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Do you pack your spouse's lunch?

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One thing I would like to mention is that a very large portion of workers in this country don’t bring a packed lunch to work.  Most of DHs co workers eat out for lunch every day.  Most of Dd23’s co workers as well.  It starts very young with school lunches, when DD10 was in school, most of her first grade class bought lunch at school. 

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18 minutes ago, Plum said:

 

My boys can take care of themselves. They make their own lunch, do their own laundry, clean their own room. My oldest cooks his own food. Just because dh and I have a routine where I throw some packed food into a cooler, doesn't mean my kids won't be prepared or capable of taking care of themselves. 

 

19 minutes ago, Dotwithaperiod said:

Once again, then I’ll stop harping on this. Packing lunch for a spouse does not mean they can’t take care of themselves. The insinuation is really pathetic. I’d strive for raising a child to be able to take care of their own needs while hoping that any future partner can tell the difference between appreciating vs demanding favors.

Yep, this.

I usually pack dh's lunch however, every time I do he says, I've got this, you don't have to and sometimes he beats me to it. He doesn't mind to do it, doesn't expect I do it, and is perfectly capable of doing it. I am usually the one who packs up leftovers so when I'm doing that I put some in a tupperware for him, it takes like 30 seconds, maybe. It is nice for us to do things for each other and that is an easy one for me to do.

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I never, ever packed dh’s lunch. I remember discussing this with my SIL when I was first married. I was working FT then and it never entered my mind that I would pack his lunch; he wasn’t packing mine, and I worked, too. 

Once I was home FT, it was already established as something able-bodied folks do for themselves around here. We also had to work out a dinner-cooking schedule when I worked FT, because coming home after a long day and an hour and a half of Beltway traffic, I was NOT going to second-shift dinner and kitchen cleanup every night, too. (This did change, though, once I was home FT; I made dinner most of the time.) 

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I used to everyday, but now that I’m working we make our lunches together. DH and I pack lunches for each other and for DS while we make breakfasts. It’s easy. 

I’ve never minded making his lunch. He would do the same for me, and he was and is always appreciative. I also don’t mind making DS’s lunch. I’m up before him and have more time than he does in the morning, so why not? Keeps everyone happy, fed and sane. 🙂

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When we were first married we both packed our own. Somewhere along the way, after I was staying home full time, I started packing his food because I'm a total Scrooge with the food budget. We typically don't buy frozen food etc. We usually have what's on sale and I know how to rotate through food so it doesn't get wasted. Certain things need eaten quicker than other things.

If I'm sick or something he will of course pack his own. 

My son packs his own the vast majority of the time but a few times when I was making wraps for his father I had stuff to add him in.  I left a note so he would know they were his and he has always added a thank you to the bottom of the note with no prompting. 

Edited by frogger
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We met in college and dated long distance during grad school - I packed lunches for myself every day and he often ate out.  At some point he realized how much he was spending on food.  Once we were married, working, and in the same place, we both packed lunches most days.  He planned to eat out maybe weekly? with coworkers.  Usually we just filled containers with leftovers, so both of us could just throw in whatever ones we wanted.  Sometimes we'd make something for sandwiches -  ham with rolls after Easter, chicken salad, etc.  Once I was home with kids, we mostly continued the same thing - when we put away leftovers, we'd make sure that some was packed into lunch-size portions or one of those divided plates and he's toss some in his bag in the morning.  He also travels a lot for work, so when he's home I liked for him to not need to eat more restaurant food unless he wanted a social meal with coworkers.  These days he often works from home when he's in town.  Sometimes he comes up and gets food, but if he's on a call or busy I'll fix a plate for one of the kids to run down to his office so that he can eat at a reasonable time.  On days that I'm not home at lunchtime (right now 2 days/week) I pack for me and the kids and he eats leftovers or makes himself a sandwich.  He's always appreciative of food and doesn't want to mess up any plans that i have, but the plan is 'I have no plan' then he's perfectly capable of fending for himself.  

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I hate cooking and always have.

When we were first married, I only knew how to cook spaghetti, tuna noddle casserole, tuna helper, and a bean enchillada dish, and all of them with broccoli every night.  Sometimes we’d have a box of au gratin potaotes for dinner.  We went out to eat about 3 nights a week and cycled through those above meals.  Lunch was Lean Cuisine for me and my DH made himself sandwiches because there weren’t enough leftovers.

