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Jenny in Florida

UPDATE: Birth Certificate - without knowing exact location of birth?

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10 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

We know that a birth certificate exists, because they had to provide one when she registered for college a couple of years ago.

And, while I can't speak for the parents, yes, I do believe it is a control thing.

 

4 minutes ago, Jyhwkmama said:

Can she go to the college and ask to look at her file? Maybe they have a copy.

This. I'd just go to the registrar's office and explain she needs to see it, if they have a copy on file. that she needs to get a new one and can't remember which city/county issued it. Seems easier than 5 hour roundtrip. 

Edited by Ktgrok
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As an adult, this is so scary a position for GF to be in. What if something happened to her parents and she no longer had a source for all sorts of information she needs to be a person in the eye of the law.  At least she knows a birth certificate exists because it has been used in a few circumstances.

But it reminds me that my kids do not know where their birth certificates are. They both know (I think) where they were born since we've discussed it recently (likely not hospital names. I don't remember the hospital name my daughter was born in without looking it up! Not memorable. I know the city and freeway it is located on)

 

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How strange. I think GF needs to start advocating for herself, in the sense that (if) she's a legal adult, she should start collecting her own vital paperwork to have accessible when needed. (And if I were her, I would keep it private from my parents and maybe even stored at a friend's house.). 

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2 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

How strange. I think GF needs to start advocating for herself, in the sense that (if) she's a legal adult, she should start collecting her own vital paperwork to have accessible when needed. (And if I were her, I would keep it private from my parents and maybe even stored at a friend's house.). 

 

Or in a Safety Deposit Box in a bank.   It does sound like a Birth Certificate exists, but that she is not permitted to see it.  I am assuming that she was born in the USA and is in fact a U.S. Citizen.  However, she has NO way to prove that she is a U.S. Citizen at this time. That is not a good position for her to be in.  I think it is good that the opportunity for her to go on this trip came up and that the OP is trying to help her solve this mystery.

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1 hour ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

Well, from what I understand, they are not super excited that she is going with us. She is an adult, however, and is making her own choice.

She doesn't have a driver's license, but does have a state ID. On the occasions when she has needed to provide a birth certificate, one or both parents have been with her, have produced the birth certificate and then put it away again.

We have decided to put off the trip until later in the week while she tries another couple of avenues, but we are making calls today to make sure we are prepared in case we do need to make the drive to the state office.

at least she knows for a fact there is one out there.   but her parents are something else.

the not even allowing her to look at it when they've had to produce it, makes me think they're hiding something.

will they at least tell her what city (for sure) where she was born?

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Checking with her college registrar is a great idea, I know the schools my kids have been enrolled in have copies of theirs and she certainly has a right to see what is in her own file.

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I admit my mind goes all law and order/criminal minds as why they don’t want her to see it. 

Try the college and see if they have a copy of it she can view/make a copy of so she can order a new one.  And once she gets it, I would highly recommend that the copy is not in her house.  Maybe she might consider a deposit box at the bank or a safe box at your house if you would allow it.

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1 hour ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

She has asked for the birth certificate. She has been repeatedly put off and challenged about why she needs it. 

I'm not going to get into a lot of personal details about the situation on a public forum, and I'm not sure what point you are trying to make challenging me about the why of it. I agree with  you that it "shouldn't" be a big deal, but the relationship is what it is.

 

I don't think we are trying to challenge you in any way. I am surprised how many people here say they do not remember the city they were born in or doubt their children would. Ds asked early on in whatever context it came up at the time and we have not lived near that city since he was 4 years old. Over the years, the subject popped up here and there so I am fairly confident he knows where he was born. I was just expressing surprise. Hope it's going to be cleared up quickly.

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29 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

I admit my mind goes all law and order/criminal minds as why they don’t want her to see it. 

 

Could be she was adopted or something.  Could be her natural parent is someone she thinks of as an aunt or a big sister who got pregnant unmarried....  nowadays things like that are less often kept hushed up, but sometimes they still are

ETA there could be something illegal, but with certificate having been shown when necessary, it seems more likely it is something that could throw the girl emotionally, or embarrass the parents or someone else known 

Quote

Try the college and see if they have a copy of it she can view/make a copy of so she can order a new one.  And once she gets it, I would highly recommend that the copy is not in her house.  Maybe she might consider a deposit box at the bank or a safe box at your house if you would allow it.

