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klmama

Cell phone at night - ring, silent, or vibrate?

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I'm up late and just texted dc a message to read in the a.m. before going to work. The house was silent, and I could hear the phone vibrate. I think it may have awakened dc.  😕 It didn't even occur to me that it might disturb dc's sleep, because I have my phone set to "do not disturb" after 10 p.m.  I assumed others set phones not to ring or vibrate at night, too.  Now I'm wondering if I've disturbed others by texting or emailing at night. Is there an expectation of no texting or emailing at night, like the no phone calls after 9 or 9:30 expectation that's pretty common?  

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This was discussed a couple few years ago, and it got a bit contentious.  😛  While I don't think it's a sin to text at night, I generally don't do it since I've now learned that some people think it's obnoxious.  😛

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I leave my phone on and on my bedside table. I want to be available to my daughters 24/7. I have only once gotten a spam text that woke me and my DH in the wee hours of the morning. I just didn't answer and they didn't contact me again. However, my rule is no calls or texts between 10:00 pm and 7:00 am, unless it's an emergency. I personally do not text unless I know my child is awake. I don't text for them to get the next morning because I don't want it waking them up. I just wait until the morning. If it's something important, I set an alarm to remind me why I need to contact them.

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Yes, this topic got quite contentious before!

I'm old school and of the opinion that, unless you know the person well and know they'll be up, one shouldn't call or text after 9:00 or so, and certainly not after 10:00. Thankfully all the close people in my life seem to adhere to old school rules, too, so it hasn't been much of an issue.

I prefer to leave the ringer on at night. Sure I could set it to allow calls/texts from the important folks to come through, or for the two-calls-in-a-row-from-the-same-number thing. But I don't trust either of those. In emergencies someone could be calling me from a number not in my contacts, or not know or have enough time to fool with the two-calls-in-a-row thing. I may feel differently in a few years, when the boys are both more settled. 

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I have mine set so that I only get priority phone calls overnight (or those that are made twice within fifteen minutes from an unknown number).  Everyone knows they need to call if they want to get through to me.

I tend not to text or call after 9, but if I know that a friend stays up late, I might do it later.

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My phone is connected to my watch so I leave it in the front room now with the ringer off.  That way I don't hear it but if I get a call I can still see who it is on my watch without it waking up DH.  I can also get texts on my watch.  If there is some sort of emergency, people can get a hold of me, but if some non emergency call or text comes, it won't wake everyone else up.

My DH however charges his phone right next to his head on the headboard.  He also leaves it on full volume which means that even if a facebook notification comes through, it wakes us both up.  *sigh*  It doesn't happen often but it does annoy me when it does.  I bug him about it in the morning each time, but he's not going to change it.  He's very afraid of some sort of emergency happening in the middle of the night and whoever not being able to get a hold of him.  

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I think it's rude to text after/before a certain hour.  Certainly anything sent in a text isn't THAT important to send at that moment.

I keep my ringer on during the nights dh works mid-shift.  I could put it on Do Not Disturb, but if there's an emergency he needs to be able to reach me from any of his work lines (or his coworker needs to reach me).  Other nights I leave my phone downstairs.  I won't talk to anyone after 10pm.  It's just not going to happen and I've told my friends that.  I don't care if we're putting together specific plans for something, I will talk to them after 6am. 

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I have my phone set to Do not disturb at night --- BUT -- I have it set so a few starred contacts (family only) will ring/make the text indication if one from them comes through. So, if one of my daughters texts me in the middle of the night, it will wake me up.  If anyone else texts me, it will not.

That said, I don't text anyone after 10 and not before 7/8 am. I don't call before 9 unless I"m sure you are an early riser. 

If it is something I'm afraid I might forget, I set a reminder on my calendar to do it in the morning - or I write a post-it note and leave it on my computer. Or sometimes I just forget!

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When all my chicks are in the nest, I put it on vibrate. When they are out for the evening or away at school, I have the ringer on. I have gotten middle of the night calls from dc who needed help navigating something, and if there is an emergency, I want it to wake me.

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The Do Not Disturb setting on my phone blocks everyone not on a list (my list includes my children, DIL, dH, my parents and my brothers - the people whose call I would take at 2 AM). For those people it rings or notifications go off. But all other notifications, calls or texts are silenced. 

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I think it is ridiculous that people keep their phones next to the bed with notifications on all night.  But since I learned that this is actually a thing, I am careful to send texts/emails during "telephone" hours.

That said, we still have a landline, and anyone who might need us in an emergency knows to call on that in the middle of the night.

