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happysmileylady

Dear Adult Person I Live With (a JAWM vent)

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I am not a great housekeeper, and I know that.  I know you go to work every day and spend hours there and it's exhausting.  I ask very little of you when you get home.

But, if you really want to have a discussion about how I keep the house, it's probably best NOT to do that after I get back from the dentist.  Especially when I said before I left-"Dinner is in the crockpot.  Nuggets are in the freezer for DS6.  Also, please have DD10 do A chore from her list, and have the other two do B and C chores."  And once I get home, neither A, nor B, nor C are done, at least one of the kids didn't eat dinner and another told you he finished his when he didn't and you didn't even check.  Oh, and the dinner you ate was rolled up tortillas and some leftovers in the fridge instead of what I planned and put together and had ready and piping hot for you.   And especially after I have put together your lunch to take to work the next day, because you never would.  

I could go through a lot more, but I won't, because I know I have plenty of my own faults.  And this is not a contest of faults.

Just, next time you want to pick an argument, maybe think about the timing a little better.  My teeth hurt, and I asked for very specific help in the care and keeping of the family and home because of that.  Your timing's really bad.  

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Yeah that would drive me crazy even without the dentist visit.  I stand with you, sister. 

 

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He didn't even have to DO chores A, B, or C....just make sure the kids did them!  

GAH!

 

Ok, like I said, JAWM and it's just a vent.  Venting helps me step back and look at things from a more objective standpoint so that when the actual discussion can actually happen, it's rational discussion.  

Because rational discussion just isn't possible after my face is recovering from an hour worth of dental work and being shot full of novacaine.  

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Am I the only one thinking that maybe a printed copy of this included in that nicely prepared lunch for tomorrow is not a bad idea?

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12 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

Am I the only one thinking that maybe a printed copy of this included in that nicely prepared lunch for tomorrow is not a bad idea?

Yes this!

Non homemaker spouses can be so very clueless at times....

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Why do they always pick dental visits as the time to be the most self-centered?  I may have had my worst argument ever after a failed root canal turned tooth pulling, so I totally get it.

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1ds put a 'white board sticky' on the front of the fridge. (he got it after I texted him saying it's polite to let those you live with know where/when you are/will be back so we know we don't need to set a place for you at dinner... or leave the porch light on 'cause you'll be late)  maybe something like that and writing explicit instructions down where he'll see them as he's foraging for food.....

I can commiserate.  I gave up a volunteer evening thing (that got me out of the house and away from dudeling for my mental health) because every. single. time. I would come home, dudeling was awake and him being in bed on time was a big deal.  I asked every single time - put him to bed!!!!! never happened.  I gave very specific and explicit instructions, didn't help.  that was in the days when i demanded dh leave me alone for 30-45 minutes after putting him to bed.  (so it was in his interest to put him to bed...)

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I crashed with a crazy headache last night and apparently none of the other four people in my house thought stacking the dishwasher or wiping the bench was important.

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Oh,  yeah, I've had those "discussions" too. I hope today is better for you. 😣

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mercya - it makes me think of the guy who came home from work to find toys strewn about the front yard, kids in pajamas, cereal spilled all over the living room/family room.  the kids parked in front of the tv, etc.   he's freaking out thinking something terrible has happened to his wife.   he finds her in bed - reading.  he's freaking out, wanting to know what's wrong.  "you know how you're always asking what I do all day?  today I didn't do it."

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Oh I’d have LOST it with that timing after his own executive function/follow the flipping instructions fail.  I’m sorry!

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5 hours ago, MercyA said:

 

 

Orthodontist waiting room, others looking a bit concerned about the tears streaming down my face. 😂😂😂

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Better...ish...today lol

I had to kind of laugh...He got up at like quarter after 6 to get ready for work.  So I got up, got myself some tea going and turned on the news while he showered.  He comes out and is like "oh, I am sorry, did I wake you up?  You can go back to bed now."

He genuinely thinks that if/since I am at home, I don't need to get up that early.  

And this is not the only example, he has actually said, you shouldn't get up so early if you don't have to.  I know he says this because neither of us are morning people-AT ALL- and if he didn't have to get up to go to work........he wouldn't.  So he just doesn't understand getting up so early when you aren't accountable to a job or school lol.    He just doesn't seem to understand that the stuff that needs to be done at home....it DOES take time.  Which often means, getting up just as early as if I had to go to a job.  In fact, sometimes earlier since I am preparing children to do THEIR job lol.  

 

A long time ago, I got fed up with him thinking there was more to be done than possible, so I started sending him an email every day with a list of what I got done that day.  So something like

*made the kids pancakes for breakfast

*washed all the breakfast dishes, cleaned up the stove and froze all the extras

*got DS6 showered, got the other two dressed

*washed the bed linens, hung them, kids are putting together the beds now

*picked up your meds at the store

*school for the girls, math lesson for DS6

*took a walk with all the kids

*called the doc to reschedule DD8's appointment

*called your sister about the upcoming holiday plans

*called the lawn guy

And so on and so on.  I had quit doing so after he got laid off and took over being the SAHP while I worked full time plus OT.  After that happened he had a lot more understanding, but you know, maybe it's time to start doing so again lol.  

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