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Janeway

Would it be terrible to pull out of school 6 weeks to the end?

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I asked before about the trouble with the work at the school my daughter is in, but with the notion that I should pull her out over the summer and move back to home schooling for the fall. But here we are, 30 school days left, and it is torture. I feel like I am being tortured. We get up at 6am. We leave the house at 7am. By 2:55p-3p I am sitting in the hot school car pick up line with the sun coming in at me. Even when she gets in the car, the traffic in the car line is heavy enough that we do not get out of the parking lot until about 3:15pm and home about 3:30pm. Within moments of being in the car, she starts crying about the homework she has to do that night. Last night, I actually did most of the home work for her and it took thirty minutes just for the part I did. They claim the entire homework should take 15 minutes. Before we get home, she is saying she wants to ride her bike, but I know I need a good amount of time to sit with her to do school work. Plus, by this time of day, I am exhausted. She must be exhausted too because she is super whiney.  Yesterday, she hid in her room in a tantrum to try to get out of her work. The teacher gives a piece of candy the the kids with the best handwriting. So my daughter will write a letter and then erase and then re-write and so on, and end in tears saying her handwriting is awful. I find myself looking at the calendar and counting and recounting the actual school days left. Part of me thinks I should stick it out, just 30 school days left. But another part of me thinks, that is more school days than from Thanksgiving to Christmas and that feels like forever.  That's 30 days we could work on recovering from this brutal year and rebooting our energy for next year. I feel like I would be insulting the teacher, hurting feelings, whatever else, if we left now. That maybe we need to finish what we started. But on the other hand, we had been home schooling in the first place and I was really on the fence about giving this place a try in the beginning anyway.

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I know what you mean about the exhaustion... we didn't have any homework when my first grader was in public school last year, and she still came home absolutely drained. 

I'm not sure what I'd do. We knew we were going to start homeschooling by the spring of last year, but things weren't in as bad a state for us: my daughter was merely bored and annoyed and tired by school. 

Is there any way to get her to take the work less seriously? To make a pact to make the best of it for 30 days, just on the principle that it's good to finish things you've started and not to make enemies? Then to keep helping her with homework and generally not worrying about it? 

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Honestly, I'd just tell the teacher that we were not going to do any more homework for the rest of the year. Perhaps a gently-spoken "heads-up" to the teacher, along with a signed/dated letter to the effect of: "DD is melting down, no learning is happening with the work being sent home to do at night, and the added stress is negatively impacting her mental and physical health as well as that of the rest of the family. I take full responsibility for the decision to stop all homework for the rest of the year, and will not hold the school accountable for any consequences as a result of stopping. signed ________, date_______"

If it helps, try "channeling" (LOL) SWB in her book Rethinking School and be polite but firm. If the school gives you major push-back, then at that point I would consider politely withdrawing, without burning any bridges.

Edited by Lori D.
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How important is the homework? Is it integral to the next day’s classroom learning? Or is it busywork? Somewhere in between? 

If it needs to be done to understand what’s going on the next day, then clearly this isn’t going to work. If it’s busywork amd only supposed to take 15 minutes, then I would take her home, have a snack and a bike ride, and set a timer for 15 minutes. And then put it all away and have a treat or whatever, and explain - again - that a piece of candy isn’t worth it. I would also dare her to try her best without erasing anything and see if it gets a candy anyway. And of course, I would let the teacher know of my plan in advance.

My mother also did my excessive homework in grade 1...

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Id pull her.  I know this because last year I pulled my 3rd grader in April 😉

Either take an extra month of summer, or do some fun interest based stuff, and a few placement-finding activities and exams for next year, or just do a month of whatever you will do next year and have a head start.  Personally I just folded mine into my already homeschooling kids.

But don't stay in a miserable situation just to potentially save the teachers hurt feelings and cross some invisible finish line.  No way.

Edited by Coco_Clark
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I would be much more worried about the damage that this schooling experience is doing to your child than what the school or teacher will think if you pull her out. 

