What has surprised you about growing older?

[Murphy101]

Reading I've got 5- 10 years before everything goes to crap has been an unpleasant surprise read.  

I mean, I have siblings 10-13 years older than me and that's a major reason I'm so determined to get as healthy as I can before I hit that downward slope.  But I still sorta mentally freak at knowing that slope is approx  5- 10 years from now.  My mother died at 53 and I never would have guessed 23 years ago when she died that her age would affect me so strongly.  Somewhere in the back of my mind is always the lingering, "what if that's my experiation date?" And I'm not going to lie, it deeply affects my decision making in my forties no matter how much I try to not let it.

Edited June 24, 2019 by Murphy101

[Junie]

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my 30s.  I was old before my time.  

[Valley Girl]

9 hours ago, Janeway said:

How little joy there is. How sad I am. I sat and looked through photo albums last night and ended up crying and then went to bed crying and woke up in the morning and laid there for a few minutes before the tears came again. I am just, so, sad. And I cannot turn back the clock. This is just it. Growing old is not about more..it is about losing everyone.

I understand. The loss of my history in terms of the people who were part of my life is very real. It's a strange feeling. A sense of being erased almost.

[Joker]

Reading that after 50 is when everything actually gets bad is making me nervous. I feel like crap right now at 42. I have had weird things going on the past few months and it all seems to be perimenopause and this last week was the worst so to think it could be this way for at least another 8 years is just not okay. I suddenly have a ridiculous amount of anxiety and weird cycle issues. This month my period was a week late and that hasn't happened for almost 18 years (when I was last pregnant). I am every 26 days like clockwork but this month it was six days late but I had cramps and PMS every single one of those six days and wanted to crawl in a hole. My books have hurt off and on for the past several months - like WTH.  I have very little patience for anyone right now and this really sucks. My regular check up is in September and I will just wait until then to discuss with a doc unless I have some reason to believe it is anything else.

I have never felt my age until now and it really blows.

[Jenny in Florida]

How directionless and unhappy I feel.

I really, really believed/assumed that I would be happy to "get my life back" once my kids grew up, but it turns out that homeschooling mom was my calling. In the five years since I was forcibly retired from that role, everything I have done has felt like no more than a way to kill time. Since I am happiest when I am useful and working towards some meaningful goal, this leaves me feeling blah and miserable most of the time. It also leaves me with lots of leisure to consider all of the things I did wrong to find myself in this place.

Also, I've been surprised and saddened by the gulf that has opened between what I am capable of doing and enjoying and what my husband can keep up with doing. The last few times we've tried to go on vacation have been increasingly disappointing because -- although I am definitely kind of a mess, physically -- he has become less and less able to do things. It's reached the point at which I no longer enjoy fantasizing about the next trip, because I really don't know how it would be fun.

But, honestly, even day to day around the house is tough. Although we are both the same age -- 54 -- and I am dealing with a variety of health issues that definitely slow me down, I'm not yet getting ansty for dinner at 4:30 and falling asleep at 9:00. On weekends, we have to take his nap time into consideration before we make plans.

I just didn't expect any of this, especially not so early.

[Murphy101]

It doesn’t seem like an epidemic of cancer. It IS an epidemic. 🙁

[KidsHappen]

1 hour ago, Murphy101 said:

Reading I've got 5- 10 years before everything goes to crap has been an unpleasant surprise read.  

I mean, I have siblings 10-13 years older than me and that's a major reason I'm so determined to get as healthy as I can before I hit that downward slope.  But I still sorta mentally freak at knowing that slope is approx  5- 10 years from now.  My mother died at 53 and I never would have guessed 23 years ago when she died that her age would affect me so strongly.  Somewhere in the back of my mind is always the lingering, "what if that's my experiation date?" And I'm not going to lie, it deeply affects my decision making in my forties no matter how much I try to not let it.

My mother passed at 60 and I have many of the same health issues that she did so yes that hangs over my head. 

[lynn]

I don't have to have my eyebrows waxed anymore.  They just don't grow back except a couple of strays.  I was surprised that I could loose the weight i wanted to and not gain it all back like everyone told me I would.   

[KidsHappen]

I am majorly motivated by the idea of being there for my dds and helping with my grandchildren but unfortunately I don't have the energy and stamina to do quite as much as I would like and my youngest is only 19 and could still be having kinds 10 or 15 years from now. 

[Murphy101]

8 minutes ago, lynn said:

I don't have to have my eyebrows waxed anymore.  They just don't grow back except a couple of strays.  I was surprised that I could loose the weight i wanted to and not gain it all back like everyone told me I would.   

