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What punishments or advice would you give in this situation (teen son) . UPDATE in first post


DawnM
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UPDATE . June 10

 

HE GRADUATED!!!!

 

UPDATE: Page 4, April 29th

 

Original Post:

 

This is not my teen son, just for the record.  A friend came to me with this scenario and asked for my advice.  I gave it, but feel maybe there is something more I could have mentioned.

Situation:

  • High School Senior
  • Only needs last 2 classes to graduate
  • Has a car (pays half and pays gas and insurance)
  • Has a job and works 20 hours a week
  • Blows his money on going out with friends
  • Is currently failing his classes (used to get As and Bs and one or two Cs)
  • Has lost all motivation
  • Goes to therapy once a week for ADD/Executive Function Issues/General teen stuff but no depression (yes, they have looked into it)
  • WILL NOT GRADUATE without some major changes between now and June
  • He just doesn't seem to care and says he can just go to CC for a trade anyway

 

 

Therapist has talked to him, school counselor has pulled him aside, parents have talked and talked, but nothing is working.

 

What punishments, advice, redirection, etc....would you give her as the parent?

 

 

 

Edited by DawnM
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A babysitter.
In this house, failing is not an option.  I'd be, or I'd have someone, taking on the responsibility of sitting with said teen every afternoon.  There would be no job.  A part time job for fun money would be considered a privilege.

The kid sounds overwhelmed right now and in the middle of apathy.  There is no way I'd let my kid carry that weight of his actions for the rest of his life by hindering his possibilities. 

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Well, I have one like that.  ds18 would have just failed several classes if we had allowed it.  He despises academics.  He also just has two classes that he is procrastinating the heck out of.  It is nuts.  It is an on line charter and he could have finished months ago.   

As far as the practicality of it all...… Some kids would really balk at any strong arm measures at this point.  So one has to know their kid. He could just pack up and move out if he decides he won't do what is asked of him.  So that is a possibility parents should be prepared for.  

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I think, with a senior son, carrots work better than a stick. Is there anything he really wants to do? 

My oldest was bored and ready to be done and hated finishing up the last things- especially physics and just about everything else. We asked what he wanted to do and he said backpack around Europe for a while.

So we helped him arrange something, got my dmil to gift him miles for high school graduation and said he could go, whenever he finished. 

6 weeks later- he left for Europe for 5 weeks. He paid for much of it- but for us worth every penny we contributed.

Came back to a graduation party.

Using a "babysitter" or threats would not have worked at all. We would have wrecked our relationship with him. Senior boys are hard- so many are just done with high school, parents and being treated like a kid.

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16 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

Is he correct? Can he just go to the CC for a trade; and that’s what he wants to do and is suitable for?

Maybe that is really the best situation for him, though I suspect he’s going to find he at least needs a GED to get into the trade program.

 

They do have a "finish high school" path that is included in the trade program.

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Both parents work full time, so "babysitting" or tomato staking is not an option.  He currently leaves school at noon after his 2 classes and the school will not allow him to stay in the library for 3 hours if he doesn't have a class and with only 6 weeks left they can't currently add a class.

He has to leave the campus.

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I would probably do something mysteryjen did.

In reflecting back, I was not ready for college, but my parents didn't listen. I won't go into details.

I would show him the value of money. Ask him what he wants. See if there is a compromise.  I wouldn't push academics.

It is not failing to take some time off. Can he postpone taking these classes? Some kids need a break before the school year ends.

Hth

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I'd take the keys. He's only paying for half of his freedom.

I'm all for giving our young adults agency, but to me, this is a situation where you go the other way and shut down all the things you can. I would also make sure the school is giving him an alternative plan for completing his classes (independent study or some other way to accelerate) rather than trying to get him to make up for all the missed work. 

 

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I have not read the previous replies. Unless he is using drugs, or, involved in other criminal activity, I  consider the idea of punishment to be extremely inappropriate.It sounds as if he is suffering from Depression.  Good luck to him!

!

