s/o 13 y.o. brain fog/tears--when to be concerned?

[cintinative]

I have seen several 13 y.o. threads so I thought I would start my own.

Okay so I know puberty brain is real, and we are in the midst of that, but when, if ever, do you become concerned about brain fog/brain shut downs?  

These are the kinds of things we are dealing with:  consistently not reading directions and then ending up in tears because he needs to redo something;  not remembering things we have gone over multiple times; brain shut downs/tears when writing about personal experiences/his life (required a couple of times recently for assessments); silly math mistakes, etc.  Edited to add: these are not issues we dealt with a year ago, for example.

To clarify: I am not upset with him. I know that part of this is a stage we are in. I am just trying to assess when we are moving past what is "normal" (??? does this exist???) for puberty and when we are moving into the realm of potential medical issues (sleep problems, complications of his Celiac, etc.).

TIA Hive! 

 

 

 

Edited April 12, 2019 by cintinative

[Sneezyone]

My son is 11, in the middle of a massive growth spurt, and he has the same 'symptoms'. Unless the student is in high school and there are major long-term repercussions, I'd just ride it out and  encourage more food, sleep, and patience (toward himself and others).

[Lecka]

I think there are tears and then there are tears.  

If there are tears but within an hour there has been some (a lot) of recovery, then I think that is different from tears and no recovery.

I also think it’s important to look at the big picture.

Is social going okay?

Are there many moments/times when a positive viewpoint is expressed?

I am in the middle of a bit of a strange time in my family with my 13 yo, where he is, on paper doing worse than my niece, but o have a good feeling because he seems like his social life is going well and he sees how he can do better in the future and things he is capable of it.  Maybe (probably) he will have more mistakes in the future but overall his mindset is good and we think he is doing well.

In the meantime my niece is doing better on paper but she is doing less-well socially (she is down to one friend and has dropped all her activities, and has quit all her previous interests) and she is really mopey.

My sister has gotten her a counselor and is doing what she can.  On paper she is better than my son but it is a big change for her and her social life shows a lot to withdrawl.

In the meantime my son is worse on paper but he is doing well socially and his mistakes are so stupid (to an adult) but my husband and I really think they are learning experiences for him.

Anyway — I think it is a big picture that counts more than any specifics.  How are friends.  Is there isolation.  What is they say when you talk to them.  How long do moods/reactions last.

I think all the things mentioned, if they are temporary and then recovered from, are okay.  If they are less-bad but overall there are a lot of concerns, I think that is more of a concern.

My 13yo was very withdrawn and isolated when he was younger, so it is obvious he is on a good path now even though he still has some rough moments.  We were concerned more when he was younger but he is really doing better now.  

I don’t think it is something where any one thing (unless it is very extreme) can be the one thing to look at and say “everything is fine” or “there is a problem.”  I think it is a big picture and one thing isn’t enough to say it’s a problem, but also, one thing isn’t enough to say everything is fine.  

[Lecka]

For things the op says — if the context is that overall things are fine, there are good things too, there is participation, there is a maintaining of ties, there is an interest, etc, I would not worry about any of those things in a context where overall things are going well.

I would think they were things to handle or talk about etc,  but not a serious concern.  Or they would be thinks to wait out and have patience.  

But I think context makes a huge difference.  It is hard to know if people have more concerns but certain things seem more concrete, and so the concrete concerns are mentioned, as a stand-in for more concerns, or if everything is going well except for the things mentioned, but the parent wants to be doing due diligence or appropriately address a new stage.  

Edited April 12, 2019 by Lecka

[TravelingChris]

It is all related.  Autoimmune issues affect every part of your body.  That is what the research is showing and what so many of the medical profession who keep up with the research will tell you.  Pretty much every day, they are discovering that conditions they didn't think were autoimmune related, are in fact.  Also the research is showing that many diseases that are lumped as one---Depression, for example-- are actually a number of ones caused by varied things.  They are discussing this week at the International lupus conference in San Francisco whether to have designations for the different types of Lupus.  At the American Rheumatological Society, they have been discussing about what to term all of us who have more than one autoimmune condition----- cause just about everyone has more than one autoimmune condition.  

Since our medical knowledge is increasing so fast (as is all knowledge),  faster than anyone can learn,  no one has all the answers.  So what you will need to be learning and teaching him that all medications, treatments, etc have pros and cons.  The way that they currently treat all of us complicated cases (and even not so complicated too) is to treat symptoms.  

[cintinative]

@Lecka  We have not had any issues with mood that would make me worry about overall mental health. He is overall a contented kid. He is introverted, but not isolated.  School seems to be the trigger for the tears, and it does pass. Yesterday we had a particularly rough spot with brain shut down. I encouraged him to work on something else or take a break and come back to it, and eventually he did power through and overcome the brain block. His mood really improved after being done (it was an assessment).  

I do appreciate you bringing that up though. I was very depressed as a teenager so I want to be mindful of those things. 

[SKL]

Hard to say, but it could be normal.  When I was an 11yo girl, anything could start the waterworks - and I was normally not a person who cried if I could help it.  I distinctly remember weeping in the depths of despair because my mother reminded me to wash the dishes.  I remember this being a rather frequent occurrence for a while there.

I know boys are statistically less dramatic, but I've known plenty who will cry in frustration when things don't line up like they are supposed to - which happens a lot in puberty.

[Lecka]

I think so look and try to see, if it is really a lot, or if it’s more sometimes, or if right now you think he is right in the throes where he would cry more easily.

But it shouldn’t always be that way, but being that way sometimes, I do think is different.

I think recovering and powering through is a really good sign.  

