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Janeway

When can boys and girls share rooms?

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7 yr old daughter wants to share with little brother. I would think it would be fine now, but for how long? 

 

edited to add: I was thinking also of putting all three younger children in the bigger bedroom for sleeping as we have a playroom and a gameroom and the teens use neither. The teens want their own space and privacy so they would each have their own rooms in the two smaller bedrooms. But neither the playroom nor gameroom would be appropriate as a bedroom. 

Edited by Janeway

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My girls share a bedroom.  Sometimes their 6yr old brother wants to sleep in the same room with them and this is totally fine I think.  In fact when he does sleep in there, they all sleep in the lower bunk which is a full sized bed.  

For an occasional sleepover I think this is fine.  But even now, with younger Dd being 8, I really wouldn’t want it to be a long term arrangement.   I would not set the rooms up so that DD10 has her own and DD8 and DS6 shared.  

 

Eta: having the oldest in the arrangement be about 6, instead of the youngest, that’s about my age limit.  

Edited by happysmileylady

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My 21 yo shared with her 10-11 yo brother for about 8 months. Neither one of them really used a bedroom for anything other than sleeping. They never have wanted to cloister themselves away and really didn’t require privacy. They dressed in the bathroom. 

Really it wasn’t that big of a deal but I can see how with other personalities it would be a no go. 

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It should be fine until the younger one is maybe 6 or 7.  Of course you would be alert for clues that it isn't working well.

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I think I would probably be okay with it until either one begins puberty. For my child this was early, at around 8 years old. 

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My two oldest (brother and sister) shared a room until somewhere around 9 - 11?  Of course, they changed clothes in private.  They knew that if the door was closed, the other was changing and had to stay out.

On the other hand, I can see other arrangements working out, if necessary.  Such as Fairfarmhand's example of older sister with younger brother.

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I'd say that it's fine so long as both children are okay with it. (Or if you legitimately have no spare bedrooms and there just isn't any other way to do it, but that doesn't sound like the case here.)

In our culture I suspect most brother/sister pairs, assuming they have a choice, will want separate bedrooms by the double digits or, at latest, early teens.

Edited by Tanaqui
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The age gap may be something to consider. I don’t know what your son’s age is. I’m on a phone so there may be a sig I’m not seeing. 

My children technically have a shared room but dd refuses to sleep in it so it’s basically just for storing stuff. Her toddler bed is in there. Her brother has a full size bed in there. I really want separate rooms for them and we may need to rearrange our office to make space for a bed but I have a hang up with electronics in the room. Not good for the body, at least with the way we tend to leave our computer running all night and Dh often using it late at night. 

Could you just store the smallest bed in the toy room? And clothing or toys elsewhere? If not now, when they are a bit older, so they have separate spaces? My kids are 4 and just recently 11. I think ds could really use his own room even though she doesn’t stay in there. Dd has a small dresser and that stores most of her clothes. It doesn’t take up much space. Her dresses are hung up. We’ve been weeding toys to deal with the space issues. We have toyed with the idea of a divider for a bedroom/office or the two kids. I said dd would probably go around the divider and mess with her brother and I don’t want ds trying to sleep while Dh is clicking away on a keyboard or talking to gaming buddies on his headset. 

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11 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

My 21 yo shared with her 10-11 yo brother for about 8 months. Neither one of them really used a bedroom for anything other than sleeping. They never have wanted to cloister themselves away and really didn’t require privacy. They dressed in the bathroom. 

Really it wasn’t that big of a deal but I can see how with other personalities it would be a no go. 

 

I did the same thing with my brother when he was 21 and I was 9.  He had just graduated college and moved back home for about 6 months while he saved enough money to buy a house.  While he was home he stayed in my room.  All either of us ever used the room for other than sleeping was storage so no one was inconvenienced and we were never in each others business.  

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Around 10-11 is usually when girls start to want more privacy. That's about when my dds didn't want to share even with each other (they knew another room was available). If  you're willing to change things around again in a few years, go for it. 

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I guess it depends on a lot of factors.   Ages of kids......I knew a teen girl sharing with her toddler brother due to space issues and it was fine.  Teen boy and girl, I wouldn't feel all that comfortable, but I know people do it when needed.

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I don't think you can put a number on that question.  I shared a room with my brothers until we were ages 7, 8, and 9.  I was the oldest, and they were terribly annoying (would tease me to make me cry), but the only other bedroom was shared by my much older brothers.  When the eldest moved out at 18, my mom made my dad build a bedroom in the garage for the 16yo brother, so that I could have my own room.  

That being said, in your situation, if I were willing to keep moving furniture about, I'd let them share a room as long as they wanted to.  Some siblings are going to want to be together, and some aren't.  Or, they may be tickled with the arrangement now, but change as they get older. 

They'll make it clear when they want separate rooms.

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I wouldn't differentiate by age so much as comfort level of everyone.  Really, some families either have no choice or have no cultural problems with it.  I shared a bedroom with two brothers for a significant period of time growing up.  The household had 7 children,  two parents, a grandfather, and a great-aunt all living in the same house.  No one gave it a second thought. We changed clothes in the bathroom.

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