Susan in TX

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4 hours ago, Janeway said:

I asked before about the trouble with the work at the school my daughter is in, but with the notion that I should pull her out over the summer and move back to home schooling for the fall. But here we are, 30 school days left, and it is torture. I feel like I am being tortured. We get up at 6am. We leave the house at 7am. By 2:55p-3p I am sitting in the hot school car pick up line with the sun coming in at me. Even when she gets in the car, the traffic in the car line is heavy enough that we do not get out of the parking lot until about 3:15pm and home about 3:30pm. Within moments of being in the car, she starts crying about the homework she has to do that night. Last night, I actually did most of the home work for her and it took thirty minutes just for the part I did. They claim the entire homework should take 15 minutes. Before we get home, she is saying she wants to ride her bike, but I know I need a good amount of time to sit with her to do school work. Plus, by this time of day, I am exhausted. She must be exhausted too because she is super whiney.  Yesterday, she hid in her room in a tantrum to try to get out of her work. The teacher gives a piece of candy the the kids with the best handwriting. So my daughter will write a letter and then erase and then re-write and so on, and end in tears saying her handwriting is awful. I find myself looking at the calendar and counting and recounting the actual school days left. Part of me thinks I should stick it out, just 30 school days left. But another part of me thinks, that is more school days than from Thanksgiving to Christmas and that feels like forever.  That's 30 days we could work on recovering from this brutal year and rebooting our energy for next year. I feel like I would be insulting the teacher, hurting feelings, whatever else, if we left now. That maybe we need to finish what we started. But on the other hand, we had been home schooling in the first place and I was really on the fence about giving this place a try in the beginning anyway.

I wouldn't worry about insulting the teacher. 

I would worry about your daughter's relationship with school friends. Is that important to her? Does she have a "best friend" at school? Are there any social relationships at school that you want to maintain? Pulling her out now might make it hard for her properly say goodbye, etc. which could cause her to grieve. 

Is there anything at school that she is looking forward to? Like an end of the year celebration or a school play or performance? 

My daughter is currently in school and we're pulling her out for next year so I completely understand where you are. I don't know about your daughter's school but telling the teacher that we aren't doing any homework for the rest of the year wouldn't fly here because my daughter would be punished by losing recess. Would your daughter suffer any consequences from not doing homework? 

Could you try giving your daughter candy to keep her from feeling the need to compete for the candy at school? 

 

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There are a lot of end-of-year activities that your daughter may be looking forward to like field trips, parties, and field day. So discuss with her and see how she would feel about it; letting her know that she would miss those events. 

I don't think I would teach her to skirt the responsibility of homework. One day she may do that to one of your expectations of her and you kind of taught her that it was ok. But maybe she should do the best that she can for the 15 minutes expected and turn that in and let the teacher know that she worked hard for 15 minutes and this is what she was able to accomplish. Then you reward her with a piece of candy (or whatever) for her 15 minutes of effort. The teacher may be underestimating the time commitment needed and you may be able to get less homework assigned to her - after demonstrating what is realistic for your child - if she wants to stay in school.

 

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I would pull her out now.  It's first grade.  She's not going to miss anything academically that you can't make up for.  Another six weeks of misery sounds awful.

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Stop prioritizing the homework over her mental and physical needs. You’re sending the message to her that she needs to do this pointless homework and wasting both your time.

I feel like a lot of people in a previous thread about this - once we realized how young she is - urged you to stop doing it at all. If you cannot bring yourself to, then, yes, I’d pull her now.

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17 hours ago, Janeway said:

Within moments of being in the car, she starts crying about the homework she has to do that night. Last night, I actually did most of the home work for her and it took thirty minutes just for the part I did. They claim the entire homework should take 15 minutes. Before we get home, she is saying she wants to ride her bike, but I know I need a good amount of time to sit with her to do school work. Plus, by this time of day, I am exhausted. She must be exhausted too because she is super whiney.  Yesterday, she hid in her room in a tantrum to try to get out of her work.

It sounds like she needed to MOVE after being penned up in that school all day. Is there some reason she can't be allowed to ride her bike when she gets home? Or even stop at a park on the way, buy a cone, run and play. After she moves and runs and gets her joy back, she could eat dinner and then maybe do that homework for 15 minutes. You could set a timer and say we're going to work for 15 minutes and we'll STOP when the timer goes off. Healthy people set boundaries.

The last few weeks of school usually get pretty fun with parties and things. Our ps has field days and brings in bounce houses and has parties the last week. I don't see why she should miss the most fun part of the year. You could try some fixes the rest of this week (lots of free play time after school, snacks to recharge her, and very limited homework time) and see how she does. If that corrects it, then she's good to stay in.

