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What has surprised you about growing older?


Laura Corin
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I have fallen a couple of times, too. I attribute it to the as-yet-unexplained neuropathy in my feet and lower legs.

Once, I basically face planted in the street while out walking my dog. I wasn't doing anything extraordinary or interesting, just walking across the street when I tripped and went down. Fortunately, I didn't break anything or do any major damage, just scraped and bruised myself on my face and various limbs.

Even that was traumatic enough that I find myself being very aware of every crack or uneven sidewalk and panicking every time I trip (which I do with increased frequency). I was just telling my husband last week sometime that walking, which I do for a couple of hours most days and usually enjoy, has become less fun because I can't enjoy my surroundings as much now that I have to literally watch my feet.

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I have something going on with me that I'm trying to figure out. I'm dizzy all.the.time. (Not vertigo dizzy. More like cognitive fog dizzy. Although, this week, I am kind of vertigo dizzy, which is not typical for me. I spent nearly all day in bed yesterday.) And, I'm not exaggerating by much. I have other issues too (the dizziness is by the far the most life altering) and am finally seeing a neurologist July 1. I've had so many blood tests and a slew of MRIs. So far, only my Vitamin D and sed rate have come back as off. (I'm waiting for the neurologist to interpret the MRIs.) I was pretty much completely out of it for a solid two months early spring. Homeschooling was so difficult. Heck, everything was difficult.

36 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

About fear of falling (not from a horse!): I had a virus five years ago that affected my inner ear and my balance.  I fell heavily several times.  Thereafter, I was just not as steady on my feet as I had been.  I was surprised to learn that poor balance can be compensated for by increased muscle strength: better muscles allow the body to deal more efficiently with wobbles.  In old people, poor balance is strongly related to sarcopenia (muscle wasting) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29558320

I'm working on muscle building/retention to try to compensate for my damaged balance.

 

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Yes! I was not expecting this at 40 at all!! We love hiking the state and national parks, but I'm starting to feel a little stress when we head down new trails for the first time. Keeping up with DH is a struggle. He likes to go fast and work up a sweat. I like to take it easy and enjoy nature. However, I'm constantly looking at the ground, so I pretty much only get to see rocks, roots, and dirt.

3 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

Even that was traumatic enough that I find myself being very aware of every crack or uneven sidewalk and panicking every time I trip (which I do with increased frequency). I was just telling my husband last week sometime that walking, which I do for a couple of hours most days and usually enjoy, has become less fun because I can't enjoy my surroundings as much now that I have to literally watch my feet.

 

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As you age, both your nerves and muscles can deteriorate making you weaker and less able to take in and transmit signals which can lead to falls. (A tip: if you find yourself wobbly, place your entire hand on a surface so that those nerves can take in and transmit signals.)  Exercise, eating the right amount of protein daily, and especially intermittent fasting can help to preserve the neuromuscular junctions. (The second article is a bit old. Fasting/going into autophagy is more likely what is rejuvenating the connections.)

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/03/180312085120.htm

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802151319.htm

Regarding aging, the senolytic drugs are now in human clinical trials. These reverse aging at the cellular level. They are showing a lot of promise.

I’m in my 50s and so far my only complaint is that my Achilles tendon is sometimes stiff when I hop out of bed. It goes away when i’m more vigilant with weight lifting.

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1 hour ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Fear of falling is why I quit riding my horse. 😥 But I feel like I'm too old to break anything else. I can't imagine the chaos that would throw this house into.  

 

I was in my forties when I stopped riding my horse. It coincided with my horse also getting older and having hanging pasterns (Paso). So I decided we were both to old to lope through the woods. It felt a bit like something had ended abruptly but at least I have nothing but good memories since I never hurt myself riding.

Mornings are definitely harder. Before I leave, I now have to stretch and roll on my foam roller. 🙂 Maintenance is time consuming. 

