How to be less intense

[HollyDay]

People started telling me that I was intense around perimenopause.  They'd tell me I was "tight", "intense", "not relaxed"  (try having almost 10 years of  3x month multi day migraines, 15 day cycles, etc and not be "not relaxed"). 

I'm starting to hear that same thing again.  I'm hearing "you really need to learn to relax more,"  "take life more as it comes,"  "you are so intense" Well, I'm trying not to be.  I don't want to be.  I think dealing with chronic pain for the past 5 years has made a difference in my daily life (understatement).  The death of my parents has been a grieving process too. 

So...how does one become "more relaxed" and "less intense"???? 

I am taking a yoga class twice a week.  I'm reading more for my pleasure now that I'm retired homeschooler (about to be empty next when youngest goes off to college in Aug).  I've started doing some of my old favorite hobbies again.  I'm learning to live in an older body that is not what I want it to be (restrictions due to  pain...not necessarily vanity here).  I've had a recent physical and am taking good care of my body. 

What do y'all suggest??

 

[regentrude]

Intense person here. What helps me:

• time exercising in nature (I hike and rock climb)
• daily journaling
• creative work (writing poetry, making music)
• time with friends who nurture and uplift me unconditionally

I want to start meditation which is supposed to work wonders.

 

Edited June 21, 2019 by regentrude

[Slache]

Exercise! Your cortisol and adrenaline levels are too high and will come down with regular exercise. The exercise needs to be difficult for you.

[fairfarmhand]

So my dh would be characterized by the word intense. For him, he seems super focused driven and "wound up tight" 

On good days, this focus serves him well. He's an excellent engineer and supervisor. 

On bad days, he gets kinda irritable. For him, it's like anything that interrupts him from his goal is irritating. So he's short and rude to people. I don't think intensity is the problem for him, per se. I think his intensity gets him in trouble because sometimes (most of the time) you still have to be nice, even when people and events are getting in the way of ones' goals and purposes. He does want the connections with other people. But on bad days, he's more perfunctory, short with others because he's focused on his goal. He doesn't want to talk to people to get to know them, he doesn't want to reconnect. It's all about checking things off the list. And no I don't want a good morning kiss to just be "one more thing to knock out" this morning.

So when people tell you to stop being so intense, what is prompting that.

Are you unintentionally omitting social niceties because of your pain? Are you not interested in connecting emotionally because of ??? 

i know for a fact that my dh does NOT realize at all that he's being short, rude, and ugly to people. But then he comes around and goes "Why is everyone avoiding me? Why don't the kids want to talk to me?"  And no it's not that we're a bunch of little whiny pansies who can't take a snappy comment. It's just obvious when he gets that "man on a mission" look on his face and we don't want to get in the way.

You mentioned grief. Grief and sorrow came out as anger  and irritableness for my dh when he lost his dad. 

[HollyDay]

4 minutes ago, Slache said:

Exercise! Your cortisol and adrenaline levels are too high and will come down with regular exercise. The exercise needs to be difficult for you.

I think this is part of it.  However due to a spine and Achilles injury, I'm limited.  The Achilles was damaged last Sept and the doc told me 4 months ago that it is healing but really slowly, maybe another year (yikes).   I do mat work, Pilates, some light weights.  I'm hoping to get back on the elliptical soon

[fairfarmhand]

2 minutes ago, HollyDay said:

I think this is part of it.  However due to a spine and Achilles injury, I'm limited.  The Achilles was damaged last Sept and the doc told me 4 months ago that it is healing but really slowly, maybe another year (yikes).   I do mat work, Pilates, some light weights.  I'm hoping to get back on the elliptical soon

Can you swim?

[HollyDay]

4 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

So my dh would be characterized by the word intense. For him, he seems super focused driven and "wound up tight" 

On good days, this focus serves him well. He's an excellent engineer and supervisor. 

On bad days, he gets kinda irritable. For him, it's like anything that interrupts him from his goal is irritating. So he's short and rude to people. I don't think intensity is the problem for him, per se. I think his intensity gets him in trouble because sometimes (most of the time) you still have to be nice, even when people and events are getting in the way of ones' goals and purposes. He does want the connections with other people. But on bad days, he's more perfunctory, short with others because he's focused on his goal. He doesn't want to talk to people to get to know them, he doesn't want to reconnect. It's all about checking things off the list. And no I don't want a good morning kiss to just be "one more thing to knock out" this morning.