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Another idea would be to send a note to the teacher saying that homework is taking X amount of time in the evenings and negatively impacting DD.   Say that DD will work diligently for 15 minutes on homework, but no more.  You are taking responsibility ... (like in the PP)
 

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19 hours ago, Janeway said:

I feel like I would be insulting the teacher, hurting feelings, whatever else, if we left now. That maybe we need to finish what we started. But on the other hand, we had been home schooling in the first place and I was really on the fence about giving this place a try in the beginning anyway.

Girl, someone might feel insulted no matter what you do.

I promise that your child will not get the lesson that "we need to finish what we started." What does that even mean? This is not something your child started, of her own free will, because she thought it was a great idea and she had the freedom to choose whether to do it or not. This is something that *you* started. Why should she be held prisoner to your choices?

Take her out now.

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1 hour ago, Ellie said:

Girl, someone might feel insulted no matter what you do.

I promise that your child will not get the lesson that "we need to finish what we started." What does that even mean? This is not something your child started, of her own free will, because she thought it was a great idea and she had the freedom to choose whether to do it or not. This is something that *you* started. Why should she be held prisoner to your choices?

Take her out now.

I almost always love Ellie's advice.

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What does she want? 

If she wanted to come home I'd do it without a moment's thought. I'd probably only keep her in if she REALLY wanted to stay. 

At the end of the year there is not much learning going on, IMO, especially once they get to testing the year is done. 

Mine went b/c of family stress and we only made it 3 days with the younger ones, the day is SO long for the little ones it is just too much.

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I agree with either taking her out of school or telling the teacher no more homework will be done.  Hopefully the teacher won't treat your daughter differently if you choose the latter.  I would likely withdraw.  I would not have much tolerance for the situation.

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I remember the advice in the previous thread about either doing no homework or 30 minutes and calling it quits.

I also remember seeing you say that the school will keep her in from recess if she did not complete the homework. I think I remember you saying other parents were finding the homework was excessive/taking too long.

I would have been making a stink way before this even knowing the school will not care (based on your previous posts). I'd let my kid ride her bike, have her work for 30 minutes, and send every batch of homework with the same note- saying she worked hard for a supervised 30 minutes (so no erasing constantly) & you insist she still be allowed to go out to recess. I'd email the teacher and principal with your new plan in the interest of your child's mental & physical health.

If they punish your daughter for this, I would consider hitting social media and follow up with the local media. If what you say is true, other families will speak up and the school/teacher will back down. That assumes your account is accurate and truthful.

Edited by RootAnn
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Here is the previous thread. You don't have to go in far to see the recess comment. (I'd quote the posts, but can't figure it out right now.)

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On 3/21/2019 at 11:25 AM, Janeway said:

She ends up crying so much over the home work anymore. And, the teacher has us filling out on a sheet how long each portion of home work takes. In this past week, I wrote that the 10 words that had to be copied 5 times each and given markings on each word for things, took a half hour (that is only about 30 seconds a word) I was told if she cannot handle this, things will be very difficult next year. They said it should have taken her 5 minutes total for that portion (which would have been 6 seconds per word, copied and marked). There are also between 60-100 math problems daily. These math problems, for 1st grade, are to the effect of 34-17, done over and over again. Each page is pretty much the same kind of problem done over and over again. That is supposed to take up to ten minutes. It does not. I hear from other parents that they are having big trouble too, but they feel like they just have to deal with it. On top of this, there is supposed to be reading time, studying for tests, and/or memorizing a poem. There is a weekly poem. So every day ends with her crying hysterically over it now.

Bolding is mine.

On 3/21/2019 at 12:22 PM, Janeway said:

So far, she gets it done. My daughter is a "rule follower" and does it. But she cries a ton while doing it and before doing it. IF I sent the work back undone, she will be held in from recess to do it.

 

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2 hours ago, RootAnn said:

I remember the advice in the previous thread about either doing no homework or 30 minutes and calling it quits.

I also remember seeing you say that the school will keep her in from recess if she did not complete the homework. I think I remember you saying other parents were finding the homework was excessive/taking too long.

I would have been making a stink way before this even knowing the school will not care (based on your previous posts). I'd let my kid ride her bike, have her work for 30 minutes, and send every batch of homework with the same note- saying she worked hard for a supervised 30 minutes (so no erasing constantly) & you insist she still be allowed to go out to recess. I'd email the teacher and principal with your new plan in the interest of your child's mental & physical health.