 

Ugh. I’ve never had to wax or fill my eye brows. They were the one feature I never disliked even as a teen. But they have thinned to nearly nothing so here brushing in gel filler eyebrows.

Also why are my white hair coming in ten times curlier than any other hair on my head? Like little cork screws refusing to chose a direction. 

[Shoeless]

What has surprised me is how easily younger women dismiss my opinions once they realize I am approaching 50.  I haven't run into this with younger men (yet).  

I'm also kind of dismayed by the social activities available for women around my age.  It's either "Moms of Tots" or "Fit and Fabulous Seniors".  Hmm. Well, I no longer have a toddler, but I'm hardly ready for chair-based yoga.       

[J-rap]

I'm in my 50's and I still feel good and stay up late.  I even need less sleep, weirdly.  

I do find it easier to talk to people about anything at all.  I don't feel self-conscious like I used to.  People seem to listen to me more and pay attention.  This has surprised me too.   I've met so many really sweet people of all ages and walks of life simply because I'm not self conscious anymore.

But what has surprised me more than anything is that my kids still seem to need me, sometimes even MORE than when they were younger and living at home.  This has totally caught me off guard.   I know that's not really what this threat is about.  But this really is what has surprised me the most. 

[*****]

When I was 55 (just a few years ago), what caught me by surprise was when a 12 yr. old student was talking about his grandmother, and then he asked, "You're a grandma, right?" ....caught me off guard...um, no!  I still had a one kid in high school and one in college.  I know those I graduated with had grandkids, and I could have by then, but no...I wasn't ready for that!

Then in the same week, I grabbed a quick easy to peel tangelo during break.  I quickly wiped my hands before my students came back in and when I was working with one of them, the little sweetie said, "You smell just like my grandma!"   Oh, what a rotten week!  I must have been looking especially old or something! No more oranges for me during break time!  Ha!

[Liz CA]

14 hours ago, DawnM said:

Oh, and two doctors have said I have arthritis in my knee......I am still in great denial.....stupid doctors, what do they know?  One even took an X-ray.....but nope, I do not have it.

 

🤣 The doctors and medical personnel is getting younger and younger. Dh swears he saw a fifteen year old at Kaiser with a stethoscope...

I am going to be like a woman I knew who was in her late nineties and confronted her doctor who was probably in his mid-fifties. When he suggested something she didn't like, she said: "Young man, what nonsense! You have to get to my age before you can talk about how to age." She has since passed but I am still laughing remembering her.

[Liz CA]

42 minutes ago, ***** said:

When I was 55 (just a few years ago), what caught me by surprise was when a 12 yr. old student was talking about his grandmother, and then he asked, "You're a grandma, right?" ....caught me off guard...um, no!  I still had a one kid in high school and one in college.  I know those I graduated with had grandkids, and I could have by then, but no...I wasn't ready for that!

Then in the same week, I grabbed a quick easy to peel tangelo during break.  I quickly wiped my hands before my students came back in and when I was working with one of them, the little sweetie said, "You smell just like my grandma!"   Oh, what a rotten week!  I must have been looking especially old or something! No more oranges for me during break time!  Ha!

 

Well, a few years ago a teenager thought I was alive during WWII...

[Laura Corin]

4 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

Reading I've got 5- 10 years before everything goes to crap has been an unpleasant surprise read.  

FWIW I started to ache at 50 then took up yoga. So long as I practise for two hours each week, I don't ache. Even my arthritic knee is not a problem.

[Ottakee]

2 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

FWIW I started to ache at 50 then took up yoga. So long as I practise for two hours each week, I don't ache. Even my arthritic knee is not a problem.

What yoga do you do that doesn't bother your knee?  Some of the poses really bother mine 

[Laura Corin]

58 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

What yoga do you do that doesn't bother your knee?  Some of the poses really bother mine 

I do pretty much everything in the class, but if your knee is already hurting, I would go to a class and tell the teacher about your particular issue.  If they are a decent teacher, they will offer you alternatives.  If you have significant mobility issues, I would start with a class called something like 'restorative yoga' or 'gentle yoga', or one billed as being for over-fifties.

[DawnM]

4 hours ago, Liz CA said:

 

Well, a few years ago a teenager thought I was alive during WWII...

 

I remember when I was teaching about 20 years ago and a student asked me if I had a telephone growing up.  The funny thing was, I grew up in Kenya and where we lived we did not have a telephone in our house.....I wasn't sure how to answer that!