Edited by EKS
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I leave my phone on 24 hours a day and it isn't on silent at night. We use WhatsApp a lot and our HOA has a WhatsApp Chat group with a lot of messages. I was getting a lot of "notification" beeps...  Last week, I researched that and now I have a Custom Notification beep for my wife and my DD and special ring tones for them if they place a voice call to me. The other WhatsApp Notifications are disabled which makes my phone much quieter at night.   And, yes, I try not to send messages of any kind, other than email, if I think the person may be sleeping.

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I don't do anything with my phone at night - but it is not in my bedroom.

my son's use their phones as their alarms - so they can't silence them.

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My phone alarms sound even when my phone is silenced.  I rediscover that every time I attend an event that happens when I'd normally be taking dc someplace, lol.  I wonder if it's a setting....

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Thanks for the input, everyone.  Going forward, I'll be sure to check with people about phone settings before I send texts and emails late at night.  

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Late at night I only text the people I know use do not disturb.  My friend on the other coast texts me at all times, and I do the same since I know she uses do not disturb.  Otherwise I wait to send the text.

 

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I don't change any settings on my phone at night.  My phone 'rings' for phone calls, chimes for texts. I don't have other notifications turned on.  If one of my kids need me in the night, I don't want my phone on silent. 

I don't text people unless I know they are awake or it is during regular business hours.

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I leave mine in do not disturb and have a bypass for certain people, and those who call twice within a short amount of time.  Mine is a shortish window, though, from 11:30 to 6.  

‘We have kids on both coasts so it’s pretty much guaranteed someone I love is up at any given time.  But they know that I love my sleep so they’re good about not interrupting my sleep just to tell me goofy stuff. 

I generally don’t send late night texts to be read in the morning, but I would to one of my kids or if I had plans w a friend the next day and I needed to cancel/change.  To me that’s different than sending  a late night random text. 

I try not to send texts too late or too early but if someone sends me something it doesn’t upset me.  Life is too short for me to get upset over a late night text.  

 

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Set for DND from 11:00 to 7:00.  If someone calls twice in 15 minutes it will ring thus allowing for emergency calls.  I frequently wake to 5+ texts. I have friends that get up at 4:00 am. 

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I use Do Not Disturb because I have friends and family in multiple time zones.  Once my kids are old enough to be out at night, I'll have to re-evaluate how I handle that.  Probably turn off WhatsApp notifications at night, but not phone calls.  🤔

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Mine is on Do Not Disturb after 10. My husband is set to favorites so that he always rings through. When my kids get older they will be too. 

My best friends know I keep the phone on DND and I’m fine with them (or anyone really) texting me whenever.  They also know that in an emergency, they can call twice to get through.  Living in a different time zone than most of my extended family has taught me that is best.  Many years ago when I was in college and worked on a dairy farm, my family couldn’t seem to remember the time zone different or that I had to be to work at 4am. I would silence my home phone ringer completely. 

Anyone I could imagine texting in the middle of the night, has their phone on DND too and we have discussed it. The husband of one of my best friends is a police officer, when he’s working overnights, I generally do not text her even though I know her phone is on DND and her husband is set to her favorites. 

I send emails whenever.  I have a couple of different things I organize and primary communication is through email. I just have to send that when I’m available. I tend to work on those at night after the kids are in bed. 

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I have DND set from midnight -7 am. I usually wake up to texts -my dad tends to wake up in the middle of the night and text me and I have a good friend who gets up at 5 am and will usually reply to something I sent after 9 pm the night before. Most people I know set their phones to DND or turn off notifications while sleeping so people text when they feel like it and the recipient replies when they're ready. 

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I think if someone does not want to see texts at night, they should set the phone to do not disturb. I simply do not send texts late at night because I know some people will not do that. But since this is your child, I would show your child how to set it to do not disturb. He might not realize it will keep the vibrations away.

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I'm often up late so sometimes catch up on communications then.  Generally if it's late, I do it via email so I know it won't wake anyone.  But if I know it's someone who turns their phone off at night, I might send a text then knowing they'll get it in the morning.

I keep my phone on at night but with the sound and vibration off.  I usually wake up once at night and my phone is next to my bed so I always check it.  I didn't used to do that, but I have too many people depending on me right now, including my mother who is on hospice and my father who is now living alone and a dd who is studying across the ocean and so forth.  

If something is really critical then I do leave my sound on at night, and I wouldn't appreciate getting random texts (for something non-urgent) while I was trying to sleep.

