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YaelAldrich

Teen getting in serious trouble - WWYD?

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Sending hugs and prayers............lots of great advice here.  I also think it is most likely a mental health issue but I will admit to wondering if this is an academically bored kid.  Perhaps for him the GED and being done with high school would suit him perfectly.  As opposed to a new high school perhaps some online classes and a job to support himself.  I am not sure I would want him living in the same house as your younger children.

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I’ll do some research this weekend but in the meantime, here are some ideas. #2 is what I’d probably call first.

1. Contact Massachusetts General Hospital, Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Services:

https://www.massgeneral.org/children/services/treatmentprograms.aspx?id=1573&display=conditions

2. This program looks good. Think:Kids program at MGH designed to help children and young adults with behavioral problems. It used to be called the Collaborative Problem Solving Institute.

Quote

The CPS Institute was established in 2002 under the auspices of the Department of Psychiatry at MGH and under the direction of Dr. Ross Greene and Dr. Stuart Ablon. The CPS Institute sought to disseminate the CPS approach to understanding and helping challenging children and adolescents that was described originally by Dr. Greene in his book, The Explosive Child, and subsequently further developed and described for clinical populations in the book Dr. Greene and Dr. Ablon co-authored entitled, Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach.

 

http://www.thinkkids.org/

http://www.thinkkids.org/learn/about-thinkkids/

3. Or MGH Psychology Assessment Center:

https://www.massgeneral.org/children/services/treatmentprograms.aspx?id=1623

 

**********

Psychosis caused by pot does appear to have a genetic link in some but I’m not sure if that’s what’s going on here.

https://www.snpedia.com/index.php/Rs2494732

He might also be using other substances.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this and everything else, Yael. ((( )))

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9 hours ago, Mergath said:

So he spent a year in bed after getting expelled from school, and multiple therapists told you he isn't depressed because he has high self-esteem??? You need to get new therapists, ASAP. A person's level of self-esteem has nothing to do with being depressed. I don't mean this in a snarky way, but were these religious counselors who have only had training through a religious program? If so you need to find an actual psychiatrist. And in the meantime, I'd try to get him admitted to an in-patient treatment program if at all humanly possible.

you would be shocked at the pediatric psychiatrist I just took dudeling to see.  completely brushed off my concerns.  it can be extremely difficult to get help unless the child is actively making plans on the how and when of them killing themselves or someone else.  making generic statements about it "doesn't count".  the psychiatrist didn't care he's been saying for months that he wishes he were dead/never born/ and has advanced to: he was ready to shove a knife down his throat. or the fact he wants to just sit there like a lump and do nothing but play computer games (taking them away just sends him to bed to sleep.).  didn't care that he has an anger problem - which is often how depression manifests in males. or that he has shut down.

8 hours ago, GoodGrief1 said:

Speaking as someone who has had significant experience with mental health care for a young adult (and apologies if I missed some of the details that make my advice off base.)

My first priority would be keeping younger siblings safe. The high self esteem does hint at a possible sociopath/narcissist. That said, the therapists could be totally off base, but his behaviors provide more evidence that that may be the case. If things are going to go bad, maybe send the kids somewhere else for a time until it settles.

Everything changes as far as health care and your ability to find it for him at age 18. I'd be acting sooner rather than later for sure. Residential is crazy expensive. If your insurance would cover, find out now what steps you have to take to make it happen, as far as referrals/documentation from the school and police. He may need to eventually take an alternative path to finishing school, and that is fine. It's not the priority right now.

This is absolutely a heartbreak and the hardest thing you will ever deal with. Take care of yourself and make sure you have the help you need.

this.  

4 hours ago, MaBelle said:

 

 

Our cousin's son when about 17 was a constant problem.  I'm not sure because they don't live nearby and we aren't real close, just heard about it later, but I think he was into drugs and selling and who knows what.  His mother took his college money, hired some intervention company and they picked him up in the middle of the night and dumped him somewhere in Colorado in some kind of survival camp.  He completely turned around and now is a great kid.

She said it was the hardest thing she ever did.  As to using his college money she said if she didn't do something fast there wasn't going to be any college anyway.