 

Agree

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2 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

She has asked for the birth certificate. She has been repeatedly put off and challenged about why she needs it. 

I'm not going to get into a lot of personal details about the situation on a public forum, and I'm not sure what point you are trying to make challenging me about the why of it. I agree with  you that it "shouldn't" be a big deal, but the relationship is what it is.

 

I wasn’t “challenging” you, Jenny. I was just commenting on the weirdness of the situation, as many others have also been doing. 

I’m sorry if I offended you; it certainly wasn’t my intention.

 

 

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31 minutes ago, Liz CA said:

 

I don't think we are trying to challenge you in any way. I am surprised how many people here say they do not remember the city they were born in or doubt their children would. Ds asked early on in whatever context it came up at the time and we have not lived near that city since he was 4 years old. Over the years, the subject popped up here and there so I am fairly confident he knows where he was born. I was just expressing surprise. Hope it's going to be cleared up quickly.

 

Yes, exactly.  🙂

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13 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:

UPDATE: I finally managed to speak to a human being at the state department of health/vital statistics, and they tell me that we don't need to drive to Jacksonville. The local county office should be able to issue a copy on the same day even without knowing the details of city/county where she was born. Now, having been around the track a few times with government offices, I won't actually believe it is that easy until I see a copy of the document in her hands, but at least we can try that first.

That's great!  Hopefully, it will go as smoothly as they told you it should, so you all can get back to focusing on everything else you need to do.

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If she has a valid state id (ie, other "official proof" of identity), they should be able to look her up via the state index and if her certificate was issued by Florida, have a new document issued.

In these types of situations, I highly recommend getting copies of all of her own identity documents (birth certificate, social security card, insurance cards, etc.) and keeping that all off-site at a bank safety deposit box. 

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18 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

If she has a valid state id (ie, other "official proof" of identity), they should be able to look her up via the state index and if her certificate was issued by Florida, have a new document issued.

In these types of situations, I highly recommend getting copies of all of her own identity documents (birth certificate, social security card, insurance cards, etc.) and keeping that all off-site at a bank safety deposit box. 

 

Oh man, don't even get me started on the whole insurance card thing. That's a whole 'nother can of worms.

But, yes, I plan to recommend she put together her own stash of documents and keep them somewhere she can access without parental involvement. (It's one of the reasons I have been nudging her towards just going and getting a copy of the birth certificate, rather than negotiating with her parents.) She's welcome to keep them here, if she wishes, or wherever makes her feel safe and confident.

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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16 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

Oh man, don't even get me started on the whole insurance card thing. That's a whole 'nother can of worms.

But, yes, I plan to recommend she put together her own stash of documents and keep them somewhere she can access without parental involvement. (It's one of the reasons I have been nudging her towards just going and getting a copy of the birth certificate, rather than negotiating with her parents.) She's welcome to keep them here, if she wishes, or wherever makes her feel safe and confident.

 

Does she have her social security card? If not, she should get a new one after getting her birth certificate.

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1 hour ago, Liz CA said:

 

I don't think we are trying to challenge you in any way. I am surprised how many people here say they do not remember the city they were born in or doubt their children would. Ds asked early on in whatever context it came up at the time and we have not lived near that city since he was 4 years old. Over the years, the subject popped up here and there so I am fairly confident he knows where he was born. I was just expressing surprise. Hope it's going to be cleared up quickly.

For some of us, I can’t see why we *would remember the city we were born in.  A great deal of us weren’t even born in cities.  

I know what town I lived in for the first year of my life because my parents used to talk about “when we lived in _____.”  They never talked about the town in which my mother physically birthed me before being discharged and going home to our place in ______.

I don’t think I’ve really looked at my birth certificate since I was a teenager seeing it for the first time.

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32 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

For some of us, I can’t see why we *would remember the city we were born in.  A great deal of us weren’t even born in cities.  

I know what town I lived in for the first year of my life because my parents used to talk about “when we lived in _____.”  They never talked about the town in which my mother physically birthed me before being discharged and going home to our place in ______.

I don’t think I’ve really looked at my birth certificate since I was a teenager seeing it for the first time.

 

Ah. SEe I do know my parents lived in *suburb* but I was born in *city nearby*  Even though I don't remember that state at all. I don't have any clue what the hospital name was.

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“Where were you born ?” has been a standard question asked of me , well, since I was born.   Not just in conversation but on various forms as well as security questions. 

