Do you think I should address this or leave it alone?

[lynn]

Please don't quote may delete later.     My bil is strange to begin with. He's 60 if that matters. My dil mentioned how she sometimes has a hard time getting my grandson to sleep.  My bil told her get some cotton and put it down his throat then grab a pillow and laughs  we are looking at him shocked then he adds "then there's chloroform" he laughs thinking he's funny,  conversation was then changed.     I want to call and tell my sister how horrifying that was to hear or call bil and tell him off.  Who the he** even thinks like that.  do I call him or for peace in the family let it go?

Edited July 15, 2019 by lynn

[Scarlett]

Ugh. I would probably tell my sister.....but just ugh.avoid him for sure. 

[lynn]

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Ugh. I would probably tell my sister.....but just ugh.avoid him for sure. 

 

6 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Ugh. I would probably tell my sister.....but just ugh.avoid him for sure. 

Thankfully we don't live near them or see them often.

[Selkie]

Yuck. I would stop being around him and if your sister asks why, I'd tell her it's because her dh is creepy.

[katilac]

Eh, I don't think it's funny but plenty of people joke that way. Unless you want to start World War III, let it go.  It's certainly fine to think of what you will say to cut him off next time if  chloroform-the-baby jokes turn out to be his thing, but it may never happen again. 

 

[Ellie]

I'm not suggesting that you call anyone, but if you do, it would be your bil first.

No, of course his age doesn't have anything to do with it. I'm older than he, and it would never occur to me (or any of my age peers) to say stupid stuff like that.

[catz]

2 hours ago, Selkie said:

Yuck. I would stop being around him and if your sister asks why, I'd tell her it's because her dh is creepy.

This - and I would tell my DIL she can shut him down and set up her own boundaries as she sees fit.   Learn to shut him down verbally in the act while this stuff is happening if you are going to continue to have contact with him.   Is it my understanding that you and DIL were there while he said this and just let it pass at that moment?

I personally wouldn't call him.  I doubt he would change his ways anyway.  I might tell my sister that I was sick of him obnoxious and inappropriate "joking" and I'd now be shutting him down and asking him to leave if I communicated with her regularly.

Edited July 15, 2019 by FuzzyCatz

[SKL]

He has a weird sense of humor.  Is he a parent?  Is he like this generally or was it a one-off?

I have some mentally ill in-laws (also referred to as the out-laws) who say some outrageous things.  There's really nothing to be done other than (a) make sure the hearers understand it's his problem, not theirs and (b) stay away when feasible.

I would not bother mentioning it to bil.  Most likely he would find it even more "funny" to bring it up next time with dil about how she couldn't take a joke etc.  Not worth it for someone you don't see often.

[Farrar]

It's not funny, but if it's just an awkward sense of humor, I'd let it go. If there's other accompanying behavior or if this is a change, like a no filter dementia sort of change, then I'd mention it for that reason. But in and of itself? Meh.

If he does it often, next time he does it, I'd call him on it gently. "Bil, I know you're trying to be funny, but we're not laughing. That's gross/scary/her kid/etc."

[mathnerd]

4 hours ago, katilac said:

Eh, I don't think it's funny but plenty of people joke that way. Unless you want to start World War III, let it go.  It's certainly fine to think of what you will say to cut him off next time if  chloroform-the-baby jokes turn out to be his thing, but it may never happen again. 

 

Yes. I have encountered people who joke that way - especially people whose inspiration comes from crude-mouthed late night comedians who make similar jokes and call it "humor". Next time, just say openly that it is unacceptable and that you are speaking up in order to put a stop to that conversation.

similar story here: my DH's college roommate used to "hang out" in my living room with my DH and even invite some of their other college buddies over and then, this guy used to spew out similar jokes about people of certain races/religion - my husband used to squirm and sit there and defend himself by saying that he does not subscribe to those views and that he happened to be around the person who spewed that nonsense. Long story condensed - I told DH's friend that this was neither acceptable nor welcome in my house (until then, he apparently believed that it was just his friend's house, not considering that I had opinions etc) and for good measure told him that I might call the FBI and lodge a complaint about his hate speech (though I did not  know how to do such things, I had to say it because I was very mad). These days, he shows up at my house once every few years and I schedule an errand or shopping trips at those times. I burned a bridge and I am looked askance by my DH's closest friends, but, I needed to speak up and I did so.

Edited July 15, 2019 by mathnerd

[J-rap]

I'd just assume he has a very awkward sense of humor and let it go.  Possibly, he is even on the spectrum somewhere.  I have a relative like this.  I wouldn't make a big deal of it.  You can explain it to DIL.

[Farrar]

52 minutes ago, mathnerd said:

Yes. I have encountered people who joke that way - especially people whose inspiration comes from crude-mouthed late night comedians who make similar jokes and call it "humor". Next time, just say openly that it is unacceptable and that you are speaking up in order to put a stop to that conversation.

similar story here: my DH's college roommate used to "hang out" in my living room with my DH and even invite some of their other college buddies over and then, this guy used to spew out similar jokes about people of certain races/religion - my husband used to squirm and sit there and defend himself by saying that he does not subscribe to those views and that he happened to be around the person who spewed that nonsense. Long story condensed - I told DH's friend that this was neither acceptable nor welcome in my house (until then, he apparently believed that it was just his friend's house, not considering that I had opinions etc) and for good measure told him that I might call the FBI and lodge a complaint about his hate speech (though I did not  know how to do such things, I had to say it because I was very mad). These days, he shows up at my house once every few years and I schedule an errand or shopping trips at those times. I burned a bridge and I am looked askance by my DH's closest friends, but, I needed to speak up and I did so.

To me, a person making a racist joke is a really different kettle of fish than a person making other kinds of inappropriate jokes. I'd definitely speak up about that, though in the moment is preferable to later like the OP was asking.