 

I've been flirting with one of those camps for dudeling.  mentioned it to 1ds, who supposedly has chatted with some kids who did it - and were very resentful.  so, good to hear good outcomes. I recently saw a think where eight british troubled teens got to spend a week in the Miami dade-county jail.  they turned their lives around.

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7 hours ago, MaBelle said:

 

 

Our cousin's son when about 17 was a constant problem.  I'm not sure because they don't live nearby and we aren't real close, just heard about it later, but I think he was into drugs and selling and who knows what.  His mother took his college money, hired some intervention company and they picked him up in the middle of the night and dumped him somewhere in Colorado in some kind of survival camp.  He completely turned around and now is a great kid.

She said it was the hardest thing she ever did.  As to using his college money she said if she didn't do something fast there wasn't going to be any college anyway.

 

I know a family that saw a big turnaround from a yearlong residential setting. It's critical to match the person up with the right program.

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4 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

you would be shocked at the pediatric psychiatrist I just took dudeling to see.  completely brushed off my concerns.  it can be extremely difficult to get help unless the child is actively making plans on the how and when of them killing themselves or someone else.  making generic statements about it "doesn't count".  the psychiatrist didn't care he's been saying for months that he wishes he were dead/never born/ and has advanced to: he was ready to shove a knife down his throat. or the fact he wants to just sit there like a lump and do nothing but play computer games (taking them away just sends him to bed to sleep.).  didn't care that he has an anger problem - which is often how depression manifests in males. or that he has shut down.

this.  

I've been flirting with one of those camps for dudeling.  mentioned it to 1ds, who supposedly has chatted with some kids who did it - and were very resentful.  so, good to hear good outcomes. I recently saw a think where eight british troubled teens got to spend a week in the Miami dade-county jail.  they turned their lives around.

Dudeling is young enough that I would call Chaddock and ask them what to do.  I have a friend who worked there.  It’s an amazing place.  https://www.chaddock.org/

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11 hours ago, ``` said:

My first thought was what a waste.  He has so much potential.  

My second thought was maybe he's just plain bored?  (I could be way off base though.)  

And, finally, maybe he just needs to get a full-time job and start looking for another place to live.  (ie. get him out of your house ASAP)

I haven't had any kids who did the kinds of things he's doing, but I had a brother who went that way.  He ended up just wandering through life, getting high.  And the worst thing I think my parents did was to continue to pay for his screwups (totalled cars, lost jobs where they let him move back into their house, etc.).  IOW, enabling him.  

I have no idea if y'all are doing that, of course.  But I would do whatever it took to protect my younger kids.  Even if it IS at the expense of this kid.    

And here are {{{hugs}}} anyway.  

 

I agree. The OP's young man seems to be  self-medicating for existential depression as he declares he is an adult and wants to join the economy so he can have cash to meet his needs. I have a neighbor who did what your brother did; my own brother I had to counsel after Clinton reduced the Armed Forces and put him out of his job without any help finding a new one, as our parents were deceased and he had been stationed overseas.  What helped my brother is knowing we had his back and had confidence in him as he worked his way out of the depression of having no income, losing his identity, and really after three years overseas had no idea of what the job market was like.  My neighbor's kid has no confidence that he can hold down a job as everything he has tried to get in to is 'who ya know', not 'what ya know' -- since he can't get a union card and won't go to CC for trade school training he's stuck and his social needs are met with more of the same type of buddies, since everyone else has a skilled job.  An on-ramp plan is so helpful.

  A regular high school at 18 is bad enough, but at 19 is even worse as he is developmentally beyond needing a bell system and adults to tell him when he can go pee or eat.  If he is taking APUSH now, he can grad with just a few more credits from CC and test out -- he needs to be in the adult setting to finish. The OP will be meeting with the admin and this plan should be part of the meeting. The lad needs an exit plan spelled out on paper. And he needs to know his family has his back as he transitions into the workplace - Boston is not a cheap area to live in, even in student digs -- its critical that he gets the on-ramp.  Its also critical that he gets help dealing with the cancer and its effects on his immediate family...many many people forget that the youngsters are affected, even when its an 'old person' that has cancer - lots of household stress means unmet children's needs, and lots of bad info on what cancer is. 