So when people tell you to stop being so intense, what is prompting that.

Are you unintentionally omitting social niceties because of your pain? Are you not interested in connecting emotionally because of ??? 

i know for a fact that my dh does NOT realize at all that he's being short, rude, and ugly to people. But then he comes around and goes "Why is everyone avoiding me? Why don't the kids want to talk to me?"  And no it's not that we're a bunch of little whiny pansies who can't take a snappy comment. It's just obvious when he gets that "man on a mission" look on his face and we don't want to get in the way.

You mentioned grief. Grief and sorrow came out as anger  and irritableness for my dh when he lost his dad. 

I am limiting what I do because of pain.  I've missed a lot of church related activities since sitting for an hour and half service and hour and half Sunday school is just too hard.  I'm fairly new to the area...about 4 years...but those 4 years have been focused on parents' passing, family health issues, physical therapy, etc.  It has not been a good 4 years to develop social networks.

I'm not crabby or grumpy.   I'm gladly willing to help, put the needs of others first.  I guess I just get focused on what I'm doing and want to fix whatever needs doing

[HollyDay]

3 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Can you swim?

more like water aerobics

[Chris in VA]

It sounds like you are already doing a lot. I admire people that do anything more than just staying upright when they are in pain!

Are you taking enough time for yourself? Can you get better pain management in place? That would be my first thought. 

[PeterPan]

There's some research on 5HTP and serotonin levels in chronic pain. Also kinda chills you because it's serotonin. I take it and I'm more chilled.

You already went to Disney and that was a lot of work and expense. Is there anything you LIKE that is happy memories that you can think about? Spending time doing that is relaxing and healthy. 

Beyond that, nude sunbathe. Just saying. Might need to move, depending on where you live. But if you're doing it, means you've cast off everyone for a bit. The sun and vitamin D feel good too.

[DawnM]

Brownies

with pot

🤣😜🤣

Sorry, I couldn't help it.  It would calm you down though!

[Garga]

My dh has some sort of app that alerts him that he needs to stop and breathe throughout the day.  His job can make him very, very stressed. 

Long, deep breaths where you fill your lungs all the way to the bottom by letting your stomach fill with air (not your literal stomach—but you fill your lungs so much that your belly pops out.)

If I was you, I’d start there.  Set up an alarm to go off every hour (or whatever time you think is best) and then sit still and breathe deeply for 3 minutes.  Or just keep breathing until that jolt of “I have to hurry up and breathe!”feeling goes away.  I’ve found that when I pause to breathe, I felt somewhat antsy and it takes about a minute and a half for that antsy feeling to go away before I’m actually relaxing. 

I don’t know why and I don’t know if it matters, but they say to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Breathe in...hold for a sec...breathe out.  Let each breath take a long time, but don’t necessarily force a time.  Just long, slow breaths.

Edited June 21, 2019 by Garga

[Pawz4me]

I'm not exactly clear on what you mean by "intense." But learning a bit of secular Buddhist philosophy has helped me tremendously in being more relaxed about and accepting of crappy life stuff. And by accepting I don't mean not being pro-active to change what I can, but rather in learning to accept the reality of things that I can't change and not continuing to "fight" against them. If that makes sense .  . .

Edited June 21, 2019 by Pawz4me

[Free Indeed]

53 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Brownies

with pot

🤣😜🤣

Sorry, I couldn't help it.  It would calm you down though!

That was my thoughts! 😉

[Laura Corin]

I exercise and meditate. Mindfulness in general takes me out of myself and reconnects me with simple joy.

[kbutton]

3 hours ago, HollyDay said:

I am limiting what I do because of pain.  I've missed a lot of church related activities since sitting for an hour and half service and hour and half Sunday school is just too hard.  I'm fairly new to the area...about 4 years...but those 4 years have been focused on parents' passing, family health issues, physical therapy, etc.  It has not been a good 4 years to develop social networks.

I'm not crabby or grumpy.   I'm gladly willing to help, put the needs of others first.  I guess I just get focused on what I'm doing and want to fix whatever needs doing

If people don't know you're in pain, they might think that you just can't let go of things and sit down to relax. I know a couple of people like this--I strongly suspect they have ADHD and  they can either be on top of it all or be a mess--no in between (and it gives them an outlet for their hyperactivity).