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Can he just enroll in the cc finish high school classes (if they have them) and then start the trade classes?  He may be more motivated if he's in an adult learning environment and in a way that seems more directly related to his future plans.  (I have to take these high school classes at the cc, then I can start my trade school classes. ) Not everyone responds well to the stupid frivolities (sports games, dances, clubs) of high school or high school teen culture.

Many ccs are doing orientations this time of year, so getting him to one might help with motivation.

Can he do online classes?  2 classes should be very doable very quickly. Sometimes those are a good way for students who know what they want to do to knock out the last few academic classes without having to go to a high school campus. My niece did this when she was pregnant the last half of her senior year.  She ended up only 1 semester behind her peers, which isn't a big deal.

I would've connected school performance and my part of the car payments much earlier.  We phrase things like, "We don't pay for people not pulling their own weight. You can take the bus high school." Either he uses the work money for his car while he fails or jumps through the high school graduation hoops and keeps his money from his job to spend as he likes. But I also would've allowed online options, cc dual enrollment options, etc.

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Does the school district have an alternative high school? These high schools are generally geared to only dying on the hills they must. Lots of structure, but also lots of freedom. They get those kids across the finish line who otherwise would be lost causes.

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It sounds like there's something else going on - going from As and Bs to failing everything doesn't typically happen unless something else is going on behind the scenes. As a parent, I'd request a few family therapy sessions with and without my son to talk to the therapist to see what else happened. 

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I don't have a teen boy, so take that into account. I do have a teen and older girls.

I'd have child do this Texas Reality Check online. https://texasrealitycheck.com/ If your state has one, have him do that one. Texas is a low cost of living state, so if your state doesn't have a reality check, have him take the Texas one, and then do an online cost-of-living comparison to see how much money that translates to in your area. Then have him figure out what profession and requirements to get there are. Can he make that much money to support his desired lifestyle with one of the CC trades? If so, fine. If not, what are your plans, son? 

Personally, I'd be tempted to remove car since he is failing, but I'm not sure that is the best way to treat a 18 yo male. I know some boys that I think that would only end up making the situation worse. 

Good luck to your friend!

 

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If I knew I wanted to become, say, a welder, and I was stuck taking two unrelated and in my mind useless classes just to finish high school, I probably wouldn't be super motivated to work my butt off, either. He's already working and paying for more than a lot of teenagers still living at home, so if talking to him about it didn't work, I'd probably shrug and let him do the trade school thing. Once he has an associate's degree, having a GED instead of a diploma won't matter.

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36 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

It sounds like there's something else going on - going from As and Bs to failing everything doesn't typically happen unless something else is going on behind the scenes. As a parent, I'd request a few family therapy sessions with and without my son to talk to the therapist to see what else happened. 

 

Thinking about this more, have they drug tested him?

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46 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

If that's the case....well, that's not really something I would be opposed to.  So, my approach would be to learn as much about that program as I could, then talk to my kid and figure out what his plan is.  As long as my kid has a plan, that's generally going to be good enough for me...you know, provided that the plan doesn't involve a meth lab or something lol

 

oh my gosh, I read that as "math lab" first.....đŸ¤£đŸ¤£đŸ¤£Â . I was thinking, "Well, it might!"

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24 minutes ago, Mergath said:

If I knew I wanted to become, say, a welder, and I was stuck taking two unrelated and in my mind useless classes just to finish high school, I probably wouldn't be super motivated to work my butt off, either. He's already working and paying for more than a lot of teenagers still living at home, so if talking to him about it didn't work, I'd probably shrug and let him do the trade school thing. Once he has an associate's degree, having a GED instead of a diploma won't matter.

Exactly.  My ds18 is exactly like this.  He knows what he wants to do...British Literature is a huge waste of his time at this point. 

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I don’t think there’s one answer. I think parenting teens is an art. So much depends on the why. Why is a former A student failing?  Drugs would be my first concern. Revisiting the depression question is the next.  Is he afraid of the next step?

I remember being so done with college two months before it ended. I get the lack of motivation. I had to tell myself that all the four years I put in would be worthless unless I just finished.

