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The court system and SA


shinyhappypeople
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I think my advice would be to seek out a victim advocacy center, who can walk you through this. You may have a local center, otherwise these are national information centers. https://www.victimservicecenter.org

https://victimsofcrime.org/help-for-crime-victims/get-help-bulletins-for-crime-victims/what-is-a-victim-advocate-

 

Edited by Ktgrok
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I am so sorry you and your Dd are going through this. (((Hugs, Shiny)))

In my experience, the detective was very, very sympathetic, but eventually nothing came of it. We filed the police report, went in a few times to police station to discuss with detective/drop off paperwork/answer questions from the DA. When it actually hit the DA, it all screeched to a halt, as there wasn't evidence. I knew as soon as I spoke with the DA, that no charges would be filed. She was very business like, but the first words out of her mouth were, "These cases are hard to prosecute." The police station was always very careful to keep DD & me separated from abuser although detective accidentally let it slip a few times that he was there at the same time. 

Dd was assigned an advocate who was not very good about keeping me in the loop, so I called detective approximately weekly to keep up to date. I just ran around her. In fact, at one point, I got a call where she apologized up and down and sideways that she had not contacted me for weeks. I am under the impression that she was in huge, possible legal, trouble for the oversight. Dd was also assigned a case worker through DCFS, who was kind of kooky, but she showed up at all meetings. 

Dd's sole interview was through a child advocacy center - she was interviewed by a social worker specially trained and Detective, DCFS lady, and Assistant DA watched from behind a 2 way mirror. I was also interviewed as Dd told me some things. Dd's therapist received a call as Dd disclosed some details to her, but she was never interviewed.

I was informed it would take a couple of weeks, but the company where it happened ground the process to a halt by withholding information without subpoenas, so it was about a 3-4 month investigation.

Overall, it seemed like a lot of retraumatization for no results. DCFS lady told me when no charges were pressed that she was worried that they would press charges in that she was not sure that Dd could handle a trial where she would have to see him. All of my online research had pointed me to the interview would be her sole "retelling", but DCFS lady said that that was not the case. So while I would've liked the guy to be nailed to a wall (sorry about that, but it's true), I am not sure Dd would've been able to follow through. Her mental health came first. 

Shiny, I kept a diary that started with just "spoke with X about Y", just because my own brain was in a whirlwind and I could not remember who all I had spoken to about what. It morphed into a little bit of what happened as she told me details and I processed. I figured it could help in a civil case against the company if we chose to pursue that route. If you are interested, I would read it and see the timeline and if I am forgetting stuff (probably I am as my brain was not functioning fully). Again, I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you and your Dd. 

 

 

 

Edited by beckyjo
Edited out personal parts
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12 minutes ago, Junie said:

Hugs to you and your dd.  I am sorry.

I have no experience with this, but if your daughter is able to write down dates/times/locations that might help with the investigation.  Also, document anyone that she might have told.

And I'll tag @JoJosMom for you.

I might also start t keeping screen shots of anything related on social media. It's insane what teens will post without thinking. 

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Thanks.   (no quotes please)

I'll have her go through her convos with him and start taking more screenshots of the pertinent stuff.  I've already seen one convo where he calls everything a "misunderstanding" (sure, I can see how "no" is a complicated word to understand) and is gaslighting the hell out of her saying he did it for her, she wanted it, etc. Mamas, she's had chronic pain in that area every since.  That's.not.normal.  and that's not a sign of consensual activity.  He's such a flaming bag of crap, y'all I can't even.  I trusted him. Turns out he was ****** Eddie Haskell (extra points if you get the reference).  But the assault IS pretty much she said / he said at this point, so that's why I'm pinning my hopes on the stat rape charges because we do have him admitting to that in texts.  

Anyway, do I take the initiative and send the screenshots to the detectives now or do I do it when/if they start officially investigating? I was warned by the police officer that there was a big stack of reports ahead of mine, so it would take time.

By the way, we have a crisis center in town that handles victim support but she doesn't want to go yet.  She's already had to repeat the story so much this week, she just needs a break.

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No advice, but, dear Lord, I'm so sorry for your DD and your family. Stay strong, Mom and Dad. I have to believe that regardless of what happens legally, your DD knowing that you and your DH believe her, support her, and will protect her to the very best of your ability will make all the difference in how she copes and moves forward. What a horrible, horrible situation.

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1. is her pain being treated? As in, did they check for diseases that could cause pain, including run of the mill urinary tract infections? If nothing else if found, and pain continues, get a second opinion from a very good gynecologist, ask for references for someone very kind and thorough and willing to listen. 

2. I'd forward them to the police now, as having more evidence may make them more interested in pursuing things, you know? But keep copies for yourself. I'd email them, if you can, so you have proof they were sent and a date on it. 

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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

1. is her pain being treated? As in, did they check for diseases that could cause pain, including run of the mill urinary tract infections? If nothing else if found, and pain continues, get a second opinion from a very good gynecologist, ask for references for someone very kind and thorough and willing to listen. 

2. I'd forward them to the police now, as having more evidence may make them more interested in pursuing things, you know? But keep copies for yourself. I'd email them, if you can, so you have proof they were sent and a date on it. 

To build off of KT's responses: 

As for any further appointments regarding the physical aspect, in our area, we have a specialized clinic that deals with SA and children/teens. You may be able to find information from your regular doctor on how to be referred to it - we were personally referred by DCFS. You may also call your local advocacy center and ask, but I don't know if you would have to start the whole process with them in order to get that information - our clinic is in an area of the hospital that is protected by 2-3 different locking doors and is very non-descript from the outside for further protection, although there is a small mention of it on the hospital website. 

I'd forward any information now if and only if you have a case number already. If you don't, I don't know that I would trust them to file it correctly. I would definitely start a file for yourself where all copies of information is kept. 

Hugs to you and your DD. 

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