It sounds like you are just focused on things you feel are your duty and on not being in pain. 

I do have a friend that doesn't stop due to pain, but she's not fast, just busy. If she stops, getting started again is super hard. She tends to hurt herself or burn out and is trying to work on that. 

I am sorry you are in pain a great deal of the time. That really stinks. It sounds like it's just been a rough few years all around. 

I am intense in a different way, and it's very easy to be misunderstood. I am sorry you're feeling like this quality is creating a barrier or at least creating unnecessary commentary from others. 

[Pawz4me]

35 minutes ago, Manager Mom said:

 

Could you share any books or links?  I need this.

Unfortunately I'm horrible at keeping a list of books I've read! But I'd start with some of the books by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I have an app called BuddhaQuotes that I really like. It provides a daily quote and you can save favorites.

A lot of my reading has been online sources, but not any one in particular. When I'm in a learning mood (or a needy mood) I Google "secular Buddhism" or something similar and start following rabbit trails.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

My dh has some sort of app that alerts him that he needs to stop and breathe throughout the day.

Are you for real? What is this? I forget to breath too, lol. I was working out and actually getting dizzy and the guy is like STOP AND BREATHE. 

You can also work on breathing as part of a mindfulness routine. A really basic body scan isn't a lot of trouble, takes just a few minutes, and can bump your EF (executive function) and make you feel more calm. It's something the counselor taught me to do to handle stress, and it's something you can do anywhere. You can also add to that work on the pain by stopping and feeling the part that is hurting, tensing and releasing it, then HUMMING while directing attention to that spot. I have no clue why it works, but it sorta does. Not like whiz bang all the way, but enough that it can be worth the effort. 

So yes, if I'm really stressed, I'm going to stop, do a body scan, pay attention to my breath, hum. Sometimes I do it in the steam room. The steam room is amazing for me for getting some of this out.

It's a really interesting question whether I've gotten more uptight because of hormones. I think that as a woman somehow I lost my recreation. I'm always ON, always thinking about work I need to do. My recreation and hobbies sorta went out the window with the piles of work. 

[Caroline]

1 minute ago, PeterPan said:

Are you for real? What is this? I forget to breath too, lol. I was working out and actually getting dizzy and the guy is like STOP AND BREATHE. 

You can also work on breathing as part of a mindfulness routine. A really basic body scan isn't a lot of trouble, takes just a few minutes, and can bump your EF (executive function) and make you feel more calm. It's something the counselor taught me to do to handle stress, and it's something you can do anywhere. You can also add to that work on the pain by stopping and feeling the part that is hurting, tensing and releasing it, then HUMMING while directing attention to that spot. I have no clue why it works, but it sorta does. Not like whiz bang all the way, but enough that it can be worth the effort. 

So yes, if I'm really stressed, I'm going to stop, do a body scan, pay attention to my breath, hum. Sometimes I do it in the steam room. The steam room is amazing for me for getting some of this out.

It's a really interesting question whether I've gotten more uptight because of hormones. I think that as a woman somehow I lost my recreation. I'm always ON, always thinking about work I need to do. My recreation and hobbies sorta went out the window with the piles of work. 

My Apple Watch reminds me to breathe. I think when my heart rate remains elevated and it doesn’t think I’m working out, it reminds me to breathe. Or maybe it does it randomly? IDK. But every once in a while, it shakes my wrist a bit and says breathe. 

[Garga]

5 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

You can also add to that work on the pain by stopping and feeling the part that is hurting, tensing and releasing it, then HUMMING while directing attention to that spot. I have no clue why it works, but it sorta does. Not like whiz bang all the way, but enough that it can be worth the effort. 

So yes, if I'm really stressed, I'm going to stop, do a body scan, pay attention to my breath, hum. Sometimes I do it in the steam room. The steam room is amazing for me for getting some of this out.

Humming...I used that when in labor.  It certainly didn’t make the pain go away, but it helped me to get through it.  

2 minutes ago, Caroline said:

My Apple Watch reminds me to breathe. I think when my heart rate remains elevated and it doesn’t think I’m working out, it reminds me to breathe. Or maybe it does it randomly? IDK. But every once in a while, it shakes my wrist a bit and says breathe. 

Yes! I think it must be his watch. I thought it was an app, but now I’m realizing it’s probably just the watch. 