I’d have the school come up with a list of what he had to do to pass. I would sit with him and have an honest talk about what it would take and how to support him getting it done.  Whether I took the car away is too complicated for me to say.  I would schedule times to check in regularly on how he was doing. I would probably have some kind of reward in place for meeting goals.

Through  all of it I would respect his future plans and try to acknowledge what he is doing well and each step he is making in the right direction.  I would be honest about the fact life may be harder without finishing, but also honest that it is ultimately his choice and his journey.  I would do my best to be calm and non-anxious. I would also be clear that while we are a safety net to a certain point, he would not be living at home on our dime and spending money on leisure activities after a few months.  

The one thing I would do is not allow him unlimited internet that I paid for.  I think it’s addictive and particularly bad for boys with ADHD or ASD.

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5 minutes ago, sassenach said:

Thinking about this more, have they drug tested him?

 

I asked her the same question.  She said no.  I told her she can get a drug test at CVS or on Amazon prime and do it over Spring Break.  She said she hasn't seen signs, but would be a good idea to test.  

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4 minutes ago, freesia said:

I don’t think there’s one answer. I think parenting teens is an art. So much depends on the why. Why is a former A student failing?  Drugs would be my first concern. Revisiting the depression question is the next.  Is he afraid of the next step?

I remember being so done with college two months before it ended. I get the lack of motivation. I had to tell myself that all the four years I put in would be worthless unless I just finished.

I’d have the school come up with a list of what he had to do to pass. I would sit with him and have an honest talk about what it would take and how to support him getting it done.  Whether I took the car away is too complicated for me to say.  I would schedule times to check in regularly on how he was doing. I would probably have some kind of reward in place for meeting goals.

Through  all of it I would respect his future plans and try to acknowledge what he is doing well and each step he is making in the right direction.  I would be honest about the fact life may be harder without finishing, but also honest that it is ultimately his choice and his journey.  I would do my best to be calm and non-anxious. I would also be clear that while we are a safety net to a certain point, he would not be living at home on our dime and spending money on leisure activities after a few months.  

The one thing I would do is not allow him unlimited internet that I paid for.  I think it’s addictive and particularly bad for boys with ADHD or ASD.

 

He already knows exactly what he has to do, he just isn't doing it.  And he isn't online or gaming much at all, but he is going out with friends a lot, which will stop because he is now grounded.

I suggested they allow him to continue working but let him have VERY limited access to the money to spend until  he "earns" it back by getting his grades up or graduating.

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1 hour ago, sassenach said:

Does the school district have an alternative high school? These high schools are generally geared to only dying on the hills they must. Lots of structure, but also lots of freedom. They get those kids across the finish line who otherwise would be lost causes.

 

The only alternative school our district offers is for behavior issues, not just failing.  They have a drop out prevention person but she has met with him, and frankly, I wouldn't want my kid meeting with her, she isn't very caring, nor does she follow up. 

He can do online school in the summer to make it up, but WILL he is the question.

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1 hour ago, desertflower said:

I would probably do something mysteryjen did.

In reflecting back, I was not ready for college, but my parents didn't listen. I won't go into details.

I would show him the value of money. Ask him what he wants. See if there is a compromise.  I wouldn't push academics.

It is not failing to take some time off. Can he postpone taking these classes? Some kids need a break before the school year ends.

Hth

 

No, it is a traditional high school.  He either passes or fails.  Ends in June......so, summer school or go back in the Fall.

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In college, the expressions "C's get degrees" really addresses this issue.

Would be "good enough" to simply scrape a pass in these courses and still obtain enough credits to graduate? Because, honestly, he could probably turn in half of his assignments, each of them half done, and still come out with a pair of C-minuses in these classes that will allow him to call himself a graduate. GIving a few assignments a half-effort for a couple of months is not a "major change". It's taking a deep breath and dedicating maybe 10 evenings towards knocking off the minimum requirements, and it will save him from being registered in summer school. Together the kid and his parents should be able to pull that off.

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1 hour ago, Lanny said:

I have not read the previous replies. Unless he is using drugs, or, involved in other criminal activity, I  consider the idea of punishment to be extremely inappropriate.It sounds as if he is suffering from Depression.  Good luck to him!

!

