Menu
Jump to content

What's with the ads?

happysmileylady

Mom vs grandma....light question

Recommended Posts

When you are talking to your adult children, do you reference your parents as "mom" or "dad"?   Or do you reference them as "grandma" or "grandpa?"

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mother was grandma, or mom.  Mil was her first name.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mommy’s mom, daddy’s mom because my kids aren’t great at maternal and paternal. Also my husband has a grandma so we call her daddy’s grandma, and when kids clarify we say daddy’s daddy’s mom. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

When you are talking to your adult children, do you reference your parents as "mom" or "dad"?   Or do you reference them as "grandma" or "grandpa?"

 

I cannot even figure this out with my non-adult children. "Do you mean your dad or my dad?" is a frequent question around here. If I just say Grandpa, then they know. But..if I say Dad, that is always the question and I always go back and forth. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have adult children, but my parents are by their first name so will continue to be so when kids are grown.

I don't call my in-laws mum and dad so they will continue to be referenced as Nanna and Grandpa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Usually grandma. Sometimes "my mom" or "grandma (first name)".

Even when talking to my mom I usually call her grandma these days.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have adult children yet so can't answer from that perspective. But MIL and FIL both refer to FIL's mom both as "mom" and as "grandma." They also refer to each other as "mom" and "dad" when talking to us. A few years ago, FIL called DH and his brother and told them that "Mom is in the hospital with such-and-such issue; she's in room so-and-so." All of us were very surprised to walk into the hospital room and see MIL in the bed instead of FIL's mother! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My adult kids have only ever had contact with my dad, their paternal grandfather and their paternal grandmother growing up. They also have a step great grandmother who is a big part of their lives. Oh and their paternal grandfather's long term girlfriend. My dad has always been "grandpa" and I still refer to him that way to my grown children. Their paternal grandparents (my ex-in-laws) I refer to them as "Nanny" and "Pawpaw" which is what they have always been referred to. Step great grandmother is "Grandma" (even I call her Grandma when talking to her, that's just what everyone refers to her as for the most part) and PawPaw's gf is referred to by first name. If for some reason I am talking to them about my mother, I just refer to her as "my mother". None of them were old enough to remember the last time they saw her. On the off chance that I would talk about their stepdad's parents (my current husband) I would probably refer to them by name or stepdad's mom or dad or step dad. They don't really come up in conversation much with my adult kids because they really don't have anything to do with them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I only have one adult child, but the other one is 16.  They only have one grandfather (that they know), so I just refer to him as "Grandpa."  We refer to the two grandmothers as "Grandma 'Betty'" and "Grandma 'Sally.'"

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine aren’t adults yet, but I don’t imagine it will change, so..  I usually say “Your dad” when talking to my kids, but Grandpa and Grandma are clearly my FIL and MIL to my kids, and my parents are Nana and Papa, so it’s pretty clear who we’re talking about. It’s not something that ever gets mixed up or confused.  

I think I always use “your dad” or “your papa/grandpa” when talking to the kids and “your/my dad” when talking to my husband.  The only time we would say just “dad” and mean our own parent is with our siblings and for me, with my SIL.  

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma and Grandpa (they all have different "grand" names, so they know who I'm talking about).  

1 hour ago, Pen said:

First names. 

 Do you and the grandkids call them by their first names? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In our family I think we tend to refer to people by their title with respect to the listener, not the speaker.

So if I’m talking to the kids, then I use Dad to refer to DH.  If I’m talking to my brother, then Dad would mean our father.  If my mother said something about Dad to me, she would always mean my dad, not hers.

The same is true with my grandfather. If my dad is talking about him to me then he says Gramps, but if he were talking about him with his sister or my mom then he would use Dad.  And if he were talking about him to my kids he would say Great Gramps.

When my mom is at my house, she will often say things to my kids like, “We’ll have to ask Mom.”  There is never any confusion about if she is referring to me or my grandmother. 

  • Like 8
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When talking to our children, we use the grandparent names (so, equivalents to grandma/grandpa).  My aunts/uncles used dad/mom when talking to me about their parents, my grandparents, and it always confused me as a kid. 

Similarly, when talking to my kids, I use "dad" instead of "Husband's Name" when talking to them about their father/my husband, because that's how they know him. 

What I always wonder is: when talking to other people about your spouse/your kids' other parent, people who know your kids but not your spouse, do you say "my spouse" or "my kids' parent" "their parent" etc.??? I go back & forth on that one.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Both grandmas have passed. We refer to FIL as grandpa Joe and my dad as grandpa Jim. Hubby and I go by grandma and tada since we have had grandkids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma or Grandpa. But if I I have just been talking to one of my siblings I might accidentally say Mom or Dad. My kids have never had difficulty figuring out what I mean from context. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It changes.  If I am referring to my mom and dad to the kids I will say "my mom" or "my dad", or "your grandma/grandpa".  If I am really on the ball I will remember to specify which grandma or grandpa, such as "Grandma/Grandpa LastName".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't have any adult children, but I imagine it will continue to be "Grandma [first name]" and "Grandpa [first name]." No confusion.