If they punish your daughter for this, I would consider hitting social media and follow up with the local media. If what you say is true, other families will speak up and the school/teacher will back down. That assumes your account is accurate and truthful.

Kids lose recess at my daughter's school for not doing homework. I think this is pretty common. It's supposedly against the law here in the public schools (my dd goes to private school so the law doesn't apply) but parents report that it's a common punishment here. 

I want to caution the OP about going to social media about this. My experience is that parents really don't care. When my daughter was in kinder and attending public school, kids in her class would be forced to stand on the wall during recess for infractions. This never happened to my daughter but I know it happened to other kids. The parents of the kids to whom this happened did not care. 

Homework is also a controversial topic. This has bubbled up a few things in the school's FB group and it is always shut down quickly by the moderators. Parents don't want to discuss it. 

Speaking generally here, I think many parents believe a few things: 1) the school knows what it is doing and 2) kids have it too easy today and they need to learn that life isn't fair. And if your child attends a 'unique' school, by that I mean a private school or a classical charter like the OP's daughter, I think there is also a need by the parents to convince themselves that the school is "amazing." And as the child begins to struggle more with the school, the parents dig in even deeper. It's almost like a cult. 

 

 

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16 minutes ago, Ordinary Shoes said:

Kids lose recess at my daughter's school for not doing homework. I think this is pretty common . . . My experience is that parents really don't care. . . . The parents of the kids to whom this happened did not care. . . . Parents don't want to discuss it. 

Seems like an is-ought fallacy. IMO, parents should care. Obviously, Janeway does. I would. Attention likely won't stay on the topic for long, but IMO, it is important to highlight things  that are wrong and at least try to fix them. But, to each his/her own.

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9 minutes ago, RootAnn said:

Seems like an is-ought fallacy. IMO, parents should care. Obviously, Janeway does. I would. Attention likely won't stay on the topic for long, but IMO, it is important to highlight things  that are wrong and at least try to fix them. But, to each his/her own.

 

A doctor’s note would take care of that. My kids get a “sugar crash” so their pediatrician would be unhappy about withholding recess or lunch. My kids recess was 15mins and lunch was 20mins. 

A 1st grade teacher kept my DS14 in to do work during recess once, she learned that the consequence of a hungry kid that she has to put up with for the rest of the school day is worse than incomplete class work. 

I would pull my kid out if there is daily crying fits. My kid wasn’t able to finish class work and homework was optional enrichment. His teachers accommodated and he enjoyed the social activities in school so it made sense for him to stay and enjoy all the end of year parties, concerts and games (tag, sports). 

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Considering the extra info, I change my mind.   Pull that kid now.  I'd been one to say to only do 15 minutes of homework.  My logic was that it left the door open for attending next year if that was wanted.   

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OP, have you done anything since the last post about the homework?  Have you talked to the teacher yet?

I think that you could use these last 6 weeks to your advantage by staying at the school as long as you set boundaries with the teacher.  If you say DD only has to do 2-15 minute increments of homework, then work towards getting those time periods whine-free and full-focus ... the habit of attention.  I think this will set you up well for homeschooling in the fall.  

And for the handwriting, perhaps you can take a sample now, find goals to work on, and then see at the end of 6 weeks if she's improved her handwriting by meeting those goals.  Then, assuming she does, give her a BIG bag of candy!  The goal is improvement not perfection.

 

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Please read this with a gentle tone. I'm going to be blunt in my word choice because I think a lot of people are responding to the "would it be terrible to pull her from a school that is making unreasonable demands" without really having the back history of how you got here....

Homeschooling didn't work for you with her. It really didn't work.  You posted a lot of threads about specific concerns that you felt you could not resolve, so you put her in public school.  Public school didn't work out for her either.  I can't remember if you pulled her or not. I seem to think you did.  You were concerned she wasn't fitting in socially/was being bullied, and rather than really working with the school to address those issues, you pulled a kindergartner from school last year. Only bringing her home didn't work out so well for you.  You struggled to teach her and she spent a lot of time on the iPad and making mischief with the toddler.   You put her into a rigorous classical private school this year.  And, having followed your threads for several years now, this in/out/doesn't work for me (I'm thinking of your oldest son now and other siblings who you've had issues with) dynamic seems to be a constant issue....whether it is school, extracurriculars (ballet, gymnastics), etc.  You seem to have a really rigid idea of how things "should" be and when that isn't met, everything falls apart and you reflexively pull them from the activity after a lot of angst over what you should do.