[PeterPan]

5 minutes ago, Caroline said:

My Apple Watch reminds me to breathe. I think when my heart rate remains elevated and it doesn’t think I’m working out, it reminds me to breathe. Or maybe it does it randomly? IDK. But every once in a while, it shakes my wrist a bit and says breathe. 

That's hilarious. I had no clue it could do that!!

[HS Mom in NC]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

Brownies

with pot

🤣😜🤣

Sorry, I couldn't help it.  It would calm you down though!

Duuuuuuuude!  Brownies with pot helps my glaucoma soooo much, man!

[fairfarmhand]

Some people don't get it that some of us really are happier when we're busy. They like sitting around, taking it easy, and they don't understand that I feel BETTER when I am productive. So I can see someone who is super mellow not getting that it's healthier for me to be busy. When I';m not, I get depressed. I can *hear* certain people telling me that I'm too intense when I am just coping by staying busy.

Also, my busyness sometimes comes off as me avoiding people. I have to remind myself to stop and chat if I'm at an activity working. So I need to take the time to smile, and make eye contact, because otherwise, I come off as "too busy to talk" when in reality Im just getting a job done.

By the way, smiling helps me mentally. Stopping long enough to make eye contact and smile at my family helps even more.

[Scarlett]

Hi, my name is Scarlett and I am intense.

All that I have figured out in my 54 years of life is that when I feel I am losing control I get a little nuts. .  But the ironic thing is control is an illusion anyway.  So when I get that frantic intense feeling, I sit back and quietly and tell myself...’ you will still wake up in the morning, next to your fabulous husband and life goes on.  

Thwre has been some drama with my one of my kids....and a close friend was telling me to not be naive.  I told her.....they are adults.  They are going to do what they are going to do and it is on them.  

I can work myself over so many things.  Money, kids, in-laws, my parents, my siblings, my husband,,,,,,,but at the end of the day life just goes on.  

[prairiewindmomma]

L-Theanine

[Mom0012]

In my 30s, I started to realize I needed protein at each meal and that I had to be very careful about having anything sugary before lunch or I might find myself too emotional, edgy and reactive. That was a wonderful discovery. Now, I eat low carb and my moods have never been more even. Everyone is different and many people don’t react to sugar and carbs the way I do, but I thought I’d throw that out there. 

[MercyA]

An antidepressant. For real. I take one for OCD and it has made me much more mellow in general. I've read that they can also help with muscular pain that is worsened by stress (for example, TMJ).

Or DawnM's suggestion of pot brownies. 😉 (Disclaimer: I have never tried pot. It's not legal in my backward state.)

Hope you find something that works for you. ❤️

Edited June 22, 2019 by MercyA

[Scarlett]

15 hours ago, Caroline said:

My Apple Watch reminds me to breathe. I think when my heart rate remains elevated and it doesn’t think I’m working out, it reminds me to breathe. Or maybe it does it randomly? IDK. But every once in a while, it shakes my wrist a bit and says breathe. 

My Fitbit does that too.  I just got it and I haven’t quite figured it out.   Yesterday it buzzed and I looked down to see my heart rate was 127. And then it kept telling me to breathe slow and deep.  

[Teaching3bears]

Do you feel you are too intense? If you do, does it bother you? Or, is it just bothering you that people are telling you so? Who are these people? Are they the people closest to you? Acquaintances? Health care providers? Are they people who are tired of hearing you talk about your pain or is the intensity showing up in other ways? Do you understand what they mean by intense? What are the specific behaviors?

Decide whether you yourself want to be less intense or not, and if you want to change then people have provided a lot of good ideas for de-stressing. If not, then just accept yourself as is even if not everyone does. We can't please everyone.

((Hugs)).

[gardenmom5]

take up yoga.

[happi duck]

5 hours ago, Scarlett said:

My Fitbit does that too.  I just got it and I haven’t quite figured it out.   Yesterday it buzzed and I looked down to see my heart rate was 127. And then it kept telling me to breathe slow and deep.  

This sounds interesting!  Which fitbit do you have?

[Scarlett]

17 minutes ago, happi duck said:

This sounds interesting!  Which fitbit do you have?

Inspire HR. $99

[TravelingChris]

On 6/21/2019 at 1:32 PM, DawnM said:

Brownies

with pot

🤣😜🤣

Sorry, I couldn't help it.  It would calm you down though!

