Jump to content

Menu

Vent-“I don’t know where you find these opportunities”


Dmmetler
 Share

Recommended Posts

28 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

 

They thought it would be easy.  They believe those blogs that say homeschooling will only take 2 hours a day and can be done 100% for free.  

Yes...I take issue with all those people who spread those lies....

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is not a homeschooling thing, but the post about rainy and cold made me think of it.

When I went to a D-Day beach tour in Normandy, France, the weather was unpleasant. Windy, rainy, cold. But - well, a) it’s Normandy and that’s the weather and b) I don’t know when I’ll get back there, if ever, so layer up and deal with it. The tour guide told me she has had, on numerous ocassions, people who wanted their money refunded because it was weather like that. In Normandy, France?! Hello? 

She said recently, one couple stayed in the van the whole time because of weather. I mean, that’s a real puzzler. When do they say when the return home, “Oh, yes, we went to the parking lot of Omaha Beach. Plus the parking lot of the cemetaries.” 

  • Confused 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Plum said:

How did she have the restraint to not point out what the soldiers went through?

Right???

She did quip, “Adds to the realism,” as we struggled to keep our hoods up. 😄 

  • Like 4
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Having spent my fair share of time watching soccer and softball in the rain, I have no desire to watch my kids play in the rain.  When we are at home, if it's warm, I will certainly let them go play in the rain, they can come in and go right to the shower.  But nope, simply not taking them to play at a park if it's raining and 55.  It's not a "learned helplessness" it is just straight up purely don't want to.  If I really need the kids to get some activity, I will take them skating or to a fast food play place or something like that.  I don't enjoy being cold and damp, so I am not going to volunteer to be.  If someone else wants to do so, more power to them.  I am sure that soon enough, I will be stuck watching soccer games in the pouring rain again.  

Yep.  We’ve done footy in the rain a few times and without fail someone is sick next week no matter how well they rugged up.  It’s the cold damp air in the lungs.  

And a playground is no fun when everything is totally slippery.  I will stay close to home and hike through our bush in that kind of weather in the breaks but I’m not going to go sit at a park being miserable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Quill said:

This is not a homeschooling thing, but the post about rainy and cold made me think of it.

When I went to a D-Day beach tour in Normandy, France, the weather was unpleasant. Windy, rainy, cold. But - well, a) it’s Normandy and that’s the weather and b) I don’t know when I’ll get back there, if ever, so layer up and deal with it. The tour guide told me she has had, on numerous ocassions, people who wanted their money refunded because it was weather like that. In Normandy, France?! Hello? 

She said recently, one couple stayed in the van the whole time because of weather. I mean, that’s a real puzzler. When do they say when the return home, “Oh, yes, we went to the parking lot of Omaha Beach. Plus the parking lot of the cemetaries.” 

Yeah if I’d travelled the other side of the world I wouldn’t be sitting in because of the rain!

 

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Are all of them under the age of six!?

At least 6 of them are of an age where getting lost is a non-issue.  Either they are babies in strollers/carriers or they are old enough to understand "Stay in this area. Do not go past the swingsets". 

Honestly, I think she just doesn't feel like getting them all dressed and out the door.  Fair enough, but then don't complain that all the events stink and as a result, you are bored and lonely.  😕

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many of the opportunities (musical) dd has gotten over the years have seemed fortuitous but connections made by attending concerts, camps, workshops, and other events were huge factors. I cannot tell you how many free and very low cost concerts we attended over the years where all the other attendees were retirees except for dd and I. It always amazed me that no other parents in our area took advantage of these opportunities to expose their dc to different cultures and musical styles. In one town near where we lived before, the local school district did a multi-cultural week where different cultures were studied throughout the week (stories, food, geographical studies, etc...) and it culminated in performances on a Friday evening with different cultural groups from the area-- classical dancers from India, Mexican style music and dance, Greek dancers, Russian dance, Irish music, etc... every year something slightly different. Parents only had to walk or drive their children to the theater (very small town) to see the free event and the only people who showed up were the families of those participating and 3-4 students with their families who were receiving awards from the week's events for poetry or artwork.