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Upthread the OP mentioned that her DS met with the school Principal and Police officer and told them he had no plans to follow through and they seem to have written this off for the moment. That's the easy thing for them to do. Didn't that happen with the Parkland Shooter?     I believe as do many people that have responded to this thread that the DS of the OP should get some kind of immediate Psychiatric evaluation.  Treatment requires his participation, but evaluation can be done without much participation on  his part.  If he is going to be 18 in a month, then as others have mentioned, the issues will be far more difficult for the OP or her DH to try to help the DS with.   He should probably not be living in the home of the OP at this time, for the safety of the family.

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18 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

I think you should send him away for psychological evaluation and treatment.

 

I agree with this and you should do it soon. Once he turns 18 you won't be able to do it. I have no other advice, just a lot of virtual hugs. 

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2 hours ago, Lanny said:

Upthread the OP mentioned that her DS met with the school Principal and Police officer and told them he had no plans to follow through and they seem to have written this off for the moment. That's the easy thing for them to do. Didn't that happen with the Parkland Shooter?     

 

Schools are trying to get grad rates up, they won't write off the OP's dc if she and/or her spouse will meet with the admin - they have probably already requested that meeting as part of the Discipline Plan (every public school in the US has a Discipline Plan; the follow up to the scenario here is in school suspension for the youth until a meeting of all parties concerned can be held.  In that meeting, the placement can be reviewed and possibly improved.  As others noted, this student (who is stressed for many reasons -- cancer, AP exams, being overage, seeing a tough economy...) has choices that will lead to the degree.  Don't know about his district, but in mine there is a huge amount of mental health care available .   The parent choice is to let dc spiral, and the judge will decide; or she or a designated relative can get in and work with the admin.  It's been a week since the AP exam incident (APUSH was last Friday)...OP has not scheduled the meeting yet. 

Parkland parent wanted full inclusion mainstreaming. Dc's behavior at alternative school meant he was offered the chance. 

 

Edited by HeighHo
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10 hours ago, mumto2 said:

Sending hugs and prayers............lots of great advice here.  I also think it is most likely a mental health issue but I will admit to wondering if this is an academically bored kid.  Perhaps for him the GED and being done with high school would suit him perfectly.  As opposed to a new high school perhaps some online classes and a job to support himself.  I am not sure I would want him living in the same house as your younger children.

 

Academically bored may well be true of this teen. Many smart kids are bored in school. Most don’t act the way Yael described her son acting.

 “bored” does not account for threats, weapons, pictures of himself with weapon or what appeared to be a weapon, lack of remorse, verbal altercations with test proctors, or many other behaviors described.  

For everyone’s safety IMO, he needs a full evaluation,  psychiatric and physical. Including probably an mri of his brain.  Possibly as someone mentioned earlier also a SPECT or other scan. As we know from football players who became violent following repeated head injuries, it is possible that organic damage enough to substantially change behavior won’t show up.

But it could be he has something like an operable brain tumor which one certainly would not want to have missed.  Some brain tumors cause symptoms of personality change, aggression, decreased impulse control, and so forth.  

 

He should probably also be inpatient so that if this is drug related that can be controlled. 

There were also anecdotal stories of the development of psychiatric illness following mononucleosis which were apparently debunked as not statistically significant, but there could be something like that in a few cases even if not statistically significant.  

The first problem is that there’s a very short window to try to accomplish this before he turns 18–and even at 17 it will be hard. The second problem is that it is hard to find competent help, even if the patient is eager and cooperative. Perhaps Boston would have better help than some places do.  I know I was positively impressed by a Cambridge area therapist I heard Thursday on the HappilyFamily conference. 

an ultimatum of “either go in for evaluation and treatment or move out” Choice might accomplish him getting help — or it might put an even angrier, mentally ill teen, possibly with a weapon stash somewhere out on the streets  ...  

 

 

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23 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

Schools are trying to get grad rates up, they won't write off the OP's dc if she and/or her spouse will meet with the admin - they have probably already requested that meeting as part of the Discipline Plan (every public school in the US has a Discipline Plan; the follow up to the scenario here is in school suspension for the youth until a meeting of all parties concerned can be held.  In that meeting, the placement can be reviewed and possibly improved. 

 

What Yael wrote doesn’t seem to fit this scenario. 

Unless that the school will be keeping an eye on him or whatever she wrote they said means an “in school suspension “. 

