Committing to a regular long drive when you actually hate driving?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

We have an opportunity to join a great co-op, but the drive will be an hour and 20 minutes each way, one day a week. I just managed to offload my once-a-month, 45-minutes-each-way drive to DH, and now I'm considering this new thing? It's crazy, but the new thing will meet a bunch of needs for DD13, who has really been struggling emotionally and educationally (an extreme extrovert in a house full of extreme introverts). 

I would love any suggestions for making this work. I pretty much dread getting in the car these days--not from anxiety, but from burnout, really. Does anyone have any magical solutions they can offer? 

Thanks!

[vonfirmath]

Is moving an option?

 

Listen to audio books on the ride.

 

Edited July 9, 2019 by vonfirmath

[Bambam]

I agree with audio books.

 

But one word of caution - will the time once a week fill your extrovert's needs? When we lived in a place where everyone was at least 30 minutes from us, there were few people willing to meet for playdates/lunches/picnics/parties/etc unless we came to their area or I went and picked up their children and returned them after the event. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

7 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

Is moving an option?

 

Listen to audio books on the ride.

 

 

I wish! I totally would, but DH is a no-go. We definitely have audiobooks aplenty. I'm also thinking that maybe if we just leave enough time in the morning so that we're not feeling super-stressed for time, maybe it won't be so torturous. But that's easier said than done for these night owls. 

3 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I agree with audio books.

 

But one word of caution - will the time once a week fill your extrovert's needs? When we lived in a place where everyone was at least 30 minutes from us, there were few people willing to meet for playdates/lunches/picnics/parties/etc unless we came to their area or I went and picked up their children and returned them after the event. 

 

Weeelllll...I did think of that. That's one of my fears, her making friends so far away that we then feel pressured to keep up with. But she does have friends and a teen group here as well (and one who will also be attending the co-op), so hopefully we won't have too much added driving (or it will be on Fridays, when DH can do it!). I need a teleportation system. Or maybe Mrs. Todd's Shortcut!

[DawnM]

Can't you find something closer?  I am the extrovert in our family and if I made friends an hour and a half away but my parent wouldn't ever take me to see them and it was difficult to meet up, it would be very frustrating.

[domestic_engineer]

Keep a list of the audiobooks you’ve completed so that you can use it as encouragement on those days when you are discouraged about the drive. 

Maybe your DD could knit/crochet on the commute. Again, it’d be something visible/tangible that resulted from the time in the car. 

And throw in some podcasts for variety too!

Maybe you could have a special snack/drink for the commute to reward yourself for making the drive, too. 

Can you carpool with the other person from your area?

[teachermom2834]

We have had two co-op relationship experiences. In both cases my boys enjoyed the social aspect and made some friends but they never really made it into the core cohesive friend group. In the first, we were 35 or so minutes away. I did not mind the weekly drive but it did mean my kids were left out of the additional social times that sprung up. Once in a while with advance planning they could be included but they couldn’t just swing by a friends house or make a quick trip to a coffee shop or whatever.

In the second case we had relocated and lived just five minutes from our new co-op. In this case a different ds enjoyed the kids but never made it into the tight friend group because we attend a very different church. These other kids went to church together, youth groups, camps, etc.

My thought on co-op for social reasons is that if you are going to get very far beyond the initial social time at co-op you really need regular interaction with the kids in other ways outside co-op. My kids made some friends but really were generally on the outside looking in. When my dc were present they were included and well liked but it is “out of sight out of mind” if you are just around for co-op.

The good news is I have no guilt about not pursuing a co-op for my youngest. 🙂

[katilac]

ime, the teen years are full of driving, particularly for homeschoolers without an abundance of nearby options. 

so. much. driving. 

I hate to drive and can't believe I have to buy yet another non-self-driving car :cries: 

The biggest thing for me was to move past denial and anger to acceptance, lol. If I made up my mind that something was an important part of their education or social life, welp, the drive was an unavoidable part of that. And that's a pretty low commitment if it lasts for several hours. Weigh the pros and cons, look at all options, and then make a decision. More importantly, don't second-guess the decision once made. Commit to the semester and to doing everything possible to make it a successful semester.

Yes, you need to leave early enough to not stress over being late. Easier said than done, sure, but definitely doable. Make sure everyone understands that getting up and leaving at X time is non-negotiable. If you truly worry about this, I would practice before committing to the co-op. Several dry runs of having everyone and everything IN THE CAR at the stated time, one or more actual treks to the location at the time you will actually be going. 