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9 minutes ago, BeachGal said:

  Exercise, eating the right amount of protein daily, and especially intermittent fasting can help to preserve the neuromuscular junctions. (The second article is a bit old. Fasting/going into autophagy is more likely what is rejuvenating the connections.)

Thanks, that reminds me that tomorrow is a good day for me to do a 24 hour fast.  I try to do one a couple of times a month.

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On 6/23/2019 at 11:34 AM, marbel said:

Increasingly curly hair, for sure.  My hair was always very thin and straight and blah. A few months ago I saw my sister for the first time in a few years and she thought I'd gotten a perm! It is so curly now.

Can I just say how jealous I am of all of you this is happening to?  Because for me it's going the other way.  My hair was stick-straight till I was 13, then it got curly, then it settled down to a nice wave through my 20s and 30s.  In my 40s somewhere the wave started to lessen, and now in my 50s it's gone back to almost completely straight.  My hair has always been thin and scant, and that nice wave made it look like I actually had some hair and body!  Now it's all limp and blah.  I end up putting it in a bun a lot.  My only consolation is that I'm not going very gray - my hair is very dark, and I am getting white crazy hair (for some reason, some of those curl, and stick straight up), mostly around my temples.  No gray, just gone straight white.  I plucked them for a while, but now I'm worried I'll pluck myself bald, so I limit myself to the really annoying ones.  My dad is still mostly black-haired at over 80 (with some white in temples and eyebrows), so I think that may be where I'm headed.  He also has crazy wild eyebrow hair, and I'm starting to see some of those.  Much less acceptable on a woman!

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On 6/23/2019 at 9:48 AM, moonflower said:

I'm surprised, sort of, by how relationships just seem to fall off and not be replaced.  I read somewhere that as you age, you lose connections sort of systematically until you die.  That the peak of connection is actually childhood or young adulthood.

I had friends in HS of course, and to some extent in college.  Since then my friends have dropped off and the friendships I do have are shallower; also my dad died. and I was closer to him than anyone but DH.

So I guess I'm surprised by how lonely it can be.

 

This happened to us, and we've made a conscious decision to get out more to meet people.  We've joined a few adult get-together groups where we meet at a restaurant or bar and have drinks and/or food and just chat a couple of times per month.  We limit the time we spend doing this because we still need to be here for the kids left at home, but I imagine we could go out more when the kids are all grown.

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53 minutes ago, pitterpatter said:

I have something going on with me that I'm trying to figure out. I'm dizzy all.the.time. (Not vertigo dizzy. More like cognitive fog dizzy. Although, this week, I am kind of vertigo dizzy, which is not typical for me. I spent nearly all day in bed yesterday.) And, I'm not exaggerating by much. I have other issues too (the dizziness is by the far the most life altering) and am finally seeing a neurologist July 1. I've had so many blood tests and a slew of MRIs. So far, only my Vitamin D and sed rate have come back as off. (I'm waiting for the neurologist to interpret the MRIs.) I was pretty much completely out of it for a solid two months early spring. Homeschooling was so difficult. Heck, everything was difficult.


Because you're having other symptoms, it's unlikely, but I'll just throw out the possibility that the dizziness might be due to BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo). It's a fancy term for when the small cannalith (sometimes called an "ear crystal") in the inner ear goes out of position. The cannalith floats in the inner ear and touches the hair-like nerves when your head changes position, to alert your brain to adjust to the new position. Sometimes the fluid in our ears dries out a bit and the cannalith goes out of position so that it is repeatedly "triggering" the nerves and making your brain and body think you are moving/falling when you are not -- the cannalith itself is out of position.

The Epley manuever moves your head through several positions to basically work the cannalith back into place. It usually provides a lot of immediate relief, but it can also take a day or two for nerves to settle down from the constant firing. 

