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Do you and your spouse give one another anniversary gifts?

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Our wedding anniversary (29 years) is fast approaching, and honestly, I don't know what to give my husband (and I wouldn't know what to ask him to give me).  Is that boring?

We have one in college and a rising high school senior, so our expenses/projected expenses are high just now.  Really, I am fine with going out, just the two of us, and enjoying a quiet dinner, but I wonder whether I should try to be creative about a gift.  

Truly, neither of us needs anything.

(Doubting myself...)

Do y'all get gifts for your spouse on your anniversary?  

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Nope. 

We don't do gifts very much at all, really. We got to the point long ago where we can buy what we need, and if we want something, we tend to want something very specific. 

If something really strikes us for the other person, we'll get it, but we rarely buy gifts because it's a 'gift-giving occasion.' 

Ask him if he's on board with no gifts. It's very freeing 😊

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Dh and I have been married 17.5 yrs.  Most years, we just celebrate by doing something together, vs an actual gift.  A long tradition for us was to get a sitter and go to the Melting Pot for dinner (and then we moved and blah.  This sort of this still came out of the gifts and celebrations budget that we have set up, but it wasn't necessarily a "gift" so much as a "celebration."  

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no.  Sometimes we'll do something together.  Sometimes it's just dinner and other times it's a bit more like a get away.  But that is rare.

 

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We used to. 🙂

Now we will often choose one thing that we both need or want and call it our anniversary present.  Sometimes one of us will surprise the other with something that's really for both of us.  Last year it was these:

https://express.google.com/u/0/product/12352852901753013180_0_429735?utm_source=google_shopping&utm_medium=tu_cu&utm_content=eid-lsjeuxoeqt%2Ceid-wuakzuqbuq&gtim=CNLakrP9uLyEVxDKr-2_wOXivwgYsICkDiIDVVNEKODv7ekFMKedGg&utm_campaign=429735&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIz7Gzot2y4wIVu__jBx23kwoNEAQYAyABEgKWn_D_BwE

The year before it was an expensive bottle of rose gin. 

 

Edited by Serenade
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No, we don't. It's not important to either of us. Also, neither of us likes to spend the money if we don't really want or need it. I think if you both agree to whatever, it is fine.

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We closed on our new house on our 24th anniversary.  DH said, "You got a pool!"  🤣  That's ok, I will take that.  I am thrilled with my new pool.

But now that you mention it, we still haven't gone out to dinner to celebrate.  

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No.

Sometimes we'll get something for the house or go somewhere and say it's for our anniversary. But in truth we'd have gotten the thing/gone to wherever anyway.

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Why are you doubting yourself? What is boring about not knowing what gift or give or ask for?  If you and he are not feeling neglected over the lack of gifts, then there's nothing more to think about.  Do you think your husband feels neglected because there are no gifts?

We just passed our 24th. I had to work, we have no money for gifts, and the day just passed.  For a couple of years we had an anniversary lunch at Chick Fil A. How's that for romantic?  

 

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3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

No.

Sometimes we'll get something for the house or go somewhere and say it's for our anniversary. But in truth we'd have gotten the thing/gone to wherever anyway.

Us too.

This year we (and by "we" I mean "me" because DH just doesn't care about gifts or stuff for the house at.all.) got new living room furniture for Mother's Day, Father's Day, his birthday, my birthday, our anniversary, and Christmas. We would have bought it anyway, but now we have the bonus of not having to come up with something for those occasions. Other years we we go on small trips/getaways.

Years that we don't get something big together or go on a trip, we just go out to eat.

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We do.

I often give my husband a hodgepodge of gifts. I'm a big thrift store shopper, so this year I gave him a puzzle, a shirt, some books (all used), and a bottle of wine (new!). He gave me a a beautiful bouquet and some chocolate. Our adult daughter gave us a check for a dinner out.

Do what makes you happy.

Regards,

Kareni

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We just try to spend some extra time together.  Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't - depends on our schedules and the kids.  We like to go on a hike or go out for ice cream or do carry out at a restaurant we like - just something like that.  When the kids were little, seemed like there was always sporting events, band concerts, or end of the school year events to attend (our anniversary is in May).  

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I sometimes buy dh a gift and sometimes he buys me one.  I have kind of dropped off the anniversary gift giving because he was often forgetting to buy me something and then he felt bad.  I usually buy a card, but I don't give it to him until after he has given me one.  If he doesn't get me anything, then I save it for the next year.