Audio books, yes. We used some DVD lectures in our schooling, and a DVD player with dual screens was a great investment. If you're going to watch a 30-minute lecture no matter what, might as well do it in the car. If they study a language, listening to vocabulary and such is a great use of time, or watching a familiar tv show in the target language. Memory work, poetry recitation, math facts. 

You'll likely want thermoses or Yetis full of water. Lunch and/or snacks. The kids can be in charge of packing and unpacking thermoses and coolers every week. 

Will all the kids be in co-op? Do you have to stay? Time to myself was always a plus of schlepping them somewhere 😃

Is there anything else intriguing nearby? A great library, a fun park, an interesting store? 

Edited July 9, 2019 by katilac

[J-rap]

We did something like that, something I swore I'd never do!  We drove 2.5 hours (each way) one day/week.  As long as it's in your psyche ahead of time, it's manageable.  For us, the return home was late...  My girls would fall asleep in the car and I'd drive through long, dark prairie roads late at night.  I'd grab coffee to go on my way home, turn on NPR, and just relax, listening to various shows and interviews, etc.  I didn't mind it, I barely passed any other cars.  

On the way TO the event, we were just psychologically geared up I guess.  Girls would sometimes do homework in the car, we'd talk a lot, and often stop half-way for a light supper.

Honestly, as long as you're prepared ahead of time, you kind of develop a routine and it's okay.  I really enjoyed the drive TO, since my girls were awake and we had fun talking, listening to music together, etc.

When they were actually AT the event, I had two hours to run errands.  (I was coming from a tiny town to a big city, so there were always errands to run!)  If nothing else, I'd find a coffeeshop to sit and read a book.  It was a nice time to just sit with no distractions.

I do get the driving burn-out.  But I think when you have it in your head ahead of time that this is a regular thing, it's easier.

[J-rap]

2 minutes ago, katilac said:

ime, the teen years are full of driving, particularly for homeschoolers without an abundance of nearby options. 

so. much. driving. 

I hate to drive and can't believe I have to buy yet another non-self-driving car :cries: 

The biggest thing for me was to move past denial and anger to acceptance, lol. If I made up my mind that something was an important part of their education or social life, welp, the drive was an unavoidable part of that. And that's a pretty low commitment if it lasts for several hours. Weigh the pros and cons, look at all options, and then make a decision. More importantly, don't second-guess the decision once made. Commit to the semester and to doing everything possible to make it a successful semester.

Yes, you need to leave early enough to not stress over being late. Easier said than done, sure, but definitely doable. Make sure everyone understands that getting up and leaving at X time is non-negotiable. If you truly worry about this, I would practice before committing to the co-op. Several dry runs of having everyone and everything IN THE CAR at the stated time, one or more actual treks to the location at the time you will actually be going. 

Audio books, yes. We used some DVD lectures in our schooling, and a DVD player with dual screens was a great investment. If you're going to watch a 30-minute lecture no matter what, might as well do it in the car. If they study a language, listening to vocabulary and such is a great use of time, or watching a familiar tv show in the target language. Memory work, poetry recitation, math facts. 

You'll likely want thermoses or Yetis full of water. Lunch and/or snacks. The kids can be in charge of packing and unpacking thermoses and coolers every week. 

Will all the kids be in co-op? Do you have to stay? Time to myself was always a plus of schlepping them somewhere 😃

Is there anything else intriguing nearby? A great library, a fun park, an interesting store? 

I CAN'T WAIT for the non-self driving cars to actually be regularly used!!  I'm going to be first in line.  🙂 

[klmama]

I think the most important question for you is WHY are you burned out by driving?  Do you feel like you are wasting your time?  That your life isn't your own anymore?  Are you just bored when you drive?  Is it physical strain that's the problem?  Think about the underlying reason and then figure out how to address it.  

Perhaps you could carpool with the local friend's family - one parent take both of them one week, the other take them the next.  That won't work if you both have to volunteer time every week, of course.

FWIW, I know people who drove 2 hours each way for a co-op for about 15 years.  It's true that their dc weren't able to be involved in all of the social events that happened at other times during the week, but they were very much a part of the co-op and made good friends there.  It was easier for the dc who were extroverts.  The mom volunteered at the co-op part of the day and ran errands the rest, and the dc did some schoolwork in the car.  

