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1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

It will be good to have that stress gone. So then does he have a dissertation? More mess and distraction, sigh. 

Last I heard 3 years of classes and 2? for dissertation. He’s signing up to take some over summer so he’ll be back in school shortly 😕 I know he just wants to get it over with. I don’t blame him. 

 

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There are 4 (pointless) days of school left. Last night was Class Night. They gave out awards/treated it like a graduation. Ds came home with medals on his neck and a stack of certificates like A-B honor roll. The SLP met with him a couple days ago. I don’t know when I’ll hear back from the psychometrist. 

We don’t know if dd made it into their PreK program. We were told we’d get an answer before this school year ended. I’m going to have to ask I guess. 

Mom a little nervous because our sitter is pretty much “off duty” now (summer). I’ll have to figure out arrangements when a meeting is called. 

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Tomorrow is the last day of school. We have a meeting with the pychometrist on Friday. Dh wants to go. I asked for a copy of the report. I skimmed through it. There was nothing found, he was listed as average everywhere that I could see. He was not showing to have ADHD of any type, according to the ADDES test (read: a list of things we had to rate) conducted by us (the one dh and I did together), the math, and science teachers (I don't know if more were given that test, but for sure those). Obviously, he's not eligible for anything. I think this meeting will be pointless. I do find it interesting that the homeroom teacher said he had no issues with multi-step directions when the university report and own our family interactions say otherwise. Maybe in class she doesn't give too many steps or he just looks at what other kids are doing. I have no idea. 

They said an RN tested his hearing and vision in April 2019 (????). No idea what kind of testing was done, but clearly nothing very detailed because there was no optometrist or audiologist present. 

Tests/assessments included were the WIAT3, ADDES4, ABAS3, and RIAS2. 

One thing in my favor was they did suggest to go ahead and do the CAPD testing on our own (I mean I don't know how to interpret that, but I interpreted it as encouragement, even though it may have simply been stating the obvious -- they can't test for it). 

 

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Well, phooey. I mean, it's good that his scores were in the average range, but unfortunate that he won't qualify for extra support, even though you can see that it's needed.

Just because the teachers don't see the ADHD does not mean that there is no ADHD. Really and truly. When DD13 was tested by the neuropsychologist, he said his tests showed ADHD. But when the teachers at her school fill out their ratings forms, they don't indicate that they see attention issues. We do see them at home, however.

Also, I think part of what makes the teachers kind of immune to noticing DD's ADHD is that she goes to a school for kids with LDs, and there are LOTS of kids with ADHD there. Which means she kind of blends in with the crowd in that regard. I mention this, because I know you have not been pleased with your school, and if teachers there are seeing a lot of kids who have low attention or who under perform, your son might seem just fine in comparison.

Because those rating scales are subjective. Just because the teachers don't recognize it doesn't mean it is not there.

I know that you have wondered about the validity of the ADHD diagnosis previously. I just don't want this report to make you think that the ADHD diagnosis he received is wrong. From what you have written over time, it is apparent to me that the ADHD is real (in case you care about the opinion of a stranger on the internet 😀).

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@Storygirl yes, thank you. I feel like I’ve second guessed some things today and fear that Dh will be like “see, you’re crazy.”

I asked Dh if ds received a lot of awards in comparison to his peers at class night and he said he was among the top few (maybe for his grade?) to receive awards. They gave out a separate certificate for A-B honor roll for each 9 weeks. Dh said Miss Schoolname have a speech but could t pronounce all the words. I asked if he thought maybe someone else wrote it and he said still, he thought she should have been able to read better. She’s the top student for ds’ grade and took home awards in extracurriculars, too (ds doesn’t do school sports). I think that’s really unfortunate about the reading because I know how important reading and fluency are (is? Lol this sentence has me second guessing). I am so glad I signed him up for that English class with Homeschoolers in the fall. The teacher has a strong English background and the class size is small. 

Ds has told me some of the craziest stories about school. He says one kid comes in at like 10 am daily and someone is constantly sleeping in class. I said that’s horrible, they probably have a bad home life affecting them. But he acted like the kid was just lazy or something. 

He came to his own conclusion that one of his (former?) bullies (Miss Schoolname) had a crush on him because she makes physical contact with him like play punches him etc. I said maybe she saw you as competition because you both do well in school. He said people touch his hair and I asked if that was her and he said, “everyone does, guys and girls.” I couldn’t help but laugh. They compliment it, though. “It’s so soft.” I said well it’s a different texture than his peers so I guess it’s a point of conversation. He waxes and wanes about how he’s treated by his peers but last time I spoke to him about it he said, “I’m fine, Mom. I can take it. Really.” He saw some of the interactions as tolerable banter I guess. 

