Balance in Life Schedule

[displace]

I’m looking for general recommendations for a daily or weekly schedule/checklist/flow chart for optimal personal balance and growth.  Something like: X minutes daily meditation/prayer, X hours of work, X minutes of productive leisure activity, X time of family time, X time social activities, X exercise minutes, X hours sleep, X time outside, X time chores, X time errands, X time finances, etc.   

A book, blog, or personal schedule would be beneficial.  I’m finding imbalance in my life and I want to be more productive and have more personal growth but I do not want to overdo it.  It’s easy for me to say I want to do finances this weekend but then spend all weekend doing errands, or miss exercising daily for weeks.  I need to have a more realistic expectation of daily time needed to be productive and have growth.  I also want to adapt something similar for the kids, so kid specific advice would be helpful.  Thanks for any ideas!  🙂

Edited March 20, 2019 by displace

[fairfarmhand]

I really think it’s going to be so individual. Like mydh and are introverts so that changes our ideal of alone time and time as a couple.

My ideal day 30-45 minutes, prayer and meditation, bible reading stuff

30-45 minutes intentional exercise

30-45 minutes of productive hobby (not something purely recreational like reading, I mean sewing a functional outfit, gardening, that kind of thing)

30-45 minutes per day of down time for rest. (Usually broken into 15 minute segments, I like to sit for a few minutes after a meal reading or tinkering on my phone)

30-60 minutes of family downtime (movies, games, puzzles, documentaries) in the evening.

the rest is generally work, including farming, housework, kid stuff , household errands, etc

i usially need about 7-8 hours sleep.

i do find if I have too much time of just “ free unproductive time” I get depressed and feel aimless. 

[TechWife]

I'm not sure there would be general recommendations - each of us are so different. The only hard recommendation I would make is 6-8 hours of sleep for an adult, whenever possible.  Typically, I set my schedule according to what my priorities are at the time. So, with that in mind, what is most important to you at this time in your life? With that answer in hand, make sure you design your life around that priority. This helps with knowing how to spend your time. The more difficult task is managing competing priorities within the same household - a need for personal exercise as a priority and a child putting priority on their own activity over yours.

Are you looking for specific advice on time management for yourself - as in how to schedule, make to-do lists, etc.?

How are you defining growth? I'm asking because we all grow at uneven rates and it's important for you to think through that a bit if you're considering scheduling time to allow for "growth." Also, how will you determine when a day is productive? Are days where the "to do list" scheduled productive days? What about the days when everyone is sick and nothing on the list gets done, but you have wiped noses, taken care of tummy issues and so forth all day long and nothing on the "to do" list is done? Those are productive days, just in a different way than originally intended, KWIM?

[PeterPan]

27 minutes ago, displace said:

X minutes daily meditation/prayer, X hours of work, X minutes of productive leisure activity, X time of family time, X time social activities, X exercise minutes, X hours sleep, X time outside, X time chores, X time errands, X time finances, etc.  

Well on the time outside, I can tell you the nutritionist told me 20-30 minutes of sun and fresh air a day, so that's my standard. More is nice, but when I'm like what needs to happen to be healthy, that's it.

Sleep varies with the person. I'm 7 hours in the winter, more like 6-6 1/2 in the summer. You may not need as much sleep as someone else, so you need to look at your sleep patterns and figure out what is normal for you. There's definitely not an absolute on that. Of course I also don't use an alarm clock. I know people who intentionally go on less sleep than they need in order to accomplish work they feel is important, and I don't. That work just doesn't get done.

Your exercise time will depend on whether you have to transport. I blend social and exercise, so I go to the Y, talk with my girlfriends, talk with random strangers, work out.

Errands are overrated. Farm out or use pick up services to reduce time. That's an area where you can now save. I almost never go into Walmart if I can avoid it. They'll pull my stuff for me with a minimum $35 order, which I can hit with cat food and a couple items. Beyond that, amazon. 

Productive leisure activity. Is it possible you're hitting most of the things but missing one or two and that's your real issue? I know women who are like I hit that once a month in a 3 hour block, boom. And some people like projects they do a bit at a time. 

On family time, I'd hate to get some "expert" telling me what I needed to do and then try to do something that wasn't natural to us. I'd think about what works for your family when it's working and figure out what glitched and why it's not happening now. The only thing I know is evidence-based is eating dinner with your kids. Lots of data behind that.

I personally accept that things won't all get done. I have very bad character. If I can't get everything done, then I get done what is MOST important to us at the time. Once a month is better than not at all on some things.

Edited March 20, 2019 by PeterPan

[PeterPan]

38 minutes ago, displace said:

for optimal personal balance and growth.

Growth is a funny thing. I grow more when things are hard or go wrong, and I can't really schedule that. 

I really value peace, peace in our home, personal peace. That's really important to me and when things are disrupted (too much rushing, not enough rest, not enough reflection time, etc.), then we/I lose that peace. Then I'm like ok what did I let go that made me lose that peace. So maybe growth is important to you and maybe  you can quantify it. I agree, set your goals and find the words you want to define how your home feels and run with it and prioritize to get there.