Because this appears to be a sudden change in behavior, I would also be incredibly worried that there is something going on in his life causing him to react this way. I would be doing lots of gentle digging to get at the real root of the problem.

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57 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

It sounds like there's something else going on - going from As and Bs to failing everything doesn't typically happen unless something else is going on behind the scenes. As a parent, I'd request a few family therapy sessions with and without my son to talk to the therapist to see what else happened. 

I agree with this. My DS is also a senior and needs to finish 2 online courses and is procrastinating big time. He's also chosen to get B's this semester. He's been a straight A student. While I think worse grades aren't unusual for a hs senior, I think something else is in play because the grade drop is so significant. If this student were any other age and grade, people would be asking about drug use. 

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Drug use was definitely my first thought, too. A reality check about the future was my second recommendation. Is he going to continue to live at home or is his part time job going to be enough to support him living on his own?

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Some things I would ask are:

  • How sudden and recent of an onset is this?  
  • Is "lost all motivation" related only to schoolwork?
  • Are there any activities or friends that he enjoyed in the past that he is also now not motivated/energized to do?
  • Is he actually attending the two classes?  Is the problem not turning in homework or poor test performance?
  • Are the two courses challenging?  Are they very different from his previous coursework?
  • What type of job does he have?  Does he seem to enjoy it?  Does he handle it responsibly?  

While there could be something more going on, it could simply be a case of senioritis.

 

 

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2 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

 

Given all all the information, this sounds like a reasonable solution.  A GED and trade program will lead to a job and also allow for him to go to college later on if he chooses to later on.

The parents can’t babysit him and he’s really too old to force anything.  My uncle did something similar.  He did wind up graduating the summer afterward, but he had been held back a year and was 19 anyway and just so over school.  The wisest thing my grandparents ever did was just let him leave school in January of the year we would have graduated high school(we’re about the same age). It preserved their relationship, he decided on his own to take the missing classes later , learned a trade and got a job.  He decided to go back to school in his late 20s and get a degree.  It just took him a while.

 

2 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

If that's the case....well, that's not really something I would be opposed to.  So, my approach would be to learn as much about that program as I could, then talk to my kid and figure out what his plan is.  As long as my kid has a plan, that's generally going to be good enough for me...you know, provided that the plan doesn't involve a meth lab or something lol

 

1 hour ago, Mergath said:

If I knew I wanted to become, say, a welder, and I was stuck taking two unrelated and in my mind useless classes just to finish high school, I probably wouldn't be super motivated to work my butt off, either. He's already working and paying for more than a lot of teenagers still living at home, so if talking to him about it didn't work, I'd probably shrug and let him do the trade school thing. Once he has an associate's degree, having a GED instead of a diploma won't matter.

I'd meet with him, and maybe the two teachers. If he wants to graduate, I'd meet with the teachers with him present and find out if that can happen, and what it would take. If it is possible, and kid wants it, then sit with him in the evenings to make sure it gets done. 

If he doesn't care about finishing (versus thinks he can't) than yeah, drop out, go to work full time, start apply to the trade program. 

It's time to make a decision. 

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3 hours ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

Is he correct? Can he just go to the CC for a trade; and that’s what he wants to do and is suitable for?

Maybe that is really the best situation for him, though I suspect he’s going to find he at least needs a GED to get into the trade program.

I have two male coworkers who did not graduate from high school. Both went to CC and eventually got bachelor’s and master’s degrees from very good four year colleges.

However, if his parents really want him to graduate high school, it sounds like the main motivational tools they would have are his car, his job, and his social life. 

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1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

A lot of times the only thing that gets some seniors through is wanting to graduate with their friends and/or not embarrass themselves.  Does he care anything about that?

 

That's a very good point. Also, what are his friends doing? Are they also slacking and not caring about graduating? New friends? A 20 hr a week job would bring in $200/week and around $800/month. That's a lot of extra cash for a high schooler - where is it all going? I get the senior slump, but kids usually slump a bit, not essentially drop out. 

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There are only 5 weeks and finals left, he know what he needs to do, teacher have already been contacted.  He just isn't doing it.