There is also the Brandt-Daroff procedure you can do once a week or so as a "maintenance". Both procedures take 5 minutes or less, and you can do them by hanging your head off the end of the bed, and have husband or friend watch the video and hold your neck/position your head:

Epley Maneuver -- at home with a helper
Epley Maneuver -- at home alone
Brandt-Daroff procedure done as a weekly preventative to BPPV reoccurring

Mostly just wanted to throw out this info for others, as hitting the 40s-50s, the inner ear fluid tends to dry up a bit and BPPV results. I had this a few years back and am eternally grateful to a friend who knew what this was and about the Epley Maneuver. Hoping for a quick and accurate diagnosis so you can get effective treatment going soon! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

Edited by Lori D.
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I was reminded of  another aging problem I am having.....my fingerprints seem to be disappearing.  I suspect it is a combination of my hobbies, hand quilting and knitting, and dry aging skin.  Today I had a really hard time getting registered for a security screening.  I panicked when I found out they needed fingerprints......they ended up accepting my pinky prints because they still show, barely.  Btw, Disney is a royal pain for me too! 

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On 6/23/2019 at 8:48 AM, moonflower said:

I'm surprised, sort of, by how relationships just seem to fall off and not be replaced.  I read somewhere that as you age, you lose connections sort of systematically until you die.  That the peak of connection is actually childhood or young adulthood.

I had friends in HS of course, and to some extent in college.  Since then my friends have dropped off and the friendships I do have are shallower; also my dad died. and I was closer to him than anyone but DH.

So I guess I'm surprised by how lonely it can be.

 

That has not been my experience so far. 

However, I rebelled strongly against the whole moms just need to accept that they are supposed to be isolated and devoted to their children’s schedules concept early on. Facing 5 kids under 6 made that a bleak life long existence I refused to accept.

When other moms said they couldn’t meet for coffee/play date because kids and husband - I did it every single week. For years. 

I still do it. Tuesdays at 6 am I go walking with a friend. Thursdays at 6 am I meet friends for coffee at Panera. Once a month we meet friends for dinner (varies at home or out).  Every Sunday we have family dinner at our house. Because my grown kids aren’t my friends per se, but they are certainly people I need to maintain a relationship with and they often bring others with them. 

Yes. It’s exhausting some days. But relationships require time and energy to maintain and cultivate. And I’ve found the rewards far out weigh the tired. It may take years to meet that one new sister-like friend. But in the mean time, I’m staying “out there” exploring and doing new things. 

I think this phenomenon and or the whole “my husband seems ready to stop living and I’m not” scenario are majors reasons divorce spikes again in couples between the 20-25 year anniversary marks.

That’s a lot of new awareness about reality, relationships, and later in life goals to manage even when there aren’t health and money and empty nest issues to deal with.  

Eta: I have seen this no friend realization in a lot of people over the years. I’m just saying that observation is part of why I took a more active stance against it. But better late than never!  Get out there!  Meet some people. There’s a lot of them. Eventually you’ll find some soul sisters/brothers.

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17 hours ago, Matryoshka said:

Gah, I have no technical limitations and I will never like running! 

 

I’ve heard that running is a bad idea once you get into middle age.  I don’t remember the details, but probably has to due with injury rates and wear and tear on joints.

 

2 hours ago, Matryoshka said:

Can I just say how jealous I am of all of you this is happening to?  Because for me it's going the other way.  My hair was stick-straight till I was 13, then it got curly, then it settled down to a nice wave through my 20s and 30s.  In my 40s somewhere the wave started to lessen, and now in my 50s it's gone back to almost completely straight.  My hair has always been thin and scant, and that nice wave made it look like I actually had some hair and body!  Now it's all limp and blah.  I end up putting it in a bun a lot.  My only consolation is that I'm not going very gray - my hair is very dark, and I am getting white crazy hair (for some reason, some of those curl, and stick straight up), mostly around my temples.  No gray, just gone straight white.  I plucked them for a while, but now I'm worried I'll pluck myself bald, so I limit myself to the really annoying ones.  My dad is still mostly black-haired at over 80 (with some white in temples and eyebrows), so I think that may be where I'm headed.  He also has crazy wild eyebrow hair, and I'm starting to see some of those.  Much less acceptable on a woman!