[Pawz4me]

2 hours ago, Ottakee said:

What yoga do you do that doesn't bother your knee?  Some of the poses really bother mine 

I have RA. I'm in a bit of a flare at the moment, and conservatively count eight joints that are swollen or aching. I will still do some yoga/stretching today, because not doing it is a losing proposition--I'll be aching/stiff in even more places! What I've had to do is learn on my own, and choose each day what variations of which poses I can do and how long I can hold them safely. I have too much joint involvement to expect an instructor to make adaptations, and IME most of the DVDs/YouTube videos meant for arthritis are jokes (if those people have arthritis--I want that kind!!!). But that's okay. I may not be perfect, but I've learned a lot about how to stretch in ways that make my body feel better. And I find it much more peaceful, relaxing and enjoyable to do things my own way/at my own pace than having an instructor (real or on a DVD) yammering at me to move in a particular way and at a pace that fits their time frame rather than my own. I have toyed with the idea of getting some private yoga instruction, and I may do it eventually.

[BlsdMama]

I can grow a full goatee.  It's amazing - probably better than DH.
I need lip color to look alive.

[elegantlion]

8 hours ago, ***** said:

When I was 55 (just a few years ago), what caught me by surprise was when a 12 yr. old student was talking about his grandmother, and then he asked, "You're a grandma, right?" ....caught me off guard...um, no!  I still had a one kid in high school and one in college.  I know those I graduated with had grandkids, and I could have by then, but no...I wasn't ready for that!

Then in the same week, I grabbed a quick easy to peel tangelo during break.  I quickly wiped my hands before my students came back in and when I was working with one of them, the little sweetie said, "You smell just like my grandma!"   Oh, what a rotten week!  I must have been looking especially old or something! No more oranges for me during break time!  Ha!

Ouch, I'm sorry. 

I still get that knee-jerk reaction that "we're too young!" when one of my friends posts about becoming a grandmother. My ds is not dating and currently swears he does not want children, so it may be a long while or never before I choose my grandma name. I'm okay with that actually. 

[Violet Crown]

My physical health continues to be very good (thank you, genes) as I head into my 50s.... but it's distressing that I now struggle with memorization.  Learning poetry and Scripture by heart has been an important part of my life. But the old techniques don't work for me anymore. 

[Mabelen]

I am 55. Physically I feel good. I have no health issues to speak of other than minor things that don’t interfere with normal life. I do keep active and still exercise, although I have noticed I don’t have the same endurance as before. What I should do to better in this area is sleep more. I tend to go to bed late even when I have to be up early, but the sleep I get is good quality. For me, it was my early 40s when I noticed the biggest physical changes. My eyesight went to pot pretty quickly and I had to start wearing progressive lenses. I also had some other minor issues which have now been resolved, so I am pretty stoked. 

I began graying a couple of years back. I agree with those who complain about the white hairs growing wild. I don’t object to white hairs per se, but do they have to stand out like weed so much 😆? 

Mentally, my memory has never been great, but I don’t feel it has declined, it just stayed the same, so for me it’s great because I feel other people my age finally caught up 🤣 . I am also enjoying the opportunity of debating current events and politics thanks to Twitter and I feel my arguments are sound. I am still the same caring person as before but I definitely feel a lot more carefree to give my opinion and live my life regardless of what others think, so that is freeing.

I do miss some very important people in my life who have already left, especially my sister who was only 15 months older than me and who passed away last year. Socially I  am still an open person though and I have met a whole new group of lovely people recently, so I don’t feel too old to make friends.

I hope to keep going strong for a while.

[TravelingChris]

On 6/23/2019 at 8:12 AM, Pam in CT said:

I am entering the When I am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple stage; and, I'll tell you, the freedom of not-much-caring what folks think of me more than outweighs the admitted irritations of aching joints and sagging parts.

 

I am there completely now.  I simply do not have the energy to care.  I can spend 3 hours getting ready and looking conventional or 1 hour and look non conventional.  Even if I spent that time,  I end up with a purse and tote or a backpack and tote or purse or some other way of carrying more.    

And that is what has surprised me=== how awfully quickly I have gone downhill----late perimenopause and then menopause have made my autoimmune issues explode.  And then there are the secondary issues all due to primary issues- like how often I am falling.  

[TravelingChris]

On 6/23/2019 at 8:58 AM, Pawz4me said:

Ip.