After we had kids a decade into the marriage, I quit work and started cooking more things.  Not a lot, because I’m a picky eater, and it’s still very, very simple.  Even then, though, there weren’t a lot of leftovers, and my dh didn’t like leftovers.  So DH still made himself sandwiches.  

However, DH likes to cook so after a while, he started to make himself fancy dishes that I don’t like to eat: anything with beef, pork, or strong sauces on chicken.  He’d putter around in the kitchen pretending he was on a cooking show (well, not really, but maybe...he loves cooking shows, and I think he was pretending he was on one), and he’d chop and saute and have a grand time in there cooking food and then he’d divvy it up and eat it throughout the week.

But then, he had a blockage in his heart and had to have a stent and now he’s suuuuper careful about fat and calories, etc, so now he makes himself a lean salad every day for lunch.  

He’s never wanted me to make his lunch because he likes cooking and prepping food, and he’s better at it than I am.  🙂. His food tastes better.  

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DH doesn’t take a lunch every day; if he’s home at lunch he eats leftovers with the rest of us. 🙂

On days he isn’t it just depends. Sometimes he eats out, sometimes he packs it, sometimes I do. I certainly don’t mind helping out by making a sandwich once in awhile, and food is pretty much my responsibility in our household. Plus it saves money over eating out, so I’m happy to help that happen.

 I also make him freezer food for breakfast on days that he has to leave early for work (he drives a truck, there is no regular schedule). I don’t like getting up early, but I appreciate that he’s willing to do it to help support our family. And same as lunches, it saves money over eating out or buying pre-made frozen breakfast foods.

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Sometimes. He only works in the office three days a week. Generally, whoever is doing dinner clean up packs him a lunch of leftovers. All four of us take turns on dinner clean up. Tiny kitchen, no room for more than one person. No room for him in the kitchen in the morning, for sure. 

It makes his life easier, helps our budget, and takes 2 minutes, so why not? He likes everything and has never complained about a meal in almost 17 yrs of marriage. 

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No,  I never have. It never occurred to me. Likewise, it never occurred to him to pack my lunch when I was working out of the home. 

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48 minutes ago, marbel said:

I wonder why packing lunch for a spouse (let's face it, husband) is such a hot button.  

Does it seem like an old-fashioned, 50's housewife thing to do?  Does it seem too subservient?

 

I think it’s the stereotype of the SAHM slaving over the kitchen stove. 

My MIL did have this issue with my FIL, as in FIL wants MIL to be his short order cook for all his meals and I have never seen/heard him express any appreciation, only heard him whining when food is not up to his expectations.

I packed lunch for my kids yesterday for their tuition (one before and one after lunch) at the library and they just ate whatever was packed. Save us money packing lunch instead of fast food.

My male cousins are mostly good cooks, some better cooks than their wives. Whoever likes cooking more cooks regardless of gender. 

I eat to live most days. I live to eat on weekends and public holidays because my husband doesn’t work and we can try out new eating places. 

We are avoiding processed foods so making sandwiches is harder than our usual meals since food prep would involved cooking and shredding meat, slicing up big tomatoes and buying wheat bread. 

Edited by Arcadia
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Sorta.

I do like 95%+ of the cooking (which for the most part I don't mind since it's the least bothersome of all household chores).  I always make enough of whatever we are eating for lunch the next day because I don't have the ambition to cook more than once a day (breakfast is fend for yourself).  So when I put it away, I put a single portion in a container for DH and the rest in a large container for the rest of us.  DH grabs his container as he heads out the door in the morning (I'm still sound asleep). It saves a ton of money for him to take food and it's really no extra work for me.

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8 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

My MIL did have this issue with my FIL, as in FIL wants MIL to be his short order cook for all his meals and I have never seen/heard him express any appreciation, only heard him whining when food is not up to his expectations.

 

This is the key right here.  No appreciation.  Often critical of what is being done for them.  An expectation that the wife will do it just because it's her job (not because they decided together that it would be her job.)  We have fairly traditional roles in the home because it works for us.  But I don't do what I don't want to do.   I mean that over all - obviously I'm not always thrilled to scrub the toilet but it makes sense for me to clean the main bathroom.  Dh cleans "his" bathroom - ie. the one that is en suite - because it makes sense for him to clean that one.  We both do things for each other and I appreciate his hard work earning the bacon as much as he appreciates me holding down the fort at home even if we don't always praise each other. 