 

I’ve always had fine, straight hair.  I’ve started using dry shampoo a lot and this curling iron.  https://www.walmart.com/ip/Chi-Air-Spin-N-Curl-Ceramic-Rotating-Hair-Curler-Onyx-Black-1/673456536?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&adid=22222222227133989899&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=t&wl3=242036157033&wl4=pla-396938187749&wl5=9006733&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=online&wl12=673456536&veh=sem&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIncXe-Z-F4wIVQ7bACh3oRgkWEAQYAyABEgL98vD_BwE

I use the dry shampoo at night before going to bed and I use that curling iron in the morning and my hair looks puffier than it actually is.  I don’t wash my hair every day—I wash it every 3 days now.  Without the dry shampoo and the curling iron, I had to wash it daily because it was so fine that it would look like a total grease pit after 24 hours.  

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1 minute ago, Murphy101 said:

 

That has not been my experience so far. 

However, I rebelled strongly against the whole moms just need to accept that they are supposed to be isolated and devoted to their children’s schedules concept early on. Facing 5 kids under 6 made that a bleak life long existence I refused to accept.

When other moms said they couldn’t meet for coffee/play date because kids and husband - I did it every single week. For years. 

I still do it. Tuesdays at 6 am I go walking with a friend. Thursdays at 6 am I meet friends for coffee at Panera. Once a month we meet friends for dinner (varies at home or out).  Every Sunday we have family dinner at our house. Because my grown kids aren’t my friends per se, but they are certainly people I need to maintain a relationship with and they often bring others with them. 

Yes. It’s exhausting some days. But relationships require time and energy to maintain and cultivate. And I’ve found the rewards far out weigh the tired. It may take years to meet that one new sister-like friend. But I’m the mean time, I’m staying “out there” exploring and doing new things. 

I think this phenomenon and or the whole “my husband seems ready to stop living and I’m not” scenario are majors reasons divorce spikes again in couples between the 20-25 year anniversary marks.

That’s a lot of new awareness about reality, relationships, and later in life goals to manage even when there aren’t health and money and empty nest issues to deal with.  

This is me, too.  I have standing time with friends every week and I schedule time to meet various friends each month. I agree with everything you said.  I actively and deliberately work on keeping up the friendships.

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11 minutes ago, mumto2 said:

I was reminded of  another aging problem I am having.....my fingerprints seem to be disappearing.  I suspect it is a combination of my hobbies, hand quilting and knitting, and dry aging skin.  Today I had a really hard time getting registered for a security screening.  I panicked when I found out they needed fingerprints......they ended up accepting my pinky prints because they still show, barely.  Btw, Disney is a royal pain for me too! 

I've had the same problem. My last iPhone had the fingerprint ID thing and it would not work! I tried both thumbs, placing them on the button just so . .  . everything. I thought the phone was defective, until I heard on a morning TV program that loss of fingerprints as one ages is a thing. Who knew? Now I have a newer phone with facial recognition. Hopefully my face won't disappear . . .  :laugh:

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18 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I've had the same problem. My last iPhone had the fingerprint ID thing and it would not work! I tried both thumbs, placing them on the button just so . .  . everything. I thought the phone was defective, until I heard on a morning TV program that loss of fingerprints as one ages is a thing. Who knew? Now I have a newer phone with facial recognition. Hopefully my face won't disappear . . .  :laugh:

I feel so of bad saying this but I am glad someone else I “know” is experiencing this.  😀.  I missed the tv show!  😂  I never tried the fingerprint recognition on my iPad because I knew it wouldn’t go well.....almost two years later and I get reminded about it occasionally by my iPad!

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24 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

That has not been my experience so far. 

However, I rebelled strongly against the whole moms just need to accept that they are supposed to be isolated and devoted to their children’s schedules concept early on. Facing 5 kids under 6 made that a bleak life long existence I refused to accept.