This has kind of surprised me --

The amount of wisdom, calmness and acceptance that has come with age. I look back and realize how very little I knew at 20, 30 and even 40. I suppose if I'm lucky enough to make it to 70 or 80 I'll look back and think the same about my 56 yo self.

Yes- this.  And also how much my anxiety has lessened, too the point that I do not think I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder anymore.  I am 56 too.

[TravelingChris]

On 6/23/2019 at 10:21 AM, Laura Corin said:

I had a podiatrist and a physio tell me that I probably had arthritis, caused by wear and tear due to my lower leg not being set quite straight into my knee.  I'd never noticed that in the previous fifty years but I can see it now.  The doctor x-rayed and said yes, arthritis, but to carry on as I was, paying attention to getting lots of exercise and maintaining weight, so that when the inevitable knee replacement comes, I'll probably do fine.  That sounds good to me.

I am scared of my husband getting replacements.  He has osteoarthritis and it seems like just about everyone with osteo gets replacements.  I do not have osteo- but all autoimmune. No one has ever mentioned replacements eventually because I am not even sure they will let me have any.  In AS, joints either fuse or it is the other stuff, not the bones that are the problem.  in Ra, it destroys the cartilage and erodes the bone but my RA is much better controlled and I haven't had all that much progression in it -- though what damage I did have hurts at times like today.  But my worry about my dh is that I cannot care for him. other than feed and hand him meds.  

[TravelingChris]

On 6/23/2019 at 10:45 AM, Tap said:

 

But on the converse, sometimes I see people who deal with an unbalanced amount of struggles and they just keep plugging along with a smile  on their face, doing the best they can. These are the people who seem more blessed in some ways, because at least for part of their day, they seem to be able to let go of the mental sludge and enjoy the moment right in front of them.

I go to so many doctors, labs, pharmacy visits, imaging, PT, OT, etc, etc.  I always try to be pleasant.  Like this morning, I was not in a great mood since not only was I in a lot of pain and having eye problems that are not usual for me, but my dd who was driving me there refused to let me bring my stroller and generally was super grumpy.  Plus I looked like death warmed over which is how I look when my Autoimmune diseases flare and I have not put on makeup to disguise.  But I changed to a better mood and being pleasant because the workers were super nice and even if they weren't, I try my hardest to be pleasant to health care workers in particular.

My example was a young kidney failure patient getting blood work at a lab while I was sitting waiting for my rheumatologist about 30 years ago.  She was bright and cheerful.  

[Reefgazer]

10 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

week, I don't ache. Even my arthritic knee is not a problem.

NM = I see I asked a repeat question.

Edited June 24, 2019 by Reefgazer

[klmama]

10 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

FWIW I started to ache at 50 then took up yoga. So long as I practise for two hours each week, I don't ache. Even my arthritic knee is not a problem.

I tried that after listening to a relative rave about it for years.  I took Gentle Yoga.  Some of it was great, but the majority of the poses involved pain in knees, elbows, and wrists due to old injuries and hypermobile joints.  The modified poses didn't really do anything other than annoy me.  So, yoga is gone.  I'm considering trying Tai Chi instead.  

59 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Maybe a topic for another thread, but I am surprised that so many my age who have fully grown, fully educated adult children, provide a huge amount of support to these children. 

In some cases it is understandable, because the child has physical and/or emotional challenges that require such support or at least extended scaffolding. But I’m talking about the number of adult children I see being supported financially - parents paying bills for phones and phone service, vehicles (from flat out giving them cars to covering all insurance and maintenance costs), serving as daycare - all this and the young adults are highly visible on social media, detailing their adventures in travel, coffee shop visits, attending professional sports events, touring local attractions that have steep admissions fees. All of this activity propped up by continued parental support and sacrifice to provide such support. The kids seem to expect mom and dad to keep paying the bills and the parents seem shamed into it because their own friends and neighbors and parents of the kids’ friends are doing the same. I see long futures of indentured servitude for some of my peers and I am baffled by it. 

My dad knows some people in this boat.  Their adult dc (late 30s, early 40s) have great educations and jobs (Harvard-educated attorney, etc.), but the parents (early-mid 70s) still pay their credit card bills.  The parents have had long, successful careers, but they aren't retiring - they don't have enough saved because they continue to support their dc.  Seriously.  

 

55 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

Yes- this.  And also how much my anxiety has lessened

Much calmer now, much less stressed.  I think part of it is menopause and part of it is having my adult dc out of the house.  Less responsibility = less stress.