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DS15 tells us about teasing at school (8th grade) as well. Mostly, he says that his friends insult each other and that he doesn't takes it seriously. He did have one situation that we know of that crossed into deliberate bullying, and we had to contact the teacher to alert her to the situation. In that case, DS felt strongly that he was being targeted.

I do know that kids tease each other in ways that seem mean but are just jokes or momentary stings and that being able to handle it is a good social skill.

But I also worry that my son may have trouble telling the difference, and I wonder sometimes if the things that he passes off as harmless are actually people being truly mean to him.

It's a hard line to distinguish. DS15 happens to have some social awareness issues, so it's an area of concern for him.

Don't get me started on the middle school girl drama DD13 has had swirling around her at her school. She is switching schools for next year (not for that reason), and I'm hoping that the drama will be less. In her case, it has been more shunning and talking behind people's backs and people trying to make alliances with some people and against other people. Ugh. It's like middle school Survivor.

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I think it's important to remember that Heart's kid is the only one in his grade (at least this was my impression) of his race - all other kids are of a different race.  This can make for a seriously challenging social situation, and more so as kids get older, imo.  In imagining how I'd respond if the school were 99.5% white and Heart's kid were the only Chinese kid, or something, and everyone wanted to feel his hair all the time - I dunno, it seems like it  would be a stressful situation for the kid.  

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1 hour ago, moonflower said:

I think it's important to remember that Heart's kid is the only one in his grade (at least this was my impression) of his race - all other kids are of a different race.  This can make for a seriously challenging social situation, and more so as kids get older, imo.  In imagining how I'd respond if the school were 99.5% white and Heart's kid were the only Chinese kid, or something, and everyone wanted to feel his hair all the time - I dunno, it seems like it  would be a stressful situation for the kid.  

Yes. I actually felt really bad for him the other day when we went to a frozen yogurt shop and I was talking to the owner and he ruffled ds' hair and asked how old he was. It made me uncomfortable and it wasn't even my hair.

He's the only non black kid in the whole school. I say "non black" because he's basically white/hispanic but honestly, he may have some black, too. I had a very tiny percentage appear on my 23 & Me results. Well, native American, too. So I mean, he could be all those things. Visually speaking, you could look at him and think, "white" or you could maybe see hispanic. He and I have basically jet black hair and sorta olive complexion. Dd has lighter features and looks more like her dad.

If he was a young black girl surrounded by another race and everyone was touching her hair I think it'd be very gauche and/or seen as racist.

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Yes, I agree. Race is definitely on our family's radar, as well. My school district is 96.4% white, and my kids are Latino (at least the three kids who are enrolled there; DD17 is Vietnamese). DS15 gets a lot of comments about his hair. He happens to love his own hair and likes it when others notice it, but comments could definitely veer into racism. When he was little, girls used to like to pet his hair. Now I don't think anyone touches it, because he spikes it with gel.

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3 hours ago, Storygirl said:

Yes, I agree. Race is definitely on our family's radar, as well. My school district is 96.4% white, and my kids are Latino (at least the three kids who are enrolled there; DD17 is Vietnamese). DS15 gets a lot of comments about his hair. He happens to love his own hair and likes it when others notice it, but comments could definitely veer into racism. When he was little, girls used to like to pet his hair. Now I don't think anyone touches it, because he spikes it with gel.

Lol because the gel is a deterrent. 

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I left a voicemail with the speech & hearing clinic but I think they’re in between sessions (I mean a break between spring and summer classes so the clinic is probably closed). I said that I know they were planning on getting me a summer APD test but we would like to wait til Sept when our flex card balance restarts (we officially maxed it). I think scheduling the Sept appt should be fairly easy by asking now (I hope). Dd will be in PreK by then but we’d probably all go together again because of the drive time.

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I can’t remember if I said it here but I took dd to the library for a free speech eval. Unfortunately they didn’t give me the paperwork to keep. They just talked about it. It did confirm she still has articulation issues and the SLP was annoyed our ped said the missing front tooth doesn’t really affect speech. 

Dd should get a speech screening for PreK with the school district automatically supposedly for that age. I have asked 2x because PreK is new and I didn’t want the school confusing PreK with the K screenings. However the ped encouraged me to put a formal request in first week of school and document everything. I think I talked about dd in this thread regarding speech so I’m updating but maybe that was one of my old threads. 

Had they done a hearing test on both kids rather than one I guess I’d have gotten a $100 bill. I’m actually going to try to disputed the $50 charge to see what they say... as they misquoted but I imagine I’ll still owe the full $50. Then I’ll ask for a quote in writing for the APD test. 

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Fwiw I was teased in high school in our mostly black high school where I was the only white girl in the class, and it really messed with my head. (They told me I was ugly, and since I had acne and was sort of an ugly duckling I believed it.) Took me a long time to figure out lots of people look ok, that only a few people are stunningly beautiful, and that sort of adequate can be pretty because I'm a nice person. But maybe to them it was harmless and to me it was what I just took in and believed. 