Does this school seem to have unrealistic and developmentally inappropriate expectations for first graders? Yes. Given all that you have on your plate with all of your children, would I pull her? If you consider getting up at a reasonable hour and doing commute pickup a problem, I don't know what to tell you. Honestly.  A lot of us are up at 6, or beforehand.  A lot of us do school pickups. It's just part of life.  If you're struggling with waking and feeding and dressing your kids at reasonable hours....?????? The sun is too bright in the pickup line and that's a consideration for pulling a kid from school????? Those things are kind of baseline parenting standards and not really good reasons to pull a kid from school.

 The fact that the homework is developmentally inappropriate and your kid is emotionally unwell as a result....that's a big problem. I'd consider not doing the homework, really creating a movement to push to developmentally appropriate homework, or examining why the homework is an issue for my child particularly if others aren't struggling.  Those are reasonable things to evaluate and pursue over a homework issue. Given all of the issues you've posted over the years about school fit, and given all of the shuffling you've done, I don't know that you're going to be happy with anything that you choose so I'd keep her in school just to make sure she has some sort of consistency in her life.

If you are going to bring her home, I'd really give a hard, serious, honest look as to how you're going to adequately educate her and how you're going to address the challenges that are naturally going to pop up in household management (balancing toddler, her, and your older kids that are still schooled at home) so that she isn't stuck in front of an iPad all day.  

 

Edited by prairiewindmomma
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I saw your previous post but didn't know you had earlier problems with homeschooling and PS.

Another thought about remaining with the school... do you know who next year's teacher would be?  Can you enquire about next year's workload?  If next year seems more reasonable, and homeschool and PS don't work for you, maybe you should stick it out?

I know how every little thing compounds the misery in an unpleasant situation.   I hope you have a quiet weekend to think things over.

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On 4/10/2019 at 12:17 PM, Ellie said:

Girl, someone might feel insulted no matter what you do.

I promise that your child will not get the lesson that "we need to finish what we started." What does that even mean? This is not something your child started, of her own free will, because she thought it was a great idea and she had the freedom to choose whether to do it or not. This is something that *you* started. Why should she be held prisoner to your choices?

Take her out now.

 

And while I agree w/ taking her out now, I will also mention the lesson (she may or may not learn now) of knowing "This isn't working for me and it's actually harming me." That lesson is priceless.

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3 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Homeschooling didn't work for you with her. It really didn't work.  You posted a lot of threads about specific concerns that you felt you could not resolve, so you put her in public school.  Public school didn't work out for her either.  

I know she’s struggled and worried, but I think this is a major overstatement for a first grader. You’re basically saying Janeway failed at kindergarten. I don’t buy that any loving parent can do that. And one year of school is one year of not a great experience, not a fail - especially for first grade.

I feel like Janeway and others talk about this situation in terms that I’d reserve for a much older student. She’s six! Nothing has been given much of a chance to work.

At this point, I stand by my advice to pull her. Who cares if Janeway has a plan to “adequately educate” her for the next month and a bit. It’s so little time. She’s prioritizing her kid’s mental health- because I promise that this situation where Janeway and the teacher harp on her for this pointless work is hurting her more than “inadequate” first grade reading or math practice.

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3 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I know she’s struggled and worried, but I think this is a major overstatement for a first grader. You’re basically saying Janeway failed at kindergarten. I don’t buy that any loving parent can do that. And one year of school is one year of not a great experience, not a fail - especially for first grade.

I feel like Janeway and others talk about this situation in terms that I’d reserve for a much older student. She’s six! Nothing has been given much of a chance to work.

At this point, I stand by my advice to pull her. Who cares if Janeway has a plan to “adequately educate” her for the next month and a bit. It’s so little time. She’s prioritizing her kid’s mental health- because I promise that this situation where Janeway and the teacher harp on her for this pointless work is hurting her more than “inadequate” first grade reading or math practice.

I agree. Adequate education of a six year old involves some read alouds, time to play, and as much security as a parent can provide. Anything beyond that is a bonus. Since school is hurting her sense of security I'm not sure what benefit it could be having that outweighs that.

