Advice: pulling 8yo and 7yo out of public school

[sa109]

Does anyone have experience with taking their children out of public school to homeschool them? I am a homeschool graduate myself and the man I am marrying has two children ages 7 and 8. He has always wanted them to be homeschooled and now they will have that opportunity with me as their mom. I am a little nervous about what it will be like transitioning them into homeschool though and would love any advice or stories you have to share!

[HomeAgain]

I took my oldest out at that age and it was a little rough finding our footing.  Between trying to "do school" and working through habits the actual school had established, it took us about two years to really get comfortable and successfully hit the issues that the school had created.  It was a learning curve for both of us.  He had to learn to work one on one and I had to learn how to teach and develop a philosophy of education.

[sa109]

3 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I took my oldest out at that age and it was a little rough finding our footing.  Between trying to "do school" and working through habits the actual school had established, it took us about two years to really get comfortable and successfully hit the issues that the school had created.  It was a learning curve for both of us.  He had to learn to work one on one and I had to learn how to teach and develop a philosophy of education.

 

So what issues did you find school had created and how did you deal with them? Purely educational or behavioral as well?

[HomeAgain]

13 minutes ago, sa109 said:

 

So what issues did you find school had created and how did you deal with them? Purely educational or behavioral as well?

Both.
Reading, writing, and handwriting were taught so poorly they may have well have just set fire to the work rather than give it to children.  It was heavy on the sight words with an entire lack of writing instruction.
Math made him feel stupid.
No other subjects were taught with any regularity.
The focus on carrots and sticks (stoplight system) destroyed his self esteem.  The expectations were completely out of touch with the normal development of a child.  It also destroyed any love of learning he had.  Think of the song by Harry Chapin, Flowers are Red. 
Homeschooling was a brave new adventure, but it was a lot of work at the beginning to feel confident in what we were doing.  He did end up going back in school during high school and thrived, but I'm really glad we did what we did.  I was so tired of him being punished for being a little boy.

[sweet2ndchance]

Another thing to think about is whether or not the children's biological mother is still in the picture or not. While homeschooling is much closer to mainstream than it used to be, if their mother objects to them being homeschooled by their step-mother, then all other things being equal, if the parents cannot agree then courts are likely to say that the children must be kept in public school because that was the status quo before their parents divorced. Of course if your future husband is a widower or is otherwise in full control of the guardianship of his children, then none of this applies.

[Lori D.]

Welcome!

I would guess you'll need a double helping of patience and wisdom as you go in to this adventure, as all of you will not only be transitioning from public school to what *your* family's homeschool will look like, but even bigger -- you'll all be transitioning in to what it looks like for the 4 of you to be a *family*.

I am guessing that the children will finish out this school year at the public school? That would be a much easier and more natural time and way of transitioning to homeschooling for the following year. Will you be marrying soon? (Like, this spring or early summer?) That would be ideal, as it would give you all several months to start making the transition into being family before starting the transition into homeschooling.

How do the children feel about switching from public school to homeschool? If they have special friends or activities from public school, you'll want to work extra hard to keep them involved with those friends and activities to smooth the path.

You might also all brainstorm together about what special new activities or traditions you want to have as part of your homeschooling -- things like:
- first day of school tradition -- take a photo, look over all the books/materials, and go out for ice cream
- family field trip 2x/month
- dad does a special book read-aloud to everyone at night
- one day a week is your "light" day for spine academics and the focus is on educational games, and longer projects (art, science, history, etc.)

Also, what special interests do either of the children have? Support those interests and plan to make that a regular part of the weekly homeschool schedule. Or, if no strong interests at the moment, schedule weekly time, and then do units exploring different possible interests -- electronics, baking, sewing, cake decorating, woodworking, horseback riding, robotics, theater/drama...

Are the children academically at grade level -- or are either advanced or delayed? If either is gifted or delayed, that will also add a unique "spin" to transitioning into homeschooling, or how you all "do" homeschool.

As you have specific questions/needs, feel free to post as individual questions for more specific responses. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding and family, and BEST of luck in the homeschooling adventure! Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited April 20, 2019 by Lori D.

[PeachyDoodle]

I pulled my dd at the end of second grade. She had just turned 8. It was an easy transition for us. We took the summer off and started slow the following fall. That gave us time to get out of the "school" mindset and create our own rhythm. That "deschooling" period is important I think. Homeschooling is very different from public school -- or it can be. Certainly you can duplicate a lot of the school setting at home, but not all of it.

But you are talking about a lot of big changes for a couple of little kids. First, a new mom and then a transition to homeschool, new routines, loss of friends, etc. So I would think about all that and whether they are the types of kids who are likely to adapt well. If not, I'd think about taking things slow.

[*****]

2 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Reading, writing, and handwriting were taught so poorly they may have well have just set fire to the work rather than give it to children.  It was heavy on the sight words with an entire lack of writing instruction.
Math made him feel stupid.

 

Ugh, this so much sounds like modern education, I thought it was the new common core!  And since your boy sounds like he finished high school, it definitely sounds like public schools haven't changed ( and I am a certified teacher), so I know!

And I do like your reference to 'Harry Chapin's, Flowers are Red', I still pull that up once in awhile, it is such a good reminder!

SA109:  Yes, as being a new mom, and a stepmom at that, it sounds like you should take it slow.  The dad may have good things in mind, but you don't want to be put in the middle.  The mom has to be on board as well and ok with you teaching.

Besides that, as a homeschooling mom, I found 3 major hurdles during the day.  !. Teaching (including staying ahead with the planning) 2. Meals  3. housekeeping.  I found I was able to do only 2 decently each day.  My house was not a shambles, but it was the daily stuff...  I am not a meal planner, so that was my struggle. Some can plan meals a week in advance. That is great if you are like that.  At 4:00, I was like, 'Oh, what should we have for dinner?!'  

I hope you can adjust first as a family...

[kiwik]

Unless the kids are begging to be homeschooled I wouldn't.  You are already replacing their mother and possibly shattering the their dreams of their mother coming back (unless she is dead or has been away since the youngest was an infant).  And you are taking their dad.  If you take their school and friends it may be too much.  Wait a year or two.

 

[PeterPan]

6 hours ago, kiwik said:

Unless the kids are begging to be homeschooled I wouldn't. 

Yup, there are so many potential negatives to this. You're adding ANOTHER transition on top of a transition, and for what? Lots of people have a mystique about homeschooling. You're not marrying him to be his personal tutor to his children, are you? Do you REALLY want that kind of distraction in your first year of marriage? Remember, most people get a break between when they begin with their spouse and when they begin homeschooling. Also, will you be a stepmother dealing with other people?

I would focus on your marriage, leave them where they are, advocate for them well in school, and see what they NEED. Then you'll know if they need to be home. The time you would be putting into homeschooling needs to go into your new marriage, getting your home running well, developing routines. Do you have kids right now? You're taking on so much, because you're going to have to keep home, shop, get to know these kids intimately, KEEP UP WITH YOUR NEW SPOUSE, on and on. 

Even people who homeschool who had 5-10 years to set up their homes and their relationships feel behind the 8-ball. Stay focused, do one or two things well, then take on the homeschooling if it's necessary.

[PeterPan]

On April 20, 2019 at 10:51 AM, sa109 said:

transitioning them into homeschool though and would love any advice or stories you have to share!

You might want to post this over on Chat, and you might want to highlight it as being a new wife/mom. 

[moonflower]

Would Not Do