ksr5377 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Long story short, I verbally committed to something about a month ago. Now the time has come to sign contracts and pay registration fees etc and I Just. Don't Want. To. I'm full of anxiety over how to word the change in my decision while keeping it concise and avoiding rambling on and on. I don't want to give openings for debate or to an attempt to change my mind. The longer story is that I agonized over this decision and kind of talked myself into saying yes. As soon as I made this verbal commitment my stomach sank. I have been thinking about all that it entails ever since and I have been DREADING it. Not in a lazy, I'm-just-not-in-the-mood way. Really dreading it. It's something I have done in the past and took a year off from, I know exactly what is in involved. I think I felt obligated in some way because I'm friends with this person. I feel so shady like a flake about the whole thing but after sharing my feelings my husband is strongly urging me to apologize, but immediately let them know that it's not going to work. Especially before paying deposits to register my kids. I think I need help wording it in a way that lets her know it has nothing to do with the people, it's just not the right thing for our family and that's it. No reasons to give openings to a debate. No way for her to jump in with how it IS right. Does that make sense? I know her well and if I give any reasons for my decision she'll jump in with a counter-argument. It's about teaching a class at a co-op as well as having my kids take classes there. I don't know why I was so vague in the beginning. I thought once I agreed to it that I would begin to be excited about planning for the new year. Unfortunately, I'm just so burnt out. Even with this past year off its not enough. Honestly, I don't know that it's something I'll ever want to do again. We've missed seeing our friends there every week but we've had a great year and have I have felt so much more relaxed and at peace. Edited March 22, 2019 by ksr5377 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 "Friend, I've been working on planning the upcoming season and trying to make everything fit. I have come to the realization that our participation in the co-op is unfortunately not going to work out this year. I am so sorry that I did not realize this when I talked to you about this last ___. But it cannot be helped, and I need to let you know now so that you have time to adjust or find another person. I wish you all the best with the co-op next season." 31 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 "I am so sorry, but after giving it more thought, I've realized that co-op is just not going to work for our family this year. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. I wish you all the best as you prepare for the upcoming year and look forward to seeing you [at church, at x-activity, etc.]." 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) Yup! Copy SKL's wording, paste it into an email, hit SEND. Do it tonight. Be done and move on without guilt. Life is short. (as a leader-of-many-things, I would MUCH prefer to get the above email sent in a timely fashion vs. an angst-ridden, tortured-over email weeks later, leaving me short on time to find someone else to do The Thing that needed done. Just send it and move on with life. She'll understand and move on with life as well. It's all good. Just send it now and don't wait any longer) Edited March 22, 2019 by easypeasy 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 3 hours ago, ksr5377 said: I think I need help wording it in a way that lets her know it has nothing to do with the people, it's just not the right thing for our family and that's it. No reasons to give openings to a debate. No way for her to jump in with how it IS right. Does that make sense? I know her well and if I give any reasons for my decision she'll jump in with a counter-argument. It's about teaching a class at a co-op as well as having my kids take classes there. I don't know why I was so vague in the beginning. I thought once I agreed to it that I would begin to be excited about planning for the new year. Unfortunately, I'm just so burnt out. Even with this past year off its not enough. Honestly, I don't know that it's something I'll ever want to do again. We've missed seeing our friends there every week but we've had a great year and have I have felt so much more relaxed and at peace. Don't beat yourself up. I have backed out on this exact thing. I said I would do ABC for a co-op. The co-op agreed to ABC and then added on more responsibility than I wanted to take on. I wrote them and said "I'm so sorry, but after reviewing my schedule, I am not going to be able to participate in Acme Homeschool Co-op like we discussed on XYZ date". If your friend presses you for reasons, you can simply state "This just works best for my family right now". Remind yourself that there really isn't anything to debate on the topic. The co-op isn't going to work right now. Why? It just isn't going to. But whyyyyyy? "This just works best for us right now". Wash, rinse, repeat. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Not only will they survive, you might give someone else the guts to do less. You never know. 😉 It's hard to do less. I dread telling people no. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 The email suggestions above look great! Just send it. If she questions you, just keep repeating that it isn't going to work for your family. A real friend will leave it alone. It is hard to say no. It is freeing to say No. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Sending hugs and I want add "have your own back." I love the words you've been given -- they're really good. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Such good suggestions already but I wanted to say ((((HUGS)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 Don't over explain. Obviously you value this person's friendship, so SOME explanation is appropriate. But a simple, "After much consideration (and prayer, if that is appropriate), my husband and I (harder to argue with a joint decision) have decided that the co-op is not the right fit for us next year. I know I said I would join and I'm sorry to back out. I will miss meeting with everyone. I hope you all have a wonderful and productive year." Then if there are any supplies or teacher books or whatever, let her know you'll bring that to her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 16 hours ago, SKL said: "Friend, I've been working on planning the upcoming season and trying to make everything fit. I have come to the realization that our participation in the co-op is unfortunately not going to work out this year. I am so sorry that I did not realize this when I talked to you about this last ___. But it cannot be helped, and I need to let you know now so that you have time to adjust or find another person. I wish you all the best with the co-op next season." I'm so copying and saving this. It's perfect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I like SKL's response. And I've never really been a co-op person either. Some of our kids have taken a class here or there, but it wasn't great. Maybe it's where we were at the time, or maybe it was just our personalities/preferences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 SKL's response is great. If you don't know them that well, I'd leave it at that - professional. If it's a friend and you want to be more personal, I think it's okay to say some of the things you said here. You're feeling burned out and you need to manage that. You feel guilty, you know it may put them in a difficult spot. You can say something nice about your friend or her group as well. It really is you, not them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted March 23, 2019 Share Posted March 23, 2019 And if it is a friend, they should accept it and be supportive, even as they are disappointed and renew their search. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted March 24, 2019 Share Posted March 24, 2019 For future reference, remember that's it's easier to automatically say no and then change your mind after thinking about it than it is to say yes and then change your mind. You might want to get some ideas for how to say no, memorize them, and practice them out loud with someone until they feel more natural. This is a good skill to teach your kids too, by the way. If you'd rather, you could practice variations on I'll think about it and answer later but for some people that's just a way to spend time talking themselves into it, which based on your original post, might be your tendency. Either way, be prepared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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