When other moms said they couldn’t meet for coffee/play date because kids and husband - I did it every single week. For years. 

I still do it. Tuesdays at 6 am I go walking with a friend. Thursdays at 6 am I meet friends for coffee at Panera. Once a month we meet friends for dinner (varies at home or out).  Every Sunday we have family dinner at our house. Because my grown kids aren’t my friends per se, but they are certainly people I need to maintain a relationship with and they often bring others with them. 

Yes. It’s exhausting some days. But relationships require time and energy to maintain and cultivate. And I’ve found the rewards far out weigh the tired. It may take years to meet that one new sister-like friend. But in the mean time, I’m staying “out there” exploring and doing new things. 

I think this phenomenon and or the whole “my husband seems ready to stop living and I’m not” scenario are majors reasons divorce spikes again in couples between the 20-25 year anniversary marks.

That’s a lot of new awareness about reality, relationships, and later in life goals to manage even when there aren’t health and money and empty nest issues to deal with.  

Eta: I have seen this no friend realization in a lot of people over the years. I’m just saying that observation is part of why I took a more active stance against it. But better late than never!  Get out there!  Meet some people. There’s a lot of them. Eventually you’ll find some soul sisters/brothers.

Many of us HAVE been working to maintain friendships - working VERY hard.  I had a lovely group of friends who purposely kept up these friendships after our children-based connections were over.  Until they didn't want me.  Until they had better, shinier friends without the shitty life stuff ... Bodies breaking before their time - that meant I was a liability to my climbing friends. Heartaches were just too big for others to handle.  It's like I all of the sudden got cooties.  I made a concerted effort for 3 years to initiate things, only to find out that I was on their d-list ... someone to be tolerated once a month.  Someone actually said that she could only handle me once a month ... and this wasn't someone that I was baring my soul to and laying all my heavy burdens on. 

That is why I had to go back to school ... I had to start building a new life.  Because the old one was done with me ... I wasn't done with it.  I doubt I will ever have those soulmate friendships I used to have.  Those don't begin in one's late 50's. I will have to be satisfied with superficial work friends.  And the long silences at home being married to an engineer who gets more than enough socialization at work.

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1 hour ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

Many of us HAVE been working to maintain friendships - working VERY hard.  I had a lovely group of friends who purposely kept up these friendships after our children-based connections were over.  Until they didn't want me.  Until they had better, shinier friends without the shitty life stuff ... Bodies breaking before their time - that meant I was a liability to my climbing friends. Heartaches were just too big for others to handle.  It's like I all of the sudden got cooties.  I made a concerted effort for 3 years to initiate things, only to find out that I was on their d-list ... someone to be tolerated once a month.  Someone actually said that she could only handle me once a month ... and this wasn't someone that I was baring my soul to and laying all my heavy burdens on. 

That is why I had to go back to school ... I had to start building a new life.  Because the old one was done with me ... I wasn't done with it.  I doubt I will ever have those soulmate friendships I used to have.  Those don't begin in one's late 50's. I will have to be satisfied with superficial work friends.  And the long silences at home being married to an engineer who gets more than enough socialization at work.

 

Yes. I know. Been there done that too. It’s awful and there needs to be a group noun for a group of a holes that used to call themselves friends.  I’m sorry that happened to you. I was not at all intending that you or anyone else hasn’t been trying.  I’m saying KEEP trying.  Because you’re right. Those people can be done but we aren’t. 

And try to take heart. Just like you weren’t sharing your all with some of them, they probably weren’t with you either.  They may have been going through too much of their own crap to escape their tunnel vision enough to be the friend you needed. I know there’s been times when that was me. I’m not proud of it but it wasn’t h til I really got through some stuff that I could look back and think, “I messed that without even trying.”😞

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1 hour ago, Patty Joanna said:

We could really stand to move to get the money out of this house (it is serious money) but there's no place that much cheaper that we can live close to our friends, and that means something to me.  We will have to downsize to do so, which would not be the end of the world, either. 