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I never have packed his lunch.  He does 99% of the cooking in our house so he knows what leftovers he plans to use for another dinner and which are available for lunches.  He also knows his schedule better so will know if he has a meeting where they will serve lunch or will have a good opportunity to go out to eat.   He also occasionally tries different diets so plans around that too. 

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Not unless I am packing one for me (or am putting away some leftovers that he could take to work.  He is up before me and usually out the door before I am fully up (which will change next fall when I have school.)  The few times I offered, he refused so I would only do so if he asked me to.   I will say that, if he is home and I need to be out the door in a hurry (which is my usual MO), he does pack one for me.  He's a peach.  

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He usually comes home for lunch. Occasionally he needs to have a lunch meeting, and once in a blue moon he goes out with a bunch of guys.

Either of us will prepare lunch. Often I get something started and he finishes it, or does the cleanup. 

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I don't "pack" his lunch, but I do try to cook a big batch of something early in the week that I package up into lunch-sized servings. I then let him know there are options in the fridge ready to go. He can't be bothered with anything complicated or that requires "packing," but if I pop a serving of Tex-Mex casserole or some other one-dish meal into a microwaveable container, he will grab that on his way out the door.

When I was home and actually made dinner a few nights a week, I used to do "intentional leftovers," just making enough extra of what I was already cooking to set aside a lunch or two for him. Now that I work outside the house, I do pack my own lunch pretty much every day. So, planning ahead and making a batch of something we can break up into a couple of servings for each of us doesn't take any appreciable extra time or effort, makes sure he will eat something reasonably healthy on those days and costs us less than having him go out for lunch. 

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He’s been working from home mostly and going to fancy meals outside of that.  But I didn’t often make him lunches before that.  Once in a while I would to save money. There was also a period when he was commuting to locations with limited resources, so I’d pack tons of food. But as a normal thing? No.

FWIW, I was in charge of my own school lunches from somewhere around age 10, so I’m sure a grown man can handle it just fine, lol. I don’t make lunch for our kids, either!

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Yes, it's been a routine for years now since he has been in this position. He is often on the road and would have to hunt around for a decent place to eat as well as spend the money. In some areas, the only choices would be fast food - we are in our fifties and cannot get away with this anymore. On very busy days, he eats whenever he can - not necessarily a traditional lunch hour. We spend quite a bit on good quality food - most of it organic or biodynamically grown so buying lunch at some corner would seem counterproductive and wasteful.

I pack both our lunches but his is prepped the night before because he leaves much earlier than I do. It usually consists of leftover dinner items but with my late schedule, there is not always a "hot dinner" so we have quick go-to stuff.  I occasionally cook chicken in the morning when I am still home, he reheats for dinner and any leftovers go into lunches. 

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37 minutes ago, cjzimmer1 said:

Sorta.

I do like 95%+ of the cooking (which for the most part I don't mind since it's the least bothersome of all household chores).  I always make enough of whatever we are eating for lunch the next day because I don't have the ambition to cook more than once a day (breakfast is fend for yourself).  So when I put it away, I put a single portion in a container for DH and the rest in a large container for the rest of us.  DH grabs his container as he heads out the door in the morning (I'm still sound asleep). It saves a ton of money for him to take food and it's really no extra work for me.

Mostly this is how I do it really.  

When I finish grocery shopping, I chop up all the cukes and set them into serving size containers.  Same with separating grapes, or chopping up pineapple, even dry goods like goldfish.  I don't just do that for DH, I do it for everyone because it's more likely to get eaten if it's in a serving sized container where it can be seen.  Then when I make dinner at night, I almost always have enough leftover for DH, so I set that aside, and stick it on the shelf in the fridge that is at eye level.  This makes it easy for him to open the fridge, grab the containers he sees, and toss it in a bag.  If there's something specific that needs to get used up, I will often put it on the shelf right next to whatever the leftover is.  

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No. I stopped a long time ago when he said he didn't want sandwiches anymore. He wanted to Lean Cuisine type meals. Since our last move, he buys at the cafeteria at work 3-4 days/week and goes out 1-2 days/week, depending on what's going on and who's there. Works just fine for me as I don't have to think about it and it's what he wants to do.

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1 hour ago, marbel said:

My husband is unemployed right now, but when he was working I prepared and packed his lunch for him most days.  It's always been quicker and easier for me than for him.