Some kids do not have that point of recovery and then powering through.

For my 13yo, right now he really doesn’t shut down.  It has been a while since he has (probably 2 years).  But mistakes — yes.  Not knowing how to handle things and messing up — yes.  But in a way where afterward we do think it can be (and probably is) a learning experience.  

He used to just not recover.  There would be no recovery.  That would just be the end of anything towards that thing, whatever it was.  

So for him if he has a moment (or short period) where he is not handling things well, or he is having a reaction that is not the best, but then he goes on to manage and come back to a good place where he can get things done or be around people in a good way, we do know that is progress. 

But I do think it’s too much to expect to never have a bad response or reaction; but seeing things recover or seeing the responses and reactions decrease over time, I do think are good signs.  

For whatever reason my 13 yo is doing a lot better than he did at 11 yo and 12 yo!  My goodness.  He was not making progress but we had a lot of good signs with how he was doing socially and with how he was doing overall.  But specifics were not so good.  

Edit:  now he does seem to have a maturity to handle things better.  My niece is just — overall my sister is worried.  It’s not any one thing (though there are some things) but overall she is concerned.  She is more concerned with her socially/isolation-wise than she is with her academically/frustration-wise.  

 

Edited April 12, 2019 by Lecka

[Pen]

If you think it might have a relationship to illness, I’d look at that before assuming it’s normal puberty.  Especially if you already know he has something like celiac.  Things like Lyme also cause brain fog.  

[Arctic Bunny]

That seems normal for my 12 & 14 yo boys. A lot of it seems to stem from perspective. As we get older, we can step back and prioritize and consider different ways of tackling a problem. Everything seems equally huge and rigid to them. OMG I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE PAGE ON FEELINGS WHAT WILL I WRITE ABOUT, vs reframing it to talking about things I like/dislike, how I feel when I ride a horse/hit the ball, etc. And because everything seems equally huge, their responses seem to be just as big (tears of frustration, never being able to get this done, have been working on it forEVER, etc)

[J-rap]

I think that seems normal...  From our experience, late middle school was kind of an emotional time.  Plus they are yearning to be independent and doing things (or not doing things) a certain way because they think they can, but then can't really keep up.  I had one kid in particular who never read directions.  It used to drive me crazy.  This kid was really smart.  I think he thought reading directions was a waste of his time.   😆  He learned the hard way.   You could try some things though like encouraging him to go to sleep earlier, making sure he gets enough exercise during the day, vitamin D supplements (if you live in an area where you haven't had a lot of sunshine exposure), and even experiment with going gluten-free for a month or two.  You can have a sensitivity toward gluten that can make you feel foggy and sluggish.  

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

Oh gosh our middle schoolers cry at the literal drop of a hat.  And frustrated tears during school, along with spacing directions and silly mistakes (like, basic multiplication errors when they’ve known these facts cold for years) are happening too.

 

Go with your gut, but generally speaking the Feels and puberty brain are real things, and really obnoxious for the kiddo.  They just can’t help it to some extent.  If you’re seeing big personality changes or out of control outbursts, consistent depressive issues, etc, look into it.  But generally I’d lean toward ‘normal!’.

I remember sobbing in a restaurant because I couldn't figure out what to order. My poor mother just ordered for me and had me go wash my face. 

EVERYTHING feels huge. 

Also, good time to discuss and practice self care, and also stress management. Talk about how to get out of the "fight or flight or freeze" lizard brain and into the "thinking brain". 

[cintinative]

3 hours ago, J-rap said:

I think that seems normal...  From our experience, late middle school was kind of an emotional time.  Plus they are yearning to be independent and doing things (or not doing things) a certain way because they think they can, but then can't really keep up.  I had one kid in particular who never read directions.  It used to drive me crazy.  This kid was really smart.  I think he thought reading directions was a waste of his time.   😆  He learned the hard way.   You could try some things though like encouraging him to go to sleep earlier, making sure he gets enough exercise during the day, vitamin D supplements (if you live in an area where you haven't had a lot of sunshine exposure), and even experiment with going gluten-free for a month or two.  You can have a sensitivity toward gluten that can make you feel foggy and sluggish.  

 

He actually has Celiac. I am wondering if maybe he was glutened and we didn't know it (unusual, but possible) which is why yesterday was so awful. Not that the other days were spectacular, but yesterday was a special kind of awful in the brain department.

[ktgrok]

Has his thyroid been checked lately? Celiac and thyroid issues go together hand in hand. In fact, I know our doctor said DS needs annual screening for thyroid hormone levels. thyroid issues would cause emotional issues and brain fog. 

[cintinative]

6 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

Has his thyroid been checked lately? Celiac and thyroid issues go together hand in hand. In fact, I know our doctor said DS needs annual screening for thyroid hormone levels. thyroid issues would cause emotional issues and brain fog. 

 

I don't think they have  been checked in awhile. I didn't even think of that.

[kbutton]

7 hours ago, HeighHo said:

Diet. They are growing and sometimes need a snack so blood sugar low doesn't happen.

We were coming out of the moody blues at 13, but the blood sugar thing is a big deal for my kids and has always been. If they are hungry, it can get ugly really fast. My older kiddo started setting an alarm for an afternoon snack because he wouldn't notice until he was a mess.

[cintinative]

9 hours ago, HeighHo said:

Diet. They are growing and sometimes need a snack so blood sugar low doesn't happen.

 

I did feed him. 😃 I think maybe I should have tried the "nap" or "shower" piece to the puberty meltdown solution triangle (from SWB--solution is nap, shower, sandwich, or all of the above). Unfortunately I can't convince my kids that naps are glorious.  Someday . . .