I guess I should go and use the CBD oil.  I am crying here though.

[DawnM]

37 minutes ago, TravelingChris said:

I guess I should go and use the CBD oil.  I am crying here though.

 

I have thought of getting some CBD oil.  I know there was a thread on where to order, but I can't remember what people said.

[RootAnn]

On 6/21/2019 at 1:30 PM, PeterPan said:

Beyond that, nude sunbathe. Just saying.

 

On 6/21/2019 at 1:32 PM, DawnM said:

Brownies

with pot

 

15 hours ago, MercyA said:

An antidepressant. For real.

 

5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

take up yoga.

I didn't quote all the suggestions but the sheer breadth of the creative ideas here is staggering.

I have a plan for the rest of the day. I'm going to drink some water and take my antidepressant, then I'm heading to my backyard to practice some nude yoga. Later, I'll relax with a low carb pot brownie and a good book on meditation. My kids won't recognize my sunburnt chill self when they get home. 👍

[DawnM]

18 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

 

 

 

I didn't quote all the suggestions but the sheer breadth of the creative ideas here is staggering.

I have a plan for the rest of the day. I'm going to drink some water and take my antidepressant, then I'm heading to my backyard to practice some nude yoga. Later, I'll relax with a low carb pot brownie and a good book on meditation. My kids won't recognize my sunburnt chill self when they get home. 👍

 

So wonderful to see that you are willing to take suggestions!  And hey, after the brownies, you won't care who says what about your nude sunbathing.

[Another Lynn]

16 hours ago, MercyA said:

An antidepressant. For real. I take one for OCD and it has made me much more mellow in general. I've read that they can also help with muscular pain that is worsened by stress (for example, TMJ).

Or DawnM's suggestion of pot brownies. 😉 (Disclaimer: I have never tried pot. It's not legal in my backward state.)

Hope you find something that works for you. ❤️

Me neither.  But wine is legal.  Just sayin'......

[school17777]

On 6/21/2019 at 2:32 PM, DawnM said:

Brownies

with pot

🤣😜🤣

Sorry, I couldn't help it.  It would calm you down though!

And you know this how?  (Jk!)

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, school17777 said:

And you know this how?  (Jk!)

I watch movies!

[PeterPan]

Could I just say in my defense that where I live it's remote enough (and surrounded by TREES enough) that full and free sunbathing is reasonable? Of course I can't account for what happens to those crop dusters flying overhead...

[happi duck]

When my late parents bought their house in 1953 it had a rectangle of dense shrubbery with just enough of an opening to step in for nude sunbathing.

[MercyA]

42 minutes ago, StellaM said:

My AD makes me less intense, that's for sure, but not like, to normal people levels. Do you find it gets you mellow enough ?

I really need an actual chill pill. 

Exercise doesn't help me much because it makes me more energised and more energy means more to spend on feeling and thinking THINGS!

Yes, generally speaking. Many, many times since starting my med I've thought, "Oh, this must be what life feels like for normal people!" I am also more kind and more patient.

A couple examples: I used to be very stressed about germs. My daughter is now on a swim team. She does floor exercises, on a damp pool deck, where many bare feet have walked, in a bathing suit. I'm like, whatevs. 😉 I used to pull out hand sanitizer constantly in public places. No more. I used to snap when my family interrupted me at home. Now I'm usually like, "Sure, I'm happy to help. Just give me a minute." Night and day!

I also have a drink just about every night. 🙂 

Several of my relatives have also needed tranquilizers for their level of anxiety. I haven't experienced the same things they have--depression, agoraphobia, panic, dread. There is no shame in taking any needed med.

The side effects are a pain, though--as you probably know. Here's hoping my state makes more natural options available soon. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by MercyA

[MercyA]

6 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

I have thought of getting some CBD oil.  I know there was a thread on where to order, but I can't remember what people said.

Tried it. Very little effect. It was like drinking a good cup of coffee. I felt more focused and more energetic (with a LARGE dose), but not less anxious or more mellow. YMMV.

[MercyA]

8 minutes ago, StellaM said:

 

I had that ' oh, this is a normal brain' thing re absence of obsessive thinking, but not the kindness and patience side effects! Just the fatter side effects 😞

Maybe it's just my personality. I would definitely like to experience less intense internal emotion though.