My sweet grandma sometimes referred to my grandpa as "daddy," which confused me until I realized that's what she called him when talking to HER children. Also, tangent, but I still call my dad Daddy. I'm 45. 😉 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have always called my parents by their first names (plus 4 out of my 6 grandparents but none of my great grandparents who mostly died when I was young).  Referring I will save first name or title but never mum or dad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I usually say "my mom" but all the other grandparents have different honorifics (Nana, etc) 

When referring to their father I say "your Dad" and when referring to DH I say "Dad" as they call them both "Dad". I call their stepmother by her name. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, katilac said:

Grandma and Grandpa (they all have different "grand" names, so they know who I'm talking about).  

 Do you and the grandkids call them by their first names? 

 

When referring to someone else within family usually yes.

In direct communication to the grand parents , I use “Mom” dc would use either “Grandma” or similar or first name. 

 

With adoptions and bio-parents, and deaths and divorces and remarriages, words like just “grandma” as referents would be extremely confusing.  

Edited by Pen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My parents were known as Mama (pronounced ma'am-ma) and Papa when ds was little. His other grandmother is Nana. We both refer to my mother as Mama now and he calls his Nana by her first name - at her request. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When talking to my adult daughter, we refer to my mom as "your grandma"  or "Gramma Kaye" and my dad as "grandpa Charlie".  Before he died my stepfather was "Pop pop" and we still refer to him that way.   I also refer to her dad as "your dad" when speaking to her and dh by his name.  

To the younger kids we call the grandmas "Grandma Kaye" and "Granny Franny".  Granny Franny is what they came up with when they were younger but they used to call my mom "Grandmommy Kaye". 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, wendyroo said:

In our family I think we tend to refer to people by their title with respect to the listener, not the speaker.

So if I’m talking to the kids, then I use Dad to refer to DH.  If I’m talking to my brother, then Dad would mean our father.  If my mother said something about Dad to me, she would always mean my dad, not hers.

The same is true with my grandfather. If my dad is talking about him to me then he says Gramps, but if he were talking about him with his sister or my mom then he would use Dad.  And if he were talking about him to my kids he would say Great Gramps.

When my mom is at my house, she will often say things to my kids like, “We’ll have to ask Mom.”  There is never any confusion about if she is referring to me or my grandmother. 

That's a helpful rule of thumb to think about, Thanks!

When the kids are little, we always tend to refer to people by the title the kids should call them, I guess kind of as a carry over from when they are babies and you do that to help the baby identify everyone.

Last night I was texting my oldest and was telling her about when my mom came over.  And I started to type out "Mom came over.." and then thought that was weird, cause I am her mom lol.  So I changed it to "Grandma came over..."  And then I thought to myself that even if I said "Mom came over.." she's going to know who I mean because obviously I didn't come over to my own house, plus she's only got one mom lol.  But, I still left it as "Grandma came over..."

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, wendyroo said:

In our family I think we tend to refer to people by their title with respect to the listener, not the speaker.

So if I’m talking to the kids, then I use Dad to refer to DH.  If I’m talking to my brother, then Dad would mean our father.  If my mother said something about Dad to me, she would always mean my dad, not hers.

The same is true with my grandfather. If my dad is talking about him to me then he says Gramps, but if he were talking about him with his sister or my mom then he would use Dad.  And if he were talking about him to my kids he would say Great Gramps.

When my mom is at my house, she will often say things to my kids like, “We’ll have to ask Mom.”  There is never any confusion about if she is referring to me or my grandmother. 

This is a great explanation!

I also use possessive adjectives like "my" and "your", although usually they can tell from the context.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are pretty inconsistent because we're all terrible with word retrieval! Most grandparents are Grandma or Grandpa Firstname because it's just easier. My grandmother is Old Grandma at her request. She decided on that as soon as the oldest great-grandkid came along. It did cause a brief bit of confusion as her youngest grandchild is right smack in the middle of the great-grandkids age-wise. When they realize the youngest grandchild doesn't use the Old part of her name, they have a crisis of figuring out how she fits in the family, and it's amusing--each of the great-grands has realized this one at a time as they hit a certain age, lol!  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I call them by the nicknames (that have kind of morphed into their official family names  :)) that all the grandchildren have always called them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2019 at 9:55 PM, MercyA said:

I don't have any adult children, but I imagine it will continue to be "Grandma [first name]" and "Grandpa [first name]." No confusion.

My sweet grandma sometimes referred to my grandpa as "daddy," which confused me until I realized that's what she called him when talking to HER children. Also, tangent, but I still call my dad Daddy. I'm 45. 😉 

I think this was common in my grandparents' generation; my dad's parents called each other "mother" and "daddy".

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

By their grandparently titles 🙂

By their parently titles when talking to sibs or dh.

I call dh by his name or by a pet name.  Although I guess when I am talking to the kids, I might say 'Dad'.  But not to him! That would be icky.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

I call dh by his name or by a pet name.  Although I guess when I am talking to the kids, I might say 'Dad'.  But not to him! That would be icky.

