldn't have him do it again.  So, in a post about her ds who doesn't like any activities she is considering take him out of one of the only activities he actually likes.

[SKL]

They have ninja classes up to age 12 here, if you can fit them into your schedule.

I am struggling a little though, with the transition once they age out of the "kid" activities.  We tried joining an older "rec" activity in my kid's favorite sport, but it didn't work out because all the other kids in the class were long-time friends.  At age 12, being the new kid / spare wheel is very un-fun (unless that's only a girl thing).  So given that experience, it would be great to find an activity that could continue past age 12.  But given that the OP's son does not like anything else, I would continue the ninja classes while looking for another sport to transition into.