ETA: it just occurred to me that maybe you think “written this off” here means something different than I do.  My understanding: The school doesn’t seem to be taking the youth’s threats seriously enough to contact police or to suspend either in or out of school.

Edited by Pen
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I think how very hard it is to get help when a teen is behaving like the one described here needs a societal change.  

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If you can think of nothing else - can he enlist early?  It would give him basic & AIT to have strong structure, critical rules, no contact with the outside world.  The only problem I can see is that I suspect he's got to pee clean. 😞  Maybe not  for pot though?

This is so hard.  It's reallly obvious that something needs to be done and quick - he seems to be escalating and I think teens make impetuous choices when they could really turn out just fine - just have to get through this bumpy stuff without massive scars and impact to the future.

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Here in CA there is a higher level alternative to a GED that is considered more rigorous.

Its initials are CHSBE or something like that, and it involves testing that is a bit higher level than GED testing.  Homeschoolers use it a lot here to get 16 and up year olds into community colleges without having to call those classes ‘high school’ because technically passing the test means completing high school.  If there is something like that near you your son might be able to get free of the high school setting with a little more dignity and a better record, and move on into the military, which if they would take him I think would do him a world of good.

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The Pathfinder program from Outward Bound might be an option. I say that with a strong caveat - I do not think it is safe to send a mentally unstable person to a program like this. After a full psychiatric evaluation and a professional looks at this program and thinks it might be a fit - only then send him. It isn't fair to him, the other people on the trip or the family to put him in a stressful situation and expect him to cope if he is not stable. Outward Bound programs are known to be challenging and life transforming, but they can be stressful and they are not for everyone. They are not cheap - but with the reputation of this program, they are likely worth every penny.

https://www.outwardbound.org/classic/pathfinder-expeditions/

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FWIW my husband thinks they will do a urinalysis at MEPS (right before leaving for basic training), and someone who has been a near-daily user would take 30 days, but a rare user might be fine after a few days to pass it. 

Right now I don’t think they are accepting GEDs, also, which might make a difference in looking for a high school diploma or a GED.  You could ask a recruiter about that.  

Edited by Lecka
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The different branches of the U.S. Military have differing requirements about those eligible to enlist. When there is a shortage of people, the requirements are lowered.  A GED might or might not be accepted, depending upon the branch of service and their need for people. I suspect that if they admitted someone with a GED, that person would not have as many opportunities available as would someone with a High School diploma, but I am not positive about that. With regard to the DS of the OP, that would probably be OK if they could get him to develop into a stable person who can be trusted. 

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They were definitely allowing GEDs at the height of the Iraq War.  At the time, it had been a while.  They stopped afterward and as far as I know aren’t right now.

A recruiter would know.

 

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ETA if he’s actually mentally stable, not mentally ill, not unstable from brain tumor or TBI or lead poisoning or drug addiction..., then enlistment now, followed by Basic this summer and a change to a public school away from his current peers and school environment might work.  

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Please please. I apologize if what I'm about to say comes out wrong. 

Stop everyhing else you're doing. Treat this like you would treat any other EMERGENCY... this is not a time for contemplation. This is not a time for thinking about his long term future. This is a time to seek assistance, to make changes. Before you CANNOT.

Imagine your son had been in a car accident and was hospitalized- what would you do? You'd call your DH and tell him come home right now. You'd reach out to your community- family, friends, temple for help with your other kids. Do that now. You wouldn't spend your time worrying about the impact on the school year, or his future career. You'd focus on getting him the care he needs RIGHT NOW. That's the urgency he needs from you. Even if he doesn't know it. Even if it looks like more of the same, it has come to a moment for action. 

Seek help and do it immediately, before he's 18 and you cannot help him. If it takes a couple of weeks to get help, you've got to get that ball moving. He's  not going to do it. You said yourself, he thought the problem with making threats was that his friends ratted him out - not that making threats was the problem. Hes not capable of making good decisions right now. He doesn't see the seriousness of this, so you have to. 

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Is split option only for National Guard?  I don’t know but I think it might be?  

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1 minute ago, theelfqueen said:

Please please. I apologize if what I'm about to say comes out wrong. 

Stop everyhing else you're doing. Treat this like you would treat any other EMERGENCY... this is not a time for contemplation. This is not a time for thinking about his long term future. This is a time to seek assistance, to make changes. Before you CANNOT.