 

That I’d become the person who refuses to move is a surprise too. I love to travel and I joke about selling the house and going from kid house to kid house in my old age.  But truth is at this point in life, I can’t fathom moving away from the parish I love and my community of friends. 

I still want to travel and have plans to travel at 3-4 weeks a year if at all possible. But this is HOME.

After the craptastic marriage issues and kids issues and other life events of the last decade, I’m clinging to whatever solid ground my feet can manage to scramble on to. And that’s been my church and my community and it takes years to plant these roots. Years that frankly the older we get the less we have to spare. 

Eta - and by golly, friends don’t have to have everything in common or anything much in common or the same age demographic. Y’all talk to younger moms! Whether they listen or not, plant some seeds for a happier future in them young moms. Save your belly aches for later and join in joy wherever you can. Yeah she’s a new mom and doing things like new moms do. So what? Just give her some diapers and a cup of coffee. She’ll figure out the rest without your advice and you might find she knows some interesting things you haven’t learned yet. And she has more energy than you. When you break your leg, she’ll rally the troops to give you rides when all your same age friends have glaucoma and can’t drive. (True story opinion of a dear friend 30 years older than me. We are letting my youngest and her grand babies play while we chat at Chick fil a. She’s laughing at my tech savvy since I’ve edited this eta three times. 😆)

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26 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

 

Do you have a related or complimentary source for recommended protein intake?

 

I aim for Valter Longo’s recommendation, 0.31 to 0.36 grams per pound of weight. Some days, I eat more and others, less, but I try to generally get around 40-45 grams per day. Longo is a biogerontologist.

https://valterlongo.com/daily-longevity-diet/

https://time.com/4131682/protein-longevity-paleo/

 

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Hmmm...

Menopause wasn't a problem for me, other than having to go to the bathroom frequently because early on, I applied some physics to the problem of hot flashes and started drinking a large glass of water to stop them. The extra heat went into bringing the water up to body temp instead of making me uncomfortable. I didn't have the emptional swings other people complained about. The irregularness was a nuisance but didn't last that long. 

I would love it if I had gotten less shy, the way some people described, but that didn't happen. 

I never had to worry about my weight, but now I am surprised at how easy it is to gain two pounds overnight. And the only sort of excersize that seems to work for losing it again is going for a brisk walk before bed.

I understand about the sadness.   By now, I have accumulated my share of heartbreaks and losses, and I miss my kids a lot and probably always will. There are places of deep deep sadness in my life that I try hard to avoid remembering. I am hoping some day I will  be able to enjoy all the family photos I took and continue to take, but so far, I can't bear to see them.

I am surprised at how my relationship with my husband has gotten better and better, even though it was great to start with.

It still surprises me how perceptive my adult children are, and how helpful they are with my problems. 

Physically, I feel better than I have in years, despite osteoperosis, rotator cuff surgery due to a fall, arthritis, SAD, bursitis, migraines, and some other stuff. I went back to doing ballet classes, having quit when I was 16 ( so a 40+year gap haha) and have found that the ballet plus magnesium supplements and a better diet eliminate most of the pain. I wake up in the morning hurting, go to ballet, and walk out pain free. I go six days a week. It takes a huge chunk out of the morning and I am as rotten at it as I ever was, but I love it. I made it through this winter with plenty of energy, too, which was so nice. 

I love how well I can learn new things now. I am much better at that than I was. I never could and never will be able to remember things, but I learn easily now. Never thought that would happen!

And I love how much better I am at rigging things so that I can't mess something up, like locking my keys in the car or giving in to the temptation to eat toast for every meal. That is just experience but I am grateful for it.

I play recorder with a group of people in their late 80's and early 90's, so I can see that it isn't all bad. : )

Nan

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On 6/24/2019 at 6:26 PM, bethben said:

 

I KNOW!!!  I haven't leaked through stuff since I was 16 or 17 and now it almost happens monthly.  I have no idea what it's going to do anymore and that's frustrating.  