Some kids will present a significant challenge in any environment; prioritizing mental health is sometimes the best we can do.

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I think my concern is the greater overall pattern that has been shared with us over the past several years. When I see a parent struggling with a variety of settings with a variety of children my default kind of shifts from "homeschool is the right call, every time" to looking deeper into the details. I'm not saying that she isn't right to pull the child from school and of course I'm concerned about any six year old with daily tears and frustration.  What I *am* saying is that 1. It sounds like she hasn't done much to address the homework situation with the school other than making a comment or two to the teacher, 2. That the pattern of pulling a kid when an issue pops up is something that has repeated across multiple kids and multiple schools (I think at least 4? of her kids have bounced between home and school), that 3. learning how to advocate for her children effectively might be a really helpful skill especially if she isn't able to meet the needs of all of her kids at home through homeschooling. I think of similar threads she posted about her teen with ASD refusing to work for his teachers. There were the threads about bullying last year.  There are a number of threads where something comes up and she's hesitant to intervene and then unsure of how to advocate.  My point is that perhaps it would be helpful to learn how to advocate---but the default on the boards is to generally support her desire to pull the kid from school rather than help her help her child develop the skills that they need.

Because she has multiple kids with multiple issues  (She has two(?) kids on the spectrum), she really has a lot on her plate just with parenting.  Granted, I think her 11th grader is at a private school year this, so she's not trying to balance that with a toddler...but it's not like she is new to homeschooling or dealing with all little kids either. She has some years of experience under her belt but she hasn't had one year where it's all gone mostly ok mostly all year. It's also not clear how much of this are issues that the average parent would see as being problematic (although I think we're all in alignment on the homework issue) and how much of this is stuff that bothers Janeway but may not bother another.  I think of Janeway's recent post on math workbooks and I think there's some rigidity of expectations there without a lot of flexible thinking about how to move forward.  Perhaps conversations about adjusting expectations might be appropriate also.  

I've now said way more about Janeway's business than I ever wanted to, but my point is that I'm not trying to say that Janeway failed homeschooling kindergarten. I'm saying I'm concerned about the overall pattern. I tried to state that gracefully above, but I apparently failed, and for that I'm sorry.

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And when I'm asking about what her plan for the six year old is, this is the level of challenge she's having with one of her other kids currently at home. She's in a difficult situation: 

 

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2 hours ago, Farrar said:

I know she’s struggled and worried, but I think this is a major overstatement for a first grader. You’re basically saying Janeway failed at kindergarten. I don’t buy that any loving parent can do that. And one year of school is one year of not a great experience, not a fail - especially for first grade.

I feel like Janeway and others talk about this situation in terms that I’d reserve for a much older student. She’s six! Nothing has been given much of a chance to work.

At this point, I stand by my advice to pull her. Who cares if Janeway has a plan to “adequately educate” her for the next month and a bit. It’s so little time. She’s prioritizing her kid’s mental health- because I promise that this situation where Janeway and the teacher harp on her for this pointless work is hurting her more than “inadequate” first grade reading or math practice.

 

2 hours ago, maize said:

I agree. Adequate education of a six year old involves some read alouds, time to play, and as much security as a parent can provide. Anything beyond that is a bonus. Since school is hurting her sense of security I'm not sure what benefit it could be having that outweighs that.

Some kids will present a significant challenge in any environment; prioritizing mental health is sometimes the best we can do.

Yes, this. She can re-evaluate and look for a different school for next year if need be, ut there is nothing lost in leaving a month early for this year. 

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2 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I think my concern is the greater overall pattern that has been shared with us over the past several years. When I see a parent struggling with a variety of settings with a variety of children my default kind of shifts from "homeschool is the right call, every time" to looking deeper into the details. I'm not saying that she isn't right to pull the child from school and of course I'm concerned about any six year old with daily tears and frustration.  What I *am* saying is that 1. It sounds like she hasn't done much to address the homework situation with the school other than making a comment or two to the teacher, 2. That the pattern of pulling a kid when an issue pops up is something that has repeated across multiple kids and multiple schools (I think at least 4? of her kids have bounced between home and school), that 3. learning how to advocate for her children effectively might be a really helpful skill especially if she isn't able to meet the needs of all of her kids at home through homeschooling. I think of similar threads she posted about her teen with ASD refusing to work for his teachers. There were the threads about bullying last year.  There are a number of threads where something comes up and she's hesitant to intervene and then unsure of how to advocate.  My point is that perhaps it would be helpful to learn how to advocate---but the default on the boards is to generally support her desire to pull the kid from school rather than help her help her child develop the skills that they need.