Imagine your son had been in a car accident and was hospitalized- what would you do? You'd call your DH and tell him come home right now. You'd reach out to your community- family, friends, temple for help with your other kids. Do that now. You wouldn't spend your time worrying about the impact on the school year, or his future career. You'd focus on getting him the care he needs RIGHT NOW. That's the urgency he needs from you. Even if he doesn't know it. Even if it looks like more of the same, it has come to a moment for action. 

Seek help and do it immediately, before he's 18 and you cannot help him. If it takes a couple of weeks to get help, you've got to get that ball moving. He's  not going to do it. You said yourself, he thought the problem with making threats was that his friends ratted him out - not that making threats was the problem. Hes not capable of making good decisions right now. He doesn't see the seriousness of this, so you have to. 

 

I totally agree!

I’ve made comments about military enlistment etc, but think that figuring out what’s going on comes first.

 I mentioned brain tumor because while it isn’t likely, it is certainly possible, and for many parents realizing that there could be something like a brain tumor that would be operable now changes the feeling from “my kid is being bad” to my kid could have a serious but reversible illness.

similar would be true if he has a mental illness for which there are effective medicines and therapies.

he seems to be acting like someone with sociopathy, but my sense is that that usually exists from earlier childhood with history of acts against animals, meanness to other children.  A start at a later teen age seems like something else going on    

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8 minutes ago, Lecka said:

Is split option only for National Guard?  I don’t know but I think it might be?  

 

Definitely available for National Guard— my Ds was looking at that.  The only way I know to have the basic training in summer before senior year is NG. 

But I think Other branches allow enlisting before graduation with Basic to start the summer *after* graduating, and possibly with some pre-graduation “stuff”...    A senior my Ds knows who will be joining regular army has been out of school for several days or weeks for some army programs prior to graduating—I don’t know exact nature of that.

 

Marines also seem to have pre high school graduation enlistment possible with some sort of weekend training events during senior year.  

Some of the military branches have summer programs other than Basic, but entrance to them is probably very competitive and it may be too late to apply. 

OTOH someone able to take APUSH May do very well on ASVAB and possibly a high ASVAB score would open up some opportunities. 

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I think it’s worth a shot if he seems stable enough to benefit.  It is hard to know, if he has psychological problems that would be with him anywhere, or if a change would really benefit him.  

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I don't know... I don't think I'd be steering this kid towards ANYTHING that puts a gun (or any other weapon) into his hands.  Just saying ......

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I truly think military service needs to be far down the list of options, if it even makes the list at all. There are too many red flags out for me to believe that military service is a good option in the near future. This young man needs psychiatric assessment and help and basic training is not an appropriate place for such a person. I know people think that a life in the military has the potential to “turn a life around,” and I’m sure there are situations where that is true. However, keep in mind that military training & service is emotionally and physically taxing for the healthiest of people. It very well could cause someone a lot of problems if they do not go into it from a position of physical and mental health & stability. Additionally, the purpose of the military is to protect our nation, not to act as a therapeutic environment for troubled youth. They simply are not equipped to do that.

 

 

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“Future Soldier Training Program where their recruiter will ensure they are prepared for their future with the military.”

 

And: 

 

Delayed Entry Program (DEP), “ ... which allows young people to commit to becoming a Marine .... to stay at home and prepare for the rigors of recruit training with the guidance, direction and support of your Marine Corps recruiter. You will start an individual physical training program and begin to learn Marine Corps history, traditions and terminology.”

 

I think DEP also exists for other branches

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1 minute ago, TechWife said:

I truly think military service needs to be far down the list of options, if it even makes the list at all. There are too many red flags out for me to believe that military service is a good option in the near future. This young man needs psychiatric assessment and help and basic training is not an appropriate place for such a person. I know people think that a life in the military has the potential to “turn a life around,” and I’m sure there are situations where that is true. However, keep in mind that military training & service is emotionally and physically taxing for the healthiest of people. It very well could cause someone a lot of problems if they do not go into it from a position of physical and mental health & stability. Additionally, the purpose of the military is to protect our nation, not to act as a therapeutic environment for troubled youth. They simply are not equipped to do that.

