Taking forever

[Bluegoat]

My dd14, grade 8, is driving me crazy.  She is taking over an hour in the morning to do one page of math - not because she is having a problem with the material.  She is staring out the window.  Right now she is supposed to be writing an outline for history, and she is squeezing the bulb of an airhorn.

She is bright, and the work is not too hard, and most of the time it is interesting.  She could be done much more quickly if she focused, even a little more.  

To top it off, she is getting angry at me when I start to et frustrated.  And there is lots of "this is so stupid, I can't do that" with assignments which should be straight-forward.

On the days when she does focus, she's done on time, and she enjoys it because we actually can talk about her work and she gets something out of it.

I am looking for any suggestions!

[HomeAgain]

When that happens I set the timer.  "See what you can get done in 10 minutes and then we'll move on to something else."  And then keep looping back through subjects until either a) she realizes it's faster just to do it or b) the work is done.

[Lori D.]

Also: puberty hormones eat their brains. Needed for riding it out:
patience
scaffolding (sitting WITH them and gently giving prompts or re-directing them back on task)
patience
breaking into smaller bites with frequent check-backs by you
patience
"snack, shower, nap" (SWB's general tween/teen advice)
and did I mention patience?? (:D

[Lori D.]

53 minutes ago, Plum said:

...i have him do spelling and workbook type subjects while watching a science documentary. It might not make sense to anyone else, but for whatever reason it seems to help...

DS#2 needed to have his music playing through earbuds to be able to focus, so not so weird. 😉

Another thing that helped DS#2 was switching his most draining subject -- the one that was the biggest struggle for him -- to the END of the day. I know that sounds counter-intuitive (everyone says, "do their hard subject first thing while they're fresh"). But knowing he was completely free for the day when he finished that hard subject was very freeing for him and he got through everything faster in the day. For DS, that was Math.

I got that idea from Dianne Craft, who explains it this way: kids with "blocked learning gates" only have a certain amount of "brain battery" energy for the day. If you use most of it up early in the day on the subject(s) that is the hardest for them, you've just drained most of their brain energy for that day right at the start of the day, and they have very little brain energy to give to ANY subject thereafter -- hence, dawdling. Also, because they know they have all those other subjects to get through after that first-in-the-morning hard subject, they're trying to reserve brain energy to have for those other subjects, so they can't give you their "best" for ANY subjects, trying to "save" brain battery energy -- hence, hedging and dawdling. Instead, do their stronger subjects first, where they don't have to use up so much brain battery energy to begin with, and do the hard/struggle subject last, when they have the most brain energy left, AND they are free to use it all up, knowing they don't have to reserve anything for after that hard/struggle subject. AND, they are *motivated* to get that last subject finished up because then they are DONE for the day and have all their free time for doing what they *want* to do.

The other thing that helped was short bites. That esp. worked for DS#2 with Writing, another of his big struggle areas -- a short bite (15-20 minutes) in the morning, together brainstorming ideas and organizing into some sort of outline or structure. Then later, another bite of 15-20 minutes in the afternoon for turning that outline/structure into complete sentences and complete paragraphs. Next day, a short bite each in the morning and the afternoon to continue the rough draft; etc. with the rest of the writing process. That got 30-40 minutes of focused writing time out of DS#2 each day pretty painlessly. Yes, it meant planning more time to complete papers and written assignments, so we went for *quality* not quantity when it came to writing -- less was more.

One last thought is to build the brain hemisphere connections for better focus/concentration through doing a few 3 minute cross-lateral exercises first thing in the morning, and then again after lunch. Examples:
- writing 8s
- sideways figure 8s in the air in front of you for 1 minute for each arm -- use one hand/arm to draw big sideways figure 8s in front of you, with the mid-point of the 8 at the midline of the body; keep head straight and eyes facing forward (don't follow the arm with your eyes), and don't switch arms to complete the 8s
- touch right elbow to left knee, then vice-versa; continue to alternate for 1 minute
- alternate arm/leg marching (left arm swings forward while right knee comes up high to march in place, then left arm swings back while right leg goes down; then right arm swings forward while left knee comes up high... etc.)
- "grapevine"
 

BEST of luck in finding what helps! Warmly, Lori D.

Edited March 28, 2019 by Lori D.

[LMD]

Giving my same age dd more control helps. So I set out her weekly assignments and it's largely up to her to organise her days. 

[Mom0012]

19 hours ago, Bluegoat said:

My dd14, grade 8, is driving me crazy.  She is taking over an hour in the morning to do one page of math - not because she is having a problem with the material.  She is staring out the window.  Right now she is supposed to be writing an outline for history, and she is squeezing the bulb of an airhorn.

She is bright, and the work is not too hard, and most of the time it is interesting.  She could be done much more quickly if she focused, even a little more.  

To top it off, she is getting angry at me when I start to et frustrated.  And there is lots of "this is so stupid, I can't do that" with assignments which should be straight-forward.

On the days when she does focus, she's done on time, and she enjoys it because we actually can talk about her work and she gets something out of it.

I am looking for any suggestions!

Well, it may be temporary with your dd, but I’ve gone through the same thing with my ds once he hit that age, and he’s still like that.  The only thing that really worked for high school was having him take outside classes, since I knew he would not miss *real* deadlines.  That ensured he would complete the courses he needed to complete.  I spent years trying to get him to work more efficiently and finally realized it was out of my control and I needed to let it go. He’s at college and occasionally I still can’t resist giving him a “tip” on how he could approach a task more efficiently, so I still have work to do.🙂

And my son really enjoys and immerses himself in his learning. He just doesn’t care or isn’t able to be efficient.

Edited March 29, 2019 by Mom0012

[Miss Tick]

With my two 8th graders I've started letting them have homework. Depending on the subject they have an assignment for the day or the week or everything I can comfortably fit on a Post-It or whatever. Then we talk often about how progress is going. I don't care if they put it off, don't finish in the anticipated time, or rearrange their schedule (so freeing to no longer care!) What I do require is a specific plan. If it is Wednesday and you haven't done math yet, it isn't acceptable to vaguely say that it will be done by Friday. I want to hear what you plan to do when. It has taken all year for these not to be fighting words, but obviously this is a good skill to help keep teenaged brains in touch with reality. It also helps us all recognize more quickly when things are going off the rails.

None if this "fixes" anything. It just makes it manageable.

Edited March 29, 2019 by SusanC
Swype is in a better mood than i am

[Arcadia]

DS13 does better on days when he sleeps until 9am (instead of waking up before 8am) and having a heavier breakfast. He just had another growth spurt. Using a timer helps this kid. The increase in need for sleep and food is probably tied to growth spurt issues. On days he can’t get himself started in the mornings, I make him do simple exercises like sit-ups, push-ups, bend and touch your toes, head/neck rotations. 

[ScoutTN]

No answers. Right there with you. 8th grade fog here big time!!