PS. I do a lot of over-lapping now, a lot. Like I'm driving to the library to return/pick up books while chatting with my friend (which you can actually do in the library now) on the way to/from the Y to work out. So one trip, everything done, like 5 extra minutes out of my life. I also catch up on tv at the gym. I don't watch the same things the guys watch, now that I live in a guy-dominated house. If I watch history and war all night, that's really dissettling to me. And to ask them to watch my girl-friendly stuff, well that's ok maybe once a week but not all the time. So we live where we're at. But yeah, I multi-task a lot. Except when I'm online. Then I sit on my duff. Not sure if that's on your list, haha. With that what I've had to do is prioritize and put first things first in the order of the day, not getting things out of order.

[displace]

Thanks for the ideas and suggestions.  I know it will be highly personal and variable, and I’m trying to model good general daily things for the kids.  I know some things may not need to be daily, but I do want to highlight good mind/body/spirit things so as  to not have glaring deficiencies 🙂. I will probably use an 8 hour work day and divide up that time to homeschooling and housework, but we also are balancing therapies, extracurriculars, etc.  I don’t want to focus so much on one thing to the exclusion of others, as long as there’s balance in our lives most days.  We tend to have a super over-busy workweek, then have too much leisure time for days (like too much electronics) on weekends or extended weekends.  I’d prefer probably to be a bit more spread out in all aspects.  🙂. Plus I  try to pretend there are more hours in the day than there are.

[PeterPan]

Have you ready any of those books in the vein of habits of highly effective people? When I want to kick my butt in gear and find my holes, that's what I do.

I talked with my ds' behaviorist about this issue of down time, because I felt guilty that when I had free time I would just SIT. She's like really, you need that. You spend so much time THINKING, DECIDING things, etc. that your brain is just tired. I think that can happen with therapies too. We can only do so much and our kids can only do so much. If we up one thing, we have to subtract another. We cannot just cram more in, or their brains and ours wear out! 

So maybe what you need is more break time during the week (each day) AND those long breaks over the weekends to recharge.

[Liz CA]

Very interesting thread and so important to have some balance yet it can feel like a constant struggle.

I find that I need to have a short list of activities that counterbalance my work life. If the list gets too long, I cannot accommodate all of it and it leads to my becoming frustrated and feeling I am behind in my to-do list.

It sounds rather regimented but with few exceptions, I keep a time schedule. The dog and I go for our daily walk around the same time within 30 minutes. She reminds me should I try to miss it or be late. I try to have two days a week for yoga type exercises in addition to the walking. Then I need some time for fun reading, trying out new recipes and doing something together with dh.  

A few key points for me: Setting realistic goals, adjust if goals turn out to be too ambitious or somehow not reachable. Don't worry if a week is a little off. Life happens. Pick it up again the next day / week and move forward. The rhythm that Patty Joanna describes seems to work for me as well.  Summer and winter rhythms appear to be different for me.

Edited March 21, 2019 by Liz CA

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I really enjoyed the book Atomic Habits and think it could be applicable here.  It will help you discover why certain priorities are consistently getting dropped or pushed aside, and how to fix that.  

I would NOT enjoy having my life scheduled out as described in the OP, but it is a good exercise to remember that we only have X hours in the day, so it's literally impossible to do X+2 hours of stuff.  This can help with priority setting, while letting the actually daily flow be a bit more flexible.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

@Patty Joanna made some great points.  My husband is the type of habitual person who does a task for 30 minutes a day, every day.  This goes for any of his hobbies, as well as bigger tasks like doing taxes.  He prefers to do 30-minute chunks, and he is incredibly consistent.  I, on the other hand, want 2-3 hours, maybe once a week, for those type of tasks.  I want to see a project through to a natural endpoint, which requires a solid chunk of time to be concentrated.  When I get the writing bug, I write 2-4 hours a day, for a month.  Then it's like the urge has passed, and I don't write again for months.  I have great admiration for the way DH is so consistent, but I'm just not that type!  

[displace]

Thanks, all.  This have given me some great ideas 🙂

[Ausmumof3]

Also I kind of like the Chinese medicine clock thing even though I know it’s mostly woo woo.  

They have 5-7 am, waking, self care, gentle exercise, 7-9 for a large breakfast to nourish the body, 9-11 for heavy work, 11-1 for lunch which should be a significant meal and a short nap if needed, 1-3 for more physical work, 3-5, drink tea, lots of water and good time for intense mental exertion, 5-7 for a light dinner, 7-9 a good time to read, socialise and enjoy family time. From 9 preparing to sleep and 11 onwards you should be in deep sleep.

of course it’s not scientific and definitely unachievable for many people due to work schedules and modern life pressures but we did try it for a while when the kids were younger and I did feel healthier and more productive.  Of course it didn’t allow enough time for the academic load as the kids got older and life stages come and go.  And of course in summer on our climate 1-3 is definitely not well suited to physical work!  However forming some kind of balanced flow does seem to be good for mental and physical health overall.  And I do find I am quite energetic for housework early in the day and able to focus on schoolwork better in the afternoon.  But too many afternoon activities get in the way so we school in the morning now.

the meal breaks sound long but if you actually prepare healthy food from scratch and clean up and take a few minutes to sit after the meal it pretty much does take that length of time.

Edited March 22, 2019 by Ausmumof3

[Ausmumof3]

Also I wanted to say, I know many of the responses here are “it’s too variable” but I actually think this is a very useful/important question to ask especially for at home parents.  We have a kind of work/workload that can expand to fill every hour.  Having a kind of realistic idea of how much rest, exercise and sleep versus work is a realistic expectation for a healthy adult can help us make decisions about how much to do and what things need to be let go.  Otherwise we can either work constantly and not take care of ourselves or burnout and actually give up.