Already passing the bean dip..

[mlktwins]

It has started already.  I knew it would be a long summer of neighborhood swim team with us deciding to continue homeschooling high school and everyone else doing mostly public school (plus a few private school).  A bunch of kids are heading into 9th grade, like my boys, and are all going to different schools due to all the specialty programs available at the different schools (we have to apply for these specialty programs).

Anyway, we went to a graduation party last night and the questions are already starting.  Which school are they going to?  Why wouldn't you want them in the phenomenal IB program they were accepted into?  What about friends?  What about socialization?  What about college?  I'm already struggling with keeping to our family's agreed upon answer that we are doing what is right for our family.  I am trying to pass the bean dip, but then get defensive -- LOL.  And...some of the older kids are asking my boys why they wouldn't want to go to school -- LOL.  They have all kinds of answers they could give (they could talk for an hour alone about their opinion of school from the shadow day they did), but we have a lot of stuff going on in our neighborhood with boundary rezoning from our current school to a "better" school and it has brought out the worst in so many people from both sides.  We don't have a dog in the fight except for our property values so we are for the move, but I'm staying out of it all.  It has been eye opening though!!! 

So I am trying to explain to the boys that people are not familiar with homeschooling and all the opportunities we have because we homeschool.  The boys are 100% comfortable with their decision (and they want to homeschool or I would be sending them to try a year at public school) and they know we are going to get a lot of questions.  I think it is going to be hard to stick to our standard answer though 😞 !!!

It is what it is, but I think it's going to be a long summer!!!  

[Miss Tick]

So long as you don't start throwing the bean dip...

Perhaps, though, some of the questioners are truly just curious? Of course you owe explanation to no one, but some conversation might be fine in some situations. Everyone who made a choice about where to send their dc probably feels the same defensiveness that you do. It is a big decision that you all have in common - except for everyone's reasons for making their family's choice. Anyway it worked out, it is the logical conversation topic for this time of year. A change of pace from, "can you believe all this rain?!"

[MerryAtHope]

Awww! Just keep telling yourself, "this too shall pass!" Sounds like a testy situation, and that your family answer is a good one, especially given the circumstances. Hopefully the questions won't be so many once the grad parties are over--or at least not so many all at once!

[RootAnn]

I get it. I try to keep with a stock answer but often end up expounding on something either because I'm so proud of what my kids have done with their homeschool experience, because I want to educate these know-littles, or because I'm defensive.

A friend of my mother's asked me once if I was planning on homeschooling college. Luckily, I was too thrown off by the crazy question to do anything but answer a puzzled, "No." I saw that friend of my mom's at a funeral last week and informed her about how my eldest is headed off to college. But I realize she will remain skeptical forever. Happily, I don't care what she thinks about my family's decisions.

Good luck with the bean dip!

[Roadrunner]

Actually those questions are fine. People are trying to figure out the thought process behind your decision. It’s when they start telling you that you are scarring them for life when you pass the bean dip. 

Edited June 4, 2019 by Roadrunner

[Arcadia]

12 hours ago, SusanC said:

Perhaps, though, some of the questioners are truly just curious? Of course you owe explanation to no one, but some conversation might be fine in some situations.

 

I was asked that by curious strangers while waiting for DS13 at the recent June SAT. It was kind of funny the way conversations went as the school where DS13 took the subject test is one of the top public high school and many parents live nearby (pricy zip code). 

Q: Why did you choose to homeschool instead of public school or private school.

A: My ***** school district is not great. Homeschooling is cheaper than private school (It’s so well known that my school district is quite bad that no one disputes) 

Q: Do you have contacts for tutors? How much do you pay for tutors? My kid isn’t doing too well and his teacher isn’t great. Also any contacts for test prep?

Sometimes, I just answer that my kids like to sleep in instead of catching the high school school bus at 7am (bus reach school at 7:30am). Many parents were actually supportive and wished their kids’ school would start later so that their kids don’t need to wake up by the crack of dawn.

Edited June 4, 2019 by Arcadia
Typing error

[mumto2]

I passed the bean dip for years when talking about my kids.  If I bragged it was about a past experience, not future plans.  I spent a whole lot of time hearing how I was ruining my kids who would thrive at pretty much any other place because my kids weren’t involved in their favorite activity.  I never would have dared to say they liked to sleep in for instance.  I had a hard enough time with people seeing us getting into the car for field trips etc.  

When Dd was 16 she interviewed for a volunteer summer library job with the head librarian from our main branch.......she had never met our family.  After the interview the librarian came out to the main library to tell me how incredible my daughter was,  her opinion of home ed had been very poor........She gushed about how wonderful my Dd was.  She is 😉........I loved it.  

I am just now getting comfortable with bragging (for me that’s just saying what they are actually doing) after downplaying the academics for years.  It is kind of hard to brag now.  Dh and I came to realize we needed to brag about the kids so they would know how proud we are.  My kids are great and for us home ed was perfect.  

[Farrar]

2 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

Actually those questions are fine. People are trying to figure out the thought process behind your decision. It’s when they start telling you that you are scaring them for life when you pass the bean dip. 