One year we bought a train table for the kids' Thomas trains.  :)  It was a really good deal and everyone's birthdays had just passed.  We didn't have room to store the thing until Christmas so we bought it as our anniversary gift to each other.

My favorite gift:  One year we took the money that we would have spent on gifts to ourselves and we outfitted a kitchen (inexpensive dishes, towels, etc.) for a newly-single mom of five who had just moved half-way across the country to live in our area.

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No, we don't. Neither of us is much interested in things, and it's hard enough thinking of birthday and Christmas presents.

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Nope. Our anniversary was actually a few days ago and neither of us even remembered until late in the day. 😜 We did take a vacation, just the two of us, a month ago and called it an anniversary trip. We usually don't get each other more than a card. 

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I think for the first year or two we did gifts, but then...meh. Our anniversary is very near Christmas, so we're already doing gifts that time of year. It was fine with both of us to drop the anniversary gifts.

We do enjoy going out for a special dinner, just the two of us. It isn't always on the actual day, just whenever works for our schedule and ILs' as well (they watch the kids for us). A couple years ago one of the kids got sick so we rescheduled, and then another kid got sick that day so we rescheduled again - I think we celebrated our anniversary like three months late. 😄

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We have bought gifts for anniversaries , but it isn’t always part of the recognition of our marriage. Sometimes we go out to dinner, sometimes we cook a nice meal, sometimes we don’t do anything. 

I think it’s good to have a conversation about not giving gifts if it isn’t important to you. Some people do find gifts very important, it’s just as important that they discuss that with their spouse so they aren’t constantly disappointed.  

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We don't. We both like gifts, but just never got in the habit of anniversary gifts. We enjoy a nice dinner out. This year, we were talking about going to try a new restaurant in the nearby much larger city (that we haven't explored since we moved here a couple of years ago). But when it came to the day, we just looked at each other and decided we'd rather go to the Chili's right down the road. It was enjoyable.

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Thank you all for the input.  We haven't ever made a huge deal out of our anniversary, though for the first few years we bought gifts for each other, and we took a weekend trip for our 25th.

I suppose the "doing less as we get older" thread got me to thinking that I've begun to settle(?) and that perhaps I should ramp up my celebratory efforts.  I can be so clueless about what people want, and dh is pretty low key (which is wonderful, unless I'm doubting myself, lol).

It's interesting (and reassuring) to learn that many people just go out to eat and spend some time together.

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Note:  this is a gross generalization and I am sure that there are many happy exceptions, but every couple that I have known who put a huge emphasis on expensive anniversary gifts ended up getting divorced.  I know that in one case especially the more expensive the gift, the more trouble they were having.  I don't know the psychology behind it - perhaps it was a way of trying to "invest" in the marriage monetarily while not investing emotionally?  Who knows. 

At some point I think that I would like to do something other than going out to dinner but still have it be an experience rather than a thing. 

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Yep, we do. Sometimes expensive, sometimes not. We have gifted each other concert weekends away from our kids, jewelry, watches, spa days/massages, etc. This year we spent the day at an amusement park food fest without our kids. It was nice. We've spent a lot of birthdays and anniversaries apart so when we get the chance to be together, we value it.

Edited by Sneezyone
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No gifts here but we do go out to dinner.  It's random whether either of us buys a card for the other.  Sometimes one of us does, most of the time neither of us do.  

We actually rarely do gifts for any occasion - no Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.  If there's something one of us wants we may buy it and call it a birthday present or Christmas present depending on the time of year.   Neither of us are big on gifts or huge gestures.

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No.  Might do dinner.   Might go to a B&B.  Might buy ourselves a couple's gift.

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No. We often take a trip together, although usually not on our actual anniversary, as I generally prefer to travel in the fall. At a minimum, we will go out to eat. Sometimes we’ll do another outing together such as a hike, concert, theatre, etc.

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We used to.  But we also never spent money on anything (ANYthing) unless it was a gift giving occasion.  We’d spend maybe $5 on something without consulting the other (maybe), but anything above $5 was something that had to be discussed and approved by both parties before we bought it.  It’s only been in the past 5 years that one or the other of us will randomly buy something for ourselves out of the blue.

So, when you go for months and months and months without getting that spatula you really need...when the anniversary comes you’re pretty thrilled to finally get that spatula.  