Edited June 24, 2019 by klmama

[dsmith]

I was surprised by menopause a full 10 years earlier than I expected it. But now I'm through with hot flashes while my friends are just starting, so that's good! The aches and pains were a bit of a shock. I need to seriously manage my body nowadays. If I don't get my butt on my mini trampoline every day my hips are agony. If I eat the wrong thing one day I gain 3 pounds overnight. Also the shift from being naturally skinny to having to fight like hell to lose each pound was a real shocker. I'm 51 and the thought of feeling worse as I get older has made me kick things into high gear to manage my health better.

[edelweiss]

2 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

Yes- this.  And also how much my anxiety has lessened, too the point that I do not think I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder anymore.  I am 56 too.

 

I recently turned 50 (ugh!).  I will say that the lessened anxiety is true for me as well.  I have always been a major worrier and have had to fight anxiety (occasionally with meds and with CBT).  About 5-7 years ago, my anxiety virtually disappeared.  It honestly borders on apathy, which is probably not ideal, but it is such a relief to be so chill about everything now!

[Ottakee]

That I am not quite yet 50 and sporting compression socks🙄.  

Esp. today since I am sporting the "nude" compression socks with my exercise capris.  Not a good look at all but if they help the swelling in my ankle I will wear them....some...but only with pants in public.

[MEmama]

I'm almost 47 and still feel like my teenage self. More mature, yes, but I'm still the same person with the same deeply held beliefs and outlook. 

I'm surprised that I still get carded (and ocassionally have the cashier scrutinize my license and then me and back again). I'm surprised that I still have to fight to be heard. I'm surprised that people are still dismissive and tell me I'm too young to understand. I really thought I'd be fully treated like an adult by now.

I'm a little bit surprised that I'm not devastated by the fact I'll be an empty nester in a couple years. I'm quite looking forward to all the things DH and I will feel more free to do together. 

 

 

[Matryoshka]

I'm 54, so I am not appreciating all the news that it all goes to hell at 55! 😱

I went through a bit of a slump when my kids were in high school - they were either in ps or CC or doing online, so my role was pretty much driving them around and being at their beck and call - without much (or any?) appreciation.  I didn't have time to exercise and didn't cook much because no one wanted to eat what I cooked (well, they each would eat some things, but then the other two wouldn't like what the first one liked and vice versa so I just felt defeated).  Not exercising (even though I had only been doing Pilates) did make a big difference - I noticed my posture went to heck (slumping, chicken neck), I gained weight, and if I did exert myself I was out of breath.  And I gained 30 lbs and things got achy, especially in the mornings.

When my oldest two graduated I decided I needed to back up the train, as I could see I was on the road to falling apart if I didn't do something.  I started exercising more (first Pilates again, then added some aerobic stuff).  Posture and endurance did improve, but no weight loss.  Added even more exercise - got stronger and fitter, but weight went nowhere. Finally did lose it this spring - had to find my cooking mojo again.  So now I'm actually feeling much better than I was a few years ago - the key does seem to be use it or lose it.  If I stop moving, I can see how quickly I fall apart.  Even if I take a few weeks off, I can see my endurance tank.  So I've decided to make it a priority - and this from someone who has never been athletic or liked working out - especially aerobic stuff.  And the other priority is to not injure myself!  🤞  I do count myself super-lucky that I do not have any chronic conditions (knock wood).  My kids all have some chronic issues that really limit what they can do, even though they're decades younger than me.  But if you don't already have injuries or chronic conditions (and maybe even if you do, if you take it easy), it is possible to get some of that energy back. My dds have a connective tissue disorder that makes them hypermobile and dislocate, and the right kind of exercise (not overstretching, but making muscle that compensates for the joint weakness) is critical.

I've always had some memory issues and problems doing two things at once, so I'll echo someone else saying it seems others are catching up!  I'm also still waiting on this menopause thing, but at least things seem to be just trailing off rather than going off in an huge last hurrah.  And I'm definitely feeling less stressed now that the kids are all out of the house.  But I'll echo how much harder it is to connect.  I have to make an effort to see people, and even if you do that once, then you have to do it again and again.  It was much easier when we all saw each other weekly or more and spent hours together because of kid things.  I do get out and see people, but the depth of connection is not the same.  Trying to figure out a way to find that again, at least with a few people, and without constantly having to remember to call up everyone individually and make plans, is one of my next projects.  But I'm not sure exactly how to do it.

I'm not sad, though, at least not right now - hope that keeps up!  Keeping both physically and mentally active has been key for me (For mental activity, about 3 years ago I started to read a ton, I joined a choir, and I've been tutoring kids, which I really love doing - they're honestly more fun to teach than my own kids were). 