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55 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

Oh man, don't even get me started on the whole insurance card thing. That's a whole 'nother can of worms.

But, yes, I plan to recommend she put together her own stash of documents and keep them somewhere she can access without parental involvement. (It's one of the reasons I have been nudging her towards just going and getting a copy of the birth certificate, rather than negotiating with her parents.) She's welcome to keep them here, if she wishes, or wherever makes her feel safe and confident.

On the insurance front, depending on what state she lives in..... If she knows the name of the company through which she is insured, she may be able to set up a log-in as a new registration with the company. Once she has an account and is logged in, she should be able to print off a copy of the card herself.  This varies by company and state, but it's something that teens and young adults can do here.

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I'm going to state this generally----because lots of people read in--but I have seen a lot of domestic violence/abuse victims really struggle because they don't have their own copies of id. You can't enter into a lease. You can't open a bank account. You can't receive state or federal benefits.  You can't get a (legal) job. Really, truly, one of the most valuable things you can protect is your verified identity. 

Documents one should have:

*driver's license or state id card

*SSN card

*birth certificate

*tax returns (she should have her own copy if she has ever filed)

*documents showing residency: lease agreements, state tax returns, copies of utility bill in own name, etc.

*documents showing education: official test scores, diploma, transcripts, etc.

*copies of medical records (vaccinations, major test results, etc.)

*insurance card

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Hang in there OP. I will keep Happy Thoughts for you guys that you get it all worked out without too much more stress. 

I had to help my dad get his birth certificate copy when he turned 65. He had no clue where he was born and there was no one left or ask and his memory was not so great. Google was super helpful as was a clerk at the VA. Turned out his mom had lied about his age so he could go into WW2 with his older brother and we would never have figured it out.  

Hang in there, OP!

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dh remembers the hospital even though he moved away from CA when he was a toddler - because it's on Colorado blvd in Pasadena.  the rose parade route.   it's now a court house.

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I hope the local office works out for you.  Reading this I realized 2 of my 3 know the hospital they were born in but they were born in military hospitals that are most often referred to by a location name rather than proper name.  I guess I should make sure they know the proper name as well especially since one hospital changed proper names.   

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4 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

For some of us, I can’t see why we *would remember the city we were born in.  A great deal of us weren’t even born in cities.  

I know what town I lived in for the first year of my life because my parents used to talk about “when we lived in _____.”  They never talked about the town in which my mother physically birthed me before being discharged and going home to our place in ______.

I don’t think I’ve really looked at my birth certificate since I was a teenager seeing it for the first time.

 

Well, and there are all kinds of quirks to the whole "where you were born" thing. For example, I grew up within a 50-mile radius of the hospital in which I was born, but I lived in a number of different cities before my parents finally bought a home when I was in early elementary school. Also, because their insurance was an HMO plan, we had to travel to a specific hospital for all of our health care, from regular check-ups on up. So, I was born in that hospital, but I never lived in that city.

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I'm betting it isn't that there is any secret info on the birth certificate, but that they don't want her going on the cruise. 

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1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

I'm betting it isn't that there is any secret info on the birth certificate, but that they don't want her going on the cruise. 

 

Or doing any of the other things a normal, functional adult might need a birth certificate to do (getting a driver's license, applying for a job, etc.) without their direct involvement.

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8 minutes ago, Jenny in Florida said:

 

Or doing any of the other things a normal, functional adult might need a birth certificate to do (getting a driver's license, applying for a job, etc.) without their direct involvement.

Uh huh. 

I remember you saying she didn't drive, her parent give her rides, or the bus or something. Sounds like it is less them accommodation her and more them enabling or even handicapping her. 

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4 hours ago, Ktgrok said:

I'm betting it isn't that there is any secret info on the birth certificate, but that they don't want her going on the cruise. 

 

I'm betting there is secret info, because that would be more interesting. 

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21 hours ago, Catwoman said:

 

Yes, but unless the relationship is downright hostile, it still shouldn’t be a big deal for a young adult to ask her parents for her birth certificate, and I find it extremely odd that she isn’t even comfortable asking them where she was born. 

 

It probably is hostile, and that's why she doesn't feel comfortable asking.  You are right; it shouldn't be a big deal.  If you have abusive and/or controlling parents, it *is* a big deal.

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49 minutes ago, katilac said:

 

I'm betting there is secret info, because that would be more interesting. 

I hope Jenny tells us if there is, but she might not for privacy.  

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