Yeah, this. I'm fine to discuss this sort of thing with friends or casual acquaintances. It's when people get forceful that I start to back off. In my experience, people rarely do. I've had a few people be really probing to an extent that I found slightly rude and a couple of people be a bit nasty, but most people, once I talk about the benefits, how homeschoolers get into college, the sort of things we do, etc. in a generalized way, are really nice about it, or, at worst, say things like, "I could never do that!" which always makes me roll my eyes a bit, but doesn't offend me or anything. I know some people on this board have had to deal with a lot of nastiness so they clam up or get defensive when people ask this stuff, but I've not had that many real negative experiences.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We have gotten a lot of questions about homeschooling high school.  A couple of the states we lived in do not grant any high school credit for high school work done at home, so it's really a one way decision.  Once you decide to homeschool high school, it's very tough to return to a public school (and most private schools have little space and limited intake years).

So there have been plenty of questions along the years.  I think most of them fell into the category of "how does that work."  I will explain that we outsource a few things and that I'm quite good at other things.  My kids take dual credit courses in the later years of high school, which answers the question of how do you teach them calculus.  

At this point, I only have one left at home.  Two are in college, in popular and well known schools.  I tend not to get adversarial questions much anymore.  Or I've just grown thick skin.  

That said, I also will have conversations in which I lay out the nitty gritty details of how much work is involved in having a homeschooled high school student. I think some people choose this route out of fear or anger with a school and don't really think through what they are taking on.  I have known some families who end up stuck, because things aren't working out at home, but they can't re-enroll in the public school without starting back at 9th grade (and dual credit isn't a great option, because the student would place into fairly low level courses).  I think really independent, self-teaching teens are pretty rare.

[Roadrunner]

I have noticed a tremendous interest in homeschooling over the past couple of years. PS parents all want to know the nitty gritty details. I used to think they were quizzing me but so many of them have wrapped up conversations thanking me for information they have been wondering about. I think it used to be lot more adversarial in the past. 

[SanDiegoMom]

When my oldest dd was in 1st grade I had literally never come across homeschoolers until my dd's best friend got pulled out after 1st to homeschool.  I asked a lot of questions because I was so curious... and I honestly couldn't imagine homeschooling my daughter! I guess the idea just percolated awhile and I did end up homeschooling the younger two! I needed a lot of time to think about it apparently.  And that crazy homeschooling mom was the spark. 

I never did homeschool my oldest, though.  

[catz]

We've definitely had this over the years.  I've come to the conclusion that people feel defensive and nervous about their own choices and so then they make it about you.  I think those people don't even perceive how negative they are sounding. I just always say "We toured high schools, but he really likes the flexibility of homeschooling and this is working well for us right now.  How is Johnny enjoying soccer this summer?"    I don't get into gritty details unless someone really asks the question and I sense there is some deeper reason for the curiosity.  

I have a senior graduating and he's going to real college so we survived!

[EmilyGF]

Well, I'm sending my oldest to brick and mortar school next year and am getting questions from homeschoolers and public schoolers alike. It takes courage to hold to your line and not get swayed by other people's fears. It also, I think, is helpful for others to reflect on their school choices. I had a friend who was the most unlikely homeschooler ever decide to homeschool at one point. If homeschoolers had always shrugged off her questions, I don't know if she could have done it.

FWIW, our school district has a variety of high school programs and I chose a different one than most of the people we know. So I'm not asked why I homeschool, by why School B instead of School A. And I ask people the same questions because it helps me understand them better.

Emily

[kolamum]

Flip the tables: "Why aren't you homeschooling then?" ;) One day I may try that one on family.. :P 

[Donna]

We've gotten a lot of questions over the years about homeschooling. Sometimes people are just curious and I am happy to let them know why we are doing it and why it works for us. Sometimes they are trying to justify their own decisions and in those cases I tend to pass the bean dip. Sometimes the questions come from elderly people or others who do not know anything about homeschooling and I'll answer depending on the nature of the questions. 

I always tend to laugh when people ask about socialization. These tend to be people (usually elderly people) who have just watched dd give an amazing performance interacting with the audience (and sometimes fellow musicians) and who have spoken to her afterward then come up to me talking about how poised and confident she is. I tend to roll my eyes...at least on the inside.

[ByGrace3]

It's strange. Around here homeschooling is extremely popular . . . My kids have tons of homeschooled friends. However, as high school has arrived, so many are transitioning to either full time or part time/hybrid schools. We know plenty of homeschooled high schoolers, but significantly less than the younger crowd. Whenever people have asked in the past about homeschooling it has been with curiosity and intrigue . . . now the "are you going to send her to high school?" or the incredulous "are you going to homeschool high school???" is more out of disbelief and doubt if we know what we are doing . . . along with a good dose of "well, I could never do it . . .good for you/bless your heart" etc. Usually they are pacified when I say she does online classes, but that bothers me too. I know we don't need to outsource . . . we are choosing to . . . I hate to even make it more palatable to the naysayers. 😉 Oh well. Glad we get to make the decisions we know are right for us . . .