[TravelingChris]

14 hours ago, Junie said:

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my 30s.  I was old before my time.  

I got first diagnoses of autoimmune at 20, and was followed by rheumatologists since late 20;s, so I hear you and amen.    It used to bother me more when people assumed stuff like the 85 year old woman who wanted me to join the tennis club about twelve years ago---and I liked tennis so much that I attended a tennis camp at about `12 or 13 in the hot summer sun in NoVa where I first had to walk 1.5 miles and then walk 1.5 miles back.  I normally now just pass it by.  But if someone insists, I start my list of all my maladies so they can see I cannot.  I hate pushy people like that. 

" Oh running is so great, you have to do that."

" No thanks, I exercise differently", "

"  I am sure if you ran 5 miles you would feel sooo much better"  ---- that is a typical kind of pushy, not welcomed response.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

5 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

I got first diagnoses of autoimmune at 20, and was followed by rheumatologists since late 20;s, so I hear you and amen.    It used to bother me more when people assumed stuff like the 85 year old woman who wanted me to join the tennis club about twelve years ago---and I liked tennis so much that I attended a tennis camp at about `12 or 13 in the hot summer sun in NoVa where I first had to walk 1.5 miles and then walk 1.5 miles back.  I normally now just pass it by.  But if someone insists, I start my list of all my maladies so they can see I cannot.  I hate pushy people like that. 

" Oh running is so great, you have to do that."

" No thanks, I exercise differently", "

"  I am sure if you ran 5 miles you would feel sooo much better"  ---- that is a typical kind of pushy, not welcomed response.

Lately, since I'm nearing mid-40s, I absolutely hate telling anyone about my lupus. Something's changed, since I was a teen, twenties, and thirties with the very same disease. People seem to treat middle-aged women with autoimmune diseases as if they are either going to drop dead tomorrow, or as if they are being lazy, with not much in-between! I'm either too frail and it has to be mentioned every ten seconds, or I'm not tough because I don't do XYZ (from oils to exercises). I've decided to just be generically middle-aged, and let them wonder why I am doing whatever I'm doing. LOL I don't even explain the cane anymore. "Oh, some people use canes sometimes." That's it!

[Junie]

7 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

I got first diagnoses of autoimmune at 20, and was followed by rheumatologists since late 20;s, so I hear you and amen.    It used to bother me more when people assumed stuff like the 85 year old woman who wanted me to join the tennis club about twelve years ago---and I liked tennis so much that I attended a tennis camp at about `12 or 13 in the hot summer sun in NoVa where I first had to walk 1.5 miles and then walk 1.5 miles back.  I normally now just pass it by.  But if someone insists, I start my list of all my maladies so they can see I cannot.  I hate pushy people like that. 

" Oh running is so great, you have to do that."

" No thanks, I exercise differently", "

"  I am sure if you ran 5 miles you would feel sooo much better"  ---- that is a typical kind of pushy, not welcomed response.

Thankfully, I don't get much of that kind of attitude.  I get a lot of looks of pity.  People my age tend to think my life must be miserable because I can't do so many of the things that they do.  Nope, my life isn't miserable, but I am stuck in an old body.  Oh, and I've heard of virtually every possible treatment from essential oils to bee stings. 

 

I have befriended some of the older people in my church because I have more in common with them than some of the people my age.  

[Junie]

3 minutes ago, Lang Syne Boardie said:

Lately, since I'm nearing mid-40s, I absolutely hate telling anyone about my lupus. Something's changed, since I was a teen, twenties, and thirties with the very same disease. People seem to treat middle-aged women with autoimmune diseases as if they are either going to drop dead tomorrow, or as if they are being lazy, with not much in-between! I'm either too frail and it has to be mentioned every ten seconds, or I'm not tough because I don't do XYZ (from oils to exercises). I've decided to just be generically middle-aged, and let them wonder why I am doing whatever I'm doing. LOL I don't even explain the cane anymore. "Oh, some people use canes sometimes." That's it!

I use a cane, too.  It's really not as bad as people make it out to be. 

When I was first getting diagnosed, a podiatrist looked at my x-rays and told me that I had the bone density of an 80-year-old woman.  I like to tell people that I am the youngest looking 80-year-old that they have ever met. 😉

[dirty ethel rackham]

Pain!  I really didn't expect to be in so much pain.  I need two knee replacements due to 20 years of patello-femoral syndrome wearing away at the cartilage behind the patella (did lots of pt, but never could fix the problem.)  I will need an ankle replacement.  Plus mystery pain that pops up ... a wrist here, a toe there, add a hip, a shoulder, and fingers.  