Both parents work full time.  There is no homeschool option at the moment other than having him do it all on his own, which I don't think he will do anyway.   

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There seems to be little point in spending 5 more weeks not doing the work.  

I’d ask if there’s any special motivator that could work ( like Europe trip) and recheck depression, since lack of motivation sounds like maybe another term for depression.

If he’s determined not to do the school work for graduation, and if he is clearly not depressed, it sounds like it’s time to move to full time work. Until he’s ready for the trade program.

Too bad though because Some trades still have apprentice programs where it’s possible to start , and earn some money while learning—but that requires a high school diploma iirc.  

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4 minutes ago, Pen said:

There seems to be little point in spending 5 more weeks not doing the work.  

I’d ask if there’s any special motivator that could work ( like Europe trip) and recheck depression, since lack of motivation sounds like maybe another term for depression.

If he’s determined not to do the school work for graduation, and if he is clearly not depressed, it sounds like it’s time to move to full time work. Until he’s ready for the trade program.

Too bad though because Some trades still have apprentice programs where it’s possible to start , and earn some money while learning—but that requires a high school diploma iirc.  

 

I am not going to say I know for sure he isn't depressed, but it sounds like others have determined that.  I would venture to say that part of it is because he still enjoys doing other things, going out with friends, working, etc.....so it isn't that he is clinically depressed.

I know this week they will be having some more discussions with him.  It is Spring Break so he has a week to decide.

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I drug test him for sure, immediately. If that comes up negative, he honestly just sounds like he has a bad case of Senioritis. I’d encourage the parents  to offer him money or a trip somewhere, to finish. Honestly at this point he needs a carrot, not the stick. Some kids need to be enticed (ie dragged) to the finish line haha. 

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If he really does want to learn a particular trade can he meet some people who do that for a living?  Can he go to their place of work and observe from after school (when he gets out a noon) to the end of the work day at a few places?  Talking to men who already do what he wants to do might be exactly the point of view he needs. (If we were talking about a female I'd encourage her to meet with women who do that.)  They'll tell him what he should do to get where they are.  Honestly, every parent should be pushing this for a kid that has an idea about what field they want to be in. 

I went to a mediocre public high school that required an English class paper that researched a field you were interested in.  You had to interview at least 1 person who was currently in that field, either in person or over the phone and you had find out what education path got you there. 

And let's not forget that for a kid who decided while still in high school that they're interested in a specific trade, it's not so unusual to lose interest in classes that aren't directly related to that, as stated upthread by Mergath. Not that substance abuse can't be involved, but I wouldn't go there right away because a teenager was unmotivated at the end of high school. It's not his fault that the standard American public education isn't like some European countries that has high quality trade skills instruction during the high school years.

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Some thoughts off of the top of my head:

How did they "check" to see if he had depression? He sure has a lot of the traditional warning signs. I would continuously check on this. I also recommend they screen for suicide ideation. It's better to screen for that than to avoid the subject. Asking someone if they have ever thought of committing suicide does not cause someone who is not suicidal to become suicidal. If the answer to that question is yes, then they need to seek help immediately. There are follow on questions to that - specifically is whether or not they have a plan to commit suicide.

How about anxiety? I think it's pretty common for teens to "choke" when they realize how closely the world outside the schoolhouse doors is looming. There is an awful lot of pressure on high school students these days.

Has he had a recent change in relationships - lost some good friends or a girl friend? Gained a bunch of new friends? Recently had participation in a sport reach it's end of high school conclusion?

Has he experienced a known trauma - car accident, loss of someone close, personal illness, illness of close friend or family member? Has he been affected by news events involving people around his age? Has someone in his school recently experienced a tragedy that may be affecting him?

Have they screened for drug & alcohol use/abuse? As in run actual urine or blood tests?

Have they screened for other physical health problems? It's not unreasonable to schedule "one last physical" with the pediatrician. The parents can call ahead and let the MD know of the problems so he can do appropriate screenings for depression, abuse, assault, and yes, drugs & alcohol use.
Has he engaged in any self harm behaviors - cutting, hair pulling, chewing, burning himself with cigarettes, etc.?
You mentioned a therapist - is this a licensed therapist or someone who "coaches" for executive function skills? If the latter, it sounds like a licensed therapist may be in order.