1 hour ago, heartlikealion said:

I said that I know they were planning on getting me a summer APD test but we would like to wait til Sept when our flex card balance restarts (we officially maxed it).

You might ask flat up if they have scholarships or other funding. Tell them your FSA is maxed out and you can't make it happen till fall and just see. These universities have so many donations, they may have a way. If they have those funds, that's what they're for, to help make the evals happen.

 

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I’m ok with waiting and using up the new flex balance in Sept but that’s a smart idea. 

I am not sure how I’ll manage but since there isn’t a min number of hours required I’m going to see if VIPKID would work for me. I have an interview Saturday. Dh is taking the kids out of the house and I’m going to set up the office. We already have the headset and my friend gave me some tips. 

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And that’s terrible you were teased 😞 

I got teased but it wasn’t really race-related. I was really skinny back then and compared to Olive Oyl etc. At some point I just embraced it and I still have my Popeye’s gf yahoo! account lol Now I wish I was skinny again ha 

Edited by heartlikealion
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Ds had his wellness check with his pediatrician this week. I made copies of every single report and gave it to him for his file. He thanked me for saving them the step of having to photocopy all the stuff. He said he did remember some of the testing we'd already had done and I shared the newest info as well. He went to school with the dr that listed ds as having ADHD inattentive type. I told him the school report did not reflect that, but I think it was mostly based on the ADDES4 forms. He wasn't concerned about ds at all and was blunt and said he doesn't know if he even believes in processing things like APD (ouch). He said but yes go ahead with the testing and give him the results when we're done. He commented on ds being very bright and asked what kind of plans we had for summer. I explained the whole situation with difficulty getting him to camps because of where we live, disliking the local library summer reading program, etc. I said we would make sure he read, though. He said in our case there's not a lot we can do about the school system other than move and I said I've already exhausted my resources for that attempt (two recent job interviews with schools out of the area). I told him we plan to homeschool. I did inquire about medication but said I don't think we were looking to try it right now but I would like info. He gave me a handout with all the drugs and which ones he would recommend if at some point we felt ds needed any. They were the short lasting ones and he said he'd only need a very low dose and that's something you might consider when he's older because right now he doesn't really see it being necessary. Of course, this is just his opinion based on 5 min. interactions. I'm ok with not doing meds right now as the school report kinda messed with me a bit. But we'll see how things go during class in homeschool (without dd interrupting). Day-to-day the problems are there and I told the dr we have to do a lot of repeating and he has trouble with multi-step directions. The university has not called us back to schedule the appt. but they may still be between semesters. Dh is taking online classes for summer (different school) and his started the other day. 

I attempted to get a part-time gig with VIPKID but that kinda fell apart (I could continue with the process but I have chosen to walk away). I guess we'll just manage to pay for gas and his class with budgeting. I'll also try to mow the yard/have ds work with me on picking up the yard to help us avoid yard care fees. Right now I am ok with mowing the yard sometimes but it seems it needs it so often and it takes me a few days just to finish and I can't do it during the day because I can't leave dd alone long enough to do it. During the school year maybe I can do that in the morning after dd gets to preK. Like have ds practice his archery in the front yard while I mow the back or something. 

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I just want to encourage you for the future, esp. once your DD is in K or 1st and you wouldn't have to fund daycare/preschool, that applying to jobs these days takes a lot more than 2 tries to land one, normally.  When we hired someone for our small business we got hundreds of applications.

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5 hours ago, moonflower said:

I just want to encourage you for the future, esp. once your DD is in K or 1st and you wouldn't have to fund daycare/preschool, that applying to jobs these days takes a lot more than 2 tries to land one, normally.  When we hired someone for our small business we got hundreds of applications.

Yeah, I know. I just threw in the towel because jobs of the nature that I was looking for are few and far between. Jobs in a school that would pay enough to justify moving and ensure my children get into a better school. One job was for an ESL tutor full time in a public school and one was for a marketing director (I have a degree in advertising). Then there was the VIPKID interview I had very recently. I passed but was not great. I followed up with a coaching session and mock class but they offered too little and I would have had to do at least one more mock class before getting offered a contract. Dh was already annoyed at it eating into his computer time and cluttering the office with my “classroom.” The time zone difference is a killer, too. 

I can’t remember what I had said already. Sorry if that was redundant. 

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She’s signed up for free PreK in the fall through the school district. I just wanted some income to help pay down our bills, debt, etc. 

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Right, that makes sense.  I'm just saying in the future, when you've got more time and freedom to look around because she'll be in 1st or so, maybe in a couple of years, it takes a lot more perseverance than it ever used to, unfortunately.  'I think for now focusing on setting up a good homeschool situation for your DS for next year is enough work on its own anyway!