Music concerts aren't everyone's priority (and music isn't every child's passion) but there were certainly parents who wondered aloud to me and behind my back about the opportunities dd received. We certainly attempted to let others know about opportunities when asked or when we thought others might enjoy them and dd was always more than happy to invite friends for performances with her as she enjoyed collaboration. After awhile I noticed we were always inviting others but they were not reciprocating when their dc were given the opportunities...they were opportunity hoarders and, in most cases, their hoarding kind of backfired because their now grown dc are no longer even involved in the activities for which they hoarded the opportunities. In those cases it seems the parents were guiding the involvement and not the kids....and the joy was taken out of it. 

I agree it would be more fair of people (when they have the resources to spend--time and money) to say "I won't/don't" rather than "I can't." There have certainly been opportunities my dc missed over the years because we prioritized one thing over another and sacrifices were made to do the things they did do because deciding to be very good at something involves sacrificing other things because we cannot be two places at once. It is unfair of others to judge anyone else's dc's opportunities without acknowledging the work and sacrifice (and sometimes a little added luck/timing) that went into the receipt of those opportunities. 

Edited by Donna
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Quill said:

Yes...I take issue with all those people who spread those lies....

 

My theory is that the people stupid enough to listen to lies like that are much more interested in sheltering their children than they are in educating them.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, Katy said:

 

My theory is that the people stupid enough to listen to lies like that are much more interested in sheltering their children than they are in educating them.

I do think there’s a percentage of people who are homeschooling due to either unworkable school situations or special needs and it’s not necessarily their ideal choice just something they’ve fallen in to.

i was thinking I sometimes have the opposite experience of this thread.  Talking to homeschoolers that wonder how we do the academic stuff we do.  Ummm because we aren’t out the house at activities for hours every day of the week,  we actually set time aside to do book work.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Katy said:

 

My theory is that the people stupid enough to listen to lies like that are much more interested in sheltering their children than they are in educating them.

Maybe...but in my early homeschool years, when I was anxious about how to carry out homeschooling, people constantly told me it takes two hours a day. And then, you had your unschoolers who would either say, “We don’t ‘do school’; we learn from life!” Or they would say, “It’s ALL school!” 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

I hear people complain about "long" 20 minutes drive and I have to carefully control my facial expression because I want to roll my eyes.  And I hear them turn down activity after activity on weekends because, "That's family time."  Sure, sometimes you need to carve out family time on a weekend, not everyone's husband works from home like mine with no commute time, but the idea that they can never go to weekend event because it's been placed in a state of eternal dibs for immediate family only is crazy. 

I also agree that running around all the time is misery even for extroverts, but good grief, this homeschool.  In homeschool parents have to initiate and adapt and make the effort.  If they don't want to make an effort most of the time, why are they here?  What did they think homeschooling was going to be like?

Yup!  30 minutes is our norm, with up to 60 pretty frequently.  
We have a pretty big transplant population, so I try to tell myself that many of these people may be used to living in areas where everything is nearby, and they underestimated the difference.  But then I often find out that isn’t the case!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Quill said:

Maybe...but in my early homeschool years, when I was anxious about how to carry out homeschooling, people constantly told me it takes two hours a day. And then, you had your unschoolers who would either say, “We don’t ‘do school’; we learn from life!” Or they would say, “It’s ALL school!” 

 

Well, and I did find that academics took about two hours a day for my dd when she was early elementary age.  And probably should have only taken that long for my son, but he was my first, poor guy.  I look at my niece, who is in third grade and bright and I know I could teach her reading math and writing in that amount of time.  So I don’t think everyone saying that is lying.  Of course, there are plenty of other responsibilities that go along with home schooling, such as field trips and playground time, and researching and planning, but if someone asked me today how long it would take to homeschool an early elementary school aged child, I would say about two hours a day.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell them the truth. There’s two paths to finding opportunity. Money and time.

I don’t have money, so I spend a lot of time. I drag my otherwise lazy butt out of bed at 5:15/30am. No. I’m not a morning person. Know what doesn’t give a damn if I’m a morning person or not? Life. 

Same goes for choosing math over laundry or my diet changes to lose weight or or or.

Same goes for helping spectrum kids and young adults navigate stuff that shouldn’t take so much process to get through for everyone else.  I shouldn’t have to do it, but that doesn’t really change a damn thing about the need to do it and somehow retain relationships in the process.

I firmly believe where people spend their time and money shows their priorities.  I don’t judge if it’s different than mine, but they aren’t going to get what I have putting their priorities where I haven’t.  