Maybe you just need to find a med that works better for you! My mom tried one AD that did very little for her. When she switched to the one I take, she felt much better. Our doctor told us that what works for one relative often works for another. 

I've gained weight, too. Boo! At least my husband always thinks I'm hot. 🙂 

ETA: But I also need to take so much that I need a two-hour nap. Every day. So there's that. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by MercyA

[PeterPan]

8 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Tried it. Very little effect. It was like drinking a good cup of coffee. I felt more focused and more energetic (with a LARGE dose), but not less anxious or more mellow. YMMV.

I'm reading an article right now (though goodness knows why) that says that...https://www.inverse.com/article/56802-cbd-weird-dreams

10 minutes ago, StellaM said:

I would definitely like to experience less intense internal emotion though.

You could run genetics and see if you have a TPH2 defect. 

[Free Indeed]

On 6/21/2019 at 10:10 PM, Scarlett said:

Hi, my name is Scarlett and I am intense.

All that I have figured out in my 54 years of life is that when I feel I am losing control I get a little nuts. .  But the ironic thing is control is an illusion anyway.  So when I get that frantic intense feeling, I sit back and quietly and tell myself...’ you will still wake up in the morning, next to your fabulous husband and life goes on.  

Thwre has been some drama with my one of my kids....and a close friend was telling me to not be naive.  I told her.....they are adults.  They are going to do what they are going to do and it is on them.  

I can work myself over so many things.  Money, kids, in-laws, my parents, my siblings, my husband,,,,,,,but at the end of the day life just goes on.  

 

I can’t “love” this enough. This has been my mantra as well. 

[Pawz4me]

6 hours ago, MercyA said:

Yes, generally speaking. Many, many times since starting my med I've thought, "Oh, this must be what life feels like for normal people!" I am also more kind and more patient.

I was in my early 40's the first time I took Lexapro. After a few weeks I was absolutely amazed. I had no idea it was possible for the human brain to be so calm. It was a totally new experience for me. I think all the Buddhist philosophy, yoga and breathing and other techniques wouldn't have helped me if I hadn't had that experience. I wouldn't have known what I was trying to achieve, what it should (or could) feel like.

[DawnM]

8 hours ago, MercyA said:

Tried it. Very little effect. It was like drinking a good cup of coffee. I felt more focused and more energetic (with a LARGE dose), but not less anxious or more mellow. YMMV.

 

I don't need it for anxiety and mellowness, I need something for back pain and stress.

[MercyA]

7 hours ago, DawnM said:

I don't need it for anxiety and mellowness, I need something for back pain and stress.

Well, if you want to try it, I couldn't recommend this company more:

https://www.ojaienergetics.com/

When it didn't work for me, they gave me a full refund for the two bottles I hadn't opened. Super nice people and a very high-quality product.

[KathyBC]

On 6/21/2019 at 9:41 AM, HollyDay said:

People started telling me that I was intense around perimenopause.  They'd tell me I was "tight", "intense", "not relaxed"  (try having almost 10 years of  3x month multi day migraines, 15 day cycles, etc and not be "not relaxed"). 

I'm starting to hear that same thing again.  I'm hearing "you really need to learn to relax more,"  "take life more as it comes,"  "you are so intense" Well, I'm trying not to be.  I don't want to be.  I think dealing with chronic pain for the past 5 years has made a difference in my daily life (understatement).  The death of my parents has been a grieving process too. 

So...how does one become "more relaxed" and "less intense"???? 

I am taking a yoga class twice a week.  I'm reading more for my pleasure now that I'm retired homeschooler (about to be empty next when youngest goes off to college in Aug).  I've started doing some of my old favorite hobbies again.  I'm learning to live in an older body that is not what I want it to be (restrictions due to  pain...not necessarily vanity here).  I've had a recent physical and am taking good care of my body. 

What do y'all suggest??

 

Yoga class and reading for pleasure! I love those, too.
So much good advice already given: find exercise to get your heart rate up 1-2x week, that works for your body; more protein, less sugar and carbs; time outside/sun exposure/vitamin D. Have you read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? The author divides activities into four quadrants, and hones in on the need to build relationships. I'm working on even just body language (a deliberate smile at someone I value even when my nervous system is pushing me to finish a task). Also carving out time to give someone a foot massage, or listen to their lengthy story, and let the dishes sit. That kind of thing.