Frustration with kids with SN at college

[DawnM]

Well, ASD kid is struggling with a professor he doesn't like, and isn't performing the way he should in the class, and he doesn't get that it only hurts HIM.    He has to get an A or B in all of his classes in his major.  He went from a high 90s to a B, a high B, and we hope he will still pull it together, but......these are EASY classes for him overall (the ones in his major) and he loves them, but when a personality rubs him the wrong way......or he gets depressed, which he is now.....

He is allowed to miss 4 classes per quarter,  he is currently at 3.  Yup, skipping as I type.  Frustration upon Frustration.

ADHD kid finished his semester.  He was getting a 98% in his Writing class.  Writing is his thing and he loves it.  Final paper, 8 pages, was his final exam and worth 30% of his grade.  He turned it in and walked away from the computer.  7 days later I pulled up his email to make sure we didn't owe any outstanding $$ so they could send his transcript and there was an email from his Writing professor 6 days prior saying she couldn't open the file and he had 24 hours to resend it via a Word doc or receive a 0. Yup, he got a C in the class because of it.

I am so frustrated.  So, so, so frustrated.

Edited May 23, 2019 by DawnM

[Lecka]

No advice, just commiseration.  That sounds very frustrating!  I always think your boys sound like such good kids, I hope the class will work out for your older son, and your younger son will realize he needs to check in on his classes when grades are due.  

[DawnM]

11 minutes ago, Lecka said:

No advice, just commiseration.  That sounds very frustrating!  I always think your boys sound like such good kids, I hope the class will work out for your older son, and your younger son will realize he needs to check in on his classes when grades are due.  

 

They are good kids, and I have to remember that, thank you.  They just have some disabilities that are hindering them right now.

And he did check when things were due and he did turn it in, but what he didn't do was check his stuff to make sure that there wasn't a follow up like "I can't open the file you uploaded so please resend a different way!"

And I just got off the phone with older son.  He is depressed.  I have called his school's counseling services and asked that they check in on him. I don't know what to do. I even offered to drive down and spend some time with him.  Finals are next week.  I asked if he thought he would get a B and he said, "that is the least of my concerns right now."  Scares the you know what out of me when he talks like that.

[Lecka]

I hope he will be okay, and it really is good you are aware and checking in on him.  

[DawnM]

I did call oldest's therapist today.  He hasn't seen him in almost 2 years, but I wanted to some ideas/input.  He said he would not recommend DBT or CBT for him as it isn't really the best for Aspies, they are creating a program like it for Aspies, but currently, the way it is set up, it wouldn't be the right fit AND he said my son needs to buy in to the program or it won't work.

DH and I talked a bit and said he has to do something, we can not keep going like this.   It is a pattern, he starts off strong and then crashes.....

More later, work is calling.

[Storygirl]

I'm so sorry, Dawn. I don't know when the end of your own school year is, but if you are able to take any time off, maybe it's a good idea to go. Seeing you might prop him up enough to get through the last week.

Although my kids are younger, I know how frustrating it is to not be able to get DS15 to listen to reason or change his point of view, even when it would benefit him. And he also doesn't buy in to therapy. Dealing with issues from several hours away would be even harder.

So I get it, and I'm sorry. I hope that the school counselors can help.

The other son's paper..... so head-banging frustrating, too!!! Maybe he can learn from the experience? One can hope!

[Janeway]

9 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

[Janeway]

I am trying to say..I get how you feel. I have been going through this, but in high school. He hates his math teacher so he is barely trying.

[Garga]

Your ADHD story  sounds just like the sort of thing mine would do.  I’m going to tell him about your son and what happened, but he won’t remember that I told, or he will, but then do some other thing that I didn’t think to warn him about.  All the possible scenarios and pitfalls that seem so obvious to me, aren’t obvious to him.  

And the first—your guy doing poorly in the class to *show* the teacher!  Oh my!  I’m so sorry.  I’d be beyond frustrated.  

[DawnM]

56 minutes ago, Garga said:

Your ADHD story  sounds just like the sort of thing mine would do.  I’m going to tell him about your son and what happened, but he won’t remember that I told, or he will, but then do some other thing that I didn’t think to warn him about.  All the possible scenarios and pitfalls that seem so obvious to me, aren’t obvious to him.  

And the first—your guy doing poorly in the class to *show* the teacher!  Oh my!  I’m so sorry.  I’d be beyond frustrated.  

 

I think I am saying it kind of wrong, it is more like "that teacher doesn't deserve seeing my best" more than showing the teacher, but either way, he is slipping in his grade (went from a high A to a high B, not horrible, but if he gets below a B he has to repeat it as it is part of his major.) .