Not sure if this came up in this thread or the other (dad as babysitter), or both, or even past threads on this topic, but the argument that "he's a grown man" and thus should pack his own lunch seems odd to me.  There are things my husband does for me that, as a grown woman, I could do myself.  We try to work to our strengths, which helps both of us.   

FWIW, I am working now, and I prep and pack my own lunch.  He could stay in bed on my early mornings, but he gets up, starts coffee, preps my to-go cup, and otherwise is available if I need him to do anything for me.  On the other hand, when he was working and I was not, I would stay in bed in the morning. (I'd prep his lunch the night before.)   Not sure how things will work out when he is working again, but I'm sure we'll adjust. 

I'm responding to the bolded part. I am quite capable of filling the car's gas tank. I know how to do it. I've taught people how to do it. I have no objection to doing it. But DH usually does it for me because he says I shouldn't have to do it. I'm sure many (hopefully, most) married people do considerate things for each other just because regardless of whether or not people are capable of doing those things themselves. If individuals have an issue with it in their own marriage, that's something they should work out.

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I track our food expenses to the penny, our leftovers to the last crumb, and our Food Not Prepared In Our House budget is $0.  I don't always *pack* DH's lunch, but I do consider it my responsibility to make sure there is something here he can take every day, because the work cafeteria and dining out are not options for him (Celiac).

Sometimes I set a portion aside while finishing dinner.  Sometimes he sets a portion aside while cleaning up dinner.  Sometimes I give him a heads up that leftovers are running low and he'll have to dig around for something.  Sometimes he doesn't eat his packed lunch because of long meetings and gives me a heads up that he won't need new leftovers the next day.  Sometimes he requests saving certain leftovers for multiple days (pasta dishes, or red beans and rice), or lets me know that a certain meal doesn't work well as leftovers (baked potatoes, surprisingly).

Basically we communicate, and he takes and eats something.

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1 hour ago, marbel said:

I wonder why packing lunch for a spouse (let's face it, husband) is such a hot button.  

Does it seem like an old-fashioned, 50's housewife thing to do?  Does it seem too subservient?

 

Yeah, I wonder too. I pack my husband's lunch occasionally, I always make him breakfast (two fried eggs, nothing fancy) and I do all the housework too (which tbh is done rather sporadically at best). But when we did the home remodel he got a wet saw and tiled the whole backsplash, he took out the soffit, he painted the ceiling... all stuff I am sure I could have done if I wanted but I REALLY did not want to! 

For us I guess the key too is we never expect the other to do something -- if I go two weeks without vacuuming and the dog hair piles have their own piles, he would just say wow must have been quite a busy week and maybe done it himself.  If I didn't make him breakfast he would just get cereal. 

Dh's mom work when he was growing up, he was one of three boys, and they all had to do all the housework after school.  She never made their lunches, either.  I don't think it has anything to do with how one is raised.  

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LOL - no never.  And my DH buys his own groceries every week to have breakfast at work and at times stuff for lunch.  He regularly does batch cooking to freeze for lunches.  Sometimes I'll freeze some leftovers for him to take but that's as much as I do.  My kids mostly pack their own food/snacks when they need them too.

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Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't - depended up on his job, if there was time to leave for lunch, etc. I never did when I was working - he was totally on his own then. And now he only wants to eat red meat for lunch - and only meat. So, no, he is on his own. That is not a meal. I don't even know what that is. 

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19 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

My make cousins are mostly good cooks, some better cooks than their wives. Whoever likes cooking more cooks regardless of gender. 

I

 

When we first married and both worked full time we divided household chores according to like. I didn't want to think about meals every night so he did all the cooking and I did all the cleaning and we were both content.

Things got a little switched up when I decided to stay home with kids but DH is still amuch better cook and we often revert to our original roles when we have a guest on the weekend or something.

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1 hour ago, YaelAldrich said:

I make lunches (and in the semesters he has to teach at night, dinners) for my husband.  It is definitely a love language thing for him.  He likes acts of service and even if there are other things I could be doing with my time in the morning, it makes him (and me) happy to do it.  Today he got his usual lunch (PB&J, apple, orange, yogurt, treat) and dinner (grilled chicken on a salad, Ryvita crackers, and chips).  If I don't have time, he will make lunch (but it isn't as nice as mine).  I will freely admit that he is super spoiled in this regard.  

my DH adores acts of service. I love to do it. 