Now if they want my sympathy that there’s never enough money or time or that everything is harder than it really has to be for usually stupid as all heck reasons? Got it.

24 year in this war trench have given me a distinct no BS attitude about all this nonsense. Don’t no body have time for it. 

  • Like 11
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/6/2019 at 5:23 AM, Quill said:

Maybe...but in my early homeschool years, when I was anxious about how to carry out homeschooling, people constantly told me it takes two hours a day. And then, you had your unschoolers who would either say, “We don’t ‘do school’; we learn from life!” Or they would say, “It’s ALL school!” 

 

The only time and the only kids it ever took only 2 hours (on a regular basis) was my two youngest when they were doing preschooly/early k type things.

On the other hand, we were the almost all school type but that was because we have a lifelong learning family attitude

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my kids were younger, one activity a week was almost too much for me. For awhile once they were older, I managed one a day, but it really was too much at the time. Now that I have an extra (kid) driver, it isn't that uncommon to have two or three things happening per day. But I've had to grow into it. I know my SIL thought I was a baby to not be able to handle more than one activity a week. We are completely different people, though, and I need my recharge/alone time!

But the kids run things now that I have a kid driver (and an extra vehicle)!

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, RootAnn said:

When my kids were younger, one activity a week was almost too much for me. For awhile once they were older, I managed one a day, but it really was too much at the time. Now that I have an extra (kid) driver, it isn't that uncommon to have two or three things happening per day. But I've had to grow into it. I know my SIL thought I was a baby to not be able to handle more than one activity a week. We are completely different people, though, and I need my recharge/alone time!

But the kids run things now that I have a kid driver (and an extra vehicle)!

You’re not alone.  Getting out the house with babies and toddlers in tow was always pretty daunting to me. I’m lucky we stopped at three I think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/5/2019 at 3:47 PM, MissLemon said:

 

I live in Middle-of-No-Where Texas, which is about 40 minutes from anything worth doing.  We drive EVERYWHERE and my hard limit is that I will not do two activities on the same day if both involve driving into The Big City and are several hours apart.  People are amazed that I drive into The Big City, but it's the only way we'll find the opportunities for DS10 that he wants.  No one here in Middle-of-No-Where Texas wants to play chess or D&D or gives a hoot about math or science. 

I honestly have no idea what people do all day.  And the nutty thing is, I'm totally introverted! I'm an introvert who's learned to put myself out there, and even I am thinking "What the heck is the matter with these people?!"

 

This is me. Well not the 40 minute drive since we moved into town 12 years ago, but I did it for 8 years before we could move.

Now I drive 30-40 minutes one way four times a day so they can play band.  It's ridiculously cheap and they get 4 days a week instruction in a band setting at a private school. Sometimes I have to drive kids to college classes too.

I've reached a point where people who can't be bothered to help themselves don't get much from me.  I rarely ask anyone to adjust anything for me.  If I wanted to do it my way, I'd do it myself and I've done that enough to just be tickled pink over anyone else doing anything for me.  If it works for us, great.  If not, oh well, moving on.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, RootAnn said:

When my kids were younger, one activity a week was almost too much for me. For awhile once they were older, I managed one a day, but it really was too much at the time. Now that I have an extra (kid) driver, it isn't that uncommon to have two or three things happening per day. But I've had to grow into it. I know my SIL thought I was a baby to not be able to handle more than one activity a week. We are completely different people, though, and I need my recharge/alone time!

But the kids run things now that I have a kid driver (and an extra vehicle)!

 

Personally, I don't put my kids in anything not a whole family event until age 10.  No regrets about that.

But these older kids and young adults are running me ragged with all their individual lives stuff.  LOL It's wonderful.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find I don't so much have trouble finding opportunities, the problem is prioritizing scarce time and resources.

I admit to being a bit discouraged sometimes when I see other parents being fabulous mentors and facilitators for their kids. I can't provide half the opportunities I wish I could for my kids for a variety of reasons; of course some of that is just the fact of having seven and I do remind myself frequently that it is silly to think I could devote as much time and energy to each of mine as a parent of one child can devote to that one. 