At this point, I don't think any type of punishment is appropriate. I do think it's an "all hands on deck" to try to remedy the situation. Does the high school guidance counselor have any input? Asking the teen what he thinks would help is paramount at this point, obviously.

After mental/physical health issues are addressed, then the parents need to decide what is acceptable to them and present the options to him. It may seem like quitting his job is an obvious intervention, but whether or not that is a good idea for this individual teen, I don't know. There are numerous psychosocial factors that play into that decision and it is best left to the family with professional guidance if they want it.

Getting my son to do his work all through high school was a struggle. I can empathize with the parents, but I am afraid my experience has taught me there are no easy solutions. The "failure is not an option" mentality wasn't helpful for my son because he certainly thought failure was a very viable option. Whether or not they take that approach is again, based on so many factors that only his family will know the answers to. I would encourage this teen's parents to get counseling themselves in order to be able to get strategy ideas and be unified in their approach as well as how they process their own expectations that may or may not be met so that they can come through the situation themselves in as healthy a manner as possible. I think that is something that is often neglected when there are struggling children. The parents are struggling to and may need a variety of supports themselves to make it through.

 

 

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There is such a thing as senioritis. He could just be omg so done with school. Or it could be depression/substance abuse - sometimes you can "look into" this and still it isn't seen because, shockingly, patients occasionally lie about their symptoms.

The situation is complex, but while I wouldn't want to frame my actions as 'a punishment' I might still do things he'd see that way - no more cash unless he keeps his grades at a bare minimum for passing, no car unless, again, he keeps those grades at that bare minimum, and no job if he's still a minor. Because his focus should be on getting through these last few stupid months, jumping through those last few stupid hoops, and getting that stupid piece of paper that proves he did the work. ("Stupid" being, my guess, his word about this whole thing.)

I'd also be willing to blatantly bribe him to cross that finishing line. A trip? Cold hard cash? Whatever you want, son, so long as you get your darn diploma. I'm okay with bribes. This isn't a four year commitment, this is a couple more months.

With that said, because variations on this behavior are so common, I think it is very likely they can get his teachers to work with him if he just commits to pulling a solid 65 over the next few months. They don't want to see him again either! They may be more willing than he thinks to just give him some extra credit work or allow him to make-up assignments, anything to justify a baseline passing grade at the end of the term. (I would be very surprised if he wasn't on some level worried that he's so far behind he can't possibly make it up. My advice? Go to the teachers, beg shamelessly, and throw all possible effort into passing the finals. Whatever they say they'll do, schools hardly ever keep back seniors who managed to get decent grades on their final exams.)

Edit: Note, everything after the first paragraph is based on the assumption that he is not, in fact, actually suffering from serious mental illness. Since screenings can be wrong, that's still a possibility - and if that's the case, his mental health comes first, before anything else.

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On the CC idea, it takes drive to pass college classes. More drive than it takes to pass a high school class, with everyone pulling for you. I would very much push for him to do what it takes to pass these 2 classes because I don’t see him (or at least this current version of him) being successful in CC. 

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Does he have an option to take online classes this summer through the school district? I would ditch the current classes and just do that if it is an option. It starts the learning over at the beginning (so he isn't behind). It is usually super simple and is just the basic, rudimentary course work required to pass the classes. That way he still has a regular high school diploma. Depending on the school, he may be able to start now and get the work done before the end of the year. With our  local school, it is only credit recovery offered in this format, so you can't take the online route unless you have already failed. 

If he does go this route, i would insist he get full time work, now. He would take over the entire car payment. Ii fully agree that senioritis is real and some kinds are just mentally done with high school before it is officially over. But if he only has a couple of classes and only needs to pass them for a diploma, that should be doable for even a kid who is mentally done (unless there is more going on either  mentally or physically). But the reality is, in my home.....that either you go to school or work. I offer buffer time between each for specific reasons, but at the end of the day, you need to be moving forward in life or bettering yourself, if you are living at home for free.  Have him start applying  to trade programs to see what he needs to get accepted. Maybe that will motivate him to finish the classes or maybe he will find that he can go directly into school. Either way, have him do the work, even if it means sitting beside him and monitoring him actually hitting the keys. 