That taking good care of myself ... eating right (almost to the point of orthexia due to one kid having food allergies), exercising regularly ... are not a guarantee of fitness later on.  Several things on my bucket list may never be possible ... Camino de Santiago is one thing I've always wanted to do, but I don't think I will ever regain the stamina to do so.  I wanted to do more hiking and climbing outside now that I don't have familial responsibilities, but I need easier approaches.  And nobody wants to climb with a decrepit old lady. Crappy genetics means, whenever I try to push myself to get more fit (which means keep up with other fairly fit people my age), something breaks.  And when something breaks, I don't ever seem to get back to where I was.  

16 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

FWIW I started to ache at 50 then took up yoga. So long as I practise for two hours each week, I don't ache. Even my arthritic knee is not a problem.

 

14 hours ago, Ottakee said:

What yoga do you do that doesn't bother your knee?  Some of the poses really bother mine 

I have to do very gentle yoga, due to knee, ankle, and wrist pain.  And I still struggle to keep up.  I am very flexible, but warrior poses can be painful on my knee.  I have to work very hard to maintain a good head space rather than let frustration override my thoughts.  I was hoping that taking a yoga class at the college two days a week would have helped me be ready for regular yoga, but ... nope.  Still can't do it.  

Fear of falling ... I have always prided myself on my sense of balance.  I did gymnastics when I was younger until I got too tall (balance beam was my specialty) and I was a dancer.  But my ankle injury ruined my propioception and I find myself second guessing whether or not I can do something without falling.  Needing handrails and grab bars is very humbling.

Hot flashes lasting a decade.  Actually it started out with what I now call warm flashes ... although they were unpleasant, they were only a preview of what was to come.  I'm 56 and they are still going.  

Becoming insignificant ... my kids growing up and leaving.  My family disintegrating.  My friends becoming distant.  I often feel invisible.  It's a daily battle to not be sad all the time.  

Starting over knowing that I don't have a lifetime to build up a new career ... I'll be in my late 50s when I graduate and I'll be competing against younger, fitter people ... and I know that I have a much closer expiration date.  I have to look at the 2 years of school as part of the journey, not just a means to an end.

The upside ...

I know how to learn.  I know that rote memorization is harder for me at this age, but I do best when I can put things into context.  And I have so many more experiences that help provide context.  Having had a lot of experience with injuries and health problems ... my own, my parents', my kids' ... meant that I had a huge leg up when it came to anatomy.  And I do better when I understand how the whole system works, not just memorize pieces.  

I'm still very flexible.  I can still get into a full squat.  (Getting up is the hard part.)  And I can still do the splits - both right and left leg splits.  Never could fully do center splits - was and still am a couple of inches off the ground.

[bethben]

On 6/23/2019 at 9:58 AM, Murphy101 said:

And yep.  My cycle is just pissing me off.  Come or go, but make up its mind dammit.  It's worse than in 6th grade.  Always gotta have a pad on hand in case the evil within acts up without the slightest notice.  Might linger for a couple weeks or disappear over night.  👿😬😤😜

 

I KNOW!!!  I haven't leaked through stuff since I was 16 or 17 and now it almost happens monthly.  I have no idea what it's going to do anymore and that's frustrating.  

Also, I have started noticing elbows on women my age and older.  Sometimes, their face can make them seem much younger than they are, but the hands and elbows always give away age.  It's me too.  I've never felt the need for lotion on my elbows but it's my nightly routine now. 

[Wheres Toto]

7 hours ago, klmama said:

I tried that after listening to a relative rave about it for years.  I took Gentle Yoga.  Some of it was great, but the majority of the poses involved pain in knees, elbows, and wrists due to old injuries and hypermobile joints.  The modified poses didn't really do anything other than annoy me.  So, yoga is gone.  I'm considering trying Tai Chi instead.  

Tai Chi can give many of the benefits of yoga without some of the issues.  I have bad knees and a wrist that can't bend backwards or support any weight, so a lot of yoga poses are just not possible.  I love doing Tai Chi.

[Matryoshka]

2 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

I got first diagnoses of autoimmune at 20, and was followed by rheumatologists since late 20;s, so I hear you and amen.    It used to bother me more when people assumed stuff like the 85 year old woman who wanted me to join the tennis club about twelve years ago---and I liked tennis so much that I attended a tennis camp at about `12 or 13 in the hot summer sun in NoVa where I first had to walk 1.5 miles and then walk 1.5 miles back.  I normally now just pass it by.  But if someone insists, I start my list of all my maladies so they can see I cannot.  I hate pushy people like that. 