 

[Shoeless]

I hate driving, too.  The only co-op choices we have near me are 45+ *miles* away.  Mentally, I just can't do that.  I would not be willing to make the drive you are describing unless the opportunity was very unique and special, like a state-level practice and competition, lessons with a renowned instructor, etc.  Not just another homeschool co-op. 

Is there no way for your daughter to get her social, emotional, and educational needs met locally?  Have you exhausted all possible options? (cheer, dance, martial arts, art classes, theater, library teen programs, church youth groups, online classes, outschool, scouts, comic and game store events, etc?)

If co-op is one day a week, what will happen on the other days?  Will you be home those days?  If she is an extreme extrovert, will she be content with one day a week at co-op?

What would your perfect week look like, as far as out-of-the-house activities?  What would it look like for your daughter?  Can you find a compromise that gets most needs met for everyone? 

 

[freesia]

I also hate to drive.  However, I think it's hard for us to really counsel you about this.  Only you know if this is necessary.  I ended up doing a lot of driving for a co-op bc my children needed a new social group when a friend (who was in every one of our available local groups) turned toxic.  It was very, very worth it for us.  I have 2 friends who drive as far as you do for a special type of co-op.  It is worth it for them as they don't have to drive each of their many children to separate extra curriculars bc of this co-op.  They tell me that seperately I drive my kids more hours than they put into driving to this one co-op.  That is true, but I wouldn't do theirs unless the closer one hadn't worked.

We have quiet study time on the way there and audiobooks on the way home (tied into our history study.)  My friend's family did Story of the World and Bible and quiet study time in the car.  One of mine gets carsick so he downloads his lit book on audio.

I grew up in a city so this driving thing is not natural for me.  But it's not for that much longer in the scope of my life, right? or yours?  Like someone upthread said, it took me changing my mindset and getting over my frustration with it for it to be okay.  I still don't love it, but it's about reaching our goals.

[LMD]

I drive 90 mins each way once a week for music lessons for my kids. It's worth it to me because, 1. even counting the driving it's less time taken up per week than our old studio (which had non-negotiable 3x a week lessons!) 2. the lessons are less than 2 mins from my best friend's house and she also homeschools! 3. The teacher is wonderful, especially with my not so easy child. 4. We listen to audio books and podcasts and watch documentaries in the car. 

But it is a big time investment, our whole day is gone. It is exhausting sometimes so I need to be careful that the tiredness doesn't bleed over into the next (few) day(s). Packing the car the day before definitely helps with leaving on time!

[Ausmumof3]

 

How long will you be there for?  If it’s a six or so hour event it’s probably worth it.

Id plan that day to be crockpot day every week and get an audible subscription and a really good travel mug and push through with it.  Unless you find you actually fall asleep due to the length of driving time or something.

also it depends on the driving type. I can handle fairly long rural drives but a long city drive really wears me down.

Edited July 10, 2019 by Ausmumof3

[Pen]

 

2 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

also it depends on the driving type. I can handle fairly long rural drives but a long city drive really wears me down.

 

This.  Even type of drive within rural or city matters.  

Curviness of roads, visibility, traffic, whether there are side of road steep drop offs, difficult interstate interchanges...  

 

If there’s another person in your area already going, could she take your dd with her, perhaps for something you could do in exchange?   

 

Might there be ways it could help your burn out? Maybe the co op would relieve you from a whole teaching subject for all the kids? Give you time off to be alone while kids do coop for the day?

or would it add to burn out not only in the driving but in expecting you to teach a class, clean, or otherwise work in support of the co op? 

 

As others above said, I suggest dry runs before commit to commute.   

Leaving extra early and having breakfast at co op end...  or at a stop part way there if there’s anywhere  - perhaps a grocery store with a deli breakfast bar...  

an excellent coffee or whatever you drink thermos (black tea w milk is more calming IME) 

a way to get exercise during that day

freeze ahead meals for dinners that day

Audiobooks, for your own entertainment and maybe to have most of another subject’s  reading all done during the drive time.

 

[Pen]

Have dc take baths night before and sleep in comfortable but coop acceptable clothes like shorts and t-shirt or sweats depending on weather?  Pack the car up day before as part of that day homeschooling? Shoes and socks in car so people can load up in bare feet? Toothbrushes, toothpaste, hairbrushes etc duplicates in car and do that at co op end?