 

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10 hours ago, DawnM said:

 

The only alternative school our district offers is for behavior issues, not just failing.  They have a drop out prevention person but she has met with him, and frankly, I wouldn't want my kid meeting with her, she isn't very caring, nor does she follow up. 

He can do online school in the summer to make it up, but WILL he is the question.

 

"Punishment" (in the conventional sense) is inappropriate and likely ineffective / counterproductive at this age IMHO.

He seems to be getting something from his peers, it could be just needing a "tribe," it could be literally drugs or something else. This I would explore as a parent.

Will he finish summer school? Probably only if he is motivated to do so. And this is the crux of it. Thankfully, it's not a "one chance only" thing. Perhaps he needs a chance to go to community college and follow the path you mentioned in a post - perhaps he needs to find employment and experience the work world. At this age, he is responsible for his choices and there is little a parent can do other than encourage, keep communication positive and open and support him if he has a plan.

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I would try to convince him that it would be a lot easier for him to just do enough to finish high school now, vs. starting a whole new program from scratch to get a document that many won't view as a "real" diploma.

I would wonder if there are some drugs or other severe distractions involved.  Girlfriend or something?  Is he getting way too deep into one of those elaborate games? 

Is he under 18?  If so, his parents can take away some of the possible distractions.  I would also withdraw the parents' portion of car expenses unless he applies himself to graduate.

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5 hours ago, Tap said:

Does he have an option to take online classes this summer through the school district? I would ditch the current classes and just do that if it is an option. It starts the learning over at the beginning (so he isn't behind). It is usually super simple and is just the basic, rudimentary course work required to pass the classes. That way he still has a regular high school diploma. Depending on the school, he may be able to start now and get the work done before the end of the year. With our  local school, it is only credit recovery offered in this format, so you can't take the online route unless you have already failed. 

If he does go this route, i would insist he get full time work, now. He would take over the entire car payment. Ii fully agree that senioritis is real and some kinds are just mentally done with high school before it is officially over. But if he only has a couple of classes and only needs to pass them for a diploma, that should be doable for even a kid who is mentally done (unless there is more going on either  mentally or physically). But the reality is, in my home.....that either you go to school or work. I offer buffer time between each for specific reasons, but at the end of the day, you need to be moving forward in life or bettering yourself, if you are living at home for free.  Have him start applying  to trade programs to see what he needs to get accepted. Maybe that will motivate him to finish the classes or maybe he will find that he can go directly into school. Either way, have him do the work, even if it means sitting beside him and monitoring him actually hitting the keys. 

 

 

Only if he doesn't withdraw now.  The only way he can ditch school now is to have his parents withdraw to homeschool and then he can't come back and finish in the summer.  It doesn't work like that in our district.    He can continue and fail and take summer classes, but he can't withdraw and then go back for the summer.  Summer school is ONLY for those who have failed classes during the school year, not homeschoolers (which is the only way to withdraw other than dropping out) in our district.  So, it sounds like it is similar to your district.

 

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I’m curious as to what the parents’ motivations are.  5 weeks before the end, is this a kid who applied to and got accepted to 4-year schools? Were arrangements and deposits made? If so, I would probably be freaking out about the commitments made, too.

But, if he’s an almost-graduate who didn’t have firm plans this far in, it sounds to me like he IS finally making a plan.  And, if he’s going to actually do what’s needed to work toward it, it isn’t a terrible one!

I’m still disappointed that my young adult wanted to be finished with high school without *finishing high school. Those are MY feelings that I own for myself.  I’m not particularly thrilled that he chose to become a music major, either. Again, MY feelings.  But he isn’t me and it isn’t my life. I gave him all of the opportunities to be who and what he wanted to become, and he’s doing exactly that. Despite the feelings I have about what *I* wanted him to do, I’m incredibly proud of him for being himself.  No punishment needed.

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