But now that we have been married for 27 years and have all the items we need, and now that we are in a place where we sometimes buy ourselves a little something out of the blue, gift giving isn’t as exciting.  We just had an anniversary, and my DH got me some flowers.  I didn’t get him anything, because I say, “Tell me what you want or need,” and he doesn’t.  But he also don’t care one whit about presents.

We’ve always gone out to some sort of dinner, however.  It might be cheap, but it’s out of the house.

Honestly, I’m not sure whether I’m happy or not with the way we do things now.  Sure, it’s fun to get myself a doo-dad that I need when I want it, but now all the holidays (anniv, valentine’s, mother’s, etc) don’t feel special anymore.  I do like a special day from time to time.  When we let the day go by without marking it and making it special...well...I feel like maybe we’re in a rut.

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Nope, we don't do anniversary gifts either. Sometimes dh's grandma gets something for us or takes us out to dinner but it is usually something very specific that we pick out and she just pays for it. Like a couple years ago, we were in the middle of renovating our kitchen ourselves (still haven't completely finished but that's another story) and the exact cooktop we wanted for the kitchen went on sale but we didn't have the extra money for it at the time so she bought it for us. It happened to be our anniversary so she said to call it an anniversary gift.

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2 hours ago, DawnM said:

We closed on our new house on our 24th anniversary.  DH said, "You got a pool!"  🤣  That's ok, I will take that.  I am thrilled with my new pool.

But now that you mention it, we still haven't gone out to dinner to celebrate.  

Things like this happen to us sometimes. I had my gallbladder out right around our 10th anniversary. We joked it was the most expensive anniversary gift he'd ever gotten me. 😅

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No, but we usually go out to dinner. This anniversary, we will have been married 35 years🎉and are in the beginning stages of planning a trip to France, Germany and Austria. We both have traveled Europe but not together. We mentioned our plans to our youngest daughter and she said she would like to tag along🙄 Kind of like our 20th anniversary trip to Hawaii where we took our daughters because they were the only ones in CA who never had been there🙄 Ok, we fell for it.

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Dh and I swap dollar store cards and a theater size box of candy. He likes Goobers and I like Raisinets.  This year is a milestone year and he might splurge on Ghiradelli squares and I’ll probably splurge on a largish bag of M and Ms. 

We do the same for Valentine’s Day. 

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nm

 

Edited by ~~~
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Each year goes pretty much like this:

Spouse A: Did you get me a card this year?

Spouse B: Um, did you get ME a card?

Spouse A: No, but I'll get you one if you have one for me . . . .

Spouse B: Okay, GREAT, because I didn't get you a card either!

It's a day we're both sentimental about, but we're not really gift/card people. It works for us!

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No. We usually go out to dinner or something. We do get a "gift" as in sometime during the months before or after our anniversary, if we find something we need/want on sale we buy it and say it is our anniversary gift. This year we bought knives about a month before our anniversary.

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No, by agreement. Dinner out is lovely if we can manage it. We give each other cards but I honestly would be happy to dispense with that. 🙂 

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Sometimes we mostly just do something together. DH likes to do a play on the traditional gifts and do something funny.  One year I saw a stuffed zombie that said “ I love you for your brains” that I bought and gave on our anniversary.

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The only thing my dh and I give each other on our anniversary is a high five for another year, usually around 11:58pm when one of us realizes the date. We have missed every anniversary for 23 years! Not intentionally...pregnancy blech, new babies, flu season, starting school back up beginning of January, brain fry from the holidays...January 6 has come and gone with one or both of us not even realizing it. Which I guess is a good thing as we both agreed to not exchange gifts on anniversaries even before we were married - ha! We can't even remember the date much less buy presents for each other!

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Not usually, but we always remember because it is very important for us. We also celebrate the anniversary of our engagement.  

We did used to do anni presents; for the first few years, we followed the traditional "gift for the certain year" guidelines. I made him a sweet book of phrases cut from magazine our first "paper" year (think collage, not kidnapper note...). I still have it and it is such a sweet reminder of our first year of marriage. Now we go out to dinner, unless it is a big year--he was gone for our tenth, but for our 20th, we went to Sweden, for our 25th we went to California,  and so on. I would like to renew our vows here in Jerusalem for our 35 next year. 