 

 

 

 

TIA

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10 minutes ago, ``` said:

I don't know... I don't think I'd be steering this kid towards ANYTHING that puts a gun (or any other weapon) into his hands.  Just saying ......

 

He seems to have already had them.

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1 minute ago, Pen said:

 

He seems to have already had them.

Which doesn’t mean he needs training in warfare. 

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I'm so sorry Yael. I have nothing but prayers to offer you. I hope you find help soon for your DS.

I just wanted to comment on the suggestions to have troubled, potentially violent children enlist in the military. (Perhaps I'm misunderstanding, and that's not what's being suggested. I hope so.) I agree strict structure can be helpful for many kids, but really, do we honestly want psychologically troubled people who are already exhibiting worrisome behavior being given weapons training and then, perhaps, deployed? The military should NOT be used in place of appropriate mental health care. There are already enough issues within that organization.

 

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14 minutes ago, Lecka said:

I think it’s worth a shot if he seems stable enough to benefit.  It is hard to know, if he has psychological problems that would be with him anywhere, or if a change would really benefit him.  

 

And that brings it back to that he needs a competent assessment ASAP

to determine if this is a mentally ill teen, a teen with an organic brain damage of some sort, etc.    or is this a teen who has been rebelling against his parents, religion, etc and needs to be bridged into meaningful (to him) adulthood. 

There’s probably no harm in contacting military recruiters.  If he’s mentally ill and incapable of not doing things like yelling at proctors that may well come out during talking to recruiters.  If he is situationally acting up because he doesn’t want the religious and AP to college path his parents want for him, he might immediately shape up. 

 

 

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15 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I truly think military service needs to be far down the list of options, if it even makes the list at all. There are too many red flags out for me to believe that military service is a good option in the near future.

 

 

 

If he already has a mental health history, I'm not sure he would pass the medical assessment.

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11 minutes ago, TechWife said:

Which doesn’t mean he needs training in warfare. 

 

Again, I agree that number one thing he needs is competent in person assessment of his mental and brain health.

He’s one month away from being able to walk into a military recruitment office and sign up without parents.

 He has already expressed that military is something he Is interested in. 

If I understood correctly. 

 

Edited by Pen

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47 minutes ago, Pen said:

 

He seems to have already had them.

And Why no one should do anything that makes it easier for him to get them.

Edited by gardenmom5
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Can you get him away from his peer group? A different town/state?

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57 minutes ago, Valley Girl said:

I'm so sorry Yael. I have nothing but prayers to offer you. I hope you find help soon for your DS.

I just wanted to comment on the suggestions to have troubled, potentially violent children enlist in the military. (Perhaps I'm misunderstanding, and that's not what's being suggested. I hope so.) I agree strict structure can be helpful for many kids, but really, do we honestly want psychologically troubled people who are already exhibiting worrisome behavior being given weapons training and then, perhaps, deployed? The military should NOT be used in place of appropriate mental health care. There are already enough issues within that organization.

 

Thank you! No, just no. Don’t make this kid someone else’s problem/threat. Get his issues worked out FIRST.

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2 hours ago, Pen said:

ETA if he’s actually mentally stable, not mentally ill, not unstable from brain tumor or TBI or lead poisoning or drug addiction..., then enlistment now, followed by Basic this summer and a change to a public school away from his current peers and school environment might work.  

 

The military is not a haven for individuals with checkered pasts. One of the questions they specifically ask you in recruiting is whether you have ever spoken to the police, been questioned, or picked up for any reason, regardless of whether there is a formal record. Also, very few non-high school graduates (e.g. GED holders) are allowed to enlist. The services need highly skilled, ALREADY disciplined individuals to serve. Recent history of pot use is likely to be disqualifying but adding to that possible mental health challenges and a history of threats toward authority figures is a recipe for disaster.

Edited by Sneezyone
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Yael, you’re a good mom and a good person.  Just breathe for a moment.  You’ve been through a lot with your sister and now with your parents. And your son. And DH traveling.  It’s not an excuse, it’s reality.

I am overwhelmed reading the suggestions on this thread and truly hesitate to say anything.  I don’t know what I’d do. I’d be terrified and overwhelmed and desperate. We lease know i will pray for your family. 