 

Edited by J-rap

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1 hour ago, klmama said:

My phone alarms sound even when my phone is silenced.  I rediscover that every time I attend an event that happens when I'd normally be taking dc someplace, lol.  I wonder if it's a setting....


I don't know about my current phone, since I haven't tested it.  But, a previous phone would even turn itself on to alarm.   I discovered this when in the opera.   I ended up yanking the battery because that was something I could do while it was within the purse.  
The alarm went off (used the same as ringtone since I'd never set it).   So, I thought someone was calling me. 
I reached in to set it to vibrate (which I thought I already had)
It went off again.  
I reached in to turn it off
IT WENT OFF AGAIN
I reached in to yank the battery. 

I'd had season tickets and so did the people around me and they knew that this was weird for me and therefore they didn't lynch me. 
 

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It would be nice to be to send texts with a priority level that only notified when the cell phone was moved.  So, I could send a text whenever it was on my mind, and know that it won't wake them up.   Then when they first picked up their phone it would send the notification. 


We have a good friend that had lots of stuff going on and medical problems and his wife had medical problems and they were retired.   They got sleep when they could, and it might start at 7am.   If you called him he would answer and talk and then not remember the conversation.  I kept telling him to use Do Not Disturb.  But he wouldn't so I started to text because at least that was less disturbing. 

 

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I don't send messages at night if I don't know the person is likely awake. However, my phone is on silent (always) because even the vibrate sound hurts my ears. I'm the only person in our house who doesn't have the sound on overnight. 

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I normally have my phone automatically scheduled for "do not disturb" mode from midnight to 7am. Right now I have "do not disturb" turned off because one of my kids had surgery last week and once they go to bed at night, they are trapped in the bed until I come to help them get out of bed. I think it will be at least one more week before they can safely sit up from lying down. So they are supposed to text me if they need anything. It's progress. I was sleeping on the floor in their room for several nights after we got home from surgery.

I know my two younger kids have their phones set to automatically go on "do not disturb" at night. I'm not sure about my oldest, but she generally doesn't hear anything during the night anyway. It was a challenge to find an alarm system that could wake her up.

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I find it annoying when people send texts late at night, but not necessarily rude because they may assume it's on silent or whatever. I can't put my phone on silent though because I am the first contact for my dad's life alert.

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I dunno what others do, but in our household, phones go into airplane mode at bedtime, including my own.  Exception:  My phone was on when my dad was sick in the hospital and dying.

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I charge my phone by my bed at night as does DH.  We don't put them on silent or anything.  I almost always sleep through any text alerts that come through, but we don't have a landline, so I want my phone available in case of emergency.  I don't bother to set up extra people that can ring through or whatever because it doesn't bother me at night, if it did I might look into options that would block all but certain people.

It doesn't bother me when people text at night, though it is rare, because I figure if I don't want to be bothered I can do something about it on my end.  That said,  I do not text people late at night, because I don't want to bug them late at night.  DH will type in a text and have a delay set on them to send at a certain time.  If he put them off he would forget about them and some are reminders about things that need to go out.  So he puts them in the phone when he remembers and has them send in the morning or whatever.

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I have my phone notifications turned off--all of them, 24/7.  No buzzing, no vibrating, no ringing.  The screen will light up and that's it.  AND I have it turned "off" except for favorites from 10p to 9a.  It's a preference, but it is MINE to own, not to expect everyone in my circle of friends to remember my preferences.  

Anyone that I *know* I would pick up for is listed in my Favorites, and I set that to "ring through."

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I text people in the middle of the night who also text me in the middle of the night. I don't text anyone who doesn't.

My own phone is set to a very, very mild vibrate for texts. You can't hear it unless it's on your person. So it doesn't wake me up. The phone buzz could.

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If I think of a text I want to send at night, I instead write it as a Google Keep Note with a reminder to copy paste into a text next morning.

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My phone is on vibrate nearly 24/7. It’s nearly always on my person when I’m out and about, and I just find that easier than trying to remember when and where to turn the ringer off.  If I’m anticipating an important call or the kids are out late or something, I’ll turn the ringer on for extra measure.  The vibrate does NOT wake me up at night, even though it’s right next to my bed.

It seem like everyone I know is a night owl, while I’m asleep early and usually up by 6 at the latest. It’s not unusual for people to text or message me past 10pm, but I still try to refrain from sending anything until at least 8am. I don’t think most people who know me would care, based on the fact that they send me stuff knowing I won’t see it until morning, but I’d still feel bad responding at 6am.

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