Win-win

And I am a words of affirmation lover...so if he makes a verbal fuss over it, I'm so happy!

Win!

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My husband is spoiled in this area. I occasionally pack his lunch (leftovers), but more often cook a hot, fresh lunch and deliver it to him at work. He works 15 minutes from home so round trip it takes a half hour out of my day. (He works in an environment where I can’t go inside so he just comes out and grabs his lunch and I am on my way.)  He has long work days though (12-13 hours) and can’t leave for lunch. I don’t work outside the home so I do what I can to make his life easier. I have done this for about 15 years and can’t really say I mind doing it. 

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I don't, but I don't cook well, either.  🙂  I don't enjoy it and it's not one of my strengths.  I will package up leftovers, but dh puts his own lunch together.

We divide a lot of household tasks by preference: I like working outside so I do much of the yardwork.  Dh does a lot of the cooking and I use Blue Apron on the nights he isn't home.  I do most of the dishes and cleaning of the kitchen.  DH does the laundry and puts it all away.

It's so much easier when we do the tasks we each like and then split the difference as necessary.

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Nope.  Never.  He packs it himself, and he's eaten almost the exact same thing every single day for 25 years.  He was jealous for a time when I would pack dd's lunch (standing right next to him at the counter), and he asked if I'd do his as well, but I didn't budge, and I didn't explain.  He was 30yo when we married, and had always managed to get himself fed before that.  I didn't see any reason to take that task from him.  

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2 hours ago, marbel said:

I wonder why packing lunch for a spouse (let's face it, husband) is such a hot button.  

Does it seem like an old-fashioned, 50's housewife thing to do?  Does it seem too subservient?

My husband was in his 30s when we married; he was and still is a fully-functioning adult. He lived on his own, and I assume he managed to eat lunch if he wanted to. When we were both working, we mostly ate out (thanks to nice heavily-subsidized cafeterias at work).  When I quit work to stay home, and he changed jobs and had no more cheap lunches out, it only  made sense to me that I would set up his lunch for him since I was the main food handler and he was getting up to go to work every day, while I got to stay home with the baby.  

My kids have seen me pack their dad's lunch. Yet they pack their own. They see that Dad gets a privilege they don't, but they also see that he is appreciative of it, respects my time and tells me ahead if he is not going to need one, and takes it in stride if for whatever reason I don't have one for me.  I figure if/when they get married they will work out their own routines. 

spin on the marrying an adult/he's an adult comments:

I had a friend who married a man over 10+ years YOUNGER than her. When people asked her why she waited so late to get married she used to joke:

"I had to wait until he went through puberty."

This was decades ago; I don't think the joke would go over so well these days. But he was also in his mid-20s before they even met, so she was joking.

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6 minutes ago, Bensmom2 said:

My husband is spoiled in this area. I occasionally pack his lunch (leftovers), but more often cook a hot, fresh lunch and deliver it to him at work. He works 15 minutes from home so round trip it takes a half hour out of my day. (He works in an environment where I can’t go inside so he just comes out and grabs his lunch and I am on my way.)  He has long work days though (12-13 hours) and can’t leave for lunch. I don’t work outside the home so I do what I can to make his life easier. I have done this for about 15 years and can’t really say I mind doing it. 

I love that! Now that the kids are older, I could totally pick up lunch and meet dh at work. He's only 15 minutes away. It would be nice to do once in a while like a date. We rarely go out to eat, which means this would be a treat for both of us. 

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Mine works from home. I make our biggest meal of the day for lunch. When he worked in an office I didn't pack his lunch because he hates sandwiches. He would eat out with his coworkers.

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I usually (probably about 75% of the time) pack a plate of lunch for dh by portioning out whatever we're having into a tupperware or onto a plate with a cover and sticking it in the fridge for him. Then it becomes his meal while he's working. But dh works on the sofa in the middle of the night, so it's a little different. However, if he went into the office, I'd still probably do the same so that he could take a meal with him.

That said, the idea that it's an obligation is silly. I'd never make him a sandwich if I wasn't making other people something.

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2 minutes ago, ___ said:

No, I don't.  I've tried a few times in the past, but my dh is very picky about his food and I could never do it 'right' enough to suit him.  So I gave up.  