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No, not gifts per se.  But, both our birthdays and our anniversary are within six weeks of each other, and they're all in the springtime.  We generally plan a weekend getaway during that time.  We've been doing that almost every year for over twenty years.

Of course, if either of us buys ourselves something during that time, we declare that it's for our birthday, to jokingly justify the expense.  Or, if we stumble on something that we know the other wants or needs, and it happens to be in the spring time, we'll say that it's for their birthday, or for our anniversary.  But, we don't go and buy gifts for each other just because we "should."

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9 hours ago, ThisIsTheDay said:

Each year goes pretty much like this:

Spouse A: Did you get me a card this year?

Spouse B: Um, did you get ME a card?

Spouse A: No, but I'll get you one if you have one for me . . . .

Spouse B: Okay, GREAT, because I didn't get you a card either!

It's a day we're both sentimental about, but we're not really gift/card people. It works for us!

 

This.

We go out to dinner, if we can find a sitter.

Every ten years we go to NYC, visit Rockefeller for sentimental reasons (ice skating), and stay a few days.

Edited by Spryte
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We do sometimes get each other cards, if we find an appropriate or funny one we particularly like. My favorite is on our fridge. It has an older couple, both slightly overweight, dancing in their 1950s looking kitchen, gazing lovingly into each others' eyes. She has on a plaid cotton housedress, and he is wearing an undershirt  and shorts. They are both wearing socks and slippers. Inside it says, "The honeymoon never ends."

Ha--I found it! https://www.ebay.com/c/1972847426

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13 hours ago, May said:

No, but we usually go out to dinner. This anniversary, we will have been married 35 years🎉and are in the beginning stages of planning a trip to France, Germany and Austria. We both have traveled Europe but not together. We mentioned our plans to our youngest daughter and she said she would like to tag along🙄 Kind of like our 20th anniversary trip to Hawaii where we took our daughters because they were the only ones in CA who never had been there🙄 Ok, we fell for it.

 

This is what happens to us! Now that most of the kids are older, it’s easier to not tell them til the day before we leave. But I still have one who acts like feelings hurt because we didn’t invite the kids, despite the fact that my big kids are very experienced travelers in their own right! DH wonders how long we should be expected to make every vacation a family vacation. Maybe that’s a topic for another thread. 

As to the gifts, we did that the first few years, but then life got hectic. Valentine's Day, Mother’s Day, birthdays... there’s a lot of expectations out there already, I don’t aim to load up my marriage with more of them! Often we joke that our anniversary “gift” to each other is a landscaping project, a piece of furniture or art, a new A/C unit (that was an extravagant year! 😂), major purchases we can’t aboid or have been saving for anyway. Three decades and we are still married.

Edited by Seasider too
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Only my kids get gifts on their birthdays. My husband hardly remembers his own birthday and both of us aren’t big on occasion gifts. When I want something very much, my husband just buy so I can use the gift immediately rather than waiting for a gift giving occasion (valentine’s day, mother’s day, anniversary, birthday). 

My parents can’t remember the exact date of their anniversary without looking up their marriage certificate (it’s a few days after Christmas 1969). If my mom wanted something any time of the year, my dad would just buy if he can afford it. My mom did work on and off whenever she was bored being a SAHM so financially we were very comfortable since my dad’s income was sufficient for daily needs. 

My in-laws don’t celebrate as FIL is even more penny pinching than my husband. My MIL freelanced as a seamstress but the income isn’t much and was used to supplement FIL’s income.

I love vacations and so do my kids. So that is where we spend on. My wedding anniversary and our birthdays (DH, kids, me) are in November and December so we usually travel on off peak season instead of those two months.

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18 hours ago, katilac said:

Nope. 

We don't do gifts very much at all, really. We got to the point long ago where we can buy what we need, and if we want something, we tend to want something very specific. 

If something really strikes us for the other person, we'll get it, but we rarely buy gifts because it's a 'gift-giving occasion.' 

This is us exactly. Neither of us has gifts as a love language. We don't buy them or give them to each other for any occasion. We do buy things for each other, but not as gifts and not for "occasions". 

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We do try to do something slightly out of the ordinary, dinner out etc.  Our anniversary is also DH’s birthday so for years we celebrated Daddy’s birthday because that’s what the kids understood.  Present wise I tend to get a new appliance right around our anniversary so we joke that it’s my anniversary present ...... this year it was a new refrigerator which I am so pleased with!🤣

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