 

 

 In many cultures (including some English speaking cultural subgroups) words like "dad" "grandma" "uncle" "sister" are much broader in application. Often they become title names attached to a person used by all within a family. I don't know if it was ever common in Australia but in certain more rural parts of the US it was very common at least in past generations.

In other cultures this is even more common. In Japan, for instance, everyone in a family tends to use titles for each other that reference that person's relationship to the youngest family member, not to themselves. So I might address my oldest daughter as "big sister"--not because she is my big sister but because that is her role-title within the family.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma or grandpa "first name"

I refer to my mother as "my mom" to the kids. Dh has a mom and step-mom so we always use grandma+first names for them. 

at one point they were know as "grandma with the cats" "grandma with the dogs" or "grandma who takes care of people". 

One has a cat rescue. One rescues large dogs. One does in-home nursing. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2019 at 8:38 PM, happysmileylady said:

When you are talking to your adult children, do you reference your parents as "mom" or "dad"?   Or do you reference them as "grandma" or "grandpa?"

I referred to my parents the way I called them, so "Mom," "Grandmother," "Poppy." I never quite called my mil anything 😮 so I referred to her as Grandma (my children called my mother "Noni").

When I'm talking about dh, their father, I use his name.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, maize said:

 

 In many cultures (including some English speaking cultural subgroups) words like "dad" "grandma" "uncle" "sister" are much broader in application. Often they become title names attached to a person used by all within a family. I don't know if it was ever common in Australia but in certain more rural parts of the US it was very common at least in past generations.

In other cultures this is even more common. In Japan, for instance, everyone in a family tends to use titles for each other that reference that person's relationship to the youngest family member, not to themselves. So I might address my oldest daughter as "big sister"--not because she is my big sister but because that is her role-title within the family.

 

Yes, in dh's family everyone older than you is 'Aunty' or 'Uncle'. 

Thanks for the info - that's really interesting. My own cutural biases make being called by my role, other than by my kids, feel weird, but obv that's just one place in the world!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma M and Grandpa/Granda W (we say the last names)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We use Grandma and Papa.  They only have one set of grandparents so it's not confusing.

What gets confusing for me is that two of my kids call DH "Father" and two call him "Dad."  When I'm talking with the kids I speak about DH using the name they call him and I get that mixed up with that.  So, if I'm speaking with ds1, I'll say "Dad will call you back" but if I'm talking with ds3 I'll say "Father will call you back."  

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma and Grandpa. I only call them mom and dad if I'm talking to them or my brother.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2019 at 11:09 PM, TheReader said:

When talking to our children, we use the grandparent names (so, equivalents to grandma/grandpa).  My aunts/uncles used dad/mom when talking to me about their parents, my grandparents, and it always confused me as a kid. 

Similarly, when talking to my kids, I use "dad" instead of "Husband's Name" when talking to them about their father/my husband, because that's how they know him. 

What I always wonder is: when talking to other people about your spouse/your kids' other parent, people who know your kids but not your spouse, do you say "my spouse" or "my kids' parent" "their parent" etc.??? I go back & forth on that one.....

If they don’t know him, I almost always say, “my husband.” (If we were not married, I would say, “his father.”) My husband has a somewhat rare name for a man and it’s easier to stick with “my husband” until I know they know who I will mean when I use his name. So, something like,

”Any athletic ability he displays is 100% from my husband - I am not athletic at all.” 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We have a lot of grandparents and all are called something different. When talking to my kids or nieces & nephews I always use the "grandparent name" .   

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2019 at 10:09 PM, TheReader said:

When talking to our children, we use the grandparent names (so, equivalents to grandma/grandpa).  My aunts/uncles used dad/mom when talking to me about their parents, my grandparents, and it always confused me as a kid. 

Similarly, when talking to my kids, I use "dad" instead of "Husband's Name" when talking to them about their father/my husband, because that's how they know him. 

What I always wonder is: when talking to other people about your spouse/your kids' other parent, people who know your kids but not your spouse, do you say "my spouse" or "my kids' parent" "their parent" etc.??? I go back & forth on that one.....

I will usually say dh's name; if the person I'm talking to looks at me blankly, I might clarify by saying say "dc's father."

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I’ve never considered it changing as the kids grow up. It didn’t in my family.  My grandparents were always Grandma Lastname and Grandpa Lastname when referencing them.  My kids’ grandparents have always been Grandma Firstname and Grandpa Firstname. No idea what I’ll be!

Dh and I both come from families where adult children still refer to their parents as Mommy and Daddy. 🙂. I can’t remember when any of us CALLED our parents Mommy or Daddy while speaking to them, but it’s still our sibling-speak.  My kids don’t really do that and it kind of bums me out! Even though I do still call dh Daddy when speaking to them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/27/2019 at 11:09 PM, TheReader said:

What I always wonder is: when talking to other people about your spouse/your kids' other parent, people who know your kids but not your spouse, do you say "my spouse" or "my kids' parent" "their parent" etc.??? I go back & forth on that one.....

With other kids, I tend to go with “their/his/her dad”.  With other adults, it’s “my husband”.  But context does play a part.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...