Expectations for a senior

[borninthesouth]

Ok, moms and dads!!  What do expect of your child that will be a senior in high school?  My daughter is almost 18 and I am wondering if I am expecting too much of her.  I expect her to handle life except payment of activities and a little help navigating college admissions.  The college admissions are hard for me, so I know it will be a little over her head.  She is applying to the school of music at several schools, so it is a lot of extra stuff.  She has everything done for the silver Congressional Award, but I can't get her to finish the write up.  I feel like she is old enough now to decide if she wants to put forth the effort.  I have been pushing her to finish a math class (as her "teacher" I feel justified in pushing for her to do her math), but I think the rest is her responsibility at this point.  She handles her own piano business.  I try to get her to focus on cashing checks and putting money in the bank once a month or so, but otherwise I leave it up to her.  She is my oldest and I feel like I have always expected a lot out of her, but at the same time I want her to be able to handle life.  She has struggled some with social anxiety, so sometimes she expects me to handle things for her.   I don't want to leave her alone in the cold, but at the same time I don't want her to get to college and feel unprepared because I did too much for her.  There is such a fine line.  Any thoughts out there?

[MerryAtHope]

 Honestly it sounds like she’s doing really well. For the silver Congressional Award, I would ask her what her plan is for finishing up. If she doesn’t have a plan yet, then ask her to come up with one. I always found with my kids that helped to have them decide what they wanted to do and when, instead of me having to try to tell them to do it all the time. So asking them what their plan was gave me a way of helping them to stay on top of things without needing to nag a lot. I also found they were more likely to do things if they came up with the plan.

[Miguelsmom]

I expect my son to finish all  his courses that he listed in his college application, maintain a 3.0 average, and search for scholarships.  

[mirabillis]

I too have a rising senior, my oldest too. And he too is on the Congressional Award path - going for the gold. And it's been like pulling teeth to get him to finish this summer, to come up with a plan after some procrastination on his part. If it was left to him entirely, he'd not finish it. But he still needs me to push him up that hill, so my personal plan is to continue pushing/prodding, as we've come this far already and with college applications around the corner, we've worked too hard (him as student and me as admin/teacher/mentor) to back off now. I'll try to give him more rope to hang as the senior year plays out, but right now at least, he still needs the prodding. He's fully self-sufficient academically - it's just some of those other things, and well, we'll just have to leave some things to figure out in college. Sink or swim. 🙂

[borninthesouth]

8 hours ago, mirabillis said:

I too have a rising senior, my oldest too. And he too is on the Congressional Award path - going for the gold. And it's been like pulling teeth to get him to finish this summer, to come up with a plan after some procrastination on his part. If it was left to him entirely, he'd not finish it. But he still needs me to push him up that hill, so my personal plan is to continue pushing/prodding, as we've come this far already and with college applications around the corner, we've worked too hard (him as student and me as admin/teacher/mentor) to back off now. I'll try to give him more rope to hang as the senior year plays out, but right now at least, he still needs the prodding. He's fully self-sufficient academically - it's just some of those other things, and well, we'll just have to leave some things to figure out in college. Sink or swim. 🙂

 

That makes me feel so much better.  You know, the mom thing is hard, especially the homeschool mom thing.  I am glad to know that I am not the only mom who is pushing and prodding and she is not the only kid dragging her feet.  Lol.  

[borninthesouth]

10 hours ago, MerryAtHope said:

 Honestly it sounds like she’s doing really well. For the silver Congressional Award, I would ask her what her plan is for finishing up. If she doesn’t have a plan yet, then ask her to come up with one. I always found with my kids that helped to have them decide what they wanted to do and when, instead of me having to try to tell them to do it all the time. So asking them what their plan was gave me a way of helping them to stay on top of things without needing to nag a lot. I also found they were more likely to do things if they came up with the plan.

That is a good idea.  I will work on doing that.  I think wording it that way will help tremendously.  

[RootAnn]

It is a fine line and I think, in general, that I've always expected more out of my eldest. (I first adjusted my expectations when my eldest was 4, my #2 was 2, and my #3 was born. I was like, "what was I thinking?")

This conversation is kid & family dependent because all kids mature at different rates, have different skills & stumbling blocks, and need more or less scaffolding to thrive.

I would use senior year to back off on some things that you've been working on for awhile. I'd also prioritize some life skills stuff if you can (laundry, cooking, car maintenance).

Most, but not all, kids will "figure it out" at college if they need to. Laundry may get shrunk or turn a different color. They may oversleep a class or three. They may never use the cleaning supplies you left them and never wash their bedsheets, but they will likely still survive.

Academically & extracurricular wise, focus on helping them develop coping skills & a process if you have been their crutch up till now. What method will work best for them to track when assignments are due? Coach them, oversee, but try not to be their reminder system. Always help them find a way to implement their own reminder system instead of you being it.

I still sometimes call my mom to ask how to do something (funeral donations was one I had to call about as an adult because she'd always done that for the family-- I wondered who you make the check out to). It is ok to be a sounding board and to keep helping if you have a kid still struggles with executive function. Just try to help them develop their own process for the future. Some kids will have had all this down by now & others won't. I'm speaking to the parents of the kids that don't. 

My oldest child, a female, is heading to college in the fall. I had to nag her to get essays for scholarships & applications done. I double checked due dates for scholarships & applications (but she had them in early enough). Academics, she had in hand (she might have had a higher grade in one class had I tutored her as I had in previous years but it was time to let her seek out help other than me). She transitioned to doing all her own laundry, keeping her own work/ volunteer/ social calendar, and DH helped her set a schedule for checking her car's oil. She overslept a few times.

Good luck. This parenting thing isn't for wimps.