 

deleted the gross TMI

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1 hour ago, Seasider too said:

 

Do you have a related or complimentary source for recommended protein intake?

I went to a lecture given by a distinguished professor of gerontology. She suggested that a target of 0.8 grammes of protein per kilo of body weight was optimal in youth and early middle age, rising to 1 gramme per kilo in late middle and old age. I aim for 58 grammes.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/82159367.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjHj-Glz4XjAhWcShUIHesNDA4QFjARegQIBxAB&usg=AOvVaw1OBM4GyvIF-hBqlg8MQC61&cshid=1561499639248

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40 was a shocker.  I didn't need to see a doctor much for the first 40 years, then BAM! I had fibroids, my eye sight got worse, my knee gave out, I stopped being able to absorb vitamin B12 so I became anemic, the hair on my head started falling out, hair sprouted on my chin, my right foot developed a bad case of plantar fasciitis, and now I have back pain.  Most of it is being managed, but 50 is 4 years out and I'm a little worried about what's coming my way.  I'm an active person, so the idea of not being able to do things makes me a little nervous.

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On 6/23/2019 at 10:28 PM, Murphy101 said:

It doesn’t seem like an epidemic of cancer. It IS an epidemic. 🙁

The other side of the epidemic of autoimmune diseases.  We are declining in death rates, though, from all the autoimmune and the cancers too compared to even 20 years ago.  Also coronary related deaths have fallen too.  Now people have autoimmune or cancer and are functional or semi-functional a lot of times and out in public.  What used to happen, without the miracles of pharmaceuticals and medical treatment explosion, was that people were too ill to function out and about and of course, 50 years ago, no one was chatting on the internet about anything, including their cancer or arrythmia or lupus, etc.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dear Laura~

DD graduated from St. A's with high honors. It was a delight. Job in hand. Future looks great.

My surprise about getting older is understanding the necessity of assisted suicide. It is not a thing I'd consider on a whim, but after watching my mother with Lewy Bodies dementia be of unsound mind but good health, I contemplate her quality of life. On good days she knows who I am, but most often I am "daughter." Right now her face is covered in a large bruise and an inch long gash of stitching above her eye. It is the fourth fall in three weeks that has sent her to the ER, and she fell again today and went back to the ER. I look at her and see my possible future. It not only surprises me, but it terrifies me. I do not want to be such a burden to my children. I do not want my children to make the decision I need to make on my mother's behalf because she can no longer care for herself. Above and beyond the normal changes that come with aging, it is this loss of self and total care like an infant that surprises me. I'd rather go quick like a seedless olive into the mouth of a fool than to sustain the indignities of dementia. 

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I’m pushing up on 40 and very suddenly, I don’t have much of a choice in how much I sleep,  if my body isn’t rested enough, I’ll pretty much just fall asleep.  I have remarkably little prerogative in this.  I’ve recently fallen asleep on the couch, at my desk and twice I’ve had to pull over and rest before finishing drying home unless I wanted to fall asleep at the wheel.  

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5 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

I’m pushing up on 40 and very suddenly, I don’t have much of a choice in how much I sleep,  if my biveody isn’t rested enough, I’ll pretty much just fall asleep.  I have remarkably little prerogative in this.  I’ve recently fallen asleep on the couch, at my desk and twice I’ve had to pull over and rest before finishing drying home unless I wanted to fall asleep at the wheel.  

I've been on holiday this week and averaging well over 8 hours a night, and I feel great. Adequate sleep is a kind of superpower. I am not sure how to keep that going.

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5 hours ago, LucyStoner said:

I’m pushing up on 40 and very suddenly, I don’t have much of a choice in how much I sleep,  if my body isn’t rested enough, I’ll pretty much just fall asleep.  I have remarkably little prerogative in this.  I’ve recently fallen asleep on the couch, at my desk and twice I’ve had to pull over and rest before finishing drying home unless I wanted to fall asleep at the wheel.  