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43 minutes ago, moonflower said:

Right, that makes sense.  I'm just saying in the future, when you've got more time and freedom to look around because she'll be in 1st or so, maybe in a couple of years, it takes a lot more perseverance than it ever used to, unfortunately.  'I think for now focusing on setting up a good homeschool situation for your DS for next year is enough work on its own anyway!

I think I was hoping there wouldn’t be many applicants— like how many people did they interview that had ESL experience? They had three positions to fill. I think they wanted someone with more school experience and/or certifications. 

For the marketing job— they only advertised it in the Catholic newspaper and church bulletins. It was advertised  very briefly. Like only in one issue/one bulletin date. I already am employed by one of their sister parishes. Well, they cut my last check in May as that program ended. I’m already approved to work around children as I’ve taken the training and taught a year of Sunday school at another one of their sister parishes. So in my mind I was like good grief how many practicing Catholics applied that have a degree in a related field and ties to the local churches? But I may have dodged a bullet there. It was a year round job and had a lot to do with sales. 

It’s never really been so much about time to job hunt as taking into account all the variables. Like with the Catholic school job the kids would have gotten free summer camps and after school care. I would have been stuck with tuition but it was at least discounted. 

I’m just stressed about money right now. Dh had to put his summer doctorate classes on the credit card (that we’re trying to pay down) because his pay for teaching last semester got delayed and wasn’t on this May check. He’ll get it in June. Their idea of a payment plan was two lump sums for summer. He thought it would be three payments because summer semester is May, June, and July. He had to pay $600 this week. 

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3 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

I’m just stressed about money right now. Dh had to put his summer doctorate classes on the credit card (that we’re trying to pay down) because his pay for teaching last semester got delayed and wasn’t on this May check. He’ll get it in June. Their idea of a payment plan was two lump sums for summer. He thought it would be three payments because summer semester is May, June, and July. He had to pay $600 this week. 

I'm sorry. Is it possible the paycheck will come before that card is due and he'll be able to pay it off right away? 

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On 5/31/2019 at 1:01 PM, heartlikealion said:

. I'll also try to mow the yard/have ds work with me on picking up the yard to help us avoid yard care fees. Right now I am ok with mowing the yard sometimes but it seems it needs it so often and it takes me a few days just to finish and I can't do it during the day because I can't leave dd alone long enough to do it. During the school year maybe I can do that in the morning after dd gets to preK. Like have ds practice his archery in the front yard while I mow the back or something. 

 

If you can acquire a nonpowered mower - a reel mower-- you or your son can mow while your dd plays.  It can't do the sticks that a powered mower can, but your dc can easily help with that chore.  

Alternatively, have you thought about bartering?  Perhaps there is a student that would swap a meal for watching your dd on the playground, while you mow. 

Edited by HeighHo

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3 hours ago, PeterPan said:

I'm sorry. Is it possible the paycheck will come before that card is due and he'll be able to pay it off right away? 

I think we’re already screwed because the card already charges interest. Some months we’ve only paid the interest and didn’t make much/any dent on the principal. 

1 hour ago, HeighHo said:

 

If you can acquire a nonpowered mower - a reel mower-- you or your son can mow while your dd plays.  It can't do the sticks that a powered mower can, but your dc can easily help with that chore.  

Alternatively, have you thought about bartering?  Perhaps there is a student that would swap a meal for watching your dd on the playground, while you mow. 

Nah, she can get in trouble whether I have a safer mower or not. I just can’t watch her and mow. She’s ballsy. She ran toward the neighbor’s yard as I told her to come back the other day. Not going through the street but still just not minding me. We live on a corner, too so there’s also the concern of cars. 

My mower is gas powered but not self propelling. I can barely mow with it. It’s a lot of work. I couldn’t do a reel one. I’ll mow while she’s at the PreK probably. 

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We had a misunderstanding. Dh did not put a charge on the credit card afterall and today realized they didn't charge him correctly for the semester. We'll still owe what I thought for the summer, but spread out into more/smaller payments. The reason he thought he owed $600 in one payment was because they were going by the full price scale. He gets 50% off going through this school (some deal with his community college). Long story short, he should have been asked to make 4 payments of $300 rather than two payments of $600 (or what they were going to do was charge him 4 payments of $600 as it was billed full price but when they asked for $600 he assumed they meant two payments as that would total what we were expecting to pay for summer classes). The smaller payments are way more manageable. Apparently he actually paid $650 so the next payment will be $250, not $300. Apparently each semester he has to fill out some form to activate the tuition discount so that paperwork will be sorted out this week. I guess he thought he just needed to do it at the beginning of the program. 

Edited by heartlikealion
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