" Oh running is so great, you have to do that."

" No thanks, I exercise differently", "

"  I am sure if you ran 5 miles you would feel sooo much better"  ---- that is a typical kind of pushy, not welcomed response.

Gah, I have no technical limitations and I will never like running!  But I do hear from so many people that they injured themselves doing it.  I am at this point steadfastly against doing anything that might lead to injury - if it injures you, it's not good for you.  That is one definite thing about aging - you don't bounce back.

My dds have an invisible disability - one of them has a sticker on her car "I don't look disabled?  You don't look ignorant, but there you go." 

One of my dds really liked Qi Jong, I think it is - is that similar to Tai Chi?

[Matryoshka]

Duplicate post, oops.

Edited June 25, 2019 by Matryoshka

[Wheres Toto]

Tai Chi is a form of Qi Jong, or a derivative of it.  Tai Chi classes often start with a warm-up of Qi Jong movements.    From a practical point of view, they seem very similar.   It's only if you get into the history and deeper meaning of the movements and practices that a real difference is shown.  

At least one of the "Tai chi" videos I like to do is actually Qi Gong.

 

[TravelingChris]

5 hours ago, Lang Syne Boardie said:

Lately, since I'm nearing mid-40s, I absolutely hate telling anyone about my lupus. Something's changed, since I was a teen, twenties, and thirties with the very same disease. People seem to treat middle-aged women with autoimmune diseases as if they are either going to drop dead tomorrow, or as if they are being lazy, with not much in-between! I'm either too frail and it has to be mentioned every ten seconds, or I'm not tough because I don't do XYZ (from oils to exercises). I've decided to just be generically middle-aged, and let them wonder why I am doing whatever I'm doing. LOL I don't even explain the cane anymore. "Oh, some people use canes sometimes." That's it!

I have lupus too. 

[KidsHappen]

13 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

I am there completely now.  I simply do not have the energy to care.  I can spend 3 hours getting ready and looking conventional or 1 hour and look non conventional.  Even if I spent that time,  I end up with a purse and tote or a backpack and tote or purse or some other way of carrying more.    

And that is what has surprised me=== how awfully quickly I have gone downhill----late perimenopause and then menopause have made my autoimmune issues explode.  And then there are the secondary issues all due to primary issues- like how often I am falling.  

I went through a falling stage. Several years, some pretty significant falls and now I haven't fallen in years. My doctor asked me why I quit falling. I am not quite sure but I do know that I make an effort to be careful now due to previous falls so maybe there is a learning curve?

[pitterpatter]

I'm barely into my 40s and I'm terrified of falling. I'm so slow when we hike because I evaluate every step I take on the rugged terrain. Two months ago, in a hubbub of atypical activity, I forgot myself and walked off the side of some tall steps in a hurry on purpose. (I was halfway down them when I walked off the side.) I crashed landed and broke my 5th metatarsal. I ended up with a very nice base fracture. It's not healing well at all. I'm Vitamin D deficient, so that's the theory to why. I'm so frustrated. It's ruined our summer and vacation plans. I'm fully expecting I'll be dealing with pain and a fragile foot for life. 😒

7 hours ago, KidsHappen said:

I went through a falling stage. Several years, some pretty significant falls and now I haven't fallen in years. My doctor asked me why I quit falling. I am not quite sure but I do know that I make an effort to be careful now due to previous falls so maybe there is a learning curve?

 

[Pawz4me]

I'll throw this out just in case it's helpful to anyone -- In the months before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism my balance and stability were way, way off. Like when I took the dog for a walk I had to walk in the street instead of on the sidewalk because I absolutely didn't trust myself on all the driveway cut outs and even cracks in the sidewalk (the normal spacing cracks--our neighborhood was fairly new, so there weren't big cracks where it was really unlevel or anything like that). Once medication kicked in my balance and stability improved dramatically. 

[Laura Corin]

About fear of falling (not from a horse!): I had a virus five years ago that affected my inner ear and my balance.  I fell heavily several times.  Thereafter, I was just not as steady on my feet as I had been.  I was surprised to learn that poor balance can be compensated for by increased muscle strength: better muscles allow the body to deal more efficiently with wobbles.  In old people, poor balance is strongly related to sarcopenia (muscle wasting) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29558320

I'm working on muscle building/retention to try to compensate for my damaged balance.