For example, when he makes a sandwich with lettuce, etc., he wants his mayo on a specific side (which I can never remember).  And the salt and pepper have to go on a specific side.  And it all has to go on in a specific order.  And so on, ad nauseam.  Yikes!  I just throw some stuff on the bread and call it a sandwich when I want a sandwich.  If he wanted me to do it like HE wants it, he'd have to make me a chart complete with drawings and hang it on the kitchen wall for me to get it right.  lol

I have offered to put some leftovers in small containers the night before so he could just pull them out of the frig and go.  But he doesn't even want that.  Says, "I pack what I want according to how I feel in the morning."  Alrighty then. 

Also, he hates to have people in the kitchen in the mornings when he's preparing his lunch and coffee.  We get in his way.  I think he has his routine and doesn't like that interrupted.  It's actually kind of painful to watch, it's so convoluted and detailed.

I do make extra when I cook so he has plenty to choose from for his lunch.  He may, or may not, eat it.  Depends on how much he liked it.   

Yeah if mine were that picky I wouldn't be packing his lunch either. 

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Dh has alternated between coming home for lunch and staying at work for lunch. For much of our marriage I have done meal prep for his lunches- I usually cook something on Sunday and divvy it up into five mason jars and he grabs one every day on his way out. He adds whatever he needs to add- crackers, a sweet something, or whatever. 

My intent was to manage our grocery budget, help him eat healthy (8 stents and double bypass on board) and to make his days easier. He’s perfectly capable of taking care of himself (as he’s shown the past four months -we’re living in different states until our old house sells), but it was an easy way for me to show him love. 

Making a lunch, not making a lunch, I don’t think it matters at all- neither is better or worse, just different choices.  But if dh wasn’t appreciative I probably wouldn’t have done it for three weeks, let along the three decades I’ve been doing it. 

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Sort of but not exactly. He takes leftovers for lunch most days, so whichever of us cleans up after dinner puts a portion in a Tupperware container and sticks it in the fridge. In the morning, he grabs it and puts it, an ice pack, utensils, and some bottles drinks in his lunch bag. I'm the one who does the meal planning and shopping and thus makes sure there is enough for him to have leftovers. If there aren't leftovers, or if he knows he will be out of the office, he buys lunch on the road somewhere. 

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30 minutes ago, ___ said:

No, I don't.  I've tried a few times in the past, but my dh is very picky about his food and I could never do it 'right' enough to suit him.  So I gave up.  

For example, when he makes a sandwich with lettuce, etc., he wants his mayo on a specific side (which I can never remember).  And the salt and pepper have to go on a specific side.  And it all has to go on in a specific order.  And so on, ad nauseam.  Yikes!  I just throw some stuff on the bread and call it a sandwich when I want a sandwich.  If he wanted me to do it like HE wants it, he'd have to make me a chart complete with drawings and hang it on the kitchen wall for me to get it right.  lol

I have offered to put some leftovers in small containers the night before so he could just pull them out of the frig and go.  But he doesn't even want that.  Says, "I pack what I want according to how I feel in the morning."  Alrighty then. 

Also, he hates to have people in the kitchen in the mornings when he's preparing his lunch and coffee.  We get in his way.  I think he has his routine and doesn't like that interrupted.  It's actually kind of painful to watch, it's so convoluted and detailed.

I do make extra when I cook so he has plenty to choose from for his lunch.  He may, or may not, eat it.  Depends on how much he liked it.   

Well, that's a good thing, right? :-)  That's pretty much what I would say to  my husband if he offered to pack my lunch.  I'm much pickier than he is, and though I prep my stuff the night before, I don't always take it (unless it's something that needs to be eaten or thrown out).   

I never pack a sandwich.  I might pack the components of a sandwich and put it together right before I eat it.  I hate sandwiches that have been sitting around for hours, even if kept cold.  

Edited by marbel
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4 hours ago, Arcadia said:

I packed my husband’s lunch because it saves us money and he isn’t picky. His office building cafeteria cost at least $7 for lunch and it’s mainly sandwiches. He brings chicken rice (no food prep work required) for lunch everyday for more than a decade without complains. It takes the instantpot  12 minutes to cook and I just make my pour over coffee while the instantpot cooks. 

My husband does most of the housework though including hand washing dishes so cooking his lunch is easy in comparison. Besides I could cook more if I want to and have the extras as my brunch.

ETA:

None of us like sandwiches and my kids would rather go hungry than eat.

Recipe please?