That sounds a little extreme to me. Have you had a checkup recently? If not, you might want to consider at least having some blood work done, just in case there's an underlying problem. I'm a lot older than you, and the only time I've had that extreme of a problem with falling asleep was in the few months before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Of course it's different if you're suffering from insomnia at night, or really truly burning the candle on both ends. But if you're sleeping reasonably well and anywhere close to seven hours a night and still getting that sleepy during the day I'd look for a reason other than "pushing 40."

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44 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

That sounds a little extreme to me. Have you had a checkup recently? If not, you might want to consider at least having some blood work done, just in case there's an underlying problem. I'm a lot older than you, and the only time I've had that extreme of a problem with falling asleep was in the few months before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Of course it's different if you're suffering from insomnia at night, or really truly burning the candle on both ends. But if you're sleeping reasonably well and anywhere close to seven hours a night and still getting that sleepy during the day I'd look for a reason other than "pushing 40."

The sudden overwhelming exhaustion would worry me and did. It was hypothyroidism, too.

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5 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

That sounds a little extreme to me. Have you had a checkup recently? If not, you might want to consider at least having some blood work done, just in case there's an underlying problem. I'm a lot older than you, and the only time I've had that extreme of a problem with falling asleep was in the few months before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Of course it's different if you're suffering from insomnia at night, or really truly burning the candle on both ends. But if you're sleeping reasonably well and anywhere close to seven hours a night and still getting that sleepy during the day I'd look for a reason other than "pushing 40."

 

I appreciate your concern but I think I didn’t spell out the situation clearly enough.  I’m in good health and had a full physical less than 6 months ago.  

What I saying is that, as a mom of two special needs kids with a lot going on, I used to be able to choose to get less than the optimal amount of sleep in order to get things done and still function ok during the day.  For over a year on school mornings, I was up at 5 and lucky to be in bed by 12.  Now, if I don’t get 7-8 hours at night, I will just fall asleep.  My body won’t let me short myself anymore and honestly, this is a good thing.  I can no longer substitute caffeine for sleep.  On the two days I felt too sleepy to drive, I had worked into the wee hours of the morning doing the work I couldn’t do earlier in the day because one of my sons was having a rough day and required a lot of support/scaffolding.  Since I can’t fire the kids I am reducing my client list slightly so I don’t need to be awake 20 hours a day, 8 days a week.  

Edited by LucyStoner
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I'm nearsighted, and I've needed glasses for distance since I was 16.  But now I can't see close up with my glasses on, which means I don't wear them unless I'm driving or watching television (which is rare), so almost never in the house.  It is quite disconcerting how dirty my house is when I put the glasses on!

Edited by Amy in NH
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6 hours ago, Amy in NH said:

I'm nearsighted, and I've needed glasses for distance since I was 16.  But now I can't see close up with my glasses on, which means I don't wear them unless I'm driving or watching television (which is rare), so almost never in the house.  It is quite disconcerting how dirty my house is when I put the glasses on!

This is when i needed multi-focal lenses (bifocals.)  I wear progressive lenses that have no correction in the reading section, some correction in the "computer screen" section, and my distance correction in the top section.  But, my distance vision is bad enough that I can't find my glasses when I need my glasses.  I tried multi-focal contact lenses, but my eyes are now too dry to wear them (plus, I couldn't seem to get the right prescription where I could see both near and far.)

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43 minutes ago, dirty ethel rackham said:

This is when i needed multi-focal lenses (bifocals.)  I wear progressive lenses that have no correction in the reading section, some correction in the "computer screen" section, and my distance correction in the top section.  But, my distance vision is bad enough that I can't find my glasses when I need my glasses.  I tried multi-focal contact lenses, but my eyes are now too dry to wear them (plus, I couldn't seem to get the right prescription where I could see both near and far.)

 

Honestly, I hate wearing glasses, so I'm avoiding the bifocals.

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