gingersmom Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 My son (freshman) has only had this roommate for about 3 months but he is a bad egg (to put it nicely) With 30 days left of school my son reached his breaking point and met with his RA. She gave good advice, he discussed with roommate. Roommate has now been slamming window shut and banging his desk chair against desk for hours (starting at 3am). I told my son to put phone to video, roommate saw and left the room. Ugh. RA says she will elevate to meeting with hall director. I can’t even make sense of roommates behavior. Ugh. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 Some kids are so immature. I hope the meeting goes well for your son and that he can get some peace with the situation and get through this ordeal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 I'm so sorry your son has to deal with this. Good idea on using the phone to record bad behavior. Not only can he document, but the roommate obviously doesn't like being recorded so it may be a deterrent. I hope that he can get decent resolution on this so that he can finish the semester with minimal fuss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teachermom2834 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 My ds had a really bad roommate situation this year (freshman year). He endured it way too long. Finally about a month into second semester he requested a room change. He had it in 24 hours and in a much better situation. It would be worth it even for the short time left. Mine should have changed rooms long ago. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 11, 2019 Author Share Posted April 11, 2019 (edited) His first roommate moved after about 6 weeks. Then no roommate for over a month. Next roommate moved in for short time before dropping out of school. Then no roommate again. So he has been pretty lucky until now. Because of medical condition he could have gotten a single room but he wanted the college experience of having a roommate. His sister and I warned him but he wouldn’t listen. On the bright side he learned how to advocate for himself which he is quite proud of. Roommate left room around 5am (after videotape) came back and was silent. Hopefully the nonsense will stop. Edited April 11, 2019 by gingersmom 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 38 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said: My ds had a really bad roommate situation this year (freshman year). He endured it way too long. Finally about a month into second semester he requested a room change. He had it in 24 hours and in a much better situation. It would be worth it even for the short time left. Mine should have changed rooms long ago. I’ve heard so many roommate horror stories. One of my friend’s dd’s went to the same school my ds is at one year before him. She left so hopeful and excited and wound up struggling horribly because of a bullying roommate. Another local girl we know went through major emotional issues at school for the same reason. I’ve told both of my kids not to put up with any of that. If there is a major character issue with their roommate, switch ASAP! No need to brave it out or hope it gets better. Just move on. My ds has been lucky to have a great roommate his first year. It was a huge relief to me because I know something like that could have been the difference between him making the adjustment of being away at college and returning home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 (edited) We got a new roommate in the middle of the second semester of our junior year (the other three of us had been roomies since freshman year in a 2BR campus apartment). The sorority chicks who moved her in (her former roommates) were just ever so helpfully moving her things with/for her. It was AWFUL. This poor girl had been tormented by them for months and the housing manager felt we were good/nice kids who would treat her well (we did). Not to say that she was an easy roomie tho. She was poor, not just broke, poor Her parents cut her off when she decided to come to school and she did not have money for basic hygiene products or even appropriate clothes (like for interviews). This was not a good fit for Los Angeles. Roomie issues can be complicated. I spent the rest of that semester sleeping on the couch in the living room because the smell was unbearable in my bedroom and I didn't have the heart to confront her. Edited April 11, 2019 by Sneezyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 That sounds like a bad situation, and I'd have no problem intervening as the parent. You're paying good money for your child to be there, and he shouldn't have to put up with that. That's different than different personalities working out how to get along. Your ds's roommate clearly has no interest in working it out. My dd had only one bad roommate experience and just for one semester. But, they were on complete opposite schedules so fortunately rarely had to deal with each other. If it had been longer than one semester she/we would have insisted on a change. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 11, 2019 Author Share Posted April 11, 2019 RA is meeting with roommate tonight and he has number for campus police in his phone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 When I was in college (in the last century), some kids behaves badly on purpose so that their roommates would get moved out and then they had the room all to themselves. This behavior was not unknown in my campus. Maybe that is what is going on with this roommate. Maybe he is trying to make your son initiate a request for a room transfer and does not want to be named as the reason for it and hence stopped behaving badly as soon as the recording started. phones have voice recorders as well. if the roommate is too smart to act out when the video recording is ON, then, he can use the voice recording option without roommate knowing it. Then, he has evidence that he can give to the RA. Reaching a breaking point is not something that your son should have to endure. He is in college to get an education, not to suffer. With evidence, the college will transfer your son out quickly because they do not want liability as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) 37 minutes ago, mathnerd said: When I was in college (in the last century), some kids behaves badly on purpose so that their roommates would get moved out and then they had the room all to themselves. This behavior was not unknown in my campus. Maybe that is what is going on with this roommate. Maybe he is trying to make your son initiate a request for a room transfer and does not want to be named as the reason for it and hence stopped behaving badly as soon as the recording started. phones have voice recorders as well. if the roommate is too smart to act out when the video recording is ON, then, he can use the voice recording option without roommate knowing it. Then, he has evidence that he can give to the RA. Reaching a breaking point is not something that your son should have to endure. He is in college to get an education, not to suffer. With evidence, the college will transfer your son out quickly because they do not want liability as well. Thanks for the suggestion. My son says he knows how to use. 27 days left of school so I am hoping this will be resolved tonight. I’m beginning to wonder why this person moved from their previous room. On the plus side I have seen a side of my son I never knew about. Mature, confident, outspoken and just taking charge. Making me proud! ETA: He just asked RA about a room change. Edited April 12, 2019 by gingersmom 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 Well since I last posted my son told me more, told hall director he felt unsafe to sleep in room so I headed out to pick him up ( school is an hour away) Tomorrow I’ll take him back for class then help him move to new room in the afternoon. I can’t wait till this is a distant memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 6 hours ago, gingersmom said: Well since I last posted my son told me more, told hall director he felt unsafe to sleep in room so I headed out to pick him up ( school is an hour away) Tomorrow I’ll take him back for class then help him move to new room in the afternoon. I can’t wait till this is a distant memory. I’m glad you went and got him and that he’s moving into a new room. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 Happy update!!! After class he moves into a single room in the same dorm!! He is super relieved and happy. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 Glad to hear this resolution! Good luck to him for the rest of the semester. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 13, 2019 Author Share Posted April 13, 2019 Update #99 Title: I can’t make this up I arrive to help him move. We get key to new room. We pack up old room. We go to new room. There is a kid living in the room. We call hall director. He says room has been empty for months, he will be right over. Turns our kid who is no longer enrolled has been living there. He lives out of state so they are giving him till Monday at noon to vacate. in the meantime my son was encouraged to call campus security and report his roommates threatening behavior which he did. I can only describe the roommates mess as hoarders meets mentally ill college student. Everyone who entered the room was shocked. So we packed up his stuff in car to take home for the weekend and bring back on Monday. Wish us luck!! I don’t think it can get stranger. 9 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 I'm glad he's found a resolution and hopefully everything will fall right into place on Monday (someone living in the room?? My dd's uni uses key-cards for the rooms and once you're "supposed to have moved out," the key-card goes dead. No re-entering the room! I guess that's quite a bit safer? lol) How on EARTH did they not look in the room before giving your ds a key, though?!? So strange!! But, I'm disgusted that he had to be the one who moved out. Always seems to be the non-problem kid who has to do the moving. At least, in my dd's case, that's how it's been twice now. 😕 (although if the roommate is a hoarder on top of the mental issues... maybe your son would prefer to have a clean slate... This last time my dd went through this, she was THRILLED to move out. She said the room had bad vibes and she didn't want to be there anymore... so the PITA was worth it to her) Yay for single rooms, though!! 😄 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted April 13, 2019 Share Posted April 13, 2019 Wow! You're right...can't make this stuff up!! I hope the move goes smoothly on Monday. Sorry your son has to be the one to move, but I hope he can get the single & everything will be CALM for the rest of the semester!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 15, 2019 Author Share Posted April 15, 2019 (edited) Monday afternoon and the saga is not over yet!!! The kid squatting in the room is still there. He has less than an hour to vacate before campus police pack up his room. While I feel bad for this kid my son who is paying for his room I feel worse. I am sitting in dorm lobby waiting for the thrilling conclusion. Edited April 15, 2019 by gingersmom 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 15, 2019 Author Share Posted April 15, 2019 He’s finally out!!! i watched them deactivate his student id so I won’t worry he will return. Oddly enough I saw him in his car. I am happy for this to finally be over. Waiting for my son to get out of class to happily unpack car. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 I'm glad you live close enough to cart him and his items home and back so many times, I can't help but wonder what a student who lived further away would have done? I think the school owes your son a few days of room reimbursement (or your gas $$). 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 Oh, and make sure you guys do a full inspection of the room & write up any existing problems so your son doesn't get charged for the room condition that the other kid left!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 16, 2019 Author Share Posted April 16, 2019 Final final update.........aka the thrilling conclusion The good news he is in his room and happy happy happy. It took some vacuuming and lots of sweeping but it is finally clean and he unpacked and is ecstatic. The bad news is that from 2-4:30 he was locked out of the dorm (technically) because someone deleted his student id number from his student id card and he could not access the elevator or stairs. So basically his stuff was in his room but he wasn't allowed in. Then he was allowed in, but I wasn't. And someone said we should wait several days for it to be fixed. Long story short I may have raised my voice slightly louder than normal, left repeated voicemails with 2 hall directors and 1 person working from home. All is well now, my blood pressure has returned to its normal low, I'm in zen mode and all is good. My son has loved hearing everyones comments about this incredibly strange journey. Thanks for listening! 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 1 hour ago, gingersmom said: Final final update.........aka the thrilling conclusion The good news he is in his room and happy happy happy. It took some vacuuming and lots of sweeping but it is finally clean and he unpacked and is ecstatic. The bad news is that from 2-4:30 he was locked out of the dorm (technically) because someone deleted his student id number from his student id card and he could not access the elevator or stairs. So basically his stuff was in his room but he wasn't allowed in. Then he was allowed in, but I wasn't. And someone said we should wait several days for it to be fixed. Long story short I may have raised my voice slightly louder than normal, left repeated voicemails with 2 hall directors and 1 person working from home. All is well now, my blood pressure has returned to its normal low, I'm in zen mode and all is good. My son has loved hearing everyones comments about this incredibly strange journey. Thanks for listening! So a student who was not attending had been squatting in a room with access to the dorm for an extended period, did not move out by the deadline, and his key was just deactivated today, but your ds, who has been forced to switch rooms, wait for a room, had his id deactivated today, too? I'd have done more slightly raise my voice. That is appalling. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 Thanks for keeping us updated! I’m glad he’s finally in his own room. Now he has a story to tell for a long time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted April 22, 2019 Share Posted April 22, 2019 On 4/11/2019 at 8:25 PM, gingersmom said: Thanks for the suggestion. My son says he knows how to use. 27 days left of school so I am hoping this will be resolved tonight. I’m beginning to wonder why this person moved from their previous room. On the plus side I have seen a side of my son I never knew about. Mature, confident, outspoken and just taking charge. Making me proud! ETA: He just asked RA about a room change. Unfortunately, those 27 days includes critical finals week. Has your DS asked the roommate what the problem is? Maybe it's easily correctible with some talk therapy? Don't know if he has already done this; I am a bit late to this thread and you may have already given us the backstory and I missed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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