I'm such an idealist inside my own head though 🙂

  • Like 4
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/5/2019 at 3:47 PM, MissLemon said:

 

I live in Middle-of-No-Where Texas, which is about 40 minutes from anything worth doing.  We drive EVERYWHERE and my hard limit is that I will not do two activities on the same day if both involve driving into The Big City and are several hours apart.  People are amazed that I drive into The Big City, but it's the only way we'll find the opportunities for DS10 that he wants.  No one here in Middle-of-No-Where Texas wants to play chess or D&D or gives a hoot about math or science. 

I honestly have no idea what people do all day.  And the nutty thing is, I'm totally introverted! I'm an introvert who's learned to put myself out there, and even I am thinking "What the heck is the matter with these people?!"

We just moved to Middle-of-No-Where Texas, and the driving is taking some getting used to.  Dance is 45min away, twice a week (in Small City, which still has a population larger than our entire county), and piano is an hour away once a week (in the opposite direction, in the outskirts of Medium City).  In looking for opportunities, I went from "gee, that seems kind of far" to just being thankful I managed to find good teachers at all.  (Especially for piano.  I swear, none of the good music teachers advertise beyond word of mouth.  I eventually looked up piano teachers who were part of the state music association who were within 100 miles of us - a grand total of four - and emailed the only one who had contact info available.) 

On the plus side, there's no traffic and hardly any traffic lights; 55mi to piano, and only two lights.  And it's convenient, being in Small City twice a week - plenty of chances to pick up odds and ends at Wal-Mart/Lowes/etc.  (Otherwise we go monthly into Large College Town an hour away for our big shopping runs.  Also our big library run - I paid for an out-of-system library card there.)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/3/2019 at 6:27 PM, Farrar said:

I feel like I don't so much see people who don't take advantage of the free/easy stuff, but rather lots of people who don't seem to understand how much of it is kid-driven here. Like, yeah, sometimes I drag my kids off to do something or other, but most of the "big" things my kids do that look cool on paper and show off their successes are things they chose, they worked hard for, and they rose through the "ranks" so to speak. A few people seem to think it happened by magic or that I somehow made it happen.

The other thing I've seen is people who aren't willing to let their kids do anything that costs money. Like, DE isn't free here and I've talked to some parents who won't do it. It's like, it's a couple hundred dollars a class (depends on which CC/area you're in) for a college credit. Why is that too much? What are you going to do when your kids get to college? Or they won't pay for online classes that aren't Outschool level underpriced cheap. Or people who are judgy about how much we spend on BalletBoy's dance. It's like, yeah, but this is his passion. He's obsessed. If we can make it work, it's worth it. And then they appreciate how far he's come and all the good it does for him, but are really dismissive about the money. I get that we *are* lucky/blessed/privileged to be able to do it, but also, things cost money.

 

 

Yes. This.

There have been many who assumed that I was pushing my kids or helicoptering in some way. They never saw the conversations to evaluate what sparks joy or the evaluations of kids' personal goals. They didn't see that helping kids achieve what they wanted was often different than what I had in mind and that the kids' goals required considerable sacrifice on my part. We have always encouraged the kids to choose what is important to them and strategize to achieve that.

And the money!!! Don't even get me started. My observation has been that there is a percentage of homeschoolers tend to expect everything to be free or only nominal in expense. When I engage in private school settings (for myself, for my son in high school), there is a contrasting mentality that education is so important the family will do all kinds of crazy things to pay those bills. And as someone who has taught a LOT of co-op classes as well as private students over the years, I will say (and have said before) that what many expect to pay is laughable, often faaaaar less than minimum wage.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

well, if you aren't from this country, a lot can remain a mystery. It would never occur to me that universities have summer programs for high schoolers. It's just not done in my neck of the woods. There are some internship opportunities locally that I never knew existed and would have never gone looking for them, because again, It would never occur to me to look there. So I will say I am not surprised that some parents don't know. Maybe they simply haven't had exposures. 