Because she has multiple kids with multiple issues  (She has two(?) kids on the spectrum), she really has a lot on her plate just with parenting.  Granted, I think her 11th grader is at a private school year this, so she's not trying to balance that with a toddler...but it's not like she is new to homeschooling or dealing with all little kids either. She has some years of experience under her belt but she hasn't had one year where it's all gone mostly ok mostly all year. It's also not clear how much of this are issues that the average parent would see as being problematic (although I think we're all in alignment on the homework issue) and how much of this is stuff that bothers Janeway but may not bother another.  I think of Janeway's recent post on math workbooks and I think there's some rigidity of expectations there without a lot of flexible thinking about how to move forward.  Perhaps conversations about adjusting expectations might be appropriate also.  

I've now said way more about Janeway's business than I ever wanted to, but my point is that I'm not trying to say that Janeway failed homeschooling kindergarten. I'm saying I'm concerned about the overall pattern. I tried to state that gracefully above, but I apparently failed, and for that I'm sorry.

There is no pattern of pulling children in and out of school. This child has never homeschool. The post about the child with special needs only started homeschooling this past yearfor the first time. My older children came home to homeschool mid/late grade school and went back to school around high school, no other changes.

Edited by Janeway

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5 hours ago, parent said:

I saw your previous post but didn't know you had earlier problems with homeschooling and PS.

Another thought about remaining with the school... do you know who next year's teacher would be?  Can you enquire about next year's workload?  If next year seems more reasonable, and homeschool and PS don't work for you, maybe you should stick it out?

I know how every little thing compounds the misery in an unpleasant situation.   I hope you have a quiet weekend to think things over.

Those earlier problems prairiemom said happened never happened. My daughter has never homeschooled. I had planned to homeschool her this year but never did and went with this school instead. My older kids started homeschooling when they were older than she is now and they returned to brick and mortar school around high school time. There has never been any in and out of schools. My talking about struggles my children with autism have does not justify any remarks about being unable to handle homeschooling or claims of instability. 

Edited by Janeway
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4 hours ago, Farrar said:

I know she’s struggled and worried, but I think this is a major overstatement for a first grader. You’re basically saying Janeway failed at kindergarten. I don’t buy that any loving parent can do that. And one year of school is one year of not a great experience, not a fail - especially for first grade.

I feel like Janeway and others talk about this situation in terms that I’d reserve for a much older student. She’s six! Nothing has been given much of a chance to work.

At this point, I stand by my advice to pull her. Who cares if Janeway has a plan to “adequately educate” her for the next month and a bit. It’s so little time. She’s prioritizing her kid’s mental health- because I promise that this situation where Janeway and the teacher harp on her for this pointless work is hurting her more than “inadequate” first grade reading or math practice.

I don’t know why prairiemom says homeschooling didn’t work for my daughter when she didn’t homeschool. There was a strong desire from my daughter to homeschool last year. I had intended to homeschool her last year. At the last second, after struggling with the decision to try this school for her, we went with this school. I have never pulled my children in and out of homeschool all over the place.

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Sorry, Janeway. I also thought this was this child’s first year in school so I thought she’d been home for kindy. My main point was really just to say that I know you’ve posted about your struggles and worries across the board - but I think that’s because you’re someone who puts that out there to work through it - not because you’re doing a bad job by any means.

I hope you’re able to find the right path for her. She and you sound miserable with this school.

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3 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Sorry, Janeway. I also thought this was this child’s first year in school so I thought she’d been home for kindy. My main point was really just to say that I know you’ve posted about your struggles and worries across the board - but I think that’s because you’re someone who puts that out there to work through it - not because you’re doing a bad job by any means.

I hope you’re able to find the right path for her. She and you sound miserable with this school.

Thanks. Sometimes I type up a post and then tell myself not to post it yet, think about it more and then I come back a few hours later and close the window without posting. Sometimes typing it out makes things more clear. Here is a post I made a year ago...it was clear she had not homeschooled yet...it was only in the plans. 

 

Edited by Janeway

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