I will offer:  please take care of you.  If you are not already doing so, please find a therapist who can focus on you and support you. It’s not meant to be “one more thing” on your to do list, rather a support mechanism to enable you to continue to breathe thru and work thru down very difficult circumstances.

You are a courageous mom to put this out there and ask for input.  May God give you wisdom and strength 

❤️

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3 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I keep checking for an update. I don’t know when her Sabbath ends.  

Sundown is probably shortly after 8 pm Eastern time at this time of year.  Maybe 9 PM or a little later to check in on here, I’d guess, if they have a close of Sabbath service.

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2 hours ago, GoodGrief1 said:

 

If he already has a mental health history, I'm not sure he would pass the medical assessment.

 

That’s true.

 It is possible that he doesn’t have a mental health history that would make military service a problem.  It is possible That “several therapists”  

and now the current school authorities have correctly concluded that there isn’t as much of a problem as this thread makes it sound like.  

 

It’s also possible that there’s a very serious problem.

1 hour ago, Sneezyone said:

 

The military is not a haven for individuals with checkered pasts. One of the questions they specifically ask you in recruiting is whether you have ever spoken to the police, been questioned, or picked up for any reason, regardless of whether there is a formal record. Also, very few non-high school graduates (e.g. GED holders) are allowed to enlist. The services need highly skilled, ALREADY disciplined individuals to serve. Recent history of pot use is likely to be disqualifying but adding to that possible mental health challenges and a history of threats toward authority figures is a recipe for disaster.

 

 

True.  

And telling the truth to military recruiters is important because lying in the recruitment process is a serious problem itself.

However, it is not necessarily the case that what he has done, even if fully and honestly disclosed to recruiters, will disqualify him.

We have a tiny picture of this youth based on our own images as evoked by OP and other posts.  And probably also shaped to some degree by recent school shootings and other images that are called up as we read the OP. 

It is also not clear to me that it would turn out that he has a genuine interest in joining military versus is saying that: perhaps saying he wants to do whatever is likely to disturb and get a rise out of his mom.  So, She wants him to be religious and a scholar—he wants, or says he wants,  to do pretty much the opposite.   And military or trade or whatever  may be genuinely what he wants .  Or it may be  that he needs to differentiate himself from the family goals for him. 

 

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I spoke with my Dh about the military options on this particular case.  He pointed out that the Ds in this thread would have the “right of return” to Israel which would mean he would most likely be drafted into the Israeli Defense Force automatically.  The qualification questions apparently are not a part of that particular scenario.  He is also pro military for this young man.

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Please, please do not encourage him to try to enlist. Basic training is psychologically difficult for a stable person, never mind someone with the symptoms your DS is exhibiting. The military can teach a lazy person how to have more self-discipline, but it CANNOT cure or treat mental illness. I don't know why so many people think it can do that. When I was in basic training, one of the guys I was training with snapped and attacked a drill sergeant. Thank god it happened in the first phase and not when we were doing rifle training. During AIT they had a special mattress near the main stairwell where they could keep an eye on the soldiers who were suicidal. There was at least one every day. 

Your son needs to work with mental health professionals. Drill sergeants are not mental health professionals. 

ETA: I should clarify that I'm bringing up the mattress thing not to tell you that they have a lot of experience dealing with mental illness, but to say LOOK HOW WELL THEY DON'T HANDLE IT. Suicidal? Spend the night on the special suicide mattress where a couple of exhausted teenagers on fire watch can make sure you don't kill yourself when they aren't mopping. It's horrifying. 

Edited by Mergath
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::hugs & prayers::  I know that's not what you asked for, but that's all I've got.

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On 5/17/2019 at 1:46 PM, YaelAldrich said:

  I'll check back in on Saturday night.  Prayers are welcome.  Thank you

 

How are you all doing?

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22 hours ago, BeachGal said:

2. This program looks good. Think:Kids program at MGH designed to help children and young adults with behavioral problems. It used to be called the Collaborative Problem Solving Institute.

 

http://www.thinkkids.org/

http://www.thinkkids.org/learn/about-thinkkids/

 

 

Yes.  CPS type approach could be an excellent fit!   Even if there were an organic brain problem CPS might make everything easier to deal with.

especially if a foundation for the problems was the Ds not wanting to follow parental religion.

 

 

 

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Above makes me wonder: can this Ds leave the religion and still be part of the family?  

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