And more "prestigious' type opportunities that my kids have gotten were all initiated by their private teachers from their activities. Again, I wouldn't have known. And some were by invitation. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I look for opportunities and sign up my child for several things and schedule my family's free time around such opportunities (e.g. traveling to an event out of state, keeping certain evenings free for commute to certain activities) etc. Nobody in my circle understands that parents can create opportunities that stretch beyond the scope of academics and extra curricular activities. They just stay home and the let the kids play outside with friends every day (and games on their iPhones) and find it weird if I tell them that we have an out-of-state competition that we are traveling to, attending a Math Festival, a family volunteering evening etc. The funny thing is, when we do arrive at such activities that no one has apparently heard of, the parking lots are full, there are tons of kids eagerly participating and it feels normal to be there! According to my DH, that is just an indicator that I am moving in the wrong circles!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

And the money!!! Don't even get me started. My observation has been that there is a percentage of homeschoolers tend to expect everything to be free or only nominal in expense. When I engage in private school settings (for myself, for my son in high school), there is a contrasting mentality that education is so important the family will do all kinds of crazy things to pay those bills. And as someone who has taught a LOT of co-op classes as well as private students over the years, I will say (and have said before) that what many expect to pay is laughable, often faaaaar less than minimum wage.

 

1

 

There was some one grumbling in a facebook group about the cost of AOPS books being too high.  Several people, actually, grumbling that they haven't even considered starting AOPS because of the cost.  Pre-Algebra is $60 new, shipped. You could probably get it for around $45 used.  I feel like this isn't all that much for a year of high quality math curriculum, especially since you can re-sell your books to get most of the money back.    

But no.  They can't start AOPS because it's too expensive.  I don't know what will happen when these kids are ready for college, (or maybe the plan is to not send the kids to college?)

  • Like 2
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was thinking about this more and realized it wasn't a phenomenon specific to homeschool families.  When I was in college, there were 2 departmental scholarships available.  Each gave a $500 award to 2 students, so there was a total of 4 prizes available.  Our profs darn near begged students to apply because so few people ever bothered to fill out the form and write the essay.  There were some years where no one applied! 

So, I filled out the form, wrote my 1 page essay, submitted it and won 2 of the 4 prizes.  The other 2 prizes went to the other student who applied.  Out of 30 students in the department, only me and 1 other person even tried!  Yet among the "congratulations" were also comments like "Well, that hardly seems fair for you to get both prizes since no one applied", and "You must be really, really, REALLY smart to win 2 scholarships" and "I just don't have time to write essays and fill out forms, and anyway, I'm not that smart"

It was a mix of laziness and imposter syndrome, maybe?  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, MissLemon said:

 

There was some one grumbling in a facebook group about the cost of AOPS books being too high.  Several people, actually, grumbling that they haven't even considered starting AOPS because of the cost.  Pre-Algebra is $60 new, shipped. You could probably get it for around $45 used.  I feel like this isn't all that much for a year of high quality math curriculum, especially since you can re-sell your books to get most of the money back.    

But no.  They can't start AOPS because it's too expensive.  I don't know what will happen when these kids are ready for college, (or maybe the plan is to not send the kids to college?)

I really agree with this. There comes a level when the materials just are more expensive. Most high school level, up to date text books are nearing the $100 mark (more than that in AU$ + shipping). I get that going from <$5 second hand paperbacks to ~$100 not-available-second-hand can be a shock, and that not everyone can just find that cash. But I agree with you, sometimes it stings but you find a way to do it because you see its value.

I wouldn't be likely to pay so much for early elementary materials myself. Highschool is a different ball game and I feel like it is right to pay the author well for their time and expertise.

Edited by LMD
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Arctic Mama said:

I do know several homeschooling families for which that would be onerous.  There is, however, little correlation between money spent and achievement.  Plenty of families can give excellent educations and opportunities without materials like All About Reading or AOPS. And it doesn’t mean the kids aren’t going to be ready for college, just that mom and dad won’t be able to pay much to contribute.  Plenty of moms use things like Ambleside and manage excellent educations for very little money.  Time and effort are the biggest predictors of success...?

In my experience, the parents who complain the most about having to sacrifice to spend some money for quality, reusable materials are the same ones who want materials that don't require much time or effort on their part. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Plum said:

Those are reusable and not workbooks right? That’s a worthy investment. It’s when I’m looking at $60 x 2 for one subject and they would not be able to be resold that I start thinking of alternatives or figuring out if I can somehow make them work for two. 

But then I’m a total cheapo. 

 

Yes, reusable textbooks.  If you have more than one kid, it's a better deal because you can use the same books for the next kid.