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45 minutes ago, Suzanne in ABQ said:

Nope.  Never.  He packs it himself, and he's eaten almost the exact same thing every single day for 25 years.  He was jealous for a time when I would pack dd's lunch (standing right next to him at the counter), and he asked if I'd do his as well, but I didn't budge, and I didn't explain.  He was 30yo when we married, and had always managed to get himself fed before that.  I didn't see any reason to take that task from him.  

 

I can't even imagine that.  If my DH asked me to do something for him I would make it a priority to get that done for him because it was obviously important to him.  He does so much for me that the least I can do is try to accommodate him if he asks for something. I'm not criticizing - every marriage is different - but the thought of not doing something that he actually asked for is totally foreign to me.

When I used to pack my DH's lunch I would make sandwiches ahead of time and freeze them.  One time I accidentally threw a frozen package of French Toast in his lunch thinking it was his sandwich.  That was quite a surprise for him!  

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8 minutes ago, maize said:

Recipe please?

 

I just put a cup of rice (DH is cutting down on rice intake), two to three chicken drumsticks (Trader Joe’s) on top of the rice, a cup of water, and use the instantpot rice button for cooking. I shred the chicken meat after cooking if I have time, else my husband just eats the chicken meat off the drumsticks. I add spinach/arugula (as the vegetables component of lunch) as the lining for his lunchbox. Makes cleaning easier too for him as rice sticks to the vegetables instead of to the lunchbox.

ETA:

You can add herbs like turmeric, garlic, ginger and garnish like scallions/spring onions if you want to.

Edited by Arcadia
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2 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

I just put a cup of rice (DH is cutting down on rice intake), two to three chicken drumsticks (Trader Joe’s) on top of the rice, a cup of water, and use the instantpot rice button for cooking. I shred the chicken meat after cooking if I have time, else my husband just eats the chicken meat off the drumsticks. I add spinach/arugula (as the vegetables component of lunch) as the lining for his lunchbox. Makes cleaning easier too for him as rice sticks to the vegetables instead of to the lunchbox.

This is brilliant!

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I used to pack lunches for him at night when he worked outside the home. Now he works from home and I make enough breakfast and lunch for him (it's whatever I'm already having). He's always appreciative and definitely knows how to take care of himself.

Dh may not remember the last time he had to cook his own food but I don't remember the last time I had to wash dishes because he always does them rather quickly since I do the cooking. It works for us and I'm happy with how things are. 

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It's 6am here and I just finished packing my dh's lunch and sent him off to work 😄

In theory, if I get up early like this I'll have time to exercise and study before my kids wake up... I mostly faff around on the internet or go back to sleep! I'm not a morning person!

Yes, 99% of the time I'll pack his lunch. I'll also make his breakfast and coffee. He's certainly capable of doing it himself and will happily sort himself out if I can't.

Marriage is complicated and we all have to figure it out with the person & circumstances in front of us.

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28 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 

I can't even imagine that.  If my DH asked me to do something for him I would make it a priority to get that done for him because it was obviously important to him.  He does so much for me that the least I can do is try to accommodate him if he asks for something. I'm not criticizing - every marriage is different - but the thought of not doing something that he actually asked for is totally foreign to me.

When I used to pack my DH's lunch I would make sandwiches ahead of time and freeze them.  One time I accidentally threw a frozen package of French Toast in his lunch thinking it was his sandwich.  That was quite a surprise for him!  

I can beat that - I once put a dead pet fish in his lunch bag - it was winter, so we froze it while we waited till we could dig and give it a proper burial.  He wondered what message I was trying to send him.  Fun memory.  

Also hard for me to imagine just refusing to do something so simple that my husband asked me to do. I would be hurt if he refused to do something simple for me.  Also not criticizing, though of course it sounds like it - I just can't imagine it. 

ETA: Of course, I can't imagine it because to me it is a simple, nonburdensome task but of course to others it may not be that way.  I'm not taking any moral high ground here, if it seems that way.  There are plenty of things I do find difficult, burdensome, etc that I would probably refuse to do! 

Edited by marbel
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No. Nor he mine.

I do sometimes pack lunches for dd when she is on placement (long days).

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Sure do. Not because he is helpless and can’t possibly do it himself.  I do it because he works ten + hours a day outside the house, and I stay at home because of that. I do it because I am a night owl, and it takes mere minutes to prepare it, along with setting the coffee pot before I go to bed. I don’t do it because he expects it, but I do it because he appreciates it, and doesn’t hesitate to tell me so. 

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