The books have a high resale value, too, so you get a lot of your initial investment back.  I take that into consideration when I'm buying books, because I'm a cheapo too!  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I totally agree that you can do an excellent job without spending a lot. We've always had a pretty low income, and we sacrifice a great deal for the materials we do buy. "Broke mamas" working their butts off? Yeah, that would be me. I've been going back and forth this week on whether I should buy some secondhand living room furniture before my couch collapses or whether I should buy those textbooks I want for my high schooler. On this board I see all the online classes people use that I would never be able to afford. High school is hard when you can't afford many of the options, but I'm learning that it can be done. Often a used textbook or reusable materials are the only thing I'm able to use and I think I'm doing a good job. I've just become really discouraged lately because I'm seeing so many homeschoolers posting on group pages who want everything to be free and they also make it clear that they don't want to have to put in too much effort. I've found that, to do a really good job, I can spend the money for easy to use stuff or I can spend the time and effort to make other stuff work.

  • Like 2
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

50 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

I agree, but the comment was about balking at the cost of AOPS - in my experience there are families who can’t pay that, multiplied by other children and budgets that are modest and single income with multiple kids.  They just can’t.  But it isn’t true that a parent who isn’t going to shell out for an expensive program is also one who doesn’t achieve good outcomes with their kids.  Homeschooling cheaply, YES EVEN INTO HIGH SCHOOL, can be done.  But it takes time, energy, and commitment.

 

It’s a dirty damn lie that if you don’t buy ______ fashionable and expensive program that has rave reviews that your kids are doomed.  BS. Nonsense. Some of the very best home educators I know haven’t spent more than $150 per year per kid.  Time, consistency, critical thinking, discussions, high quality literature... this doesn’t cost. And there are plenty of great, used Trig and Calc books available that aren’t AOPS.  High level math and science achievement is doable without that program, and I’m amazed how many homeschoolers I run into who are discouraged or think they can’t do a good job because they don’t have a shiny program within their budget.

Some people are carping skinflints.  But the comment rubbed me way wrong - it was snobby and untrue.  Broke mamas can work their asses off for excellence too.  It’s not a pay for play game, whereby if you just buy the right expensive program you’re set and if you don’t you’re hosed and obviously don’t love your kids enough to prioritize ______ pricy program 😡 

ETA - and yes, I might be over-reacting.  It’s been a bad night.  

 

Ouch. 

I apologize for hurting your feelings and insulting you.  That was not my intention.

I wish I could invite you over so you could see how unmotivated I am by snobbishness or shiny, "designer" curriculum.  I just don't think it's reasonable to expect homeschooling to be both free and low effort.  It's been my experience that the people that do not want to spend money also do not want to spend time and effort.  It's also been my experience that the broke mamas aren't complaining about the price of this or that being too expensive, so that's why they aren't teaching pre-algebra *at all*.  They just go find a different pre-algebra book.  Or print pages off the internet and figure something out.  They don't simply say "we'll do nothing instead".  

I certainly never said that people that don't buy XYZ don't love their children.  

I hope your night starts to look up. It's been a hard night here, too.  Here's to a better tomorrow.

Edited by MissLemon
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a public school mom friend who is constantly making comment like "you're so lucky you can homeschool" or, most recently, "you're so lucky to have this opportunity" in regards to my son starting at a charter school. Each time I explain that she could homeschool too (her kids could even do online school) or that the charters are free and open to anyone who applies, but there are always excuses why she couldn't do what I do. It feels very negative and there's no way for me to help so I'm learning just to ignore it. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

59 minutes ago, hippiemamato3 said:

I have a public school mom friend who is constantly making comment like "you're so lucky you can homeschool" or, most recently, "you're so lucky to have this opportunity" in regards to my son starting at a charter school. Each time I explain that she could homeschool too (her kids could even do online school) or that the charters are free and open to anyone who applies, but there are always excuses why she couldn't do what I do. It feels very negative and there's no way for me to help so I'm learning just to ignore it. 

I think this is a normal psychological bias--we tend to attribute positive things in our life to our efforts and negatives to bad luck, and conversely attribute negatives in others' lives to poor choices and positives to unfairly good fortune.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, hippiemamato3 said:

 Each time I explain that she could homeschool too (her kids could even do online school) or that the charters are free and open to anyone who applies, but there are always excuses why she couldn't do what I do. It feels very negative and there's no way for me to help so I'm learning just to ignore it. 

 

Here the brick and mortar charter schools have a long waiting list. We were rejected thrice.  Sometimes people aren’t saying the real reason why they can’t homeschool for example (1) spousal objection which I know at least three friend have (2) needing respite care for kids but kids don’t qualify for respite care so school becomes that free option 

2 hours ago, maize said:

I think this is a normal psychological bias--we tend to attribute positive things in our life to our efforts and negatives to bad luck, and conversely attribute negatives in others' lives to poor choices and positives to unfairly good fortune.

 

I think we aren’t involved in other people’s lives to see the effort put in and also to understand the “poor choices” made in context. My kids used to go to gym classes and the gym team members are practicing there after school almost daily.  A few of my friends were in school swim team decades ago and they swam at 6am in the school pool before assembly  (flag raising) at 7:30am, and they swim after school as well.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Plum said:

 

Yes and it's hard for some people to take what they consider risks to their children's education, to step outside the "normal" box because that requires more ownership than they feel comfortable with. 

 

I think you're right but I've never understood the line of thinking.  You own the decision to either make the choices yourself or to let the public school district you chose to live in make the choices for you. It's your kid. Ignoring the option to make a decision is a decision.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Margaret in CO said:

It's frustrating to see folks just not be willing to step up for their kids. I about screamed last night when a mom was quite happy to have her son state, "I just don't want to do the work"!!!! Really, you're going to let a 13yo decide he's too lazy???? What ever happened to the kick in the pants that almost all 13yos require???? Arg!

Well, you never know what is going on at home/behind the scenes. I'm not saying this was not just a case of kid and parent laziness, but plenty of people have frowned at me for "letting" one of my kids not participate in a voluntary activity (or even one that I would have to pay for/drive to/help with). I pick my battles, especially when either my family or that particular kid is going through a rough period.

I remember when a local non-homeschooling mom was running homeschool PE for our group. (Note: this was a paid position) I did not force one of my kids to take part. Math was a huge struggle every day, so I let her choose:  if she did her math, she didn't have to do PE. (Later, I found out some of the kids were picking on her during PE. The teacher didn't feel she needed to intervene because obviously bullying is part of toughening up kids. But I didn't know it at the time.) She chose to do math. The teacher upbraided me and basically said I was ruining that kid's health for life. Fast forward many years-- that kid is in the best shape of all my kids & designs her own fitness routines. Math, however, is still a struggle!

I could tell more stories of when other people have been upset that I wouldn't force a kid to participate (in homeschool choir, for example, or volunteering with a specific teen group at a far away homeless shelter which would involve her getting home after midnight on a school night). Maybe just offer a little bit of grace and a healthy dose of "benefit of the doubt." 

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Margaret in CO said:

It's frustrating to see folks just not be willing to step up for their kids. I about screamed last night when a mom was quite happy to have her son state, "I just don't want to do the work"!!!! Really, you're going to let a 13yo decide he's too lazy???? What ever happened to the kick in the pants that almost all 13yos require???? Arg!

Again this is a you don’t know what the background is.  Dh has a pretty negative thing about music lessons because “he was forced to learn” (bad family dynamic).  So he’s said the kids can have music lessons if they want then but not be forced to take them if they don’t.  At a few points my kids could have used a gentle push to keep going but that was off limits.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve learned  lot from this post. In particular, thanks to Margaret in CO for the CO opportunities and dmmelter for the mention of the NME (actually mentioned in the socialization thread, I think). My oldest has requested an intensive unit on Greek and Roman Mythology, the Greek language (he wants to write in code :-), and geography of the ancient world this summer, so he and I have agreed that he’ll prepare for the NME simultaneously. He’s excited. 

This is why I love these boards. I learn something every time I sign on. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

55 minutes ago, BooksandBoys said:

I’ve learned  lot from this post. In particular, thanks to Margaret in CO for the CO opportunities and dmmelter for the mention of the NME (actually mentioned in the socialization thread, I think). My oldest has requested an intensive unit on Greek and Roman Mythology, the Greek language (he wants to write in code :-), and geography of the ancient world this summer, so he and I have agreed that he’ll prepare for the NME simultaneously. He’s excited. 

This is why I love these boards. I learn something every time I sign on. 

 

Yes! And the GenCyber suggestion reminded me of the Startalk summer camps as well. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...